Gate Wide Open (23 page)

Front and Center
February 14
^th
, 2019, 1:33
P.M.

We were in the champagne room in Martin's West. I watched my parents as they were doing the last-dance thing in the middle of the reception hall. Everybody was watching them, and they were giggling, making the best of it, as if it was the first time. I could see my father whispering in her ear, and she was grinning from ear to ear.

Out of nowhere, there was a commotion at the front door, and I heard someone yell, “Ashley!”

Again, “Ashley! Where the fuck you at?”

It was Tony. Everybody looked at me, surprise in their eyes. I was mortified. How could she do this? She must have been following me the whole time.

“You thought you could just leave me, and that would be that?” she said as she walked up to my table. “I love you, girl.”

By this time, my mom and dad were standing there next to my table as well. I could smell the liquor on her breath, and she was glassy-eyed and wobbly.

“Ha-ha, Tony, stop playing.” I laughed, trying to play down the situation. I looked at my parents' faces and lowered my head in shame.

“I thought Tony was a guy,” my mom chimed in.

“I thought she was your mentor,” my father said.

Then they both looked at each other, probably wondering how they could have missed this.

“Um-hmm.” Tony nodded. “Your little princess likes to be licked by a bitch.”

By this time, everything had stopped. The music, the dancing, the drinking. Everything.

I looked at my grandmothers across the room, and their mouths were flung open in shock.

Alex, who was sitting next to me, eased out an “Oh shit! You're a lick-'em girl.” He chuckled.

I didn't find it funny. I felt the tears of shame flowing, and then the shaking and trembling came. I wanted to crawl underneath the table and disappear. My mind was spinning with excuses, but nothing could cover this one. My ass was caught red-handed, and I couldn't do anything about it.

I was threatening to run for the door, but my legs wouldn't cooperate with me. I was stuck. I had played the game and lost.

“Look, Tony, you gonna have to go, before I call the cops,” my father said, walking up to Tony. “I'm pretty sure you don't want to go to jail tonight, and if you leave now, we won't press charges against you. You do know it's a crime to have relations with a minor.”

Tony nodded. I could've sworn I saw a tear slide down her face, but I could care less. I had already come to the conclusion that sleeping with women was nothing but trouble.

She left without another word.

My parents looked at me, pain all over their faces, and just walked away. I knew this wasn't over, that I would be having a long talk with them ASAP.

The music was now back on, and everybody was back in party mode. After a few of my cousins got drunk, the focus was no longer on me.

I, on the other hand, sat in the back and made it my business to stay to myself.

The Black Family
February 18
^th
, 2019, 2:54
P.M
.

It was a few of days after the wedding ceremony. My entire family sat in the dining room around our large cherry oak buffet-style table. I looked around the table. Mona was at one end, I was at the other. To my left sat Alex and Ashley, and to the right sat Li'l Shawn and Diana, all with a look of wonder on their faces.

I was nervous. My palms were sweaty and I had no clue how I was going to say what I needed to say. I looked around at my family once again.
We made it!

I broke down and cried right then and there. The tears and snot ran freely as I thought about the past ten years of my life. Not just what James put me through, but for what I allowed.

I could no longer blame him for my demons. In a way, he helped bring me to terms with myself. I was a fool to think I was going to get away with my deceitfulness.

I cried for me, my mom, my father, my whole family. Mona came to console me, but I politely shooed her away. I needed to get this out. I hadn't cried in a long time.

After a few minutes, I got myself together and cleared my throat. I was ready.

“I want to start off by saying I'm sorry for all that I put this family through. I was supposed to be the man of this house and I wasn't acting as such. I am asking you all for forgiveness, while I learn to forgive myself.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, as my wife and children looked on attentively. I really didn't expect Li'l Shawn and Diana to understand, but I figured Alex and Ashley were old enough.

“I would like to confess to you all that I have been dealing with homosexuality for most of my life.”

Alex and Ashley's eyes were big as saucers, and they said nothing.

“Ashley, you would not have had to deal with this if I had dealt with this the right way. I'm sorry. I knew I wasn't her biological father, but she still would have had a better chance at being as normal as possible if I would have dealt with my demons head-on. Her biological father did have the same issue, so she was predisposed to being sexually imbalanced.

“As the head of this household, I am declaring that from now on we share our feelings and problems as a family, like we should have been doing a long time ago.”

Everybody nodded in agreement.

“Well, that was the easy part.” I sighed and looked at Mona, who was in tears. “What I am about to tell you, Alex, Ashley, and Diana, will never change the way I have felt about you. From the moment I laid eyes on each one of you, I knew I was a blessed man. You are my crowning achievements and I love you all very much. I—I—I am not—”

Mona cut in, “What your father is trying to say is, Mommy messed up a long time ago.” Her tears had stopped flowing, and she spoke with confidence. “Alex, Ashley, Diana”—She looked them in their eyes one at a time as she called out their names individually—“the man at the head of the table is not your biological father.”

I looked at them all as she spoke. Their expressions didn't change one bit. I was sure they were going to get up and run out in a fit, but they stayed put. They were handling this much better than I thought.

“Ashley and Diana, you met your father at the restaurant we were eating at a couple of weeks ago. Do you remember the guy that came up to the table and hugged me?”

They nodded their heads yes.

“Well, he is your biological father.”

“Alex, do you remember the guy at the funeral?”

He nodded.

“Well, that was your biological father.”

“Look, you guys, what your mother did was a mistake, but I have forgiven her, and so should you.” I looked at her, to reassure her.

Mona spoke again. “So, do you understand what I said?”

They all nodded. “Yeah, we understand.”

Alex said, “But I don't care who our
biological
father is. All I know is that Dad”—He looked at me—“played sports with me, gave me baths, and helped me with my homework. He
is
my father, as far as I am concerned.”

Ashley cosigned with a big smile. “He sure is.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” Diana got up and came over to me and gave me a big hug.

I was overwhelmed with emotion. “Okay, I'm not finished. There is something else I want to say.” I looked at Li'l Shawn. “This little guy is your brother.”

“Uh, Dad,” Alex said, “we kinda figured that out already.”

“Oh, really? How?”

Ashley laughed. “Well, he looks just like you.”

She pointed across the room to a picture of me on the fireplace. I was about the same age as he was now. “Oh!” I let out a small chuckle.

Everyone else chuckled too.

It felt so much better to have all of this out in the open.

“Oh, one more thing,” Mona said softly. “I have something for Alex, Ashley, and Diana.” She pulled a large manila envelope from her lap. “Jerry Parks, your father, left each of you a letter. I want you to read this when you are alone, okay.”

“Okay,” they all chimed.

She handed them the letters, except for Diana. I figured, since she was only ten, Mona was going to sit down and read the letter with her.

“Okay, I think that's it.” I clasped my hands in front of me. “Let's pray before we get up.”

We bowed our heads as I gave a short prayer praising God for getting our family straight and on the right path.

“Everyone is dismissed, except for Li'l Shawn.”

Each of them came and gave me a firm hug and left.

“Li'l Shawn…” I paused. I didn't know how to tell him that his mother was dead. How was he going to take it? “I'm sorry to tell you this, but your mom is in heaven. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir, I understand.” He looked a little hurt. “Daddy, I'm not worried about Mommy, because I know that she is with Jesus.”

I was shocked at his calmness and assurance.

“Mommy said when people die, they go to see God and they live forever. She said when we die and go to heaven, we take care of the people we loved here on earth until we go to heaven too. I know Mommy is looking down at me right now and smiling 'cuz I'm safe with my Daddy now.”

Wow!
Sherry was actually a great mother. She had her faults, but she sure did put her all into this son of ours. “Okay, we're finished now. You can run along and play.”

Li'l Shawn hopped up like a jackrabbit and ran out of the room.

We made it! Thank you, Jesus!
I looked up to heaven and truly thanked God for cleaning up our mess.

I knew I had a long way to go with healing, but I was going after all the help and support I could find. I wasn't looking back anymore. I was going back to counseling and seeking sessions from my pastor as well.

I got up and walked across the room to the mantle, where an obituary of my father was. I grabbed my coat off the back of the chair I was sitting in. “I'll be back in a few,” I said to no one in particular as I left out the front door and headed to my car.

 

I pulled up at Woodlawn Cemetery and turned in. I had gotten a map of the location of my father's grave from my mother before I made my way here. She wanted to come, but I insisted that I do it alone. I needed this to be between just me and him. We had some things to resolve.

It was cold outside, and my black full-length pea coat almost wasn't cutting it. I bundled up and pressed on with my mission.

“Carl S. Black,” I read aloud as I found his headstone. Shawn was his middle name.
Another thing I got from him
, I thought to myself.

I looked at his grave that still hadn't completely sunk into the ground yet. It was still fresh. As were the memories of my painful childhood.

“Well, Dad, here I am.” I waited for a response that I knew would never come.

“It's me, Shawn, your only son. I'm here to ask you why, Why did you do those things to me? Why couldn't you just be a regular dad like all my friends had?

“You had to go and fuck up my life—No, no, no,” I yelled out loud, squeezing my head. “I can't keep blaming you for this. I can't keep holding on to this pain.

“You let me down, Dad. I let you down, Dad. We weren't there for each other. I was supposed to be there for you when you died. You were supposed to be here for your grandkids. Why didn't you just let us help you?” I sobbed aloud like a lion roaring at night.

“I loved you, Dad, no matter what. I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you!” I fell to my knees, a broken man. “You were supposed to love me.” I was now leaning on his headstone, weak and distraught. “Daddy! Daddy! Answer me! I forgive you Daddy! I forgive you! Please, Daddy! Please! I love you, Daddy! I love you!

I lay on the ground of his grave for what seemed like hours.

I eventually got up and made my way to my car and drove home with relief and hope. God had lifted the weight of my past off me. I felt like I could finally be the man of the house and know that the generational curses that plagued my family stopped at me. I was a free man.

 

To be continued…

1. Is it possible to fall in love over a short period of time? Say one month?
   
2. Is it possible to know everything about your mate?
   
3. How long does it take to truly forgive someone?
   
4. Did any of the characters exhibit growth?
   
5. What character(s) stood out the most?
   
6. Did James have any good characteristics?
   
7. Which minor character would you like to have a story of their own?
   
8. Was there anything in the book that really shocked you?
   
9. Did this book end the way you wanted it to?
   
10. What did you like most about this book?
    

M.T. Pope was born and raised in Baltimore, Md. He is an avid reader and manages a bookstore. He is also an aspiring singer/songwriter. He is a Christian and attends church services on a regular basis. He enjoys spending time with family and friends. He loves to travel and meet new people. He can be reached at [email protected],

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