Dear Dad,
Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you miss having mashed potatoes and gravy up there in heaven? The turkey
was pretty dry this year, so don’t feel too bad!
THINGS
I’M
GRATEFUL
FOR:
- Wendy Choy and I are still friends despite the fact that I’ve been going to Our Lady of Sorrows.
- Mom has stopped crying about her breakup with Brad and was actually in a good mood today. (However: I caught her backsliding and smoking a cigarette. She’s also stopped wearing mascara. SITUATION NEEDS MONITORING.)
- MYSTERY
SOLVED:
My psychic investigation skills are steadily improving!
- Nikki, Priscilla, and Danielle have not taken revenge on me by egging our house or stalking me on the city bus-YET. Mom doubts that they’ll go to jail, but you never know what could happen if charges are pressed. Detective Latmos said: “They could get a jail sentence, a fine, probation, or just a slap on the wrist. My guess is that they’ll be most concerned about whether the colleges will still accept them after this.” He’s probably right: I heard that Danielle has already been “wait-listed”
at Georgetown until the investigation is complete. Maybe she’ll write another essay to convince them that she’s learned something from this experience. (Fingers crossed that I’ll survive the rest of the year vendetta free!)
- “Kick the Freshmen” Day was officially forbidden by Mrs. McCracken. As you can imagine, the whole sophomore class is devastated.
- GOAL
ACHIEVED:
Mr. Panté’s name has been written on the blackboard since the first day of school, and last week, when he finally began to erase it, he noticed something very strange: the accent on the letter É in his name was actually formed from a piece of material. We all watched as he stared at that letter É for a very long time. Then he slowly peeled the rolled-up cloth from the blackboard and unfurled the biggest pair of POLKA DOT PANTIES anyone in the room had ever seen. Mr. Panté was so surprised, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “I admit it,” he said. “I have NOT seen this one before.”