Chapter 5
“H
ey,” Roger said as he stepped out of his room, “there you are. I haven't seen much of you lately.” He frowned. “I'm beginning to think you're avoiding me.”
“Oh, I've been around,” I replied guiltily. “I haven't been avoiding you.” It wasn't completely a lieâI just hadn't been looking for him when I came to the house. I hadn't even given him much thought, honestly, since Big Brother Night.
After seeing Chad getting fucked, I'd gotten sick again. Roger had been greatâhe led me back to the bathroom and washed my face, got me some more bottled water, apologizing over and over for pressuring me to get high. I finally told him to stop, and we'd gone back to his room. I curled up on the floor with a pillow and a blanket and pretended to fall asleep. He left the room shortly after, and I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. Alone, I allowed myself to cry from the bitter disappointment the night had turned into.
Just get over it,
I finally said to myself, wiping my face on the blanket.
You need to just accept the fact that Chad doesn't want you and is never going to want you.
And finally I'd fallen asleep on the hard floor.
When I woke up, it was morning. Roger was in his bed, snoring. I folded the blanket and stood up. I felt like crap. My head hurt and my teeth were all fuzzy. I got a piece of paper out of his desk drawer and wrote him a brief note, thanking him for taking care of me. All I wanted to do was go home and go back to sleep in my own bed. I walked out of his room, closing the door as silently as I could, and walked into the bathroom. I washed my face and used a paper towel to wipe off my teeth. It didn't help much. With a sigh, I pushed my way out through the saloon doors just as a door opened down the hall. For a split second, I debated running down the hall and out through the parking lot door, but my pledge training kicked in. I had to greet the brother, whoever it was, and shake his hand. As I started to turn around I heard Chad say, “Jordy? Is that you?”
I wished I had the ability to teleport. He was the last person I wanted to seeâand of all times to run into him! I knew I looked like hellâbut on the other hand what difference did it make? He didn't care about me. I was just glad Jacob wasn't with him. I was still in Roger's sweats, and my hair was undoubtedly sticking out in all directions. “Good morning, Brother Chad. How's your day going?” I stuck out my right hand. I forced a completely neutral expression on my face.
Chad walked toward me with a big grin on his face. You'd never know he'd had a late night. Every hair was perfectly in place, he looked rested and refreshed, and he was already dressed in khaki shorts, a pale blue pullover, and penny loafers. “My day is going pretty well so far, thank you for asking,” he said as he gave my hand a strong shake. “But you look like you've had a rough night.”
You don't know the half of it.
“I was about to head home.” I tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. “I slept on the floor in Roger's room. And my head really hurts.”
“Your first hangover,” he replied with a smile that made my knees feel weak. “I was about to go see if anyone wanted to go grab breakfast.” He let go of my hand. “What do you say, pledge? Want to go have breakfast with a brother?”
There was nothing I would rather do, but I had fur on my teeth. “I'd really like to, but I need to showerâ”
“No problem,” Chad replied. “Do you have your car here?”
I nodded.
“You can drive. We can swing by your place first and you can get cleaned up.” He shrugged. “I don't mind waiting.” He turned me around toward the door. “And I think it's high time we got to know each other better, don't you?” I didn't say anything as we walked through the parking lot to my car. The sun was incredibly bright, and I narrowed my eyes to try to cut down on the glare. Another wave of nausea rolled through my body as I fumbled for my keys and unlocked the car.
Chad whistled. “This is a really nice car.”
“Thanks,” I replied, sliding behind the wheel and starting it up. I turned the air conditioning up to high, and the cold air felt great against my hot skin.
“You're Roger's little brother, right?” he asked as he buckled his seat belt. “You know we were pledge brothers, right?”
“Yes, last fall,” I replied as I put the car into gear and backed out of my spot. “And you're Jacob's big brother?”
“Yes.” He frowned a bit as I pulled out onto Shaw Avenue and headed for my apartment. “What do you think of Jacob?”
“He's really nice,” I replied, trying to keep my mind on what I was doing. He was sprawled in the seat next to me, his legs spread wide. His left hand was resting on the armrest between the two seats, and my arm kept brushing against his as I drove. I was getting aroused, despite how rotten I felt, and stupid thoughts kept rushing through my mind.
He's coming to your apartment, you're going to shower, maybe he's going to make a move on you, maybe when you're in the shower he'll join you in there, pressing his hard muscular body up against yours under the spray of hot water, and he's going to apologize for taking Jacob instead of you, maybe he took Jacob becauseâoh, stop it, Jordy, you're living in a fantasy world. He doesn't want you and he is never going to want you. He just didn't want to have breakfast by himself and you just happened to be there.
“He seems to be,” Chad went on. “Not particularly smartâjust an observation, not being mean or anything, but he seems like he needs a lot of guidance.” He touched my arm. “I'm sure you're wondering why I took Jacob for my little brother instead of you.”
“Oh, no need to explain, Chad,” I said hurriedly. “I'm fine with Roger. Really. He's a great guy.”
“Oh, he is that,” Chad replied. He turned and looked out his window. “You see, Jacobâhow do I say this? Jacob needs guidance. He's not as smart as you are. I'm sure you've noticed he stumbles over his lessons a lot. When Eric told me both you and Jacob had chosen me, well, my first instinct was to take you.” He started drumming his fingers on the armrest. “But then Eric said Jacob had picked me, tooâand Roger was your
second
choice.”
I shrugged. “Okay.”
“I hope you weren't hurt.” He patted my arm again. I took a deep breath and willed my hard-on to go away. “But Eric reminded me how introverted Roger is, and this might be the only chance he ever got to have a little brotherâand that Jacob needed a big brother like me, to help him out.” He gave a little shrug. “So, what choice did I have? I couldn't deprive Roger, could I?”
Relief flooded through my addled brain, and it was all I could do not to shout with joy.
See?
I said to that nasty little voice in my head.
There WAS a good explanation for him not taking me. I am not a loser. He did want me. Eric talked him out of it!
Believe that if you need to,
the voice sneered back,
if that's what you need to feel better about yourself.
“It's okay, really,” I said as I pulled into the long drive to my apartment complex. “You don't owe me any explanations, Chad. I'm glad it worked out the way it did. Roger's a really great guy.”
“This is a nice place.” Chad whistled as I swiped my entry card at the gate and it swung open.
“I like it here,” I replied, driving through the gate and turning to the right. “It's going to be weird moving into the house after living by myself for a year.”
“Living in the house can be a bit of a challenge.” Chad laughed. “There are some definite drawbacksâthe lack of privacy is one”âI felt myself flush, wondering if he'd seen me and Roger watching him and Jacobâ“but the advantages far outweigh the negatives, you know?”
“I'm sure,” I said as I pulled into my designated parking place. We got out and headed upstairs. I kind of hoped we'd run into Blair or JeffâI hadn't seen much of them since Rush Weekâbut there was no sign of them as I unlocked my apartment door and we walked inside.
Chad whistled again. “Damn, this is gorgeous.”
“Help yourself to anything in the fridge and make yourself at home.” I tossed my keys on the kitchen counter. “I'll get cleaned up as quick as I can.”
“Do you have coffee?” He gave me a sad smile. “I really could use some.”
“Of course I have coffee.” I smiled at him. I quickly started a pot. “That should be ready in about a minute. I'll hurry.”
“Take your time.” He plopped down on the couch and picked up the remote from the coffee table.
My heart was pounding as I went into my bedroom and undressed. I'd completely forgotten how tired I was, how much I'd wanted to come home and go back to bed. It might just be a friendly breakfast, but it might also be our first date. I stared at myself in the mirror and groaned.
If this is a first date I've already blown it,
I thought. My eyes were bloodshot, there was crud in the corners of my mouth, and my hair looked like I'd been electrocuted. I started the shower while I brushed my teeth. Then I climbed into the shower and stood under the hot spray, moaning a little as the water washed the sleep and beer off my skin. I started lathering up my body. As I soaped my crotch, an image came to my head of Chad sitting on my couch stark naked. Or of me, walking out of the bathroom with the towel around my waist and finding him lying on my bed, naked. My dick started getting hard, and I kept lathering it. I closed my eyes, and the image of Chad bent over his bed flashed through my mind, only it wasn't Jacob fucking him from behind, it was me, and it wasn't Chad's bed, but it was mine, it was me fucking Chad, driving my cock deep inside of him time after time, and Chad was moaning and pushing back against me, trying to get me as deep inside as he could, and he was saying,
fuck me fuck me fuck me . . .
And I came, drops of white shooting out of my cock and mingling with the hot shower water.
He's out there waiting for you and you're in here jacking your cock while you think about fucking him. Classy.
I turned the water off and grabbed a towel, cursing myself as I dried off. I hung the towel on the rack and walked into the bedroom, half expecting to see him naked on the bedâ
He wasn't there.
I threw on a pair of underwear, grabbed a pair of jean shorts, and slid a CSUP tank top on over my head. I walked back down the hall and grabbed a Coke out of the refrigerator, taking a long swallow. I looked into the living room through the bar window.
Chad was sitting on my couch, paging through an issue of
GQ
Blair had loaned me. “This coffee is really good.” He smiled at me, putting the magazine down. “I somehow didn't have you pegged as a
GQ
reader, though.”
I nodded. “Blair loaned it to me. He thinks I need to learn how to dress better.” I could have bitten my tongue off as soon as the words came out.
Nice move, why don't you make yourself out to be an even bigger dork than he already thinks you are?
He looked me up and down. “Well, no offense, Jordy, but you could really use some help.” He reached out and ruffled my hair. “What happened to that really cute hairstyle you had during Rush?”
He was touching my hair!
“Oh.” I bit my lip as he pulled his hand back. “Blair helped me with it, but I couldn't figure out how to do it myself, so I stopped trying.”
He shook his head, still smiling. “Do you have any product?”
I nodded.
“Then come on, I'll show you,” he said, pulling me back down the hall to my bedroom. He pulled my desk chair into the bathroom, plopped me down in it, and showed me how to style my hair. The entire time I was so conscious of how close his body was to me it was all I could do to remember to breathe. I could sense his body heat, and every once in a while he brushed against me.
Was that deliberate? No, someone like him likes guys like Jacob, remember? Not guys like you. Forget about it. He's just being nice.
“There,” he said, stepping back when he was finished. “Now, doesn't that look better? And you saw how easy it was to do. You can do it yourself from now on.”
“Yeah.” It did look better, a lot better. When Blair had tried to show me, it hadn't made sense to me. But the way Chad explained it, it made sense. It
was
easy. I
could
do it myself. “Yeah, I can. Thanks, Chad.”
“Not a problem.” He smiled at me. “Now, do you have any other shorts besides those?”
“Shorts?” I looked at myself in the mirror. “What's wrong with these?”
“Darling, they aren't
flattering.
” He shook his head. “Don't you want to look your best?”
“Well, yes.”
“Then you need to
burn
those shorts.” He turned me around. “Now look at your butt in the mirror.”
I looked over my shoulder. “Yes?” I wasn't sure what I was supposed to see. My butt looked like it always did.