Authors: Amanda Hocking
“I know. I think I’ve just been cooped up here too long.” I shifted in my chair. “This
winter is taking forever to end. And the King is being ridiculous. I should be out
in the field, and you know it, Ridley.”
“Shh.” He glanced toward the open door. “Lower your voice. You don’t want the new
cadets to hear.”
“I don’t care who hears,” I said, nearly shouting.
Ridley went over to the door and peeked out in the hall, then closed the door. Instead
of going back to his chair, he came over to me. He leaned on the desk right in front
of me, so he was almost at eye level.
He wore a button-down shirt and vest, but he’d skipped a tie today, so I could see
his necklace. It was a thin leather strap with an iron rabbit amulet—his present upon
becoming Rektor. The amulet lay against the bronzed skin of his toned chest, and I
lowered my eyes.
“I know you’re pissed off, but you don’t need to get in a shitload of trouble because
an overzealous tracker-in-training tattles on you to the wrong person,” he said, his
voice low and serious.
Technically, speaking any ill of the King was a punishable offense. My saying that
he was ridiculous wouldn’t exactly get me executed, but I could end up stuck cleaning
toilets in the palace, or demoted, even. The changelings were assigned to us based
on our rank, and in terms of trackers, I was third from the top.
“You’re right.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me. Just don’t act stupid because you’re mad.”
“I’m more valuable out in the field.” I stared up into Ridley’s dark eyes, imploring
him to understand. “And I feel so useless here. I’m not doing anything to help anyone.”
“That’s not true. You’re helping Linus. You know how lost and bumbling changelings
are at first.”
“He needs someone, yeah, but it doesn’t have to be
me
,” I countered. “I’m not actually needed here.”
“I need you,” Ridley said, with a sincerity in his tone that startled me. In the depths
of his eyes I saw a flicker of that heat I’d seen before, but just as I’d registered
it, he looked away and cleared his throat. “I mean, there’s a lot going on right now.
Royalty from all over are on their way right now. You’re a big asset here. I wouldn’t
be able to handle everything without your help.”
“Anyone can do what I’m doing,” I said, deciding to ignore the heat I’d seen in his
eyes. “I think that’s why Astrid got to me. I already feel like I’m being useless,
and she always does such a great job of reminding me how much better than me she is.”
He shook his head. “You know that’s not true.”
I opened my mouth to argue that, but the door to the office opened and interrupted
me. I looked back over my shoulder to see Simon Bohlin. Out of habit, I sat up straighter
in my chair and tried to look as nonchalant as possible. I still wasn’t completely
sure how to act around him.
We’d broken up a few months ago after going out for nearly a year. I’d gone against
my own rule about not dating other trackers because Simon was funny and cute and didn’t
seem all that intimidated by the fact that I could kick his ass.
But I don’t know why it still felt so awkward. We hadn’t even been that serious. Well,
I thought we hadn’t been serious. Then Simon dropped the
l
-word, and I realized that we wanted two vastly different things out of the relationship.
Simon had been walking into the office, whistling an old tracker work song under his
breath, but he stopped short when he saw me.
“Sorry,” Simon said. From underneath his black bangs, his eyes shifted from me to
Ridley. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No.” Ridley stood up and stepped away from me. “Not at all.”
“I just came in to get my orders for the new changeling,” Simon said.
“Right. Of course.” Ridley walked around to the other side of his desk, shifting around
stacks of paper in search of the file for Simon.
“You’re leaving?” I asked, flashing Simon the friendliest smile I could manage.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“When?”
“Um, I think later today,” Simon said.
Ridley found the file and held it up. “That is the plan.”
“So you’re not staying for the party?” I asked.
Simon shook his head, looking disappointed. “Not unless it’s in the next couple hours.”
Then it hit me. Simon was a good tracker, but he’d always enjoyed the parties and
balls here more than I had.
I stood up. “We could trade.”
“Trade what?” Simon asked cautiously.
Ridley sighed. “Bryn. No.”
“I’m supposed to stay here and shadow Linus Berling, but you were always so great
with the changelings.” I walked over to Simon, getting so excited by the idea that
I forgot to feel strange around him. “You could get him all settled and act as his
bodyguard, and I could go out into the field.”
“I…” Simon hesitated. “I mean, I don’t know if that’s okay.”
“But would you?” I asked before Ridley could object. “I mean, if it was okay.”
“Why? What’s going on?” Simon asked.
“Bryn’s just going through a case of cabin fever, and it’s making her act crazy,”
Ridley explained as he walked over to us.
“I’m not acting crazy,” I insisted and stared hopefully up at Simon. “So, Simon, are
you in?”
“Why don’t you come back in, like, half an hour, and we’ll have this all straightened
out?” Ridley asked and started ushering Simon to the door.
Simon glanced back at me, then shrugged noncommittally as he left. Once he’d gone,
Ridley closed the door. He turned around and leaned back on it, letting out a long
sigh as he looked over at me.
“What I’m saying makes sense. It works,” I insisted, already steeling myself for his
protests.
“Sit down.” He motioned to the chair.
He went over to the two chairs sitting in front of his desk and turned them so they
faced each other. After he sat down, he gestured to the other one, so I went over
and sat down across from him. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs, and
by the gravity in his eyes, I knew this conversation wasn’t going the way I’d hoped
it would.
“Do you want me to be completely honest with you?” he asked.
“Always.”
“What the hell are you thinking?” Ridley asked with such force and incredulity that
it surprised me.
“I…” I fumbled for words. “What?”
“Okay, truthfully, yes, I probably can pull some strings and make it happen. If you
really wanted to get out of here, I could switch your assignment with Simon’s.”
I waited a beat, and he didn’t add the
but
, so I figured I’d have to ask. “But you’re not gonna do it?”
“No, I will,” Ridley said. “If that’s what you really want. And if you really want
to blow your chance at ever becoming a Högdragen.”
I lowered my eyes, and when I tried to argue against it, my words came out weak. “It
won’t hurt my chances.”
“This is the first time the King ever gave you a direct order, and it’s a very simple
one. And you can’t follow it.” Ridley sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You’re
already fighting an uphill battle to be a guard because you’re half Skojare, not to
mention there are only a handful of women in the Högdragen.”
I gritted my teeth. “I know what I’m up against.”
“I know you know that,” Ridley said, sounding exasperated. “Do you even still want
to be on the Högdragen?”
“Of course I do!”
He shook his head, like he wasn’t sure he believed me anymore. “Then explain to me
what the hell is going on with you right now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, but I refused to meet his gaze.
“You know this could ruin your shot at the one thing you want most in the world, and
yet you’re still fighting against it. Why do you want to get out of here so badly?”
I clenched my jaw and found it hard to speak around the lump growing in my throat.
“I let him go,” I said, and my words came out barely above a whisper.
“Konstantin Black?” he asked like he already knew the answer.
I looked away, staring at the wall and struggling to keep my anger under control.
Tentatively, Ridley reached out and placed a hand on my knee. It was meant to be comforting,
and the warmth of his skin through the fabric of my jeans was just enough to distract
me.
“You did the right thing,” Ridley told me. “You did what you needed to do to protect
Linus.”
“Maybe I did.” I finally turned to look at him, letting my cool gaze meet his. “Or
maybe I could’ve snapped his neck right then, and we’d all be rid of him forever.”
If he saw the ice and hatred in my eyes, he didn’t let on. His expression was filled
only with concern, and he didn’t even flinch at my wishful thinking about murder.
“If you really believe that, then why didn’t you kill him?” Ridley asked reasonably.
“The truth?” I asked, and suddenly I felt afraid to say it aloud. But with Ridley
staring at me, waiting, I knew I had to finally admit it. “I don’t think he wanted
to kill my father.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“When I walked in on him, standing over my father with his sword bloodied, he apologized
and said that he was bound to something higher than the kingdom,” I tried to explain.
“So you think he … what?” His forehead scrunched, and he shook his head. “I don’t
understand.”
“There was a look in his eyes. Regret.” I thought back to Konstantin, and the pain
I’d seen in his smoky eyes. “No, it was remorse.”
“Remorse?” Ridley sat up a bit straighter. “You think you saw remorse in his eyes?
So, what? You just forgave him?”
“No.
No
,” I said adamantly. “I’ll never forgive him. But I think he regretted what he did,
even before he did it. And it doesn’t make sense. I need to know why he did it.”
“He could just be insane, Bryn,” Ridley said, going to the only reason that anybody
had ever been able to come up with for Konstantin’s behavior. “Your dad had never
had a cross word with him, and then one night Konstantin just snapped.”
“No. He’s too smart, too calculated. And now with this attack on Linus…” I chewed
the inside of my cheek as I thought. “It’s all connected. He’s plotting something.”
“If he’s still working toward some ultimate goal, then he doesn’t regret it,” Ridley
pointed out. “If he felt genuine remorse, he should be looking for absolution, not
trying to hurt more people.”
“Not if someone else is pulling his strings,” I countered. “And if someone is, I need
to find out who it is.”
“Konstantin might be an innocent pawn in all of this?” Ridley questioned doubtfully.
“No. I don’t know what is motivating him, but he drew his sword against my father
with his own hand. That fault lies entirely with him.”
Konstantin may have come to regret what he’d done. He could even cry about it every
night, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d done it, and he knew exactly what he
was doing. When I went into the Queen’s office that night, he was preparing to finish
the job as I watched.
Regardless of what guilt he might feel or what reason might drive him, Konstantin
had still acted of his own accord.
“You want to leave here so you can find him and hold him responsible,” Ridley said.
“Yes.” I looked up at him, pleading with him to let me go, to let me finish what Konstantin
had started. “He needs to be brought to justice, and so does anyone else he’s working
with.”
“Justice? Does that mean you’ll drag them all back here? Or are you gonna kill them
all?”
“Whichever one I need to do. But I’m not letting Konstantin get away again,” I told
him, and I meant it with all my heart. I’d never killed anyone before, but I would
do whatever I needed to do.
Ridley seemed to consider this for a moment, then he pulled his hand back from my
leg—leaving it feeling cool and naked without his warm touch—and he rubbed the back
of his neck. “You can’t go after him alone, and you can’t go right now.”
“Ridley—” I began, but he cut me off.
“I don’t care if you think Linus doesn’t need you and the King is an idiot. You are
needed here right now.” Ridley held up his hand, silencing any more protests I might
have before I could voice them. “At least for the time being. Once everyone is gone
after the party, and Linus is settled in, if you still need to go on your personal
vendetta, we can talk about it. We can make it happen.”
“
We?
” I shook my head. “You don’t have to be a part of this.”
“But I am anyway.” He lowered his head and exhaled deeply. When he looked up, his
dark eyes met mine, and when he spoke, his voice was softer. “Stay.”
“Is that an order?” I asked, but by the look in his eyes, I knew it wasn’t.
“No. It’s not,” he admitted. “But stay anyway.”
By the time I’d finished with Linus for the evening, it was nearly eight o’clock.
After my meeting with Ridley, I’d wanted to spend as much time as I could prepping
Linus. The next few days were going to be filled with overwhelming madness for the
new changeling, and I needed to set my personal feelings aside to do my job.
I ran home just long enough to grab Ember’s present, and then I made the trek to her
place as quickly as I could. The cottage Ember lived in with her parents was over
a mile away from the palace, nestled against the wall that surrounded Doldastam, separating
us from the Hudson Bay.
The farther I went, the farther apart the houses were. Near the palace, the cottages
and even some of the smaller Markis and Marksinna’s mansions were practically stacked
on top of each other. But at Ember’s house, there was room enough for a small pasture
with a couple angora goats, and I heard them bleating before I could even see them.
A rabbit hutch was attached to the front of a house, and a fluffy Gotland sat near
the edge of the run, nibbling a pint-sized bale of hay. When it saw me, it hopped
over, and I reached my fingers through the wire cage and stroked the soft white fur.