GirlNextDoor (17 page)

John had been musing about the fact that Nolan was barefoot.
He’d never seen Nolan’s bare feet before. He wondered if he’d ever had his toes
bitten. “Huh? Sure.”

Lucy was leaning over the counter in her tight jeans. “Hi,
John.” She kissed him lightly. There wasn’t even a hint of a significant glance
from her, for which John was immensely grateful. “Mushrooms?”

“Yuck.”

“Told you so,” Nolan said.

Lucy sighed. “Okay, what do you like then?”

John shrugged. “Peppers, onions.”

“Guy food.”

“Yeah.”

Lucy stuck her tongue out. Nolan chuckled. “Told you so.”

“We could get one half-and-half,” John offered, and then
wondered why that sounded vaguely dirty.

“No,” Lucy said firmly. “The onions will creep over to my
half and stink up my mushrooms. I want my own.”

“Get your own then,” Nolan answered. “I told you that in the
first place.”

“Fine, I will.” The phone rang in the living room. “I’ll get
it. It’s the airline. They’re trying to bump me.” She went, leaving the men
alone.

Nolan smiled wryly. “One more day and she’s out of here.”

“I thought you two got along.”

“We do. I love having her here. But,” Nolan took a long pull
on his beer, “she’s exhausting.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad she stayed with you last night. I would have felt
bad leaving her alone.”

“Not a problem, believe me. How was the shift?”

“Quiet. Emma’s coming back to work tonight.”

“How’s Griffin doing?”

“Okay, I guess. Stable. He’s still beat to hell, but he’s
holding his own.”

“Best you can ask for.” John shook his head. “I wonder how
Shelly is.”

Nolan chuckled. “But not her owner?”

“Nah. I don’t give a shit about him.” John took a long pull
on his beer. This wasn’t the conversation he wanted to be having. “We actually
spent a lot of time talking about you.”

“You and Shelly?”

“No. Me and Lucy. Last night.”

“Me?” Nolan seemed genuinely surprised.

“Uh-huh. She thinks you’re lonely since Kevin left.”

Nolan smirked. “Yeah. She must have a psychic gift or
something.”

Now or never
, John thought. He took a deep breath.
“She thinks we’d be good for each other. As lovers.”

Nolan just nodded, unsurprised. “I know. Did you tell her
you were straight?”

“No.”

“I bet she figured it out.”

John took a long swallow of beer, then another. Was Nolan
being deliberately obtuse, or was he being too subtle? Part of him wanted to
hang back, wait and see. But mostly he just wanted the cards on the table. “She
says you want me.”

Nolan froze, then took a deep breath. “Well, who doesn’t?
You being a big brave
fireman
and all.”

“I want you too.”

“Not funny, John.”

“Not a joke, Nolan.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, blue eyes
locked on brown. “John,” Nolan finally said, quietly, shakily, “it’s Lucy. She
makes things seem like a good idea when they’re really not.” He shook his head.
“By next weekend you’ll wish we never had this conversation.”

John could feel himself shaking inside, in his chest. He
didn’t want to hurt Nolan, he didn’t want to make a mistake. He didn’t want to
be anything but completely honest. “I wanted you before she got here.”

Nolan was shaking his head, and suddenly words came spilling
out of John. “Nolan, listen. Listen. For weeks now, for months—remember the
night Kevin left and we got drunk together?”

“Dimly.”

“I thought then, that night—but you were drunk, and I was
drunk, and I thought it was just a passing thing, Nolan—but it wasn’t, I’ve
been like a teenager with a crush, I can’t stop thinking about you, I have
these dreams and I—” He noticed he had a little beer left and drank it. “I
can’t believe I just said all that.”

“Me either,” Nolan answered. He seemed stunned. Bemused.
“Want another beer?”

“I’m not drunk, Nolan.”

“I know.” Nolan got more beer, moving slowly. “Why didn’t
you say anything?”

John shrugged. This wasn’t the reception he’d expected. “You
were getting over Kevin, and I wasn’t sure how I felt, if it was just—”

“Curiosity.”

“Yeah.” John drew a deep breath. “And part of it is, Nolan.
I won’t lie to you about that. I’ve never been with a man, I might hate it for
all I know. And I didn’t want to take that chance with you. You’re my friend. I
didn’t want to screw that up if t-the—”

“Sex.”

“Didn’t work. I mean, I don’t know. I just don’t know, maybe
this is all just some early midlife crisis thing.”

“John,” Nolan said gently, “you’re babbling.”

“I know. I can’t seem to stop. I’m really trying, but I
can’t.”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

The question startled John. His answer startled him more.
“God yes.”

Nolan raised his hand, paused an inch from John’s face. Very
gently, he put his fingers on his jaw. The touch was light, hesitant, and both
of them shook a little at the moment of contact. He leaned closer, still
slowly, eyes open, ready to retreat at the least resistance. John
trembled—fear? longing?—yet he didn’t back away. Their lips met very lightly, a
gentle little kiss, and John pulled back, wide-eyed.

Nolan straightened, misunderstanding, but John was already
lunging forward, putting his hands on both sides of Nolan’s face and mashing
their lips together. Nolan went with it, parting his own lips, licking John’s
until they parted too. Their tongues met, exploring, fiery at first and then
slowing, enjoying more as the first spark passed. Their bodies shifted. Nolan
put his hands on John’s waist, then moved them around to his back, pulling him
into his arms. John’s hands released his face, one sliding to the back of
Nolan’s head, the other down his back.

Eventually they came up for air. “Hate it yet?” Nolan asked.

“Not yet,” John answered breathlessly.

Nolan kissed him again, even gentler this time. Their hands
were a little freer now, holding each other, caressing lightly, above the
waist. John had the distinct feeling that his friend was deliberately not
arousing him. This was more like first-date kissing. No pressure. Just getting
acquainted. Making out. In the kitchen. Non-threatening. He liked it that Nolan
was being so sensitive to him, so careful. John sighed in contentment.

“Enough?” Nolan asked.

“Yes. No.” John shook his head. “For now.”

Nolan drew away, went back to the table and sat down. John
followed. They both opened their second beer.

“So,” John began, astonished that he could still hold normal
conversation, “uh, where’d Lucy go, anyhow?”

Nolan nodded toward the bedroom. “She’s around. Probably
gloating over her matchmaking skills.”

“And rightly so.” John understood that she would remain
discreetly out of sight. She’d done her part. “Nolan, do you understand what I
was trying to say before?”

“You don’t want sex to screw up our friendship.”

“No. Well, yes, that too. But this isn’t just about sex, is
it?”

“I don’t know, John. Is it?”

“I don’t want it to be.” John shrugged. “On the other hand,
you know I’m completely shitty at relationships.”

“You never gave one a chance,” Nolan reminded him. “And
you’ve never tried one that started as a friendship.”

“True.” Then, entirely on impulse, John said, “Kiss me
again.”

Nolan did, a little firmer this time.

“I just don’t want to mess up,” John repeated.

“All right,” Nolan answered. “Then we need some ground
rules. And the first is, whatever happens, we stay friends.”

“Absolutely.”

“Second, we need to be very frank about sex.”

“Who’s Frank?” John quipped. “Sorry. Bad habit.”

Nolan nodded. “What I mean is, you need to tell me what you
want. We don’t need to try anything until you’re sure. We don’t need to try
anything at all.”

“Do you not
want
to have sex with me?” John asked
carefully. When Nolan hesitated, he added, “Be frank.”

“Frankly, John, I’ve wanted you from the minute I saw you.
But I never for one minute thought…” Nolan stopped. “I don’t want to mess this
up either. I don’t want to pressure you, or…”

John lunged across the table and kissed him warmly. “I get
to decide when and where?” he asked. Nolan nodded. “Then here. Now.”

He kissed his friend again, this time with unmistakable
intent to arouse.

Nolan drew back, concerned. “Now? You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“John…”

“Damn it, Nolan, don’t make me beg!” Then, flushed, John
added, “I was saving that for next week.”

Still, Nolan considered for a long moment. “All right, now.
But not here. This tile floor’s a killer.”

They stood, kissed, moved to the living room, kissed again.

Held each other, closer now than in the kitchen, and John
could feel the sweet bulge between Nolan’s legs, mirroring his own. Nolan had a
way of kissing slow and deep that made John’s knees go weak. But that was okay
too. He was safe in the other man’s arms.

“One more ground rule,” Nolan said softly. John groaned.
“It’s important. If you want to stop, say stop. Anywhere along the line. You
say stop, we stop.”

“I don’t want to stop,” John protested, nuzzling his neck,
tasting him gently.

“I know. But it’s okay if you do, later.”

John wasn’t sure how they got to the bedroom. They were
still kissing. Nolan’s hands moved over his body, neck, shoulder blade, back
ribs, waist, butt, thigh, around and up, barely grazing his groin, over his
stomach, on his chest and nipples. John’s back arched toward him, but he wanted
more, he wanted to be skin on skin.

Before he’d finished the thought, Nolan was pulling John’s
shirt up. John raised his arms, helping, then quickly unbuttoned Nolan’s shirt
and pushed it away. Their bodies came back together, tongues intertwined as
they met chest to chest, warm skin warming further in friction. John closed his
arms around him, wanting to be closer, closer still.

“Boots,” Nolan murmured close to his ear.

“Gmph,” John answered. He found a hollow where Nolan’s neck
met his shoulder and nipped it lightly.

Nolan groaned in appreciation. But he repeated, “Boots,
John.”

Though he heard the word, John could not figure out what he
was talking about. There were too many different discoveries tumbling through
his mind. He liked the way Nolan’s chest sloped. He wouldn’t have guessed it
was so well muscled. And there was a fine covering of chest hair, not much, but
enough to accent the fact that he was with a man. John worked his way down to a
nipple and flicked it with his tongue, then sucked it in to feel it harden
against his lips. He moved his leg and gently kicked Nolan’s, and he finally
realized that the boots Nolan was talking about were on his feet and there was
no easy way to get them off.

“Oh,” he said, releasing the nipple, “boots.”

“Huh?” Nolan answered.

John levered himself out of Nolan’s arms and sat down on the
bed to take his boots off. Nolan sat with him, just watching, and the look in
his eyes gave John goose bumps. Boots gone, John reached for his lover-to-be
and they lay back together.

They stretched out facing each other, close. John loved the
feel of their skin meeting, loved the strange newness of having a man’s body
beside him, but Nolan was almost too gentle, too careful. John knew he was
being deliberate about not rushing him, but John wanted to be rushed now. His
erection ached in the confines of his pants.

He stroked Nolan’s crotch, certain that the other man felt
the same way. Slowly he realized that he could do something about it. His hand
fumbled at the zipper of Nolan’s pants. Even though his other arm was pinned
under Nolan’s ribs, John managed to unzip them and found his way inside to the
silk boxers.

He hesitated for a second.
Silk? Really?

As if he was reading his mind, Nolan muttered, “Haven’t done
laundry all week. Been kinda busy.”

“Ah.” Holding his lover’s firm, hot and damp erection
through the silk, John was sure his own cock would explode. But Nolan had freed
John’s cock in return and was holding it, bending to lick his lover’s chest as
they both kicked their pants away.

John trembled. He couldn’t decide what he wanted first. To
suck or be sucked, to penetrate or be penetrated. He wanted it all, he wanted
it right now. He was finally here, where all his fantasies had brought him,
finally exactly where he wanted to be. In a minute or two he and Nolan would
climax together. John’s fantasies would be fulfilled, his love affair would
truly begin and he would damn well drive that bastard Kevin out of Nolan’s
heart and body and memory for good.

Except that Kevin had probably been a much better lover.

The fantasy folded up around him. John shuddered, hard, his
sweat gone cold. “Nolan,” he managed in a small choked voice, “Nolan, stop.”

Nolan immediately removed his hand from John’s cock, wrapped
his arms tightly around John’s shoulders and held him. “All right, John,” he
said clearly. “It’s all right.”

God
, John thought,
now I know why I love this man.
“No, I didn’t mean stop, I want you, I still want you.” He rolled his hips for
emphasis. Behind two thin layers of cloth, their cocks jousted like swords. “I
just— I just—”

Nolan stroked his hair soothingly. “Slower?”

“Hell no.”

The other man smiled, puzzled. “Then what is it?”

His tenderness made John want to cry. At the same time, he
wanted Nolan as his lover more fiercely than before. But John couldn’t shake
the specter of Kevin, couldn’t even explain it.

Kissing him gently, Nolan asked, “Do you want to get
dressed?”

“No, no,” John protested, clutching at him. “Nolan, I don’t
want to stop. It’s just…” He stopped, not wanting to mention that name, to
cause Nolan any more pain.