FUSE (11 page)

She throws her head back in laughter. "I didn't know what to do so I did nothing."

"Way to have my back, Zoe." I tap myself on the shoulder as I wince. "Literally. Way to have my back."

"You're very funny." Her amusement is evident on her face. "It was pretty entertaining. I was tempted to record it with my phone and post it online. It would have gotten a lot of hits."

"You'd sell me out like that?"

"People would love to see Brighton Beck getting tackled by one of his fans."

"No one wants to see that." I adjust myself on the couch. "I hope I never see that again."

"I'd pay to see that again." She pushes her hand against my thigh. "I wish you could have seen the expression on your face."

"Actually I'd pay to see it again too."

"You would?" She leans forward. "Why?"

"I'd pay anything to see that smile on your face."

"Beck." Her hand moves back to my thigh. "Thank you for being my friend."

I drop my hand to hers. The electric spark that I feel race through my body is unmistakable. If I stay sitting here this close to her, touching her and smelling the sweet fragrance of her skin, I'm going to get hard.

"I've never had a friend like you," she continues as her breath runs over my cheek. "I've needed a friend."

It's not what I want anymore but it's what she needs and I can't deny her a thing. "I've never had a friend like you either, Zoe. I don't think I ever will again."

Z
oe

"When is the last time you got laid?"

I just walked through the door of my apartment. I haven't even had a chance to hang my coat up yet and Bridget decides that now is the perfect time to talk about my non-existent sex life. It's apropos I guess. The fact of the matter is that when I was sitting in Beck's studio talking to him about friendship, he had an erection. I had to actually force myself to look at his face even though I'd caught a fleeting glance of his hard cock through the fabric of his pants when I looked down at his lap.

I don't look up because I'm certain that she's with someone in the living room. If I sneak quietly down the hallway I can be in my bedroom before any of her clothing hits the floor.

"Zoe?" she calls to me. "Did you hear me? I wanted to know when you got laid."

"Why would you ask me that?" I don't want to sound like a prude. I'm not one but I'm also not the type of woman who feels the need to share any personal details with a roommate she barely knows.

"I'm doing a survey." She nods towards a magazine she has in front of her. "It's about personality types. I already did mine and now I'm doing yours."

"Why?" I'm full of questions mainly because I have no idea how to respond to any of this.

"I was talking to my mom today." She pulls her legs up to her chest. "We have a great relationship. I mean I tell her everything and so I told her about the guys I've been dating and she told me to slow it down."

I have to physically pull my lips together to avoid smiling. If Bridget's mom is anything like her, she has to be a spitfire too. I admire Bridget's sense of adventure. I wish I had more of it. "Your mom is just looking out for you, Bridge."

She pulls on a loose thread on her sweatpants. "Have you slept with anyone since you got to New York?"

"Is that part of the survey?" I ask with a small grin as I sit down next to her.

"No," She closes the magazine. "I'm just curious now. You never bring guys home but you're out a lot. Is there someone?  Are you hooking up with a guy?"

I want us to be friends. I'd love to have a close female friend to confide in. I miss that. The ones I left behind in Philadelphia don't know what to say to me because of Justin. "I met a guy."

"What's he like?" She rests both her hands on my leg. "Did you meet him at the pub?"

I nod slowly. "He's great. He's very successful and a little bit older than me."

"I like older."

"He's nice. He's honest. He's really funny."

"Why don't you bring him here?"

I look around the apartment. It's not luxurious but it's comfortable. "I don't know. We mostly hang out where he works."

"You what?" She grabs hold of my arm. "You do it at his work?"

"No." I shake my head violently from side-to-side. "We don't. I mean he just wants to be my friend."

"Wait." Her hand jumps to the air between us. "You're telling me that you're spending all your free time with some dude who just wants to be your friend?"

It sounds pathetic. Why does it sound pathetic when she says it? I like being with Beck. Our friendship is safe and comforting to me, especially now that he knows about Justin.

"There are millions of men in this city, Zoe." She dips her chin towards the window overlooking the street. "Millions of them."

"I'm not looking for that." I pull my arm free. "I have a lot going on. I don't need to be hooking up with a guy."

She studies my face carefully. "Are you hung up on him?"

"Who?" I ask even though it's blatantly obvious who she is referring to.

"Your friend." She pulls air quotes around the words. "You want him, don't you?"

Nothing will change if I confess it to her. She has no idea who I'm talking about. "I do, yes."

"You can't keep being his friend, Zoe." She scoops the magazine back into her lap. "It never works. If you want him you have to tell him or you need to end the friendship."

"I don't have to," I try to say with a chuckle. "I like having him for a friend."

"You do right now." She settles more comfortably into the couch as she opens the magazine again. "Trust me, Zoe. The minute he meets a woman he wants to fuck, you'll suddenly mean nothing to him. I know. I've been there."

B
eck

"You've been spending a lot of time at your studio," Jax says when I open the door of my apartment. "Clive even said he stopped by to see you."

"He did." I motion towards the kitchen. "I have something I want you to look over for me."

"What?" He stops mid-step. "You didn't try and cook something, did you?"

Jax knows that I'm a better cook than he is. Virtually everything in our lives has been a competition. I'm not sure if we'll ever change but then again, I'm not sure we need to.

"I'm designing a studio. I had some plans drawn up."

"What?" He grabs hold of one of my shoulders. "You're shitting me."

"Come." I point at the kitchen table. "Take a look and tell me what you think."

I stand in silence as he pours over the plans an architect prepared for me. I have mock ups of the completed space once it's completely decorated. It's simple, elegant and will afford me all the room I need to not only paint, and teach, but also to show the work my students complete.

"Brighton," he says my name so quietly I'm unsure that I even heard it. "This is fucking amazing. Seriously? What the fuck is this?"

I laugh at his reaction. I may never admit it to him, but Jax's approval means the world to me. I need him to see the vision the same way that I do. He's not creative in an artistic sense, but he understands aesthetics. He almost single-handedly designed his wives jewelry store and design studio. It's sophisticated and conveys her brand to a tee.

"You like it?" I pat him on the back.

"I fucking love it." He glances over his shoulder at me. "This is better than I what I imagined it would be."

"I want it to be a space that students can come to and feel comfortable enough to create." I point towards a row of windows I'm having installed along the west wall. "I'll set up everything for them in this room. The natural sunlight will be perfect."

"You're going to teach." I hear the pride in his voice even if I can't see his expression. "You're going to teach people to paint."

"People, kids, whoever wants to learn." I know I sound excited. I can't contain it. This has been my dream since I bought the space.

"I can't remember the last time I saw you like this." He finally turns around. "I'm not sure I've ever seen you this excited about your work."

I know he hasn't because I've never had the drive to undertake all of this before. "I need this. I want Zoe to be proud of me."

The moment I say her name I realize. It fell into my words so effortlessly. It's like it belongs there. It does. She does.

"Zoe?" He cocks a brow.

"She's a friend," I say honestly. "We met a few weeks ago. She's an amazing person, Jax."

"A friend?" I hear the unmistakable skepticism in his words. "You're telling me that a woman who is just a friend has inspired all of this?"

"That's part of it," I start to explain before I realize I can't. "Zoe is different than anyone I've ever known. I like being around her. I like how she sees me. I want to be that guy that she thinks I am."

"You sound exactly like me when I met Ivy." He points at the papers strewn on the table. "If Zoe is behind all of this, why are you two just friends? Is she involved with someone else?"

Someone else? I've never, even for a second, considered the possibility.

"She's getting over something." I'm not going to reveal any of Zoe's pain to my brother. It's not my place to do that. "I don't think she's ready to date yet."

"Who said anything about dating?"

I shrug awkwardly. I don't want to think about Zoe fucking another guy. "She doesn't strike me as the type to just do a guy without there being more between them."

"How well do you know her?" He gestures towards me with a nod of his chin. "You fucked anything you could get your hands on after Liz dumped you. What makes you think she's not doing that to get over whatever happened to her?"

I don't want that doubt lingering in my mind. "You don't know her, Jax. You don't know how sweet she is."

"Don't start feeling things in here," he stops to tap me on the chest. "Don't fall for her, Brighton, until you're absolutely sure there's no one else."

"There's no one else, Jax," I say it as much to convince myself as him.

"You better be sure. You better be damn sure before you let this girl get any closer to you. Look what happened with Liz. She'll never get over Mark even though he's dead."

He's just being protective. He knows what I went through. As much as I want to argue the point he's making, I can't. He's right. Until I know what's going on with Zoe, I can't let myself want her even more than I already do.

Z
oe

"I'm dropping off my application for law school today." I hold the envelope in my hands. "I'm really nervous."

"I'm sure it will be fine." He arches his neck to the side to read what I wrote on the non-descript yellow envelope. "It's just an application. The nerves will really kick in once you start classes."

I have no doubt that he's right. "I have more than a year to prepare for that. I can handle it, Beck."

"I know you can." He crosses his hands on his lap. "Is that why you texted telling me you wanted to see me today?"

It's not. I just happen to have the application with me because after I spoke to Bridget last night, I realized that I need to expand my horizons more. I've been hesitant to apply to law school because it's such a permanent step. If I'm accepted, this is going to be my home for the foreseeable future so I need to grow my roots. I need to make new friends. I want to try to live my life again.

"Was there something you wanted to talk about, Zoe?"

"When I was at the extended care center last week, I saw the paintings you dropped off." I smile when I think about how excited Ramona was to show me the work that Beck had done for them. "I wanted to talk about that."

"What about it?"

He's different. I've never seen him grumpy and this is bordering on that. He's being standoffish.

I first noticed it when he responded to my text with a curt message telling me to meet him at this coffee shop in mid-town and not at his studio. When I went to hug him when I first arrived, he'd dodged my advance by looking at his smartphone. It was subtle but I know that there's a meaning there.

"Remember that I told you that I help out at a non-profit that helps homeless women?" I don't want to go into the details of all the good work they're doing there but this has been hounding me for weeks and I want to get the question off my chest now.

"I remember that."

I look down at the envelope in my hand. This may not be the best day to ask this but I'm out on a limb now so I may as well take the plunge. "I was hoping that you could donate something to them as well."

His face is stoic. His brow rises as he takes a drink of the coffee he ordered before I arrived. It's not cocoa. He didn't get me one either.

"I understand... I know that it's a lot to ask of you," I fumble to find the right words. "I know your artwork is very valuable. I was just hoping that you could help them too."

"I'll help." He runs his index finger over the rim of the cup. "If you text me the name and address of the organization, I'll have Albert write them a check."

I didn't ask for that. I wanted him to give them a piece of his beautiful artwork so they could auction it off. It would not only bring funds into their coffers, but it would draw interest to their plight. I had plans to help them organize a fundraiser with his art as the focal point of it. "That's really kind."

"It's the right thing to do." He taps his foot nervously against the floor. "Was there anything else, Zoe?"

I've feel as though I've offended him. I've done something that is making him retreat. The last time I saw him before today was when we were in his studio together. He'd shown his work to Scarlett and we'd joked afterwards as we sat close together on the couch. I'd wanted to kiss him then. I still do. The only difference today is that I'm certain he wouldn't kiss me back.

"I can come over and make you dinner this week." I don't even know why I say it. I'm clinging. I didn't want to become this person.

"Dinner?" He brings the coffee to his lips and takes a heavy swallow.

"You told me that I could cook you dinner at your place one night."

"Right." He nods his head slowly. "I'll have to take a rain check."