Authors: Luca Rossi
She's offended, and starts to pout. What the hell do I care if she's pouting? Why doesn't she kill herself and leave me alone?
“Okay, maybe Ally exaggerated a little, but I'm not that experienced. I mean, I'm a beginner. I don't like having to wait all this time between meetings either. Can we call a truce?” Her tone and words are a mixture between a toddler and a crazy friend. Her words
between meetings
set off an alarm inside of me.
“Do you want another drink?” she asks me.
“Ally, please, leave me alone. I have to spend six years in this place and I'm counting the days that separate me from the end of this punishment, since the appeal isn't looking good. Please let me go on with my miserable existence. I won't give you any problems, I'll be a model prisoner. I won't tell anyone about what happened. Please, I have a family, children...”
My words make her think. Maybe something inside of her is moving.
“Germil, listen, that beverage isn't an offer.
Do you want
to drink something?” She has the sympathetic tone of someone who's doing you a big favor.
The robot brings our glasses to the coffee table in front of the sofa and stops a few feet away from us.
“Go ahead. I'm sure we won't have problems with Germil.” She lifts her glass. “Cheers, dear.”
I drink.
I suddenly feel comfortable with Ally. Now the room, furniture and decoration seem pleasant and welcoming.
Something tells me this is all an illusion, but I don't pay attention to it. If it is, it's incredibly nice. I forgot about the cell and my other life. I feel good, relaxed.
Ally goes to her desk and comes back with a pack of cigarettes. She lights one.
Wow! I want to smoke one too!
I observe her lips, closed around the filter. She breathes in deeply. She holds the smoke inside. She exhales. I don't know how to resist the temptation.
She knows I'm looking at her. “Do you smoke? Do you want one?”
Do I smoke?
I don't remember ever doing it.
I look at her, a little surprised. She smiles, satisfied. “You don't remember if you smoke?”
“I don't know.”
“Don't worry, Germil. These drinks not only make you a tiny bit more inclined to accept my requests, but they also blur your past a bit. This way you feel better, right?”
Oh yes, that's true
. I feel really good.
“Listen,” she continues. “You need to earn the cigarette, okay?”
Sure, no problem!
“So now I'd like to have you lie down right here, in front of me.”
I lie down in front of her, my face under her shoes, which are bright blue with stiletto heels. I remember her shoes were black last time. She brings the tip of one heel down into my mouth. I start to lick it, avidly. She's obviously pleased. She puts the heel between my lips and I let it go far down into my mouth. Then she gets up, takes a step towards the table, puts out her cigarette, turns around and puts the heel again between my lips, balancing on her other leg. She starts to push it down harder, towards my throat. It hurts. I want to vomit, and I can't breathe. I give her a begging look, hoping she'll help me. She stares at me and pushes down harder. I feel that I can't hold on any longer. Finally she takes her foot off of my throat.
“You're so handsome when you suffer for me.”
She kneels down next to me. I feel her hands in my hair.
“This is what you want, right?”
I think so, but I'm not sure.
“Yes, Ally.”
“I want to hear you say it to me.”
I don't know what exactly to tell her.
“Tell me!” she repeats, insistently.
I have to respond.
“I want to serve you. I want to be under you. I want to learn how to fulfill your desires. I want to be whipped and stepped on and beaten up. I want to be an object in your hands. I want to feel you pour out all of your violence over me. I want to hit the limits of everything I can bear and go beyond them.”
I can't control the words that are streaming out of my mouth. Ally is in ecstasy. “Good, Germil, you'll be mine. You'll be my little toy, forever.”
She kisses me, biting my lips. I taste blood mixed with saliva. She unbuttons my uniform. Her nails dig into the skin of my back. She continues kissing me, biting me, scratching me.
“Take it all off!”
As I take off the uniform, she gets out of her business suit. She lies on the floor, on her back. She invites me to get on top of her. When I penetrate her, I close my eyes and moan with pleasure. We start to make love passionately. Her hands are still on my back. She can't hold back any longer and scratches me manically.
“Lift up your head. Keep it up.”
She screams with joy with the first slap. She seems full of an ecstatic pleasure and continues slapping me, harder and harder. Her rhythm is frenetic. She's going out of her mind with pleasure. Her forehead is beaded with sweat from the effort. My blood starts to drip onto her neck and face. She brings her other hand up to her lips. The rhythm of the slaps becomes frenetic. She reaches orgasm, screaming savagely. I come with her.
She gently pushes me off of her body. She nods towards the little table. She picks up her cigarettes and lights one, still relaxed. I'm sitting, my back hurts and so does my face. “You deserved it.” She offers me a cigarette, which I light. I like smoking. It's a strange feeling, it's relaxing.
I feel like something is wrong.
9
“Bro, what's the name of the plant where you used to work?”
“I don't know, Narios, I don't remember.”
“How could you not remember?! You worked there your whole life!”
I don't even remember the name of my daughter's school, or most of my coworkers. I have a vague idea of where I used to take the family to eat every Saturday evening. The memories are blurred, far away, vague.
“Narios, I don't know what to do.”
“Germil, you need to stop drinking that stuff.”
The Director usually calls for me every three or four days.
“I can't! Once I refused and she made the robots force it down my throat.”
“That whore doesn't even have a heart! Try talking to her again. You said that she likes you, in a way.”
“No, I said that she said she adored her toy and can't live without it. She doesn't give a damn about me. She wants her sex slave, her horse to ride, the one that brings her pleasure.”
“Germil, you need to be careful. If you lose your memory, you lose everything.”
As we speak, the robots come towards the bars to get me and take me to her. When I return, Narios is pale.
“Germil, the hearing...”
“What?” What is he talking about?
“
The robots came by to take you to the hearing for your appeal!”
No, it can't be!
I'm still under the aftereffects of the blue drink, but I feel the cell floor collapse.
There's no way the Director didn't know about the hearing. Did she call for me on purpose? I can see the fake, incredulous look she'll give me when I ask her.
My cellmate and I remain silent.
“The attorney was there!” Narios exclaims, triumphant. “Your family must have agreed to pay for your legal assistance. They must have taken care of everything. Even if you weren't present, I'm sure it went well.”
I lower my eyes. I feel lost.
“Germil, don't give up now. It'll be over soon, I can feel it. I know it will. Just have faith, a few more days and this time it'll be over for good.”
I don't know what I'd do without him.
However, as I suspected, Narios wasn't quite right. In fact, a few days later the robot announces:
“Germil Isiek, you've been sentenced to eighteen earth years and six earth months to be served in the Varcoria prison on Plezis III. Do you wish to make an appeal in the Court of Cassation? Any legal expenses will be paid by your family, subject to their approval.”
The same words as last time, but my mind can't process the number of years of the sentence.
“How many years?” I ask the robot.
“Eighteen earth years and six earth months. Would you like to hear the number in days, hours, minutes or the conversion into years of another planet?”
“No, no, thanks. I think I understood. Yes, I want to appeal.”
I turn towards Narios. He's sitting on the stool, with his head in his hands, crying.
I get up and hug him. I want to reassure him: “Come on, we'll find a solution.”
“No, there is no solution. Sorry, Germil. You just got the worst news of your life and you shouldn't be over here trying to console me.” He's crying desperately. “This is impossible! What the hell kind of system is this? They're murdering you!”
“Narios, I'm alive. There are other options. The Court of Cassation is another kind of court, with other judges. I'm sure my wife will do everything she can to get me out of here.”
“Sorry, Germil. I'm by your side, I have been since the beginning. Forgive me, you shouldn't have to deal with my whimpering.”
“Narios, you've been here for twenty years and you're a really good person. If I learn how to be as great a person as you've become in eighteen years, then these won't be years spent in vain.”
Nobody has ever bothered to try and erase Narios' memory.
10
“No, it's okay, I don't need any drinks, I'm here to do what you want and I always will.”
Ally looks at me, proud.
“Germil, do you really mean it?”
“Ally, my place is at your side, under your feet, under your whip, between your thighs. My only desire is to not have any other desires aside from yours. When I'm in my cell, I only think of when I'll be with you again. I want to be an object in your hands. You can use me and throw me away as you please. I want to feel your will replace my own. I'm yours. I belong to you.”
“Germil, I adore you. Do you know how happy you made me today? Good, I'm glad that you don't want to drink that stuff any more. It does strange things to your long-term memory. It's better this way.”
Her black knee-high boots look great. She's a beautiful woman.
This time we only fuck, without any torture. She lies down on the little table. Her head and hair hang over the edge. I take her vigorously. The heels of her boots push into my thighs. Afterwards, we smoke together.
“I don't know what I'd do without you, Germil. Nobody has ever made me feel so much pleasure.”
I'm curious to know if she used to fuck other prisoners before me, but I'd rather not ask.
“And I'm very happy to hear your decision. You know, you'd never have gotten out of here anyway. At least now I know that you're staying here out of your own free will.”
I kiss her, passionately.
What the fuck are you saying, you ugly bitch?
What does that mean, that I'd never have gotten out of here anyway?
I smile at her, as if I'm in love. “Being with you is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't imagine life any other way.”
“I did help move things along a little...” She smiles, like a bratty little kid. “Well, unfortunately, considering the serious errors you made and your terrible behavior in prison, the second-level Judge decided to triple your sentence. And it seems to me that, after looking at what you've been up to lately, the Court of Cassation will give you a life sentence.”
I open my eyes wide and give her a passionate kiss. “You're diabolical!” I whisper.
“It's getting late. I think you need to go back to your cell. Um...you're doing just a little too
well
today. Tomorrow I'll have you picked up a little earlier so I can have more time to take care of you.”
“Did you get the anal dilator you ordered?” I ask her. “I can't wait!”
“You little pig, I told you you'll have to wait until next week. You can't find these things everywhere. And there are always other methods, as you know full well!”
She kisses me tenderly and the two robots materialize to take me outside.
I'll never get out of here! I'm in the hands of an insane person and a legal system created and run by her peers.
I had a wife – this I remember – and two beautiful children who I loved to death. She was named Sofia, I think. I can't remember their names, exactly. I think I was an engineer. I worked somewhere that had something to do with energy. I had good friends, but I don't remember any of them now. Narios and I are really close. He's the closest human being to me and I love him like a brother. Maybe if he doesn't see me come back, he'll think I was released. Nobody knows what's going on down in the chasm. He'll always wonder if I'm happy, at home with my family, celebrating a promotion or my kids' good grades from school.
This is what I think about as I cross the short corridor that leads to the platform. I jump up and feel the hands of the robots grab my arms. We fly down. When it seems like we're more or less in the middle of the giant hole, I rip their arms off of me and let myself fall into the void.
I'll never see my family again, I'll never get my life back. But now at least that shitty psychopath won't have me either.
As I fall into the void, everything seems to slow down. I see the cells, thousands of cells carved into the rock. I can still make out, in the shadows, the outlines of the faces of prisoners, zoo animals that pace back and forth in an existence that's no longer worth anything. Most of them will never get out of here and those that do leave will always have this place in their hearts. It's life in prison for everyone. The human soul is destroyed here. All that's left is a black hole in your mind that will suck away your energy for the rest of your existence.
I feel that, just a few hundred feet below, the walls will end, and so will my life.
Suddenly I feel the will to live. I don't care how or where. I just want to live. The thoughts vanish. Everything accelerates. My heart races and seems to jump out of my chest. I see, out of the corner of my eye, two robots flying towards me.
Do they want to save me?
Then everything goes dark. I'm dead.
11
“Germil, darling. Germil... Gegi, are you awake?”