Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story (13 page)

             
They ended up renting Office Space. I loved that movie. (
Excuse me; I believe you have my stapler.
He he.) I crashed at the apartment and Stacy went home about midnight. I tossed and turned most of the night trying to figure out my heart. I knew what I was feeling was not fair to Danny but I did not know how to stop feeling something for Tim.

             
Tim’s side

Tim pondered what had happened last night as he gazed out over the ocean. He liked to come here to think, to clear his head. The drive down the Bourne Scenic Highway was a quiet one. It was not summer, so it
was not bogged down with tourists as it can be. He loved going down to the Cape during the off-season. Falmouth Heights Beach was one of his favorite spots to come relax but today he could not relax. He could not get her out of his head. What was he thinking trying to kiss his brother’s girlfriend? Of course, he had always had feelings for Sam, but he had no right to act on those feelings, not now. It was wrong of him to confuse her. Although, it was clear that she also wanted him, she was not going to risk what she had with Danny. She had made that crystal clear.

             
He needed to get her out of his head. He started walking down the beach towards the dunes, blasting his music. He picked up his pace and started to jog, thinking of anything and everything other than Samantha Rayne.  He tried to push out the day he met her, the day at the coffee shop a few weeks later, and then the day she walked into the classroom at Fowler School. The time he saw her at the pool hall, his pool hall, with Danny, sure, he was with Stacy but he knew that was not serious. Last night, at his apartment, they were having a great time until he tried to kiss her. God, he was such an idiot.

             
You would have thought he had learned his lesson, too. Danny had finally trusted him again and last time it was not even his fault. Tim did not want to tell Sam the real reason that Danny was hesitant for all of them to hang out. He could not. It made him look like a complete ass. Now after last night, she already thought he was at least half an ass. You see, back in high school, Danny’s girlfriend, Ashley, had a huge crush on Tim. Tim did not reciprocate the feelings and she knew that but made a move anyway. Of course, her move happened just as Danny had been coming home and only saw her straddling Tim, there had been no time to push her off and object. The scene had played out all too quickly. Danny yelling and blaming Tim. Ashley not accepting blame. The brothers had not spoken for a few months because of the alleged betrayal. Tim vowed never to let that happen again. Now here he was kissing Danny’s girlfriend. Sam was right; he was not being a good person. He had to apologize to Sam and step back. It did not matter that he met her first. Danny was his brother and that took precedence.

             
He glanced at his watch. He should head back. It was getting late and he still had not figured out if he was going to crash at his friend Brian’s house or head home but he did need to go by and say hi no matter what he decided. When Tim got back to the car, he noticed he had a missed call. It was from Danny. Tim’s heart sank. He hoped that Sam had not told Danny about what happened last night and that there would not be an angry voicemail waiting for him. Tim dialed his phone number. “You have one new message.”  Crap. “Hey, it’s Danny. I was calling to see if we were still on for the double date tomorrow. Call me.” Ok, so apparently Sam did not tell him anything. He said a silent thank you. He was just calling to see if the double date with Stacy was on. Before Stacy left that night, they had made plans to hang out again. Tim was not exactly sure why. He definitely did not have any romantic feelings for Stacy, but he must have had too many drinks and tried to overcompensate for the Sam situation.

             
Tim had a couple of options. He could stay on the Cape and tell Danny he and Stacy had cancelled or show up. He still had not made a decision when he arrived at Brian’s twenty-five minutes later.

             
“Hey, dude, you showed!” Brian yelled from his porch. “Awesome, Krissy will be so excited to see you.”

             
Tim smiled for the first time in twenty-four hours. Brian Denton was his oldest friend and Krissy had come into the picture in eleventh grade. Tim had been dating her friend, Tiffany, and she had started dating Brian. Tiffany did not last, but Krissy and Brian obviously had. It was nice to see true love last even through tough times. They had gone to separate colleges after graduation. Brian had stayed close to home but Krissy went to Michigan State. They had found their way back to each other after college when she moved back home. They were married seven months later and bought a home in Hyannis, MA. Tim could not have been happier for them.

             
“I’ve missed you guys so much,” he admitted. “You’ll have to come out to Worcester one of these days.”

             
“Absolutely! We miss you and Danny, too.” Tim cringed slightly at the mention of his brother’s name. “How is he?” Brian asked.

             
“Um, he’s great. I’m the one with the issues…”

             
“Issues? What’s going on?” Brian motioned for Tim to have a seat on the porch swing. “Or does this require a beer first?”

             
Tim laughed. “Definitely beer first.”

             
“Alright, be right back.” Time silently debated telling Brian the whole truth, but he had never held back from his friend before, why start now? Brian was as much a brother to him as Danny was.

             
A few minutes later Brian returned with a couple of Coors. “Ok, start explaining.”

             
Tim told him all about Sam. How they met and met again and again and how suddenly she was dating Danny. He told his friend about the kiss that had almost happened and the kiss that did happen. He told Brian about his feelings for her… he had to admit it to himself first, but Tim knew deep down that he had fallen in love with Sam long before this mess started.

             
“You’re in quite the predicament, dude.”

             
“Thanks for stating the obvious,” Tim said. “Any suggestions on how to deal with this?”

             
“Right now, avoid her. If you’re not around her nothing can happen right?”

             
“It’s worth a shot.” Tim called Danny and let him know that he and Stacy had decided dating again was a bad idea that was of course after he called Stacy to cancel. He told him that he was on the Cape with Brian so he would not be around at all that night. He was cool with it but Tim could not help but feel disappointed at not seeing Sam, which also made him glad he was not going to be around. He had to find a way to get her out of his head.

I spent a lot of time at the apartment with Danny that summ
er and it did not go unnoticed (by me anyway) that when I was there, Tim usually was not. Danny had been acting weird the past few weeks and I had thought he started to suspect something but unfortunately, the real reason was almost worse.

             
“I don’t understand,” I said. “Why are you doing this?”

             
“It’s just something I have to do. I cannot sit here and do nothing. We’ve been attacked and I feel helpless and I don’t want anything to happen to anyone I care about,” he said.

             
Danny had decided to enlist himself in the army. Are you freaking kidding me? He felt like he needed to help somehow after the attack on the World Trade Centers last year. I knew that it had bothered him but I did not expect this. It had bothered many people but not everyone had decided to enlist. I did not want to lose him.

             
The reason he was acting strangely was because he was leaving in two weeks and did not know how to tell me. He was going to tell Tim that night. I had two weeks to adjust to the fact that he might get himself killed over there for a cause that I was not sure I believed in. However, it was not about me. Apparently, it was something he had to do.

             
Telling Tim had not been much easier for him either. Tim was pissed. He was very much against the war but told Danny that he would always support him no matter what he decided. We spent as much time together as we could the next two weeks. The three of us were together a lot because Danny wanted to spend time with both of us.

             
We drove him to the bus station and wished him a safe farewell. There were at least twenty other college aged people there, men and women. I had a lot of respect for people willing to risk their lives for something that they believed so strongly in. It kind of made me feel like crap for not wanting to get in on the cause but I just could not. I wanted to see Bin Laden go down for the attack but I had reservations. I could not explain it.

Things were going okay after Danny left. The fall semester had started and Tim and I pretty much only saw each other at school and I was spending a lot of time studying. On the plus side, my grades were great even if I was feeling like crap. I missed Danny. I missed Tim. I just did not know whom I missed for what reason anymore.

Danny wrote to me all the time. H
e was all right over there. He had made friends with some of the guys in his brigade and could not wait for me to meet them. Trinity was still living with Derek and Kiley and Miranda wanted to get an apartment off campus soon. That would leave me the only one in the dorms, not really an appealing thought. I still had three semesters left before my official semester of student teaching. Ms. Lafferty was letting me semi student teach this semester because we had really hit if off last fall. Sadly, I could not afford an apartment on my own.  My job on campus did not pay much. I knew I did not want to live on campus anymore, though. Tim had not gotten a new roommate after Danny left and I cannot say moving in with him was a good idea or even a smart one but that was what I did. It was working out pretty good for a little while.

My heart was as confused as ever, though
. It was even harder to get rid of my feelings when I saw Tim every day. When he woke up all cute and scruffy, when he got out of the shower dripping wet and only came out in a towel, when he fell asleep on the couch looking so damn sexy… (You could see where this was going, not good, right?)

I really was trying to separate myself but it
was not working. Danny was coming home on leave tomorrow and I was so messed up in the head that I consumed a whole bottle of wine by myself. This was a bad idea on so many levels. One being I knew I was going to wake up with a massive headache and two…

Before I e
ven knew what was happening, Tim and I were locked in an embrace. It was not supposed to happen. It should not have happened… but it was so good. I had been fantasizing about this moment for so long and now that it was happening, it felt even better that I had ever imagined. His lips were so tender and warm.  His solid, muscular arms wrapped around me as if he was trying to save me from the world. We pulled back from our kiss. Thoughts of Danny ran through my head. What was I doing?

“We can’t,” I finally said.

              He nodded, looking broken. “I know.”

             
I just stared at him. He took me in his arms once more and just held me. I could not stand the closeness without wanting more, without wanting to touch him. My heart belonged to Danny but right now, my body belonged to Tim. The soft, gentle way he caressed me. Every movement of his mouth was perfect. We could not control our desires any longer. Danny would be so hurt, so angry if he knew.
But he will never know, will he?
the voice in my head commented. Tim’s hands wandered across my body and thoughts of Danny quickly vanished. All I could think of was the pleasure I was feeling. His hands, his mouth, and oh my God… his tongue. I moaned with pleasure, which only encouraged him more.

             
I had never felt such pleasure. I did not know if it was only because this was so wrong or because it was Tim. The man I had been craving, wanting, desiring for so long. Never had it been the right time, it still was not.

             
He slid his body upward and entered me. I moaned again. I wanted so much more of him. I softly stroked his chest, so gorgeous. I traced the outline of his Celtic tattoo. He was so sexy. Finally, after the longest, most pleasurable experience, we both climaxed. I could see the look of desire and satisfaction on his face. We laid there holding each other, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting reality to set in. We drifted off to sleep hoping morning would never come.

             
I shot up out of bed. “Oh, shit! What time is it?” The sunlight was burning my eyes.

             
Tim stirred. “Uh, I dunno, morning?”

             
“Genius! Where the hell is your clock?”

             
“Probably on the floor with the rest of the items that were on the dresser.” Memories of the night before flooded my cloudy brain. “Noooo, what did we do?” Tim was looking on the floor for the clock. The reality of what we had done was setting in.