Authors: Anya Monroe
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
We stop to rest after a solid three hours of travel, and I'm thankful for the break. My legs are sore, and I am sure the horses are too. Everyone's dismounting their horses and taking them to the water for a drink. We lead the ones that we brought for Lukas and the girls. We hope he has with him toward the lake as well.
Charlie knew the best route for the horses, and we came to a large lake, surrounded by broken, dilapidated houses. I can imagine at one time this would have been a beautiful place to live. How lovely it would have been to be tucked inside a home with a view of the glassy water. Now it's a ghost town, like everything else we've passed this afternoon.
Junie unpacks food for all of us and spreads it out on a blanket under a tree. I peel off my sweatshirt, hot even though there's a slight breeze trailing in the air. The horse ride has exhausted me. I stretch my arms high above my head and look around in wonderment. It's still shocking to see the green light spreading up my arms, it hasn't faded in hours.
"You doing okay, Lucy?" Charlie comes up to me, as we watch the water take in dusk. "Earlier, when your light came back, you seemed like a mess. You kept grabbing your chest, I thought you were having a heart attack." He laughs as he says it, but I know there's more to his words than the joke, he searches my eyes to make sure I truly am all right. He cares. About me.
"I'm fine. It's still so new to me. Remember back when you saw me undo the knots at the waterfront? That was the first time my hands ever did anything like that. I didn't even know it was something I
could
do."
"And your light just keeps growing? Without you doing anything?" Charlie sits down on the grass, and I follow. We lay down, leaning our backs against the cool ground. It feels so nice to lie in the grass. Such a short time ago I still believed it carried toxic fumes and deadly strains of the virus. But now I know better. The grass isn't the thing that is liable to hurt me.
People are.
I look over at Charlie, debating how much to say, not wanting to hurt his feelings by explaining my connection with his brother.
"Before I met Lukas I didn't know what was inside of me. My whole life, whenever I closed my eyes, I'd see these dancing lights flickering under my eyes. I can see now that my body was filled with a light I never had a name for. I never talked about it because why would I think it wasn't the same for everyone else? I didn't know I was different.
"When I went to the Haven for the first time, even before Lukas was there, it was like I was being filled with the same kind of light that had always been inside me, in my veins, in my heart, in my soul. When I met Lukas, it was like someone finally got it. Got me.
"Once I spent time with him, my Light began to grow. One night I healed him when he was really sick and it was like something turned on inside of me. And then when I kis--" I stop, and meet Charlie's eyes. They beg me to continue, like he needs to hear how this story ends. "When I kissed him, the part of me that had always been asleep, woke up."
"And you love him?" Charlie asks in a whisper, looking to the sky.
"We're connected, it's like we're meant to be."
"But that's not what I asked."
"I know."
I keep my eyes fixed on the sky, too, trying to let the sounds of Junie and Timid and Duke laughing evaporate, trying to let the snores of Colton napping close by fade away. Looking at the sky, I listen to the pounding heart inside my chest that screams for freedom. But also feeling bound to something else, someone else. Someone I also want very much.
"Have you ever been jealous of the sun, Charlie? That it gets to rise on the other side of the world and start a second life in another place, every single day?" I ask him the question that's been on my mind ever since we watched the sunset together, no longer able to withstand the silent conversation being etched on my heart.
"No. We need the dark to see the light."
"You really think so?"
"If was always sunny, you wouldn't know how good you had it."
"I don't know, Charlie. I think I'd rather have a chance at two sunrises."
"But then one sunset would always be jealous of the other. It would never work."
"But if?" My eyes close, knowing everything I want isn't possible to have.
"If only, Lucy. If only."
Lukas
Care and Integrity are beyond excited. It's like this part of the world before the blackout is suddenly available to them, in a way I can only imagine, and I'm the key to bringing them back in time. Apparently, they want to go back to a time when people would drive cars on the road.
"How am I supposed to do this, exactly?" I ask, tentatively, rubbing my chin.
"Just see what happens when you put your hands on the wheel and release your energy. Maybe it won't work, but it's better than the alternative, which would be carrying Hana for the next fifty miles in your arms. And the food, and sleeping gear," Integrity explains.
He has a point. I didn't think about all the gear we were going to need. The food alone for four people is a ton. They've packed a week’s worth, in case things take longer than we hope. I peer through the window and see Hana lying across a seat. Blankets pile on top of her and bags packed with supplies are under her seat.
"Alright. I'll try," I say, wanting to be brave for the girls. "What do I do if it starts operating?"
"Keep it on this road. Basil will tell you when you need to turn. But this road will get you to the bridge." Care rests her hand on my arm, offering me the motherly affection I need right now.
Basil opens a side door and climbs in the backseat, carefully setting Hana's legs over her own. Perfection walks to the other side and opens the passenger door. Before she steps inside she looks at Integrity, "I'll do everything I can to bring our prophet safely back to the fold." She solemnly ducks her head inside the car and shuts her door.
Integrity and I face one another.
"Nobleman, you can do this. I believe in you and your ability to lead The Light. Bring back the girl who can help make that happen."
"What am I supposed to say to Perfection?" I ask, quietly, desperate for a way out of this.
"The truth is always best. Perfection is a Vessel, through and through. She is a container for you. That is her purpose. She isn't to question why or how you make your decisions. That isn't her job."
I shake my head, disagreeing, but one look back at the car full of girls needing me, I know this isn't the time to argue. Silent, obedient Vessels are the reason Lucy lost her mom. The Vessels were too scared to speak out against their Humbleman.
"You need to hurry, Nobleman," Care softly urges, possibly sensing how my thoughts contrast Integrity's.
"Of course." I open the door and slide inside.
With two hands on the wheel, I close my eyes, allowing my body to do what it does best. Pushing aside the confusing thoughts on the obedience of Vessels and the dark rooms, I focus on the girls in my car and getting them to Lucy.
My light is back to its typical bright white, illuminating the car with its brilliant glory. As my light grows, the car comes to life in a rumbling, automatic way. As though it was resting all these years, just waiting for me. Like the Vessels Integrity described, being used as a container for what we need. Right now we need to get across the bridge, away from this Refuge, before anyone comes after us.
"I can't believe it worked!" I shout. I made this car start. Me.
Perfection leans over and grabs my face and kisses me squarely on the lips, her hands locked behind my head. I open my eyes and look at this beautiful girl who's forced herself onto me. She has every reason to believe I'm hers and hers alone, but she's never been so wrong.
I pull back, not wanting to let go of the steering wheel firmly gripped by my hands. "No, Perfection. You can't. It's not what you think." I don't know what else to say, what to do, the car is ready to move, and Integrity and Care are watching us intently by the side of the road. Their lives are on the line if they're linked to us.
"But I thought...." Perfection retreats to her chair, and touches her pink lips with her fingers, as though trying to retrace the moment with her hand.
"Just go, Nobleman!" Basil screams in my ear. "Hana, I mean Grace, whatever the hell she's called, needs help. We need to go!"
Basil's right, we need to move forward, ahead. And we do. The car, a four-passenger vehicle, moves on the rubber tires that touch the pavement beneath us. I watch Perfection out of the corner of my eye as she waves good-bye to the only world she's known, tears in her eyes. Tears because she's leaving, tears because of me. She waves for both of us. Because this next part is unknown to me as well.
We roll faster, faster, and faster until I'm laughing in spite of myself, out of sheer exhilaration. Or possibly fear. As exciting as this is, it's also horribly terrifying.
We careen down the road; Integrity and Care long gone, back in the Refuge by now, already making excuses for us. For themselves. I hope no one connects them to us. I hope no one suspects us for several more hours. By my calculations we have about six hours before they expect me to attend the mid-night service at the Haven. I hope that's enough time to escape.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Four hours later our little tribe of travelers is exhausted, spent, and ready to sleep. We stop, near the bridge we hope to find Lukas crossing, and begin to set up camp for the night. We aren't far from a Refuge and that thought makes my skin crawl.
I pull Timid aside wanting to check in with her. We haven't really spoken since she revealed Integrity's plans for me. It's not that I'm holding things against her intentionally; I know she's just a child, but I thought I could
trust
her. And that word, as much as I don't want it to have power over me, does.
"Timid, how was riding the horse today? Scary?"
"At first, yeah, but Junie's so nice. And Duke, too. He kept singing these songs to me to make me laugh." I see her eyeing my arms; the fact that they still glimmer is shocking to all of us. I don't know if I'll ever get used to them.
"Duke seems like a good guy." My conversation feels flat and forced.
"I think he wants to be Bound to Junie. What do you think the Nobleman would name them? I would name Junie Kindheart. Do you think that would be a good name?"
"That sounds perfect." I sigh, looking at her, her hair pulled in a braid, she wears jeans and a smile, her chin lifted high looking at me. She looks confident in a way I never saw at the Refuge. She was so mousy, so meek. "How did you get your name?" I ask.
"When I was little, I didn't talk. There were so many kids in our room, always trying to get the Vessels attention. I didn't compete. I just faded in the background."
"But now?"
"Now, being out here, it's like I'm noticed by people for the first time in my life. I don't want to sound prideful, but Junie and Colton and Duke make me feel special."
"I know all about that. I grew up like you in many ways. The compound where I lived with my parents had lots of rules, like the Refuge. It wasn't until I met the Nobleman I felt special, cared for. I think that's why my light started to grow."
"But your Light has gotten lots bigger without the Nobleman, Lucy. It isn't growing because of him."
I swallow my feelings, because I don't want them to show. She's right, of course. It hasn't been Lukas who has given my light strength, he isn't even been here.
I look over at Charlie, and wonder if he's the reason for my emerald sheen. I push that down, knowing where my loyalty needs to lie. Lukas.
"Get some rest, okay? I think Duke set up a tent for you." I smile and reach for her hand, giving it a tight squeeze, hoping to find my way back to being her friend again, but knowing I'm not the person I wanted to be for her.
I watch as she opens the flap of the tent, settling in for the night, and I turn away knowing I can't force something between her and me, trusting her again will take time. The air is cold, and the fall air sweeps through the campsite. I asked if we could sleep in one of the abandoned buildings, there was a huge one with the words CASINO painted across the front, or at least an old house with beds, but Charlie said that isn't done. I called it a waste, but he disagreed.
"That CASINO probably has hundreds of beds in their hotel," I said to him.
"With decaying bodies, wild animals, broken furniture. Too many accidents have happened going into abandoned buildings."
I believe Charlie knows what he's talking about, so we settle in a grassy patch for the night. Duke and Colton feed the horses from the food we packed them, helping them settle in to rest. Junie snuck into the tent to help Timid, probably to sing her songs or brush her hair. I try not to feel crappy about being replaced by someone much more nurturing than me.
My stomach's in knots. The fear of something happening to Lukas before I see him again paralyzes me. Being close to a Refuge brings back the memories of The Light, what they did to Mom. I can't help but wonder if Lukas is going to be mad at me for burning the bridges with his family. Somehow I'm going to have to tell him they never wanted to leave him, but they still didn't care enough to fight for him. My mind swirls in a million directions. I thought I'd have had enough time to process things on the exhausting journey today, but my growing light distracted me.
"Lucy, come listen to this." Charlie walks over, holding the black radio for me to hear. A loud and clear buzz grows.
Lukas.
"Where do you think he is?" My eyes prick with tears. I'd begun preparing myself for the worst that could come. But that was unnecessary.
He's alive.
"Close. The signal's strong. I've been on enough of these missions for my parents to know they have only been wrong once. It never goes off unless there is a reason. He's probably right over the bridge."
"When has the radio been wrong?" I try to guard my heart, if this could be a false alarm.
"It was just once, when I was out in these fields, actually not too far from here. There was this domed-house and I swear there had been a signal coming from the area."
"What happened to it?" I ask, already knowing how this story ends.
"The people there were crazy. In these hazmat suits, you know what they are?" I nod my head, and he continues. "Anyways, I tried to talk to them, but they were a little nuts, and anyways, by then the signal dropped, disappeared. Like it had never existed."
I think back to that day Charlie came, how I'd watched the feed with Mom and Diane. Intent on getting all the details of the mysterious cowboy. Lucky eating an apple and Charlie's tan skin, the freedom he had in his eyes. The same freedom I longed for in my heart.
I also remember feeling like Dad, Forest and Jack all but snuffed my hope of salvation out by dismissing Charlie. That must have snuffed out any trace of my energy, my light that was being picked up on the signal. I bet my signal was stronger that day because I had used my light to look for the rice for Mom.
I don't say this to him; I'm not ready to share those details of my life with anyone, not yet. The compound, all its twisted norms and rules, is still home to me and I feel protective of my past.
"If a signal has potential to be dropped for some reason, we need to go, now." I say, taking charge, not wanting to lose this signal of Lukas when we're so close.
So close to each other.
"Of course. But we need to go by foot. The horses are worn out, we pushed them hard today." Charlie says, energized. "I can't wait to see my brother again, it's been so long."
"Did you think it might not happen?"
"I've learned to prepare myself for the worst, Lucy, but imagine the best. This is better than I imagined."
We tell Duke, Colton, and Junie what's happening. They stand over a small fire, trying to stay warm.
"I'll stay here with Timid, and everyone else should go," Junie offers, graciously.
"No way. I'm staying with you, Junie. I'm not letting you stay out here in the woods alone," Duke says, scoffing at her plan. And he's right. There's no way that those two can stay here by themselves.
"I'll come. We have no idea what the condition of the girls he's bringing will be." Colton adds. I admire his commitment, I know a big part of him just wants to cut free and go, but he's loyal to the people who matter to him.
"Thanks, Colton, you're a really good friend."
"No problem, Green Lantern," he gives me a bow I don't deserve and a reference I don't understand.
"Okay, let's go." I put the coat I packed over my sweatshirt, and smile. "Colton, if you think my arms are cool, you have no idea what you're in store for when you see Lukas."
The three of us start jogging down the road, Charlie holds the radio, and the static noise grows, as though we're inching closer. Closer to Lukas. We cross the bridge, mighty and tall. Steel beams cross over the sound and the moon sits high in the sky, casting silvery light across the water.
It seems like anything is possible.
Like everything is possible.
Lukas
"Are you okay?" Perfection asks me for about the millionth time. I've only been driving for maybe half an hour, but she pesters me, I'm guessing out of fear. She's never been this far from home, and none of us have ever been in a car. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she's making it hard.
"He's fine, Perfection. He's a magic orb of white Light and you're worried about
him?"
Basil's been snapping at Perfection since we started driving.
Lucy never told me their history, but I've summed it up pretty fast. Basil was assigned to be Perfection's helper when they arrived at the Refuge, and Perfection treated her as a glorified slave until she tried to run away.
We travel down the road at a steady pace, and the gauge in the middle says it's moving twenty five miles per hour, but I have nothing to compare that to.
"So, I know we're going to find your family and Lucy and thank God because I almost died you know, like I was a zombie-girl-in-the-making back there. But what I don't get is when you guys hooked up. And why does Lucy even want to help you?"
"We're not
hooked up,
we're Bound!" Perfection growls back.
I don't want to answer Basil. Answering her with truth will ruin Perfection, but I don't even know why I let her feelings matter so much. I've dug myself in so deep.
"Well? Why does Lucy want to help you?" Basil presses. "She wasn't stoked to be there when I met her."
"She and I ... we were, I mean we are...." I stumble, ashamed that I can't just say what I mean, why I'm concerned about protecting anyone besides Lucy.
"They were like, ‘in love’ for two whole seconds." Perfection turns around in the car to speak directly to Basil. "And then she ran away when the power went out. So she's ancient history, but the two of them had a plan before she left. Actually, why did you break it off with her, Nobleman?" Perfection turns back to me, and I look over at her, while keeping one eye on the road. This driving thing is tricky, especially when asked questions I want to avoid.
A sweat breaks out across my forehead, and my grip on the wheel tightens. I try to search for an answer that is both true and kind. But there are no words that will make this better.
"Dude, what's wrong with you, your Light is all wonky," Basil says.
She's right. The car has filled with that hazy yellow again and my head is weightless, weak. It's hard to see through the cloudy light.
"Nobleman, stop!" Perfection screams, and the wheel in my hand swerves as I let go, falling back against the seat, no longer able to hold myself up. Perfection tries to grab the wheel and steer us to safety, but we can't see out of the windshield.
The girls scream as the car crashes and stops, but not before smashing hard and sending us flying forward.
My voice is empty of sound.
My body is void of light.
I'm nothing as I close my eyes and disappear.