Authors: Rose Alexander
Garden of Stars (42 page)
“The tiradors always leave a little of the bark on the tree, something in reserve. And then, after each harvesting, each stripping back to its essence, the bark grows stronger, better, more resilient than before. Always remember that, Sarah. Because this is how it will be for you. Be patient and be still. Be like the mighty cork oak and draw on your inner reserves to regenerate yourself and your life. Leave behind âwhat if' and âif only'. Don't poison the present with regret for the past. Remember that the future is yours to shape.
“I love you. Goodbye now. Adeus.”
A long time after the recording had finished and the machines had ceased to whirr, Sarah felt Billy gently tap her on the shoulder.
“Here, Sarah. For you.” He handed her the shiny, brand new memory stick. “Inês.”
She took it from him and closed her hand around it, so tightly that she could feel it bruising her palms, as if she were squeezing out the essence of Inês, trying to take inside herself Inês's strength and love. Inês had tried to help. She had understood. How could she ever have doubted that?
Sarah got up to go and Billy gestured to the back door, the tall, padlocked gate that led straight out into the mews behind. She looked around her doubtfully, then down at the plastic bag on the floor by the stool that contained the precious things she had come for. She was too weary to explain to Billy about its contents and decided to say nothing. She was sure he wouldn't mind. There was no need to go back into the house.
Now she must take Inês's words of love and wisdom and make them her mantra. If Inês could do it, with everything she had been through, then so could Sarah. She would imbue herself with Inês's forgiveness as she had previously sought inspiration from her courage and resilience. She loved Hugo and she loved her children and together, the four of them, they would start again and far from destroying them, everything that had happened, her affair, would be behind them and would make them stronger because more aware and more understanding of the care that relationships need if they are to thrive. She would no longer live in the past but in the present and the future.
She turned to Billy to say goodbye. “I'll see you when we get back from our holiday,” she said as he unlocked the gate and stood by it, silent and solemn, watching her leave.
The heels of the boots that had made such a racket in the empty house now slipped awkwardly into the gaps between the cobbles that paved the mews. Sarah turned onto the main road and made as if to cross it, just as a pick-up truck came hurtling around the corner at breakneck speed, causing her to step back in fright. The trailer was full of estate agents' signs that rattled up and down as it made its way along the street. Arriving at the corner by the junction, Sarah resisted the temptation to look back one last time at Inês's house. Billy's house.
Where now an Askew & Walter's âFor Sale' board leant at a slight angle against the iron railings.
The hotel in the Seychelles was out of this world. Sarah had never been anywhere like it. The immaculate terraces, infinity pool and manicured gardens where sunbirds hovered in the still heat were like a fairytale. The girls were delighted with the kids' club, spending long days swimming, shouting and singing in the fresh air, growing longer hair, nails and limbs by the day.
Sarah lay on a lounger and watched the silent waiters move gracefully amongst the guests, always unobtrusive but seeming to instinctively know exactly when she wanted a snack or a young coconut to drink. Hugo had thought of everything; booked massages and boat trips but left plenty of time for her to read a novel or do nothing at all. Sarah recalled how, on past holidays, he had hated her to read and sulked every time he saw her go near her book. Those times were well and truly gone; he had even brought a book or two for himself.
One day, the two of them walked along the beach, amazed to be so free, relieved temporarily of children, emails, deadlines, worry. They sat on a rock under a palm tree bent by the wind, like a couple in a movie, the bleached sand underfoot and the blue ocean stretching to the horizon before them. The waves washed in and out, and then one swelled deeper and further than all the others, depositing in its wake a shoal of translucent jellyfish, which it left stranded and melting under the sun.
“Sarah, I just want to say again how much I love you.” Hugo gripped her hands and held them tight. “I know I said it in the hospital â but maybe I need to say it again, to make up for all the times I should have said it in the past and didn't. You know that you and the girls are everything to me, you're my life.”
Sarah thought about all that had gone on over the last six months; the lies she had told, how she had betrayed Hugo, and by extension the children, and even Inês. Inês had known all along, and she had said nothing. Never for one moment had she sat in judgement or told her what to do. Instead, she had given Sarah the tools to heal herself.
She looked at her husband and said, “Thank you, Hugo.” She watched the white horses ripple and shine as wave after wave rolled to the shoreline, then turned her head away from the plight of the beached jellyfish. “I confess I lost my way a bit. I forgot what was important, and what I needed to focus on. I think we both did. But it's over, it's all in the past. Us and the girls, our family â we're the future now.”
“Yes.” Hugo looked as if he was about to cry. “And I'd give all three of you the world if I could.”
Sarah jumped off the rock, landing with a thud on the powdery sand. She held her arms out wide and spun around, so that the sleeves of her kaftan filled with wind like the sails of the pirogues far out at sea.
“They'd probably both settle for a new bicycle for Christmas!” she laughed, gesturing for Hugo, the man she now knew for certain she loved, for better for worse, who was also laughing, to join her. “As for me â well, I've got everything I want.”
They turned to walk back up the beach to the hotel, hand in hand.
Behind them a wave surged in, gathering up the dead and dying jellyfish and carrying them back into the blue depths, leaving only fresh, sparkling sand behind.
Carina UK
An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers
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London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by Carina UK in 2016
Copyright © Kate Ashley 2016
Kate Ashley asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental
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Ebook Edition © July 2016
ISBN: 978-0-00-820687-1