GLBTQ (28 page)

Some trans people choose names that are feminine or masculine versions of their birth names. So Sam becomes Samantha and Charlotte becomes Charles. Others choose gender-neutral names, such as Alex or Chris. Some people might choose another name entirely. The most important thing is that you pick a name that feels like you.

If you want to change the name you use at school, get your parents' support.
It can be extremely difficult to get teachers and staff to use your new name at school. But having your parents behind you can help. They can be sources of support as you're talking with your principal, school counselor, or teachers. Sometimes changing your name at school is easier if you're starting classes in a different building or a new grade. People might have less to associate with your previous name.

Some transgender teens choose to use their birth names at school (or have to if their school refuses to use their new names) and use their chosen names at other times, depending on who they're with and where they are. And some trans teens decide to wait until they're older to change their names, either legally or in everyday life.

For some people, a change in name is the first step in gender transitioning. Gender transitioning is a complex, multi-step process of starting to live full time as a person of a different gender. Transitioning doesn't, by definition, include surgery or other physical changes, though for some people it does. It primarily involves factors that affect how you relate to others and how they relate to you. It might include changing your name, dressing differently, and altering other aspects of your appearance (like hair or makeup). It can also mean changing your mannerisms, voice, and how you move.

Gender transitioning can also involve many physical changes for some trans people. A physical transition might include taking hormones or other substances under the supervision of a medical professional. For some, transitioning may also include surgery. This is an option almost always reserved for adults. As a transgender teen it is very unlikely that you can undergo sex reassignment surgery, although you might be able to work with an endocrinologist who can assist you with hormone treatments. It is rare to find physicians willing to prescribe hormones to those under 18, but some will.

Been There:

“Perhaps it all began when I was but a child, maybe six years old, watching Saturday morning cartoons—specifically, Bugs Bunny donning a dress and wig. I was enthralled at the transformation. This, I decided, was what I would aspire to. That's as far back as I can recall about my ‘difference.'”
—Zelia, 15

Undergoing a physical gender transition can be a long and complex process. For some transgender people who wish to undergo a full physical change, it can be a vital and rewarding process. Many steps and medical professionals are involved, and some services can be very difficult for those under 18 to obtain. It is extremely rare that minors are allowed to undergo full physical transitions. Sex reassignment surgeries also are very expensive, and many people save for a long time to afford them.

The physical transitioning process takes a long time for many reasons. Some physical changes take months or even a few years to complete. Medical professionals must supervise the physical transitioning process, and they can help you explore feelings and decisions along the way.

If you want to transition, especially if you want to pursue sex reassignment surgery (SRS), you'll need to know about the Standards of Care. These guidelines were created by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (formerly the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association). They are the standards under which most trans people obtain hormone therapy and SRS. Few surgeons perform SRS, but most, if not all of them, follow these standards.

The Standards of Care include a period of psychotherapy (to confirm someone is a trans person), the beginning of hormone therapy (which is a lifelong process), the administration of the Real-Life Experience (living full time as your intended gender for a period of time), and finally, if desired, SRS.

Typically, a period of psychotherapy is required
before
a person begins taking hormones. The therapy and assessment period can last for three months or longer, depending on the mental health professional and the person receiving treatment. Young people often feel like the validity of their transgender identity is being questioned. It might seem like the professionals assessing them believe they're going through a phase or overreacting. It can be frustrating to feel like others are second-guessing something you're very certain about. Try to release those feelings in a positive way, like by writing about them in a journal. (See Chapter 8 for more ideas for dealing with negative feelings.)

Been There:

“I think the most difficult part of being transgender is the way my gender identity and my body just don't match. It's a constant source of frustration and annoyance for me. I'm not currently on hormones because I have not had enough counseling yet. One of the things that annoys me most is others having the attitude that they have to protect a young transsexual from herself.”
—Rylan, 19

The Real-Life Experience is a period (a minimum of one year) during which a transitioning person must live and work, if he is in the work world, full time as someone of the sex that matches his gender identity. In other words, a female-to-male (FTM) person would have to live as a man for a minimum of one year. This isn't a traditional test, as you might think of one. It's more of an experience monitored by medical professionals. According to the Standards of Care guidelines, the purpose of the experience is “to allow you to overcome awkwardness, establish new behavior patterns, and approach unfamiliar situations with an unforced inner confidence.”

Only after successful completion of the Real-Life Experience (as determined by a supervising physician) can a person become a candidate for SRS. “Success” in this case is not an indicator that the person has done something correctly, but that the experience has confirmed that the person truly wants and can handle the physical transition.

Sex reassignment surgery involves the permanent refashioning of the sexual anatomy. Beyond genital surgery, many trans people undergo additional procedures. Male-to-female trans might have facial and body hair removed, an operation to reduce the size of the Adam's apple, and various cosmetic surgeries to achieve a more feminine-lookingface and body. Some might also have breast augmentation surgery, though many just rely on their hormone treatments (which cause the body to develop breasts) and/or surgery on their genitalia. Female-to-male trans might have their breasts removed and/or surgery on their genitalia. Even with these procedures, being able to “pass” as your new physical sex isn't guaranteed. Some people never pass completely. But many do.

Some teens get impatient with the transitioning process or find it difficult to obtain hormones from a doctor or clinic, so they buy hormones on the street. This could have serious negative physical and legal consequences. As with other drugs, hormones bought on the street could contain anything and their strength and dosage is unknown. Hormones should be taken only under the supervision of a doctor, preferably an endocrinologist, and at the proper dosage (which varies from person to person). If you're under 18, you might have to wait a while to obtain hormones legally.

Transphobia is still common because traditional ideas about gender and gender roles tend to be so deeply rooted in society. The general lack of understanding about what it means to be trans can make it difficult for transgender people to find acceptance from their families, school officials, and society as a whole. Transphobia can lead to name-calling and discrimination and can also escalate into harassment and even violence.

As with homophobia, you can respond to transphobia in many different ways—by ignoring it, speaking up, attempting to educate people, or getting involved in working for change. However, be very careful to assess the situation before deciding how to respond. According to GLSEN, trans students and others who challenge traditional gender roles in obvious ways often endure the greatest harassment and worst physical attacks. While safety is a big concern for gay, lesbian, and bisexual students, it is a huge concern for many transgender students.

If you're being harassed at school and adults there refuse to act, you can get help. Organizations such as GLSEN, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF), and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) can help you fight discrimination in your school. Transgender and gender rights advocacy groups can help, too. Contact information for these groups can be found in this chapter or in the Resources section.

Social pressures to conform to gender stereotypes can be extreme. Because gender expression is so visible and obvious, it's easy to find yourself facing unwanted attention or harassment. Trans people who are transitioning, or those who can't pass, can be especially vulnerable to harassment and physical abuse. While there are currently few legal protections for trans people, the climate is starting to change. For example, there is a push to add transgender people to protections that include sex and sexual orientation. The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, passed in 2009, covers crimes motivated by a victim's actual or perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. For information on the most current legislation, visit the HRC website (
www.hrc.org
).

Just as with gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, discrimination against and abuse of trans people is
never
okay and it is
never
justifiable. If you have been attacked, report the attack to the police. If the police refuse to recognize your claim or file a report, a national organization such as Lambda Legal (
www.lambdalegal.org
), the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (
www.ngltf.org
), or the ACLU (
www.aclu.org
) might be able to help. Many transgender groups can also help (see “
Organizations for Transgender People
”). These organizations advocate for trans people and lobby for their legal rights. You do not have to suffer alone or in silence.

Trans people also can face discrimination at work, in part because the transition process is so readily apparent. In 2009, transgender activists succeeded in getting an amendment added to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). If passed, this act would make discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation or gender identity illegal. (For more on ENDA, see Chapter 11.)

In spite of the harsh discrimination many trans people face, increasing numbers of people are coming out as transgender. This increased visibility will help educate others about what it means to be trans. Transgender people can face difficult issues, but many live very meaningful, fulfilled, and happy lives. The most important thing you can do is accept yourself for the wonderful person you are.

Many teens enter the work world during high school. For others, college comes first and work and careers are something they plan to address afterward. Either way, if you're GLBTQ, entering the workforce or choosing a college can present questions straight peers don't have to consider.

Some teens don't care if an employer is GLBTQ-friendly. For others, it's a very important part. Regardless of how you feel, it's helpful to know where you stand. Increasingly, public and private employers are including sexual orientation in their nondiscrimination policies. Unfortunately, far fewer include gender identity (although this is changing).

Employers tend to be open with prospective and current employees about their human resources policies. You should be able to find out fairly easily whether a nondiscrimination policy is in place. You can search a company's website or ask one of its representatives. An employee handbook should also contain information about the company's nondiscrimination policy. Many companies post their policies in lunch or breakrooms, print them on job applications, or hand out copies automatically with any other employment-related paperwork.

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) is another source of information for GLBTQ issues on the job. The group regularly updates a Corporate Equality Index, which rates employers based on GLBTQ friendliness. HRC also maintains a database of employers that lets you search for companies that include GLBTQ people in their nondiscrimination policies, offer domestic partner/same-sex spouse benefits, or have queer employee groups. Visit HRC's website (
www.hrc.org
) to access these features.

According to HRC, 305 of the 590 businesses it surveyed in 2009 achieved top ratings for being GLBTQ-friendly. This is up from 260 businesses just one year prior—a significant gain. These 305 companies collectively employ more than 9 million full-time employees. Workers at these companies are protected from employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression by employers' policies in areas such as diversity, training, and benefits.

Transgender workers have made major gains since the Corporate Equality Index was first published. In 2002, just 5 percent of rated businesses prohibited discrimination based on gender identity or expression. In 2010, that figure had increased dramatically to 72 percent.

People approach being GLBTQ in the workplace in many different ways. Some prefer to remain private about being queer, not addressing it unless it happens to come up. Others feel it's important to have coworkers know they are queer. There's no right or wrong way to address this issue. Do what you feel comfortable doing for the specific situation you are in.

Often queer people wonder whether they should come out to a potential employer during an interview. That's really a personal decision. Especially for teens, many believe that telling others they're GLBTQ should be on a “need to know” basis. If it somehow relates to the job (like applying for a position at a GLBTQ organization), then it could be appropriate to share.

Some people who are completely out prefer to be open about who they are from the beginning to make sure their gender identity or sexual orientation won't be a problem in the workplace. But telling an employer that you're GLBTQ during an interview can create an uncomfortable situation for you both. Whether you're GLBTQ or straight doesn't have anything to do with how well you can do your job, but coming out in an interview might give that impression. The focus is really on finding out whether the job is a good match for you. You can also try to figure out whether the company is GLBTQ-friendly, but you don't have to come out to do that.

Here are questions you can ask to determine whether a company is queer-friendly:

Ask about the company's policies.
“Do you have an employment nondiscrimination policy? Who does it cover?” or “Does your employment nondiscrimination policy cover GLBTQ people?” If you're concerned about expressing that level of detail, you could just ask to see a copy of the policy.

Ask, “How is this workplace environment for GLBTQ employees?”
This gives an obvious indication that you're GLBTQ, so it's up to you to decide if you're comfortable with that.

Some transgender people choose to come out during an interview, especially if they dress as the opposite anatomical sex. Unfortunately, some degree of workplace discrimination against trans people is not uncommon. (The companies that scored 100 percent in HRC's Corporate Equality Index all include gender identity in their nondiscrimination policies.)

Coming out to coworkers can be a great experience because it can result in a more open and supportive work environment, one where you feel free to be yourself. But remember, people you work with don't have to be your best friends. It's up to you how much personal information you want them to know.

As you spend more time in the working world, you'll come across people whose religious, political, and social beliefs are very different from yours, and not necessarily in a good way. Sometimes these encounters can be stressful or annoying. But, for some of the people you're exposed to, you might be the first person they know to be queer. You could have a positive influence on their beliefs.

For those who prefer not to come out as GLBTQ at work, that's okay. It's important to do what you're comfortable with. And that could change over time.

Currently, no federal antidiscrimination law fully protecting GLBTQ people from job discrimination exists, so queer rights in the workplace vary by employer and geographic location. Some states—but not all—have enacted laws that cover job discrimination. At least for now, your rights depend largely on where you live or work.

Been There:

“I think that the quality of life for GLBTQ people in this country is getting better, but it certainly isn't great. There are a lot of benefits and rights that GLBTQ people are not allowed to receive. Being gay didn't really affect me negatively until I started to witness the hatred and bigotry in this world. But once I started to get out and see that other gay people have made it through, I started to feel much better about being a gay person in this country.”
—Bengie, 15

More progressive companies have added phrases like “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” to their nondiscrimination policies, so while their home states might not have protections in place for queer people, the company does.

Civil rights and GLBTQ activists are currently lobbying hard to get the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) passed. If passed, ENDA would be a federal law that provides basic protections against discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation, as well as gender identity or expression. It would be illegal to fire, deny employment, or harass someone because of his or her actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. Many major corporations have endorsed the bill.

Discrimination can take many forms. Sexual harassment, off-color remarks, and passing up someone for a promotion because he is GLBTQ are all forms of discrimination. Queer people do sometimes face workplace discrimination, but you should neither expect it nor accept it.

Here are some tips for what to do if you think you are being discriminated against by an employer:

1. Stop and think.
Think carefully about the situation. Are you sure you're being discriminated against because you're GLBTQ? You might be. It's also possible that you're misreading the situation. Stop and assess it. Does your employer have a history of anti-GLBTQ behavior? Could you have misunderstood something that was said? If you have a trusted coworker, ask for her advice. Tell her what was said to you or what you overheard and ask for her opinion. The human resources department should also be able to help (though discrimination could also come from HR).

2. Write it down.
If you suspect (or know) you're being discriminated against because you're GLBTQ, write down the incident and include names of anyone else who might have witnessed it. If several incidents occur, keep track of all of them. Keep a record of any interactions you have with your employer regarding the matter and include her responses. This record will be very useful if the issue is not resolved and you decide to take further action. Most human resources representatives will tell you that documenting these incidents is the first step in enabling them to investigate.

3. Come up with a plan.
If you have a human resources representative helping you, he will help you formulate a plan or, more likely, will have a pre-determined set of actions to follow. These generally follow legal regulations and guidelines.

If you're handling it on your own because you don't have access to human resources help, plan what you will say to your employer or coworker and approach her calmly and rationally. Ask to speak with her and then sit down and explain the situation and why you feel you were discriminated against.

Then—and this step is critical—listen to her response. She might offer an explanation that puts your concerns to rest, so give her that opportunity. She might confess to the discrimination or she might deny it completely. Regardless of her response, try to stay calm. You're more likely to be taken seriously if you can remain professional.

4. If her response is negative, decide your course of action.
You have several options. You can go back to work and ignore it, you can quit your job, or you can try to address the issue in another way. There isn't one right way to deal with the situation, just what's right for you. You might not have the time, energy, or money (in the case of a legal response) to address the issue. You might really need the job. Or you might feel like the situation is one you just can't live with.

If your issue is with a coworker or direct supervisor, it might be time to go to his boss. Again, remember step three—stay calm and rational. Keep your comments to facts and not opinions.

If you decide to pursue the matter, HRC and Lambda Legal are two groups that can counsel you about your rights according to your state's laws. They also can refer you to lawyers in your area, if necessary.