Authors: Sonia Gensler
My head pounded.
I pressed my fingers against the back of my skull.
No blood.
I opened one eye. Lily crouched in the tub, clutching the doll to her chest and shivering. I was shivering, too, and I didn't have even a drop of water on me.
“Avery.” She wiped water out of her eyes and pointed at me. “I think you peed yourself.”
I opened my other eye to take in the stain that trailed darkly down my pant leg.
Lily grabbed the edge of the tub to push herself up. “I can hold my breath a long time. Julian said it would be perfect for the movie.”
All I could do was stare. She was cold and wet and very much alive.
“I never saw anyone so scared.” Lily seemed pleased with herself as she said it. But then her lower lip started to tremble. “Julian said you had to face your fear. That it would be good for you.” She turned to her brother, who'd finally put the camera down. “Right?”
He said nothing, his face still in shadow under the headlamp that shined right in my eyes.
I scrambled to my knees. “You
planned
this?”
He lowered his head, finally turning the light away from me.
“I asked you a question!”
“This was a key scene,” he said quietly. “I needed an authentic reaction from you.”
“I thought Lily was
dead
!”
He glanced at his sister. “She's a good actress. It had to seem real.”
I turned to Lily. “You've been acting this whole time, haven't you?
Pretending
about Margaret Anne.”
Lily swallowed hard.
I faced Julian again. “I know this was all your idea. You messed with that photo of the house, didn't you? You added that light in the window just to get me spooked. And then, when I told you something personal and private, you used it. You got your sister to pretend she was speaking to a ghost, and you added that image to the movie.”
“No, that's not itâ”
“You're such a jerk. You made the door slam shut and the light fixture sway.” My head pounded with anger now. “Iâ¦nearly hadâ¦a heart attack. I might have a concussion!”
Lily rubbed her eyes, sniffling and shivering. The doll's head lolled dangerously, ready to break off at any moment. Lily was a small, crying child who probably hadn't meant any harm, but my heart was dead cold at the moment. Nasty, angry words were stacking up behind my clenched lips.
I opened my mouth and set them free.
“Julian, you're nuts. You must be off your meds to do something like this.”
His chin dropped.
“You should be locked away like your mother.”
His fingers tightened around the camera strap. Then he took a step toward me.
I struggled to stand. “Don't you dare touch me!”
Just as the words came out of my mouth, the bulb on Julian's forehead shattered. He flew back, slamming against the opposite wall.
“Jules!” cried Lily, dropping the doll.
I scooped up my flashlight and pointed it at him. His body slid down the wall, camera clattering as it hit the tile floor. He lifted a finger to his cheek and it came away streaked with blood.
Lily shrieked.
I turned the light on her. “Shut up!”
A tear spilled out of her eye. “When you pointed the flashlightâ¦there was a shadow in the mirror. A man's shadow!”
That strange pressure filled my ears, making them ache, and I gritted my teeth to keep from screaming back at her. “That's it. Seriously, you can quit the whole act now, because I'm done with this.”
After one last glance at Julian, I stumbled out of the bathroom, leaving them to fend for themselves in the dark.
I didn't cry.
I didn't swear or fuss.
I didn't feel much at all.
All that mattered on the walk back to Grandma's was getting inside quietly, cleaning up, and going to bed. My brain couldn't handle much else.
I'd meant to get in through the carport door, which I'd left unlocked because it was the farthest from Grandma's bedroom, but some idiot had locked it. Probably Mom. She wasn't an idiot, but she
was
a restless busybody at night.
I walked around to the rear of the house to check the utility room door.
Locked.
I flinched as something soft tickled my leg. Weasley stood at my feet, his tail curling around my ankle.
“Oh, Weasley.” I knelt down to rub his arched back and scratch his chin. He rumbled his appreciation. “What do I do now?”
He stared at me for a moment, his eyes dark and glistening. Then he slipped through the cat flap in the utility room door.
“Lot of good that does me,” I muttered.
Only the breezeway door remained, so I returned to the front of the house. Opening the screen door as quietly as possible, I said a little prayer before twisting the knob on the inner door.
No luck.
I eased the screen door shut and swiped at a sting on my ankle. My bug spray was officially starting to wear off.
Options? None. Well, just one, but it would come at a price. I made my way around to the west side of the house and tapped on the music room window.
No answer.
I tapped louder.
Please, God, don't let Blake be plugged into his stupid music.
I'd clenched my fist to knock when the window opened.
“What the heck, Avery?” Blake's hair was smashed on one side and sticking up on the other. “Are you crazy?”
“I'm locked out. Let me in the carport door.”
He groaned. “I'm not walking past Grandma's bedroom and all the way across the house to let you in.”
I swatted at another mosquito. “Then let me through the breezeway door. But
please
be quiet.”
“What do I get for being quiet?”
“I don't care. Whatever you want, Blake. I'm tired.”
“I've heard a life of crime can be pretty exhausting.”
I'd reached the top step when I saw a beam of light through the glass. Blake was using the flashlight function on his phone. He unlocked the door without too much noise and even held the screen door open as I slipped through.
I gripped the knob, taking the door's weight as it softly clicked shut. Now all I had to do was make it through the living room without the floor creaking and I'd be home free.
Blake sniffed. “What's that smell?”
He flashed the light at me.
I couldn't help looking down. The stain was drying, but it still stood out clearly against the lighter fabric of my pants.
When I met his gaze again, he rolled his eyes in disgust.
Something inside me snapped, and the wave of tears dammed up in my skull chose that moment to break free. Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I gasped and hiccuped, which only brought more tears and hiccups.
“Jeez, Avery, what happened?”
“Ju-Julian tricked me. He and Lily sc-scared me on purpose.”
“What were you doing out at
night
? Oh, never mind, you'd better calm down or Mom's going to hear you.”
“I p-peed my pants.”
“Yeah, I see that.”
“They totally scammed me, Blake. A film geek and a little girl.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “No wonder you hate me. I'm such a loser.”
His shoulders sank. “Aw, I don't hate you. You really are crazy tonight.”
“I'm serious, Iâ”
The floor creaked in the living room, and both our heads snapped toward the doorway.
Mom stood in the light of Blake's phone lamp, her hair wild with sleep.
“What on earth are you two doing?”
“You're going to wake Grandma, and then we'll all be in trouble,” Mom whispered. “Blake, you need to go back to bed.”
“Fine with me,” he muttered.
“Avery, I'll speak with you in the sewing room.”
I crept through the living and dining rooms, dodging all the creaky spots in the floor. The shock of seeing Mom had dried my tears right up, and a strange calm had settled over me. Once we were inside Grandma's sewing room, Mom carefully closed the door behind us and turned on the lamp.
“All right, young lady. What's going on?”
“Nothing.”
“You do know I question people for a living, right?”
I shrugged.
“Okay, have it your way.” She gestured at my clothes. “You're fully dressed and you've been outside. Were you with that boy, Avery? Do I have to worry about that sort of stuff already with you?”
“What stuff?” My whole head felt hot. “Jeez, Mom. I don't like him that way.”
Her shoulders softened. “I'm still waiting for an explanation.”
“We were filming. Julian wanted to film at night.”
“Why at night?”
I looked down at my hands.
“Avery?”
“It's a ghost movie, Mom,” I said. “And Julian needed a scary sceneâ¦so he scared me.”
She leaned back. “What in the world gave you the idea to make a ghost movie? You hate scary stuff.”
“It wasn't
my
idea. Julian is obsessed with Joshua Hilliard and that old house. He decided on a ghost movie when he found out Joshua's daughter drowned in the 1937 flood.”
“Margaret Anne didn't drown.”
“What?”
She waved the question away. “Where were you filming, exactly?”
“Inside Hilliard House.”
Her eyes widened. “How did you get in?”
“Iâ¦borrowed Grandma's key.”
She stared at me for a long moment. “Avery, when did my baby girl become a thief?” Her voice was low and flat, which meant she was furious. “When did she decide it was okay to sneak around and
lie
?”
A minute ago all I wanted was for this lecture to be over. For me to change out of my smelly pants into pajamas and fall into bed. But now my blood was pounding again.
“Maybe I learned to lie from you.”
She flinched. “What? I've never lied to you.”
I crossed my arms. “I want to go to bed.”
“I don't think so. If you're going to say that to me, you need to explain yourself.”
We played the staring game. I dug in, ready to stare back until she caved and let me go to bed. But hardly a minute passed before my eyes started burning and my leg twitched, and I just couldn't keep from blinking.
“Well, Avery?”
“I found an old photo of you,” I finally said.
“And?”
“I was looking through Grandpa's albums for pictures of the people who lived at Hilliard House. I got to the album with you as a little girl, and as a teenager. You never told us much about that time, Mom.”
“There wasn't much to tell. You know I felt pretty lonely on this hill.”
“Well, you weren't as alone as I thought. That photo I foundâ¦Grandpa had folded it in half. But I saw part of a hand on the left side. Soâ¦I took it out of the album.”
Her face crumpled. “Oh, Avery.”
“How could you forget to tell me you were married? We could have had a real daddy, but you pushed this man away and never told us a thing about him. Or never told
me,
anyway.”
She stood silent for a long time, her face drooping. She'd always seemed young for her age. I mean, she was older than most moms I knew, but she still dressed young and took care of herself. In that moment, though, it was easy to see how she might look when she was Grandma's age.
Finally she moved Grandma's sewing chair toward me. “Sit.”
I did as told, watching her as she rolled the desk chair toward me and sat.
“I didn't tell you about Rick because I didn't want to confuse you. I didn't want you to think he might have been your dad. Blake figured it out after Grandma slipped up last summer. He wanted to tell you, but I told him you were still too young.”
“I wasn't. I'm
not.
”
“Fine. What do you want to know about him?”
I thought for a moment. “I guessâ¦I just want to know why you couldn't stay married to him.”
“All right. But it's better if I start from the beginning.” She cleared her throat. “I married Rick when I was nineteen. I'd always meant to go to college, but he was my high school sweetheart and he kind of swept me off my feet. And, honestly, I think Grandma and Grandpa were pleased, because it meant I would stay in Carver County instead of going far away.”
“Did he hurt you or something?”
She shook her head. “He was a nice enough guy. Butâ¦his world was so small. He was happy staying in the county, working a shift, and coming home to watch TV at night. He didn't want to go to college, and he didn't want me to go, either. I wanted to learn and travel. To take risks and grow. Rick just wanted a quiet, safe, simple life.” She ran both hands through her hair. “It was a mutual decision to end it.”
“And then you moved to Texas.”
“I went to UT and worked at the same time. I applied for every scholarship and grant I could find. Even if Mama and Daddy had the money for tuitionâwhich they didn'tâI wasn't about to ask them to pay for my leaving. I've told you all this before.”
“I know, but I want to hear it allâ
including
the stuff you've kept from me.”
She nodded. “After working for the university for a few years, I decided to go to law school. I worked harder than I've ever worked in my life. I've been working hard ever since.”
“But you must have met another man you liked along the way. Someone to make a family with.”
She smiled and used her Southern voice. “Why, Avery May, I never knew you were so conventional.”
I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it didn't sound good. “How am I conventional?”
“It just means going with what everyone else thinks is normal. Maybe you've been watching too much
Little House
with Grandma.” She took my hand. “I certainly didn't expect to be having this conversation at Grandma's.”
“I'm not a baby, Mom.” I took a deep breath. “Do you not like men anymore?”
She placed my hand on her palm and stroked my fingers. “It's not that simple. After Rick and I split up, I focused on
my
dreams. And I worked long hours for years. I was friendly with people at school and work, but I didn't have a whole lot of
friends.
Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I always knew I wanted kids, but I couldn't even think about it until I made partner at the firm. I never wanted to have to tell you or Blake that I couldn't pay for your college tuition.”
“I get it, Mom.”
“Good. Soâ¦by the time I made partner, I was in my mid-thirtiesâalready at that iffy age of getting pregnant, and there was no life partner in sight. I'd been too busy for friends, let alone boyfriends. But I wanted a family so badly, Avery. Well, I wanted
kids.
I wasn't so sure about another husband.”
“So you just bought what you needed from a donor.” I couldn't help cringing, even though I could tell it hurt her feelings.
She took both my hands. “I was running out of time, and I couldn't make the love of my life appear out of thin air. I'm sorry.”
I stared at our clasped hands.
“Avery, look at me. I know I didn't do this the traditional way, but we've had a good life, haven't we? We've had so much love.” She placed my hands back on my lap. “I didn't realize how much not having a father bothered you.”
“It's always bothered me,” I whispered. “Ever since I started school, anyway.”
“We're a different sort of family, and at your age that's hard. But, honey, even with
one
parent you get more love than a lot of kids get. Will you try to remember that?”
My eyes were welling up again. Part of me was still angry, but deep in my belly was a coil of shame that twisted wider and wider.
“I will,” I finally said.
“Good.” Mom shifted in her chair. “Now, your first task is to return that key to Grandma.”
“Are you going to tell her everything?”
She held my gaze for a long moment. “Honesty is important to meâyou know that. If she asks me a direct question about it, I'll have to tell her. But for now she's probably better off not knowing about your antics at Hilliard House. If you give me the key now, I'll put it back the first chance IÂ get.”
My chest sank. “Iâ¦um, don't have it. Julian does.”
“Well, you'd better get it, my girl. Grandma will be looking for that key soonâyou know we have a meeting with the Realtorâand there's no way I can protect you if she learns what you've done with it.” She stood. “Now go clean up and put those clothes in the hamper.
Quietly.
”