Full of Grace (8 page)

“Me too.  You want me to rub your feet?  I’ve been told I’m excellent.”

“Oh yeah?  By who, Man Whore?” she mumbles into her hands. 

Oh screw this.  I reach down and grab her ankle, the tips of her hair brushing my arm.  It feels better than I remember.  Cool and heavy.  I instantly picture it spilling over my chest, but I gently pull her legs up, so her feet land in my lap.  She doesn’t resist much.

“Every chick in my family,” I tell her.  She giggles.  It’s like ribbons of oil sliding down a waterfall.  The sound is almost holy.  I can’t figure out why it bothered me so much before.  I pull off her shoes and let them drop on the floor.  Before she can tell me not to, I’m doing my magic, pushing my thumbs into the tender pads of her feet with precise pressure.  Gentle enough that she doesn’t pull away, firm enough that she doesn’t laugh.  But she still giggles.  I’m not sure that can ever be stopped and I think I’m being conditioned like a dog.  She giggles, I relax.

“You’ve got sisters?” she asks.

“Sure do.  Five.”

“You’re the oldest?”

I shake my head.  “Nope.  The youngest.”

“Really?  I wouldn’t have guessed that, by how bossy you are,” she giggles.  I massage her heel and a tiny, tired moan breaks from her lips.

“Told you I was good.”

“You are,” she agrees and in a couple seconds, her eyes drift shut.  The second her lashes hit her cheek, she pops her lids back open and tries to sit up, to stay awake, but I elevate her foot a little to keep her down.

“You can go to sleep, if you want.  It’s fine,” I soothe her with my most gentle tone, but I can see how scenarios might be popping through her head, of all the things I might do to her while she’s sleeping. I would bet the worst one she can think of is how I could steal her pants again, because she shoves her fists into her pockets.  I ignore it and keep rubbing—slow and steady pressure, methodical patterns.

She’s out in less than ten minutes.

Her pants are off in less than twenty.  And since she sleeps like a brick, most of what she’s brought from home is stowed in the locked trunk of my car in less than thirty.  When I come back inside and close the door, she hasn’t even stirred from where I left her on the couch.

I drag a blanket from my bed and tuck it around her, before I grab a pad of paper, a pen, and my laptop.

When I slow down and think about what’s happening here, how I’m trying to convince this stranger to have our baby, my palms start to sweat. I get past the idea of
I’m going to have a kid
and turn down the dark path of
I’ve got to be involved with this snoring girl and if she has the baby, we will be tied together the rest of our lives. 
What the hell am I thinking?  We don’t know each other.  She’s gorgeous, but what if she’s actually a monster?  What if she stinks at being a mother?  What if the kid has problems? What if she moves away with it?  What if she finds her pants? 

I decide that I can’t go to sleep until this baby is born.

I send my boss an email, saying I need the next week off.  I never take time off, so I’m grateful when he pings me right back with permission to do it.  But I don’t know how I’m going to be able to keep an eye on Sher after that.  When a bead of sweat gathers on my forehead, I stop thinking.

Sher begins to snore a little.  I listen to the whizzle of her nasal passages for a while, before I pick up the pen. 

I uncap the pen and balance the pad of paper on my knee.  I’m not sure how to do this, but my mother did it for all of my sisters and me, and it seems like the only thing I can do right now.

Dear Baby,

Your mom and I met at our best friends’ wedding.  Yesterday, I found out your mom was pregnant with you.  I want you to know how happy I am…

CHAPTER NINE

I FALL ASLEEP IN THE CHAIR and Sher wakes me early, by pummeling me with her shoe.

“What…did…you…do…with…my…pants…”  Every word is a slap on my arms or legs, until I grab the shoe and toss it toward the door.  She stands there, stunned, in the same electric blue panties that I admired last night.  Her hair’s matted up in a fuzzy knot on the side of her head.

“Where are my pants?” Her eyes condense down to slits.  It gives me another amusing glimpse of her harmless little version of her mother.

“I gave them away,” I tell her with a shrug.  “They looked uncomfortable.”

“Give them back, Landon!”  She stomps one foot.

“Uh…nope.”

“What do you mean,
nope?
  I’m calling…somebody.”  She rifles her gym bag, but her phone, just like her pants, is missing, and mine is tucked away too.  She finally gives up the hunt and drops back onto my couch, clutching her disbelieving face with one hand, while peering at me through her fingers.

“Why do you keep stealing my pants?” she asks.

“
If
I stole your pants, it might have been because you mentioned last night that it might’ve made a difference if we’d gotten to know each other,”  I say.  “I didn’t want you to run off before we had a chance to do it.”

“It might’ve made the difference before,” she says.  “Not now.”

“Why not now?  Now seems as good a time as any.  You’re still pregnant.  You should know how awesome I am, before you make any decisions.  I’m a catch.”

She groans.  “You don’t get it.”

“Okay.  Help me to get it, then.”

Another groan, accompanied by an eye-roll.  “This isn’t like speed-dating.  Having a kid is our whole lives.  Why are you so bent on this?  You don’t know me either.”

“I don’t, but I think things happen for a reason.  And I think everybody deserves a chance.”

She busts out in tears.  It’s not just a few cute, little trickling tears either.  No, she goes right for the big guns, bawling until her nose runs.  I grab her a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom.

“Thanks.” She sniffles and forces out a limp giggle after she blows her nose.

“Sure.”

“Landon, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“I’m listening.” I scoot to the edge of the chair.  She works over her nostrils with a gob of TP.  Her slow giggle dissolves as soon as I hear it.

“Um,” she says, glancing up at me with a shaky smile.  Then the smile crumbles and she dives back into the TP again.  I wait.  Her face finally reappears, and she catches the corner of her lip in her teeth.  She’s really a beautiful girl.  It would be easy to stare at her all day, even though her face is swollen and snotty from crying.  “Uh, I just wanted to tell you that you seem like a really nice guy.”

“Thanks.”  She’s still staring at me, her lips still stuck in her teeth.  “Anything else?”

She re-wads her fist full of toilet paper, glancing at her feet.  “That’s it.  You’re just…really nice. What if you end up not wanting this?”

“It’s my kid.  It’s not an option.”

Her tone is hollow as she says, “See?  Nice.”

My phone, on vibrate, rattles against the forks in the kitchen silverware drawer.  “Now that you know I’m nice…”

My phone rumbles again and Sher fidgets with her wad of TP. “Aren’t you going to get that?”

“Not important.  I’m talking to you right now.”

“You should get it,” she insists.  I get up and get the phone on the fourth ring.  The second I hit
talk,
Hale explodes on the other end.

“Where’s my friend?” she demands.

“Slow down, Killer, she’s right here,” I say.  I crank up the volume before I hand my phone over to Sher.  “It’s Hale.”

I can hear Hale’s voice like she’s on a bullhorn, even when Sher holds the phone tight to her ear.

“What’s going on?  I’ve been worried about you!”

“I’m fine,” Sher’s eyes flick to me.  “My mom kicked me out, so I’m at Landon’s place for now.”

“She kicked you out?”

“Totally.”  Sher giggles.

“I didn’t think she’d really do it.”

“Oh, but she did.” Sher stands up and walks away then, without looking at me.  She goes into my bedroom.  With my phone.  But I can still hear most of her end of the conversation, at least.  “She told Landon I’m
his
responsibility.  Like I can’t do anything on my own. 
She’s
the one who always wanted a man around, and look how her life turned out…” 

With Sher in my room and Hale’s responses lost, I try to glue the rest of the conversation together from the bits I can hear.  It’s frustrating every time Sher’s voice dips too low for me to make out the words.  But I get the giggles.  The giggling is as constant as breathing air for this girl, until about five minutes into the conversation.

The door to my room wafts shut and I know it’s not a mistake.  I go into the bathroom and press my ear to the wall.  The reception isn’t perfect, but it’s better than nothing.

“He came and got me.  Like,
carried me
out of my mom’s because I wasn’t going to go with him…Frickin’ Trent was there too…uh huh…he had his stupid gun out and my mom had to shoot him again…no, I didn’t say anything…yeah, I know…I know…I wanted to go this morning, but he keeps stealing my pants…No, I’m totally not fooling.  He took them off me while I was sleeping, so I couldn’t leave... I don’t know if I can do it, Haley Berry…”

They would probably keep talking, except that Sher’s voice is suddenly closer to the wall than I expect.  I jump back and fall against the bathroom counter, upsetting my deodorant and soap and all the other junk I have lined up on it.  Sher’s giggle penetrates the wall between us.

“I gotta go, Hals Bells…I’m fine, but I think Landon wants his phone back.  I’ll call you when he gives me my pants back, okay?”

***

I emerge from the bathroom at the same time that Sher comes out of my room.  She gives me a sly smile, holding out my phone.

“I’ll let you listen in next time, if you give me back my pants.”

I laugh, flashing a look at her legs. 

“No thanks,” I tell her.  “Keep the phone.  It’s not really an even trade.”

“Give me my pants, Landon.”

“Why?  What are you going to do with them?”

“I don’t know…take a walk, get the mail…”

“Run down to the clinic,” I add.  Her jaw clenches.  She whips the phone at my head.  When I dodge it, she throws herself at me, like a tiny, slapping tornado.

“This isn’t
just
your choice either, Landon!” she yelps.  I take her hands and hold them together in my fist.

“I didn’t say it was,” I tell her as she tries to yank away from me.

“That’s exactly what you keep saying!”

“So what should I do, Sher?  I know it’s your body, but it’s my baby too!  What would it take for me to change your mind?  Name it.”  I pull her closer, until my chin hovers over her forehead.  She tips her head back, eyes burning, and I get another glimpse of her mother.  This time, I can see the hard fire flame up and I know that Sher’s going to be one powerful woman when she’s older.  That’s for sure.

“I want a house, a nice one,” she flares.  “And a car.  I told you before, I want to be with my baby during the day, so I can take college classes at night.  You would have to babysit, whenever I need it, while I go through college.”

“You got it.  How about some unicorns?”  I snort.  “Want a few of them too?”

“You asked what I wanted and that’s most of it,”  she says, looking away.  “I want a chance.”

I release her hands, softly to her sides.  I stare down at the top of her head, breathing in the mix of shampoo and perfume and whatever else she puts on herself.  She smells like a naked summer night with the windows open, all sexy and warm and exposed.

“You said
most
of it.  What else do you want?”

“Nothing.  You can’t get it for me.  I can’t even get it for me.”

“Well, what is it?  I can’t try to help if I don’t know…”

“I wanted to do things, Landon! I wanted to do things before I got tied down with a kid!”  Her hands shake as she throws them in the air.  I chuckle and Sher’s exasperation freezes on her face.

“Like what?” I ask.

“I…I don’t know.  I wanted to have a life.  I haven’t gotten to do anything yet.  All I’ve ever done is homework and watch my brothers and sister at the apartment.  I’ve never even gone out on a real date!  The closest I’ve ever come was being with you at Hale’s wedding and look what happened!”

“So, you’ve got a bucket list,” I say. 

“I’ve got a frickin’
well,
buddy!”

“What else do you want to do?”

“I don’t even know enough to know!”  She tosses her hands in the air again.  “I want to ride horses and learn how to pole dance!  I want to get a tattoo and screw a stranger on the beach!  I don’t know, Landon!  I just want to
live
! I haven’t done a damn thing yet!”

Horses, pole dancing, tattoos, stranger sex on the beach.  I try to keep my lip from hanging open.

“Okay,” I rub my hands together slowly. “I really didn’t see three of those things coming.”

She roots her hand on her waist and I think,
damn
.  I can almost see her, holed up in a crappy apartment years from now, shooting idiotic boys from her balcony, and I get a good look at why this whole mess scares her so much.

It doesn’t surprise me when she asks, “So, what
do
you see coming?”

But now I don’t know what to tell her.  I haven’t really been thinking of the
us,
so much as of the
it
.  I’ve been so focused on giving this kid a chance, I’ve haven’t given a lot of thought to what kind of chances it gives us or what chances we’ll have to give up.  Until now, my goal has solely been on paying the piper.  I haven’t thought about how I am going to work the rest of my life, with a kid and Sher in it. The wide screen picture of maintaining this whole crazy coaster of our merging lives is so overwhelming, I go back to the little picture, where I just worry about paying for the ticket to ride.

“I’m looking for a chance too, Sher.  However that glues us together.” I reach for her hand.  “You can live with me, or next door to me, or down the street—whatever you want.  You can go to college and I’ll take care of the baby at night.  You can date and screw people on the beach and I’ll watch the baby, if you want.  I’ll do whatever I can to make it work for both of us, if you just give this baby a chance, Sher.”