The men kept weeding in the fields as they continued their small talk, and when the sun finally set over the horizon, they all returned to the village proper.
Ch'otchae ate dinner at home, but went right outside again. For some reason it was too frustrating to sit insideâhe simply couldn't bear it. He strolled around the village aimlessly. He pulled out a motherwort cigarette he had bummed off Little Buddha and lit it up. He took a deep drag on it, but choked on the smoke, which had none of the fragrant flavor of real tabacco. He flung the thing far away from him.
“How can anyone call that a cigarette!” he grumbled, and looked up to find himself behind the fence surrounding Tokho's house. He'd made a habit recently of taking a walk around the house every night. If he was lucky, he might someday see Sonbi, he thought. But so far he'd never once seen her near this house. Even so, he always walked here after dinner, hoping that tonight might be the night.
The stars hung here and there in the jet-black sky. The wind picked up and carried the faint scent of mugwort mosquito incense toward him. He let his thoughts drift, gazing at nothing in particular, and resting his hands firmly on his hips.
From Tokho's house came the faint sound of people talking, though he couldn't make out the words or the voices. Still, he could hear the sound of a man and woman laughing as clearly as he saw the stars right there above him.
After standing like this for a while, lost in thought, he remembered the motherwort cigarette he'd thrown to the ground. He searched his pockets, but found nothing. Smacking his lips a few times, he plopped himself down in the grassy field. The ground felt cold, helping to cool off the burning inside him. Just then he heard the sound of footsteps coming his way, and his eyes opened like a cat's in the dark.
21
The approaching footsteps stopped short, and he could hear the rustling sound of someone standing up closely against the reed fence. The way she caught her breath gave him the assurance that this was a woman.
He grew more curious, and his heart began to race: Could this be Sonbi? He inched backward slowly, so as not to let her know he was there.
The sound of the footsteps moved even closer toward him, then stopped. Whoever it was heaved a deep sigh, and stood still for a while as though she were lost in thought. Ch'otchae was finally able to make out clearly the height and shape of her body in the darkness, and his hunch that this girl was in fact Sonbi gradually deepened. When the thought struck him that he was almost face to face with his beloved Sonbiâwith only a few footsteps separating themâhe took several steps forward. But having heard him move, she ran off in fright. Ch'otchae chased after her. He would finish what he'd already started.
Knowing that she was no match for her pursuer, however, the girl slipped inside one of the houses in the village. Ch'otchae had no choice but to hide beside a woodpile and suffer an agonizing wait for her to come back outside. After some time had passed, the girl still hadn't emerged. He started doubting himself: Maybe it wasn't Sonbi after all. But then who else was it? Who could have been standing outside, peeking into Tokho's house at this time of night? He closed his eyes and thought about it for a while, but no one in particular came to mind. He wanted so badly to believe it was Sonbi. He'd stay up all night if only he
could meet her and share even one or two of the feelings that he'd kept locked in his heart over the years.
What would he say to Sonbi now if he met her? he asked himself. He couldn't seem to find a reply. Though his heart seemed ready to explode with everything he wanted to tell her, now that he tried to put it into words, he drew a complete blank. How about: Will you live with me? No, that wouldn't work. What about: Do you know who I am? “No, no,” he said, shaking his head and cracking a smile. As he came up with different things to say, he never once took his eyes off the door.
He heard more footsteps coming toward him, and it seemed as though someone was passing in front of the house. He held his breath and squatted to the ground. Out of the blue, just as the footsteps came to a stop, he heard the sound of squirting and a stream of liquid shot down onto his face. Only as he moved out of the way, did he realize what it wasâurine. Instantly, he jumped to his feet and came forward.
“Hey, you idiot. Where the hell do you think you're taking a piss?”
At the unexpected sound of someone's voice, the stranger jumped back in surprise, pulled up his pants, and backed out of the way.
“Who's that?”
Ch'otchae knew exactly who it was from the sound of his voice.
“Watch where you take a piss, will you!”
Only now did Kaettong figure out it was Ch'otchae.
“Well, what the hell were you standing there for?”
Ch'otchae had nothing to say for himself. He fumbled for the right words. Kaettong moved toward him.
“I was just at your house.”
“What for?”
“I wanted to see if you'd help weed our fields tomorrow.”
“Well, I already promised Myonggu I'd help him.”
“Myonggu? Damn it. I really need one more guy to help me . . .”
Just then the door rattled open, and out came a hand-held lantern. The two of them stared at it in silence.
“Be careful. It's dark out there,” said Kaettong's mother.
“I will,” came a young woman's reply.
Ch'otchae wondered if this might be Sonbi's voice. If it hadn't been for Kaettong, he'd have chased right after the girl. But that option being out of the question now, he hesitated as to what he should do. The lantern was playing hide and seek with his eyes, flickering in and out of
sight, as though it was laughing at him, ridiculing him. Ch'otchae took a step forward, his heart in his throat. Just then Kaettong asked,
“Ma, who was that?”
“Goodness . . . What are you doing out here?”
Kaettong's mother came in their direction.
“That was Kannan, wasn't it? What's she doing over here at this time of night?”
“Kannan?” shouted Ch'otchae suddenly in surprise. Kaettong's mother stopped in her tracks.
“Hey, who's that?”
“It's just me.”
“. . . Oh, Ch'otchae?”
“Ma, why did Kannan come over to our house?”
“Good question . . . Maybe Tokho sent her over.”
Ch'otchae, for his part, was still staring out blankly at the hand lantern disappearing into the distance. Then he trudged off once again, wiping away more of the urine from his temple.
22
Ch'otchae walked around aimlessly, and then, with one last spin around Tokho's house, finally made his way home.
He didn't want to go back inside though, and after walking circles in the front yard for a while, he plopped down beside the woodpile. The scent of rotting wood hit him, and he thought about how Kaettong had just pissed on him. Then he felt an indescribable rush of the anger pent up inside of him.
Leaning against the woodpile, he asked himself why he'd never even once been able to meet that damn girl. Is she sick, or something? he wondered, as a huge, bright star shot through the sky above him, dragging a long tail before disappearing into the darkness. As he stared vacantly into the spot where the star had disappeared, the black mole on Sonbi's brow entered his mind. That shiny black mole! Standing out on her perfect, glowing face. It was just like that shooting star, vanishing without a trace. He sighed deeply and shut his eyes tight. The tighter he squeezed, the more clearly he could see that black mole. Damn that girl! he said, jumping to his feet. Then he heard yet another set of footsteps coming toward him. This finally set off his temper.
“Who's that!” he shouted crossly.
“Is that you, Ch'otchae? I've been looking high and low for you. And you were here the whole time? What are you doing over here?”
Fighting for breath, Yi Sobang came to Ch'otchae's side, took his hand, and led him into the house. Ch'otchae tried to suppress his anger, but his nostrils were still flaring.
“Ch'otchae!” Yi Sobang moved closer to the boy's side. Ch'otchae lay on the floor not wanting to be bothered. Yi Sobang placed his hand on Ch'otchae's forehead.
“Something's hounding you, my boy, isn't it?”
Ch'otchae pictured Sonbi in his mind's eye and tried to shake off Yi Sobang's hand. He rolled onto his side, refusing the man's gesture. After some time, Yi Sobang spoke again.
“You asleep?”
“No.”
“Tell me why you've been up and about at night.”
“Because I can't fall asleep.”
“Well, why can't you fall asleep?”
He wanted to say something, but his lips remained tightly sealed.
“Come on Ch'otchae, you don't have to hide anything from me. Just tell me what's getting at you, and I'll do my best to help.”
Yi Sobang suspected that Ch'otchae was losing sleep over a girl, but he didn't know for sure who she was. He hoped he could find out who, so that he could try to make things happen. If he let things take their natural course, Ch'otchae might get sick before long, or even worse, end up causing a major incident.
Ch'otchae had been quiet for some time now. Yi Sobang moved up close to him and lay down by his side.
“You've got a girl on your mind, don't you, Ch'otchae?”
At the word “girl” Ch'otchae's face flushed and Sonbi's delicate figure floated before his eyes. Ch'otchae rolled to his side again.
“Good night, Yi Sobang.”
Knowing that the boy wasn't ready to talk, Yi Sobang decided to bring up the subject again on another day, and went to sleep.
Ch'otchae, however, did not sleep a wink. His mind ran in this and that direction all night long. As dawn broke the next morning, he finally sat up in bed, at the sound of a door in the inner room slowly opening. Shit! Another bastard spent the night here, thought Ch'otchae. He
resented to no end what his mother was still doingâdespite the fact she now had a full-grown son.
“Have a safe walk back home.”
“Okay.”
“When can you come again?”
“We'll see.”
The man whispering to his mother was Yu Sobang, the man who worked for Tokho. And yet, Ch'otchae was actually glad to hear his voice. He jumped to his feet. As he opened the door to the room, Yi Sobang stopped him.
“What are you doing up so early?”
Yi Sobang had gotten out of bed and grabbed the seat of Ch'otchae's pants. He'd been afraid that Ch'otchae might run out of the room and do something reckless.
By this time Ch'otchae's mother had softly shut the gate behind her and was coming back inside.
“Mom!”
Normally Ch'otchae would have still been asleep at this hour, so his voice startled his mother, who stopped short. Afraid he might spring at her in a rage, she took a few steps back unsteadily.
Yi Sobang did not know how to ease the tension between mother and son, but he stood there trying to think of something. Ch'otchae, meanwhile, glared at his mother through the door, but without saying a single word slammed it shut and collapsed onto the floor. Only now could Yi Sobang sit down too.
23
Okchom had followed Sinch'ol to MonggÅmp'o for a vacation on the beach, then brought him back home for a proper visit. And although Sinch'ol had been planning to catch the morning train bound for Seoul today, Okchom's powers of persuasion continued to pay offâat least in her mindâfor she'd once again managed to keep Sinch'ol from leaving. But it was less on account of Okchom's charms than in response to Tokho's adamant protestations that Sinch'ol had agreed to delay his departure. Truth be told, there was also something else about this household that had, for reasons beyond his control, made it difficult for Sinch'ol to leave.
It had not been a simple matter of staying as a guest in someone's house for a single day or twoâindeed, he had been there for over a month already. And it was only because of his guilty conscience that he had originally decided to go back to Seoul. But Okchom was beaming now, and her eyes soaked in Sinch'ol's masculine physique.
“Shall we walk to the melon hut?”
“ Well . . . Maybe it's not such a good idea for us to go alone.”
“Well, then,” replied Okchom, “who would you like to come with us?”
Okchom's powerful gaze seemed to penetrate right through him; he averted his eyes ever so slightly.
“Your father or mother. Either would be fine.”
“Are you serious, Sinch'ol?”
“Well, won't it be a little boring for us to go off alone into the countrysideâit's the middle of nowhere!”
“You know, you're absolutely right. Shall I ask mother to join us?”
“I'll let you decide.”
Okchom sprang to her feet with a giggle and crossed to the inner room. Sitting in front of his desk, Sinch'ol looked at his face reflected in the small standing mirror placed upon it, and then glanced out the window absentmindedly. There in his line of vision appeared Sonbi, leaving the kitchen with a laundry basket balanced on her head. Sinch'ol instantly sat erect and fixed his eyes on her left cheek as he watched her pass by. He heard her stepping over the threshold of the middle gate, and realized she must be going off to do laundryâa strange light now flickering in his eye.
He had been in this house for close to two months already, but he had only been able to catch glimpses of Sonbi from a distance, and he'd never once had the chance to sit down with her and have a conversation! Such was the extent to which she had piqued his curiosity. When he watched her carry in his white shirts and underwear, freshly laundered and pressed, he was taken by how meticulous and precise she'd been with her work. When he touched his well-folded clothes, he thought to himself, Oh, if only I had a wife like her . . .