from Pain to Pleasure (Gainesville Book 1) (7 page)

Alex rubbed her back, dying for her to explain. “What does he make you do? It’s just you and me. No one else can hear us.”

“He makes me dress slutty, and then lets them all touch me.” She gripped his shirt and bawled into it for a while. When she could talk again, she said, “Then he punishes me for it.” She wished she could take the words back, but she was compelled to tell him.

He breathed deeply and kept his cool. He started to understand just a bit. Brian was some kind of psychopath. It was why she feared him. Reality meant nothing to Brian. Only his deranged perceptions mattered. It was much worse than Alex had thought.

“How does he punish you?” He didn’t expect an answer, but he wanted to know.

Her body shivered as an image of her punishment that night came to her. He had stripped her naked. Then she had screamed as he fucked her on the couch in front of all his friends.

“Sex hurts so much. Why do people bother?” That never made sense to her. She knew even Brian was in pain sometimes afterward. Anyone else Brian let have her was rough as well.

Alex froze.
What does that bastard do to her?
He needed to reassure her. He thought quickly, wanting to say just the right thing. However, he wasn’t sure what the situation really was.

“Was Brian your first?” he softly asked.

She nodded and clung to him. Her trust in Alex overrode her fear.

OK, that makes sense. She doesn’t know any better
. He had to show her Brian’s way was wrong. “Sex is not supposed to hurt, Danielle.” He frowned. “Well, it might for girls, the first time. But after that, it’s supposed to feel good.”

With a shocked look, she glanced up. “It’s not? I thought it had to hurt for a guy to—to cum.” She tried to think of one time sex with Brian didn’t end in pain. None came to mind. It always did.

“It doesn’t. I’ve never hurt a girl during sex.” Then he remembered the one virgin he had deflowered.
Not on purpose, at least.

He looked into her eyes.
How can I convince her to let me show her what sex is supposed to be like? Maybe I should kiss her and see if she let it get that far?
He was scared he would push her away, so he nixed the idea. Unlike with most women he was attracted to, he would wait for her. She was something special to him.

Danielle was confused.
Why does Brian get off on my pain?
Then Brian’s abuse came to mind. He learned from an early age that other’s pain brought pleasure. His dad always enjoyed their nightly sessions, although Brian did not.
Is he so twisted that he inflicts his abuse on me and calls it love?

Alex hugged her tightly. “You’re shaking. It’s OK.” He kissed her hair, worried he made it all worse. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. If it weren’t for him, she would still think sex was awful.
How can I make Brian see he’s wrong without him knowing I discussed our sex life with Alex?
If he knew how much more she wanted to tell Alex, how much she would rather be with a man like Alex, Brian would… She couldn’t even imagine the punishment.

When other students came up the steps, Danielle wiped her tears and sniffled. “I’m sorry.” It was a soft, meek apology.

“Hey.” Alex caressed her cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.
He
did.”

Alex tried to kill the thought of beating Brian until he screamed, but it was no use. Even that much pain wouldn’t be punishment enough for all Brian had put Danielle through over the years. Alex could see in her eyes that it was even worse than he could imagine. He hoped she would confide in him again. She really needed to get it all out.

“Let’s go inside,” he urged her and took her hand. “I’ll stay close.”

The party was loud, with good music. There was a lot of drinking, as at most parties, but Danielle was naive. Brian didn’t drink because of his father’s alcoholism. Alex thought nothing of it and grabbed a beer.

He pulled her with him to find his friends. When he introduced her to Gary, a football player who lived on their floor, she smiled with familiarity. She had always admired his long, braided hair and bright white smile.

Gary was a ladies’ man, but he knew to hold back around Danielle. Her eyes showed constant fear. He gave her a wide smile and winked when she blushed. “Hey, Alex, guess what? Coach P. saw you playing today.” That was the school’s running back coach.

Alex’s eyes opened wide. “Really? What’d he say?”

“He asked for your cell number. Sounds like he’s interested.” He slapped Alex on the back. “It’d be so cool if you played this year.”

Danielle took Alex’s arm. “Yeah, it would be.”

Gary gave her a once-over, and his eyebrows went up. He loved white girls with nice curves. Too bad Alex was already after her. He didn’t mess with his friends’ women unless they asked him to. “I know you can outrun Will.”

After a few minutes of football talk, they moved on and ended up out back. “Just wanted you to see how beautiful it was out here.” Alex led her around the in-ground pool, and then to the screen enclosure that separated it from the backyard. “Some of the guys go kayaking in that lake,” he explained as the large lake beyond came into view.

“It’s amazing.” The sun had just set, and the sky was a rainbow of colors. She closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like if she dated Alex instead of Brian. Then she jumped when he put his arms around her from behind. “No. Don’t.”

He backed up and put his hands on the horizontal support next to hers. “I promise no one will let his friends in. We’re safe here.”

“It’s not just that,” she tried to explain.

There was so much more to her fear of being with Alex than just Brian finding out. She didn’t know how to put it in words. Then she realized she led him on somewhat. His support comforted her. She had let her guard down. He obviously had a thing for her.
I have to tell him we’ll never be together
. It hurt to even think it. However, she couldn’t risk that Brian would hurt him. He already meant too much to her.
Wow. I have a thing for him, too. That’s not good
. She closed her eyes and stepped away from him a bit more. Her hands squirmed.

He sighed and realized he had moved too fast for her. She shivered. He knew it wasn’t from the cold.
I must be scaring the hell out of her
. “Sorry.” He moved to stand next to her and glanced at her outfit. “Why do you always wear pants? It’s pretty hot out this week.”

She bit her lip and looked away. It was something she never liked to reveal. She usually wore clothes that covered her scars. At least when she chose her outfit. Only Brian and his friends had seen them up close. Then she flinched as she felt the belt hit the back of her thigh. The pain was so real, even in a memory.

Alex reacted quickly. He took her into his arms as soon as a tear fell. “I’m so sorry I asked.” He held her as long as she let him. “I promise I’ll never hurt you.” He breathed deeply to hide how he seethed within.
I’m gonna kill him
. She feared everything, and that wasn’t a good way to live.

Danielle fought the tears hard. He didn’t need to know what she had been through all her life. She wouldn’t burden him with her problems. She had to keep them hidden like always. Although that was hard to do when he asked so many questions.
I just have to learn not to answer them
.

“Do you wanna go back inside?” Alex asked, when it seemed like she was calm.

She looked at him. “Yes. Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For just being my friend. I really need one.”

He squeezed her tightly. “You’re welcome. Thanks for being mine, too.”

* * *

Several hours later, Alex stood in Danielle’s doorway again. He didn’t want the night to end yet. They had grown closer with her revelation. He scanned the hallway and made sure they were safe.

“Why don’t we just watch a movie?” he suggested. He hoped she would let him hold her again.

Danielle feared that her luck couldn’t last that long. “I can’t.” She was sure at any moment, Brian would call, or one of his friends would show up. She tried to close the door, but Alex held it open.

“You don’t have to be afraid. I can handle Brian or any of his fucking friends!”

She took a step back. Alex’s eyes had filled with fury. “Please…” Her eyes opened wide. She irrationally feared that he was violent as well.

“Shit.” He didn’t mean to frighten her. “I’m sorry. You have to know, I won’t hurt you.”

Her eyes met his again. The rage had been replaced with concern. She sighed softly. He was different. Her fear had played tricks with her mind.
I still need to stay away from him. Brian will kill me
.

“I don’t think it’s fair you’re so restricted.” He reached out for her, but she pulled back even more. “I won’t let them hurt you, either. I promise.”

She knew better. Brian and his friends were sneaky.

* * *

When Brian was in California for three weeks once, she went out with a girlfriend to a club. She didn’t dance with
one
man. Before she opened the front door of their house, someone grabbed her and brought her to the backyard. When he put her down, she recognized him. It was Brian’s brother, Jeff. He had followed her.

He whispered in her ear, “Brian says I can have a piece of you because you disobeyed him.” Then he bent her over a table. His hand covered her mouth while she screamed.

* * *

Danielle’s entire body shuddered while she hugged herself. She couldn’t take that again.

Damn it! I did it again!
Alex thought to himself. So many things brought on a memory for her, and it was never a good one. “Please just trust me,” he softly begged her.

She looked up at him. She did trust him, for the most part. “You don’t get it,” she explained. “He has eyes everywhere. He always knows.” Tears fell. “They listen to him. They do what he wants them to.” She shook as the same night ran through her mind. “I don’t want it again.”

He was thoroughly confused. It sounded like she meant something specific, but he had no clue what. He took a chance and quickly hugged her. “I’ll never hurt you, Danielle. I won’t.”

Terrified of discovery, she pushed him away, but he held her tight. “Alex, no. Let me go. Please.”

“You need to be held,” he whispered. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Please. I wanna help you through this.”

No one but him had ever offered to help her. She suddenly clung to him. She wanted him to rid her of the memories. “His brother…” She inhaled shakily, and then sobbed.

“What’d he do to you?” He gritted his teeth. Rage boiled within. Her body told him the guy had done something unspeakable to her. The look in her eyes told him she feared him as much as Brian. “He hit you?”

She whimpered, and then quietly replied, “Yes.”

“But he did something else, too. Didn’t he?”

“Yes.” She couldn’t say more. The feeling of pain as his hand connected with her face returned. Suddenly, she collapsed, hysterical.
I should’ve never said anything
. It overwhelmed her.

Alex got down on the floor with her. “It’s not your fault.” He cradled her in his arms. What else could he say? She had practically admitted her boyfriend’s brother raped her.

“What’s wrong?” Marie’s voice startled them both. She knelt on the floor next to them. “She seemed OK at the party.”

After he had kissed Danielle’s head, Alex looked up. “I can’t say.”

Marie stroked Danielle’s hair. “It’s OK. We’re both here for you.” She knew that it had something to do with Brian. Her hatred of him ran deep. She had seen scars on Danielle’s legs from whippings and assumed Brian caused them. “He’s gone now, so don’t worry.” She didn’t know about the watchful eyes on campus.

“Can you close the door?” Alex asked Marie. He worried someone might see them, too. When she had closed it, he lifted Danielle and laid her on her bed, still in his arms. “It’s all over now,” he assured her. “I’m right here.”

Danielle was so distraught, she didn’t protest. Her hands gripped his shirt tightly while she cried. More memories surfaced. Her life was full of horrible scenes: whippings, punishments and lash-outs. So much pain.

Then there was a sharp knock on the door. Danielle stiffened and sat up while Alex’s eyes opened wide. “He can’t find you.” She whimpered.

“Shh, it’s OK. I’ll hide again.” Alex kissed her cheek, and then got up. Just as he opened the closet, he saw Marie at the door. “No. Not yet,” he said as quietly as possible while he jumped inside.

Marie shot him a confused look and ignored him. She smiled when she had the door open. “Hey.”

“Alex in here?” Logan looked Marie up and down, with a sly expression.

Alex sighed with relief. “Holy shit. You scared me.”

Danielle was also glad it was only Logan. “You have to go.” She looked at Alex. “Please, before something happens.”

He knew what she meant and decided she was right. It wasn’t worth the risk until he knew exactly what he was up against. He brushed her hair back from her face with his fingers, and then lifted her chin. “Knock on the wall if you need me. OK?”

Danielle nodded and lay back down. Marie followed Logan. As soon as the room was empty, she cried herself to sleep. She knew she could never live like they did.

On a Saturday, two weeks later, Alex excitedly knocked on Danielle and Marie’s door. He was about to leave for his first real football game. Coach P. had offered him the third-string running back spot. No way could he turn it down. However, he had no idea how he would break it to his mother. She would freak out.

Marie opened the door and hugged him. “This is so cool!” She couldn't wait to see him in tight football pants, but she hid her desire from Danielle. It had become apparent that Danielle really liked Alex. He was so much better for her than Brian. “Good luck!”

Danielle got off her bed. She had been writing an English paper. Alex was happier than ever. With a grin, she threw her arms around him and whispered, “Be careful.”