Full Measures (11 page)

I glanced up at Josh. “Whatever I need?” He gave a small nod, and I pounced. I threw my arms around his neck and fitted his mouth to mine. I knew this was for Riley’s benefit, but the moment Josh’s lips touched mine, I forgot all about Riley.

Josh grabbed ahold of my rear and lifted me against him. I lost myself in the feel of his mouth and the plunge of his tongue as he slanted over me. My body remembered his, softening against him. Oh, yes, I remembered exactly what his body could do to mine, and I wanted it again.

“Are you serious?” Riley’s shout broke through my haze. Josh kissed me gently, brushing my mouth with his one last time before setting me back on my feet.

It took all of my concentration to turn back to Riley. “Get out. We’re done, and I’m not saying it again.”

“We’ll fix this when we get back to Boulder, Ember. I’m not walking away this easily. I don’t care what happened with this guy.” His face was a mottled red. “Remember, we have a plan! I know you want the same things I do.”

The phone rang again. “For the love of God!” I ripped it off the charger and stabbed the talk button. “Hello?”

“May I speak with December Howard?” a polite female voice asked me.

“This is she.” I was so not in the freaking mood to deal with anything else today. Josh and Riley sized each other up across the island, and I was afraid that any moment there would be an all-out brawl in my kitchen.

“This is Ms. Shaw from the registrar up here at CU Boulder. One of your classes”—papers swished in the background—“Psych 325: Early Childhood Trauma, has been cancelled. Was there another class you’d care to put in its place?”

“Cancelled?”

“Yes, miss.”

Josh turned, his eyes softening, and took a step toward me. Riley crossed his arms and leaned forward onto the island.

It wasn’t a choice between them. I would never make a choice this big on a guy . . . right? But Gus needed me, April was floundering, and Mom wasn’t functioning. What the hell was I supposed to do?

You do what you can.
Grams was right. I could only do what was in my power, and everything else I had to let slip. But this? This was in my power. “No, thank you.”

“You wouldn’t like to add another class?”

Past versus future, but with the options in front of me, I couldn’t tell which was which. Both were familiar, both were a sort of home, but there was only one place I was needed. I met Riley’s sullen gaze. “No, ma’am, I won’t be returning to Boulder. My father died over break, and I’m needed at home. Could you withdraw me from all classes? I’ll be transferring here to CU Springs.”

Riley’s face lost all its color, and he shook his head quickly. His mouth opened and shut like a fish caught out of water.

“I’m sorry to hear about your father, and to lose you, December,” the clerk said with sympathy.

I looked up at the slow smile that spread across Josh’s face and said, “Thank you.” I hung up, knowing she was right: when it came to the people at Boulder, Riley and Kayla, it was their loss.

I just wasn’t sure it was Josh’s gain.

Chapter Eight

“The dorms were full,” I explained to April as she helped lug in the last of my boxes from the car. She’d jumped at the chance to see my new apartment. “Besides, Sam’s roommate flunked out last semester, so it’s pretty perfect.” It had only taken a week, but I’d moved from Boulder, enrolled at UCCS, and managed to avoid Riley . . . and Josh.

I didn’t even want to think about either of them right now. I couldn’t be the girl who switched colleges over a guy. Unless you included Dad, then I guess I really was that girl.

“Does this mean I can crash here on weekends?” She flung herself onto my bare bed.

I chucked my pillow at her. “Only if Mom okays it. I’m not your hideout.” It was nice to have a moment where I could be her sister and not her mother.

She picked up a picture of our family, the one from that last afternoon at the Breckenridge cabin, from the top of an open box. “If she ever recovers from her lobotomy.” She absently stroked her thumb over Mom’s smiling face in the family photo. It was the last one we’d taken before Dad deployed. That made it our last one, period.

“She’ll come around,” I promised what I had no right to.

“Right. She doesn’t even realize you’ve transferred schools.” She rolled her eyes and changed the subject. “How did Kayla take you moving out?”

Ouch. I didn’t expect that to hurt, but it did. “I went while she was still in Breckenridge and moved my stuff out. It’s not like she didn’t know the reason.”

“Riley’s an asshat.” I didn’t argue with her language. She eyed the mini-fridge and TV I’d pulled out of our shared dorm room. “Did you leave Kayla anything?”

A wicked smile flashed across my face. “Every picture I had of Riley and me, with a note that said, ‘He’s all yours. Smooches!’”

“Badass!”

She crossed her feet, revealing another pair of new shoes, and I couldn’t hold my tongue. “April, I paid off that credit card bill, but you have to give me the card, and Mom has to know. What you’re doing is illegal, and wrong, and hurtful—”

“Jesus, stop lecturing me.” She pulled the card out of her back pocket and tossed it onto my desk as she hopped off the bed. “Bathroom?”

I stepped into the living room and pointed the way.

The apartment was perfect. Located on the north side of town, it was close to campus, but not too far to get home when I was needed. I’d wanted to live at home for the semester, after all, that was why I’d left Boulder, but Grams would hear nothing of it.

“You’re moving forward,” she’d told me. “Not stepping back.”

I picked up a picture of Sam and me on graduation day. We were both so happy, her with a megawatt grin and the keys to a new car, me with a sappy smile and Riley’s class ring on a chain around my neck. If this was moving forward, why did it come attached to so much past?

The door slammed, and Sam waltzed in with an afternoon fix. Her killer body wasn’t hidden under the bright miniskirt and sparkly Uggs.

She juggled three mall-sized shopping bags and as many Pikes Perk take-out coffee cups, balancing the cups under her chin while she opened her bedroom door. The bags hit the ground, and she danced into the living room. “This is going to be great!” she said with way more enthusiasm than I was feeling as she passed me my coffee.

“Everything is moved in. I just need to unpack.”

“Did you register for classes?” She sank onto the microfiber couch.

“Yup, funny what they’ll wiggle you in for with a dead-dad card.” It had been torturous to explain to the registrar without breaking down, but I’d made it. “A lot of the good ones are gone, but I got into the American History class I need.”

Sam read my mood pretty well. “Once you get settled, this will be easier.”

I nodded my head absently.

“Time to pick up Gus and get home?” April asked, emerging from the bathroom.

“Yeah,” I grabbed my keys. “Sam, want to come? We’ll be back in time for a run later.”

She nodded mid latte-slurp, and then spoke. “Yes to coming along, hell no to the run. You’ve gone insane with that crap.”

I looked around the mass of boxes and knew we’d be up all night if I wanted to get a workout in. We had two days until classes started to finish up the apartment. There was a giant fake expiration date on my allowed-grieving time, and then I had to function.

The bleachers for the practice ice at the World Arena filled quickly. We grabbed a couple seats on the cold metal bleachers and waited for Gus’s practice to let out. Their over-padded figures ran a scrimmage for the last five minutes, and Gus was going all-out. He’d never been particularly sports oriented, but the minute Dad strapped skates on him a few years ago, his niche was found. The kid loved it.

But as cute as Gus was out there, my eyes were drawn to his coach. Josh dressed was in simple warm-up pants, a jersey, and helmet, all on top of a pair of black hockey skates that he wore like an extension of his body.

His movements were powerful, quick, graceful, and freaking hypnotic. I couldn’t look away as he moved from one blue line to the other, correcting players and getting the heck out of their way. Funny, but if this had been four years ago, I’d have found myself in exactly the same place, entranced by watching Josh Walker skate.

“Earth to Ember!” Sam waved her hand in front of my face, jolting me. “Do you need a napkin for the drool?”

I tore my eyes from Josh and focused back on Sam. “Nonsense.”

“Girl, I have seen that face. Do you forget all those games we stalked so you could salivate over Josh Walker?”

I couldn’t control the laughter that snuck out of me any more than I could keep the backs of my thighs from going numb on the bench. “Remember when you pretended to be my mom so we could get excused from class for that away game?”

Sam did her best impression of my mom, and we both sank into giggles. April turned from her seat lower on the risers—heaven forbid she get caught sitting with me—and glared at us for making such a scene. Sam and I may have grown apart over the last eighteen months, but a few hours together and we were right back to senior year.

Warmth streaked through my heart, washing away a little more of the crust of crap that seemed to have settled over me.

I wiped the laughter-induced tears out of my eyes and focused on the ice, watching Gus steal the puck and pass it to his teammate. He was bouncing back, and I envied him these moments.

The only time I successfully escaped thinking about Dad, was when I was with . . .

I raised my eyes and caught Josh giving me a head nod and single wave. My breath expelled in what sounded too much like a sigh.

“What is that about?” Sam asked, nudging my side.

“OMG,” a girly voice whined behind me. “Josh Walker just waved over here. Do you think he noticed I have his number painted on?”

She what?
My head snapped back before I could call up the willpower to keep my eyes forward. The girls were annoyingly gorgeous, airbrushed, and straightened to sorority perfection. And one of them had a number thirteen painted on her cheek in blue and gold. Josh’s number, if he’d kept the same since high school.

“He’s been looking over here for like ten minutes,” the other girl said.

I wiped the horrified look off my face and forced my gaze forward to the ice. “I guess that hasn’t changed. Fan girls and all.” I tried to keep my comment light, but failed. I couldn’t help but be disappointed that girls still chased Josh.

I bet he still liked to get caught.

“Things change,” Sam whispered so the girls behind us wouldn’t hear. “And something tells me he wasn’t looking above you.”

Josh skated over to the glass in front of us, turned, and blew his whistle, ending practice for the day. The boys skated for the locker room. He turned around, pulled off his helmet, and locked his gaze to mine. A slow smile spread across his face, and I couldn’t help but give it right back.

He nodded his head toward the door, and I nodded in agreement before he skated off. The girls behind us let out a collective “Hmmpf.”

“Damn,” Sam whispered. “Have you jumped him yet? Because if not . . .”

“Shut it, Sam.” I paid close attention to my feet as I climbed down the bleachers. Falling on my ass was not on my agenda for the afternoon. I passed Riley’s mom, who was waiting for Rory, and gave her a half smile. She looked like she wanted to say something to me, but I wasn’t up for hearing it. Once my feet were on the ground, I took a quick peek for April, who was practically sitting on the lap of a guy who was not Brett.
What the hell is she doing?
I did my best to ignore her and give her the privacy she wanted. Following the glass around the side of the arena led me to the door where Josh waited, running his fingers over his slightly sweaty, still incredibly sexy hair.

“December.” He smiled, stopping every thought I had in my head.

“Josh.” It was the best I could do without sounding like an idiot, especially knowing what I had to tell him.

He pulled me to him by my waist, and I rebelled against every instinct I had to melt and give in. I stepped back and shook my head. “I can’t.”

His eyes narrowed. “Riley?”

“Oh, hell no.”

That brought another heart-attack grin across his face. He closed the distance between us without touching me, whispering in my ear. “You like it when I touch you.”

Boom. Turned on. Shit. Was this guy exuding pheromones, or did I simply see him and think,
yes, sex is good. Now.
I couldn’t stop the smile that sent mixed signals, but I took another step back. “Yeah, that’s the problem.”

“What’s up? Do I get an explanation? Or is it just creepy to want your brother’s coach? I happen to think the coach aspect is pretty hot.”

“Hot? Everything about you is hot. It’s just . . .” Crap. When he cocked his head to the side like that, he exposed the side of his neck. I knew how that neck felt under my teeth, how it tasted. I knew how
he
tasted. My lips tingled and parted.

“Don’t look at me like that and tell me no. That’s not fair.” His voice strained behind the teasing.

I shoved my hands into my coat to keep from putting them on him. “I just dumped Riley, and moved back here, and there’s my family, and a new school . . .”

“So no new flame to add to that?”

I flushed, despite the freezing temperatures inside the arena. “I just need to sort myself out.” His face fell.
Crap, I did
not
just it’s-not-you-it’s-me him, did I?
I stepped closer, despite my better judgment, putting my feet between his skates. They made his impossible height even more gigantic to look up at. “It’s not that I don’t want you.” The skin of his neck was begging to be touched, and I gave in, running my hands over his stubbled jaw before I stroked my fingertips down his neck. “Because I want you more than I should.” The whispered admission tumbled free before I could stop it. “I just don’t want to drag you into the incredible wreckage of my life.” And I wasn’t sure I’d survive if I turned out to be just another one of the girls chasing him. Was he worth that risk?