Gaia's Secret (40 page)

Dad’s relief was immediate. “Well, since you
asked, he’s the one that inherited all of
my
qualities, so
you should be thankful for him, really.” He grinned. “By the time
you were born, there was nothing left of me to give you.”

I smiled back. “No, really. I want to
know.”

“I’m being perfectly serious. So, as long as
you don’t constantly prove how much smarter you are, you two will
get along just fine. You see, I’ve had a lifetime of learning how
to handle being humbled by a woman. He’s only had twenty years and
been around women a fraction of those. It takes a man a good deal
longer than that.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Does
Stefan…know about me?”

“Yes,
very
well. You might not have
anything new to tell him.” He was grinning. “Stefan has quite the
spy. Alex?”

I followed Dad’s gaze to Alex, whose eyes
dropped.

Alex’s voice sounded a pitch lower—if it was
possible. “Stefan—your brother—has been my closest friend since I
can remember. He’s highly inquisitive, especially when it comes to
you. Everything I know, he knows—mostly because he wouldn’t leave
me alone until I told him.” He paused, looking back into my eyes.
“He’ll love you.”

O
ur dinner that
evening was probably the most cheerful in all my life. Dad laughed
with Cicero and Sonya about memories that were finally safe to
discuss in front of me. It was strange, listening to him talk about
this world and all its magic. But it also felt right, somehow.

My mind had been prepared for all of this. If
I looked back at the events of my life, there were little pieces
along the way—fragments—that struck me as peculiar at the time.
Now, they all found their way back to my mind, completing the full
picture and identity of the man that was my loving father. He was
still exhausted, but his spirit was light and happy, more so than
I’d seen it in years.

Cicero and Sonya, with some interjections by
Tran, described our very eventful journey to Amadis. News of the
barghest attack disturbed my dad. He told us that Lord Commodus
hadn’t heard anything of the Pykans but would alert his territory.
Dad had raced to meet us at Amadis and arrived right after my
abrupt departure. From there, an omniscient Tran had suspected my
actions, bringing the Vox to the rescue, and somehow, with his
infinite wisdom and Cicero’s magical compass, they had traced the
movement of the amulet until they found me. The rest, well, I was
present for and humiliated by, so I was just fine moving past
it.

Even though I’d made a terrible mistake in
leaving, something good had come out of it all. We had defeated the
threat to the outlying villages, at least for now.

Fleck seemed to warm up some, sitting at the
fire next to Alex. Alex had taken complete responsibility for
Fleck’s comfort, showing him his knives and teaching him how to
whittle sticks. Fleck was fascinated—as every young boy would
be—and his worries disappeared. Grool even joined them, glaring at
the pair perfecting their craft. To him, the battle wasn’t over. He
sat sharpening his twisted piece of metal, scowling every so often
over his shoulder and stabbing at the night.

A few times I met Alex’s gaze, and when I
did, I was humbled by the depth and warmth in them. My friend. I
may not have been fair to Cicero and Sonya, but I’d treated him the
worst. There was still one thing I needed to make right—if he would
let me. Later, when everyone went to sleep, I would talk to
him…alone.

“Hey, lady!” Fleck jumped to his feet and ran
over to me. “Look what I made!” He held out a stick that had the
bark chipped off in a spiral.

“It’s great, Fleck. What are you going to use
it for?”

Fleck plopped down beside me. “I was thinking
you could have it.”

Looks like I’d be answering that question.
“Thank you.”

Fleck sat beside me, calm as could be. “Told
you that you were a Lady.” He grinned.

I smiled back. “And I will keep my promise.
We will find out your real name. ‘Fleck’ will never do for someone
as brave as you.”

He liked that. His grin widened, showing all
of his tiny spaced teeth. His face turned thoughtful then as he
glanced past me.

“You love him, lady?”

Startled, I followed Fleck’s gaze to Alex,
who sat intent on another project in his hands. “Well, he’s my
friend…”

Fleck looked doubtful. “The way you look at
him is different.”

“We’re really good friends. We’ve known each
other since we were little—younger than you even.”

“You love him,” he said with finality.

“No, it’s not like that...”

“Lady.” Fleck sighed with that same
seriousness of an adult that made me want to laugh. “For being so
smart you really are thick sometimes.”

My lips parted as he laughed and bounded from
my side, back to his new favorite—Alex. He leaned close to Alex’s
ear and whispered something. Alex’s eyes found mine and there was a
smile in them. My cheeks burned as I turned away from the pair of
conspirators.

This wasn’t good. If how I felt about Alex
was obvious to Fleck after only one day, I was kidding myself if I
didn’t think Alex noticed. I had to get better at hiding it. I
couldn’t let him see how he made me feel. If he knew, it might ruin
everything, and our friendship was unstable enough as it was.

Everyone fell asleep early from the day’s
trials. Even Grool was sleeping on the ground snoring, still
wearing his enormous helmet. Tran slept sitting upright against a
tree, and Fleck had fallen asleep beside Alex with a knife in one
hand and a stick in the other.

It is time.

I stood and walked towards Alex. His eyes met
mine and my heart sped. I didn’t know if I could do it, especially
after what Fleck had said. What if he saw right through me? What if
he saw how confused I was about him?

You have to. He deserves your apology more
than anyone.

I took a deep breath and sat beside him.
“You’re nice to him.” I nodded towards Fleck. “Thanks.”

“Don’t act so surprised.” He smiled as he
turned to look at Fleck. “He’s been through a lot.”

“I wonder how long they’ve kept him.”

“Hard to say, but it’s dangerous for him,
having powers he doesn’t know how to control. Daria…I know you want
him to come with us, but it can’t be for long. He has to get to the
Keep.” He grabbed my hand and I struggled not to focus on the feel
of his skin. “I promise you he’ll be safe there.”

My heart ached. He always cared about my
feelings. He was always a friend I never deserved. “Alex, I…”

The green in his eyes was filled with such
tenderness and…love.

He’s just looking at you like that because
you’re his friend. You don’t remember because it’s been so
long.

Uncomfortable, I glanced down, aware of how
close we were. Aware of myself next to him and my hand in his. I
liked the feel of his skin on mine.

He squeezed my hand gently and my heart
sputtered in my chest. I forced myself to focus on my apology.

“The way I’ve acted to you.” I looked back
into his eyes, trying not to be distracted by the warmth in them.
“I’m so embarrassed. I was so quick to…to judge you and you…you’ve
done nothing but risk your entire life for me.” My throat
constricted, choking my words. “You had no choice….all for my
protection. You could’ve lived here all along, but because…”

He grabbed my other hand; both now clutched
tightly in his as he gazed earnestly into my eyes. “And I would do
it all over again.”

He wiped something wet from my cheek. I
hadn’t even realized I was crying.

“I am so sorry,” I whispered.

He pulled me close, wrapping his strong arms
around me, my face buried in his chest. I could smell the earth on
his shirt, mixed with that smell that was just…him. In that moment
I felt peace, greater peace than I’d felt in years. Being here with
him, with all barriers stripped away. Now we were both vulnerable
in our honesty and it felt freeing. My friend had come back to me
days ago, but the relationship returned that moment. My stronghold
wrapped around me, my anchor fixed to the ground. I’d missed him
more than I even realized.

He held me there, letting my emotions dampen
his shirt, saying everything he needed to say in loving silence.
Which, of course, only made me feel worse. But this time, there was
no denying that being in his arms feltdifferent. Different than
when we were kids. Different than when he would hug me goodbye or
try to comfort me because I had hurt myself. This time, there was
something else—something I knew I wanted to hold on to forever, and
it also scared the life out of me.

As if reading my mind, Alex leaned back just
enough so that he could look into my eyes. “Walk with me.” He stood
to his feet and held out his hand. I slipped mine into his, the
warmth of his touch flowing through my arm. Together we walked,
hand in hand, through the trees. We didn’t speak as we stepped
through the shadows, sounds of the night chirping and singing in
the distance. Points of light floated in the air like fireflies,
only these were much larger. They twinkled in a cloud, like glitter
in the shadows, swaying and drifting with the light breeze.

When we emerged from the tree cover,
thousands of bright white stars littered the sky. Their reflection
mirrored undisturbed across the lake’s surface. The entire
landscape was veiled in an ethereal white glow, the mountains’ rock
spires close to puncturing the sky that illuminated them. Trees
basked in the starlight and though the flowers were muted, some
caught the light, sparkling and glittering white like stars hanging
from the trees. The lake was magical at night—more so than during
the day. If I’d seen this lake, knowing nothing of magic, I would
have known without a doubt that magic existed.

“It’s beautiful.” My words felt cheap as I
spoke them.

Alex smiled. My heart sped as he turned and
led me along the water, my hand still in his. He paused beside a
large boulder, helping me sit beside him. Minutes passed and we sat
in silence, our sides pressed together.

Everything had changed. We’d grown up to be
adults, or at least he could claim that victory. Mine was to be
determined. We had left a child’s playground and entered the
world’s arena where we fought for our lives—where peril and trials
would prove our characters for what they were. I was afraid to
analyze mine. I’d seen Alex kill men. I’d killed men. My stomach
turned, remembering. One, two, three, four—the fourth didn’t count.
I had left him unconscious. Still, with my hands, I had ended
someone’s life. That power seemed too great to be entrusted to a
human. Who was I to take the precious gift of life from
another?

“What’s bothering you?” Alex asked.

I could feel him studying me, but I didn’t
turn to look at him. I picked up a smooth pebble and sent it
bounding across the lake’s surface. Tiny ripples spread from each
point of contact. “Do you ever…get over the deaths?”

Alex rested his elbows on his knees.

“The first time, I was sent on an assignment
to kill. A part of me died that day. I was deluded in my
self-righteous sense of justice, but when it happened—I still
remember that moment like it just happened—I sacrificed a part of
myself I knew I could never have back.” He paused, taking a deep
breath. “I remember all of them…each and every face.

“I know you’re sick with it and I wish I
could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t. But—” he turned to
look at me and I met his gaze “—you have to remind yourself why.
You have seen what the enemy is capable of. If he goes unchecked,
many innocent lives—hundreds and thousands of them—may be lost. The
barghests, for instance…power like that unleashed on the land. Can
you imagine what would happen? And the gargons, think how many
lives they’ve destroyed. That is how I justify my actions,
remembering all the lives I’m saving by the ones I’m destroying.
Those men—the ones that have done so much evil—they already made
their choices. They’ve chosen a path that doesn’t allow for mercy
or tolerance of any other way of life aside from their own. With
every choice, there are consequences.”

I understood what he was saying, but it was
still difficult for me to digest. It was necessary, even though it
sounded contradictory. Kill to protect life. But I didn’t like the
idea of him putting his life at risk. “Why does it have to be you?”
I asked.

“It’s who I am. I wouldn’t say I’m as
legalistic about servitude and propriety as my dad, but I can’t sit
back and watch injustices. Not when I know I can help.”

“Maybe…you can find someone else to protect.
Someone that doesn’t put you in as much danger.”

“Daria.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind
my ear. “When it comes to protecting you, I never have a second
thought. Your life is so precious to me that I don’t trust anyone
else with it. If any of them harmed you—touched you—I can’t explain
it but giving them a quick death would’ve been a difficult favor to
grant. It surprises me—scares me a little. I’ve never…felt that way
before.”

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore how
close he was. “You’re saying I make you want to…torture
people?”

He grinned and looked down at his hands.
“When you put it that way…” When he glanced back at me, something
in his eyes held me still. “Is that disgusting to you?”

“How can it be when I’m just as guilty? And I
can’t think of any other alternative, considering we wanted to
escape alive. It’s just taking some time for me to deal with the
reality of it. You know I’ve fought almost my entire life, but I
wasn’t wagering life and death then.”

He gazed out at the lake. “Actually, it’s
pretty amazing how fast you’ve learned to use a dagger. You’re
almost as good as I am.” One corner of his lips pulled up into a
grin.