Authors: Anya Monroe
"Naw, it's been slow. I think the main house is getting a little antsy though, lots of talk’s been going on about new plans."
"Come on, Junie, we need to get the girls up. They need to rest." Colton tells her. I think he just doesn't like his sister talking to other boys, specifically ones primed for some sort of “special forces.”
"You staying around or going back to the
Safe House
?" Duke asks Junie as she starts walking away, towards Colton, Timid, and I. There are a few houses along the road and people are walking around the properties, clearly inhabiting them.
"I'm not going back to the
Safe House
, ever."
"Well, if you're staying tonight, come to the bonfire. We're having a party."
Junie nods her head and beams as she walks towards us.
"You're not going to that party, Junie," Colton tells her.
"Aw, you're just scared of your older sister falling in love," she teases back.
"Two minutes. You're only two minutes older!" He laughs, and so do Timid and I.
But then we stop laughing.
Timid and I stand, staring in awe.
Because the Headquarters is nothing like I imagined.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
"What is your proof?" I shake my head at Integrity. Wanting what he says to be true. That my parents and Charles were forced to leave against their will.
"I have a letter for you, Lukas. Your father gave it to me. Right before...."
"Before what? Stop being mysterious and tell me what you mean." I shake my hands while still in my cuffs. I am sure my output sucks right now. I'm so flustered. All my energy is seeping out, not up towards the wires.
"Conviction ordered for them to be killed. Remember the people I told you about, who haven't forgotten what The Light is supposed to be? One of them, a man on Refuge One, was ordered to take them to the water with weights on their feet. Drown them in the Sound. That's what we do with all our deceased members. But this was going to be different. They were going to alive when they went into the water."
I don't want to hear this. I shake my head, terrified of what comes next.
My family is actually dead
. Lucy's on a mission to find them, to ask them for help. But she had it wrong. Charlie isn't really my brother Charles. She is headed nowhere, looking for people who are ghosts.
My chest tightens, there's no one who can help us.
"Lukas, calm down. Listen. They were taken in a boat, just like Conviction demanded. But they were lucky."
"That the boat driver humanely killed them first before dropping them into the water?"
"No. Lukas. Listen! The boat driver had made a plan for their escape. He loaded the boat with supplies. Packs. Real clothes and shoes, food. He gave them guns from the storehouses. Everything they would need to start a new life."
But all I hear is that had everything they need to start a new life
without
me.
"Before the driver dropped them off, your father wrote down a message for you."
"What does it say?" My voice dry, my mind spinning.
"Not much. It's just an address.
4880 Hotkins Lane, Southworth, WA."
My heart sinks. I don't know what I expected. I wanted words of
“
We are so sorry, son. We will come back for you. We have a plan.” But an address that means nothing to me?
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"It means this is where they were headed. And if Lucy was hoping to find them for help, then this is where you need to go, too."
"How do ... how did...?" How does Integrity know our plan?
"I know Lucy is more than meets the eye. I know she is our true Noblelady, Lukas. We need you to bring her back to us."
"Why now, Integrity? Why keep this from me for so long?"
"I waited until the time was right, when we could create real change."
Integrity unclasps my hand from the cuffs and hands me the paper with the address. I take it, putting it in my pocket. I know this is incriminating evidence, on many levels. For me. For Integrity. For the Humbleman who saved my family.
"You were born our prophet. That hasn't changed. Choosing the title for yourself doesn't mean you lose your freedom. It means you gain it."
I nod at Integrity as he fastens my hand back in. As he walks out of the room, closing the door behind him, I'm left trying to wrap my mind around all that Integrity shared. My parents didn't choose to leave me. They were forced. This new information changes the way I have looked at everything for so many years.
I've always felt alone in the world, forgotten. But my parents wanted me to find them again. Maybe they didn't leave a heartfelt goodbye letter for me, but that would have been dangerous. They still left something for me.
An address that will lead me to them.
I just hope Lucy can find them, too.
Because if she doesn't, all of this is for nothing.
I close my eyes and focus on my energy the way the Council wanted me to. I think of the good, decent, Humbleman who went against Conviction's command. The man who chose to set my family free. Concentrating on him will allow me to give more Light to the people at the Refuges who need it.
I just wish there was a way to channel the Light to the good people, and away from the bad.
Lucy
The smell hits me before anything else. Burning wood fills the air. Ash floats in the wind from the camp fires littering the hill. Around each one, groups of people are gathered.
I expected some sort of militant building. Barbed wire fences and uniforms. This is a farm.
"Score," Colton says, smiling, as he looks over the scene in front of us. "We made it in time for lunch!"
The property houses the same sort of trailers Reagan had at his camp, but so many more. Dozens of them dot the acreage before me. A giant white farmhouse with a big porch sits on top of the long driveway. From where we stand at the bottom of the drive, a creek runs beside us.
A dog runs up causing Timid to jump back, just as Junie leans down to the grey sheep dog, rubbing behind his ears.
"Don't be scared, sweet pea. This is Alfredo. He's the real owner of this place."
"I've never seen a dog before," Timid says, tentatively holding her hand out to the furry animal. Alfredo licks her hand and she breaks out in giggles. I don't tell them I've never seen a dog either; Timid is enjoying this moment all to herself.
We follow the dog up the driveway where horses are hitched to posts along the way. I see chickens strutting about and a few lazy cats stretched out for a noontime nap. I shake my head in amazement. These are creatures I've only read about in encyclopedias. Timid's taking it all in, wide-eyed, just like me.
Once we make it to the porch a woman comes out the front door. Her hair is in an untidy bun on top of her head, wearing overalls and carrying some sort of radio receiver that's buzzing loudly, in her hand. She's a hot mess, as frazzled as can be.
But I know her.
I know her before she says her name.
It's Layla.
Lukas's mom.
Her eyes are bright blue, and her hair is fair and curly, but it's the way she looks me over, like she knows something. It feels like I'm right back at the Refuge with Lukas.
"Colton, Junie -- who did you bring here?" she asks holding the radio device out away from her, both arms outstretched as she cautiously walks down the steps of the large porch.
A man follows out the door behind her, like a mad professor. He's even wearing a lab coat. I grab Timid's hand, instinctively, pulling her behind me.
"Layla, what is the meaning of this noise? It must be broken. Turn the damned thing off!" He shouts at her, trampling down the stairs.
"Hi, Layla. We brought ... I mean ... umm they wanted to come...." Junie stammers over the buzz.
The man grabs the receiver from Layla, and with a click of a button the machine turns off.
Silence.
It's Lukas's dad, Ernie.
My face is hot, sweat gathers on my forehead. I knew I was coming here to meet Lukas's parents, but I didn't think about how seeing them would make me
feel.
These are the people who abandoned the man I love. They've chosen to live in this world, instead of the world that held their precious son.
I can't forgive them.
But I do need them.
Stepping forward I raise my head, determined to speak loud and clear.
"My name is Lucy. I've been looking for you. I come from The Light."
CHAPTER TWELVE
All night I dream of Dad and Mom and Charles.
And me.
I watch as they ride in the boat leaving The Light -- leaving me -- with hot tears falling down their faces. I watch them make it to shore, where Mom falls into the water, screaming that she can't leave her baby here. In the dream they hike across a wilderness I've only read about. Charles begs to go back to The Light, come back to me.
I relive the memory of being strapped to my chair, unable to run, as Conviction tells me my parents left me. They wanted the power you have, he says to my ten-year-old face, crumbling with the reality that I've been left alone. I watch myself struggle to breathe as the weight of the Refuge, and of being an orphan, pounds on the gate of my tender, broken heart.
I wake with a start. My face, chest, hands, drip of sweat. My chest beats wildly, fast and furious, because Conviction was wrong.
He's the one that's always wanted my power.
I wake knowing I'm going to stop giving him what he wants.
Layla drops the receiver and pulls her hands to her mouth, gasping at my words. Ernie walks toward us with his lab coat blowing in the wind. His gaze lowers to my standard-issue moccasin-covered feet and the ripped and ragged dress hanging at my knees. He's trying to remain strong, I can tell from his clenched jaw and straight shoulders. But his eyes betray him. They are grey like the clouds in the sky, filled with tears, just like the rain the clouds themselves hold.
They stand speechless and they should be. I want to prey on the guilt I hope they feel, in order to get them to help us. I want them so overrun with remorse that they become desperate to find a way back to their boy. Speechless is a good thing.
"I am here only because I need your help. And so does your son."
The last part is too much for them. The woman walks towards me, shaking her head, "You know our son? You know our Lukas?" She suddenly looks so fragile, not the woman from moments ago waving a radio in her outstretched hand.
I nod my head, yes. Because I do. I do know their boy. He is the boy who told me I was beautiful. The boy who gave me courage to reveal all of myself to him. The boy whose hand I want to hold right now, but can't.
Because the people before me -- his parents -- abandoned him.
I want to yell in their face, tell them the things they've missed by choosing to leave. They missed seeing him grow into a man so selfless; he stayed at the Refuge instead of running away with Timid and me. But I don't. Because I need them.
Colton steps in, helping me with the parts I've forgotten. With a bravado seemingly mustered out of nowhere, he begins talking loudly with his hands, "These girls arrived at the
Safe House.
Reagan had 'em locked up. He's gone nuts. Crazy as ever, but mean drunk now, too. These girls escaped." He stops and winks at me. "First The Light, and then the cell. Reagan was pissed at some things I said, so he sent me away. These two caught up with Junie and me as we were leaving camp." He stops.
This is a big story, even I can see that. A crowd mostly made up of men has gathered around, listening to every word. Colton likes it. He's wearing a smug smile, the hero who brought these girls to safety, and he is. A hero, I mean. He followed through on his promise to get me here.
"And then we ran here, confiding in one another along the way. We're all the best of friends now. But." He pauses dramatically. "I need to eat. And so do the girls. Like, desperately. So why don't you," he points to Layla, Ernie and me, "go inside and eat, talk, discuss the future of humanity. Junie will keep the darling girl, Timid, company. Okay?"
Layla and Ernie looked stunned, but nod, slowly. Timid lets go of my hand, and before she turns to Junie she whispers to me, "I want to stay with you."
"You'll be okay, just stay with Junie," I whisper back.
I watch Junie take her hand, "Come on, sweet pea," she says. They walk off with Colton to a campfire. I turn back to Layla and Ernie.
"Can you lead the way? I've come really far to find you."
***
We walk into the farmhouse where a deep leather couch, covered with an ancient quilt and embroidered pillows anchors the space. My heart skips when I see the threads fan out to create intricate designs in bright oranges and reds, just like my half-finished stitched sun that Humbleman Discernment didn't let me keep when I arrived at The Light. It's been so long since my hands created anything besides a glimmering light. This room feels like home. As home as home can be, for a girl without one.
Ernie walks ahead of me and sits down on the couch, indicating for me to sit on the chair next to him. I do so, overly aware of how shocked these two are.
"I'm going to get you some lunch and then...." Layla's sentence peters out. Then, instead of trying to finish she turns and walks through the open door into a kitchen.
I bite my lip. I fold and unfold my hands. I open my mouth and then close it again. I look at Ernie and see his eyes already searching mine. For truth. For answers.
I hope I can deliver.
Layla walks back in holding a tray. She sets it down in front of us on a low table, covered with books and scribbled notes on loose pieces of paper.
"Please, eat." The tray holds a glass of real milk, a few hard-boiled eggs, a slice of apple pie. It looks like a meal fit for this farmhouse. I don't hesitate. Picking up the fork and plate, I eat quickly. They watch me, wordlessly, as though I'm a creature from another world.
In many ways I am.
I'm a ghost from their past at The Light.
I gulp the ice-cold milk while looking around the room. One side is a parlor, like the study at the compound, and the other side holds a big table, with enough wooden chairs to seat twenty people. Half-finished board games are set out, and empty glasses rest on coasters. It's a friendly space.
"You said your name is Lucy, right? Isn't that unusual for Vessel?" Layla asks. Her voice is scratchy and her eyes are rimmed in red. I could guess she stifled sobs in the kitchen while making my meal.
"Yes. It is unusual. But your son, he wanted me to keep my name." I don't know how much to say, that seems too little. But I don't continue.
"Lucy, I'm Layla. This is Ernie. We haven't seen ... we haven't spoken to anyone from.... It's been so long." She stops and clasps her hands in Ernie's then turns her head to hide her tears.
I don't like where this is headed. She doesn't get to be the one crying.
"She's upset because seeing you is bringing back a lot of memories. We always thought the next time we had contact with Lukas it would be us going to him. Not him sending someone here," Ernie explains with sad eyes.
"Uhhh, then why didn't you try? Why didn't you come back? You are the ones who-" I stop, my blood boils beneath the surface. "You are the ones who left. Left him." I shake my head. Coming here wasn't a good idea. Lukas was right, why try to connect with people who decided you weren't important enough to stand beside?
"You're wrong," Ernie says, shaking his head wildly. "We were forced to leave. Actually, we were forced to death, but by some great act of mercy we were spared."
I look at him, horror written over his face. My words have shocked him. Did we have it all wrong? Did the Council kick out his parents? It sounds like something they would do. If it's true, it means that Lukas has never truly been alone, just separated. I know the difference and my heart knows the truth in an instant as I look at his parents' faces.
They were exiled. They didn't choose to go.
"And Lukas -- does he believe this too? That we abandoned him?"
I nod my head yes, because I don't know what to say besides the truth.
Layla breaks before me in an instant. I am not good with mending hearts; I am just beginning to learn how to mend a wound. She looks like my mother did, when our compound-family crumpled around us after their mass suicide. Mom was broken in my arms, then. I try to remember what I said to help her then.
I think I said nothing at all.
I wish I had more practice living, caring, loving people. It isn't a strength when you've lived your life on a six-person compound, where dismissal was the love language the adults practiced.
I have a feeling that's not how the rest of the world operates. Lukas is the only person I've ever been completely transparent with, and that's because I had no choice. Our Light connects us in a way I can't deny.
Ernie holds Layla tight in his arms as she breaks. Eventually the cries stop and the sobs stop and there is only silence. They sit up in better control of themselves. Emotions still hang ragged in the air, but the fierce shock of the revelation has passed.
"So what do you need help with?" Ernie says to me.
Before I can answer, the back door in the kitchen creaks open, and in walks a cowboy from the past.
Charlie.
The small boat moves away from the dock at a fast pace. The Head Councilman is eager to return to Refuge One. I don't particularly care what he wants anymore, but I'm eager, too. Eager to start my part in this plan so Lucy isn't the only one fighting for us.
Early morning fog surrounds the boat and I lean over the edge of the railing, wanting to catch the fierce morning chill in my face. Mornings are always my favorite time of day. The time I take get to take off my wire crown and stand up from my chair. Although it's only a slight sense of freedom, it's still more freedom than I have at night. Refuge Three was good for one thing … the outside ledge … and I regret not having been able to make my way up the winding staircase one last time before I left.
But maybe it's better this way. It had always been my refuge from the Refuge, but it turned into the place Lucy and I went these last few weeks. Sitting perched out there alone seems wrong, it wouldn't hold the same magic anyways. The magic was there because of her.
"Good morning, Nobleman." Perfection has walked up from below deck and walks over to me; it's still dark out, except for the area around me that shimmers in the pre-dawn sky. My light spreads around us and I can see Perfection's hesitation as she slowly moves closer to the railing. Closer to me.
"Good morning, Vessel." I turn away as I speak. I don't want to look at her, not ready to explain that my devotion isn't hers. That she's a device in a bigger plan. I don't want to look in her eyes when I know she feels so differently than I do. Instead I focus on the hard lapping waves as they crash the side of the steel boat.
"Do you know how long the trip will take?"
"About three hours. It's the farthest north Refuge, and the largest. It will be worth the trip."
"It's so ... cold and wet and different out here. Outside." Her voice sounds small, not the opinionated, entitled girl I have known at the Refuge. This girl is smaller somehow.
"Have you never had a job outside? Most other girls your age spend
some time
working outside, don't they? I know the boys do."
"Not really, Honor always wanted me to stay safely tucked inside. I worked at the greenhouse, of course. But it's mostly the boys here who go outside to do wood and metal work, or to fish." She speaks quietly, and when I get the courage to look up at the girl I'm betraying, I see she's crying gently. I'm surprised she isn't being showy about it, that's how she usually operates.
"Are you okay? You wanted to go with me, didn't you?" I don't know how to navigate a Vessel, especially one I've had so much history with. But that history is so old, I don't know if she even remembers. If I even want her too.
"Of course I wanted to come, Nobleman. It's all I've wanted for years. I just didn't think you would choose me and now it's my Binding day, and I'm really going. I'm really gone. I'm really yours." She looks at me and smiles. So much hope fills her face as she brushes her tears away, radiates as my light envelops her. I don't mean for it to, but it isn't something I can really control, how she absorbs what I give out. I wish I could be a little better because I don't want to encourage her.
"You'll get to see Discernment and Honor again. It's a rotation, you know that. And Agreement will be here for you, waiting to help next time we arrive. Okay?" I step away from her, and concentrate on dimming myself, slightly.
"Of course. I don't mean to burden you. Honor told me to give you space and let you be my Nobleman in the way that you want without pressuring you to be more. It's just that before you were my Nobleman, you were my friend. Do you remember that?" Her voice catches, as she says that last part.
She remembers.
"I remember Perfection. I bet Charles does too."
I watch her eyes grow bright, the midnight blue turning aqua, and her face becomes rosy. She's lighter with the mere mention of Charles, her childhood mate. I know I've made her happy. For this moment. At least that's something to hold onto because soon enough she'll have come to terms with my complete and utter betrayal.