Authors: Robert A Heinlein
The military and quasi-military free companies cluster together at the east end. Goldie went from one to the other and I went with her. She left her name and a copy of her brag sheet with each one. We had stopped in town to get her brag sheet printed and she had arranged a mail drop with a public secretary, and she had induced me to pay for a mail and telephonic accommodation address, too. “Friday, if we are here more than a day or two, I’m moving out of the Dunes. You noticed the room tariff, did you not? It’s a nice place but they sell you the bed all over again each day. I can’t afford it. Maybe you can but—”
“I can’t.”
So I established an address of sorts, and sent my brain a memo to tell Gloria Tomosawa. I paid a year’s fee in advance—and discovered that it gave me an odd feeling of security. It was not even a little grass shack…but it was a base, an address, that would not wash away.
Goldie did not sign up that afternoon but did not seem disappointed. She said to me, “No war going on now, that’s all. But peace never lasts more than a month or two. Then they’ll start hiring again and my name will be on file. Meanwhile I’ll list with the city registry and work substitute jobs. One thing about the bedpan business, Friday; a nurse
never
starves. The current emergency shortage of nurses has been going on for more than a century and won’t let up soon.”
The second recruiter she called on—representative of Royer’s Rectifiers, Caesar’s Column, and the Grim Reapers, all crack outfits, worldwide reputations—turned to me after Goldie had made her statement. “How about you? Are you an RN, too?”
“No,” I said, “I’m a combat courier.”
“Not much call for that. Today most outfits use express mail if a terminal won’t serve.”
I found myself somewhat piqued—Boss has warned me against that. “I’m elite,” I replied. “I go anywhere…and what I carry gets there when the mail is shut down. Such as the late Emergency.”
“That’s true,” said Goldie. “She’s not exaggerating.”
“There still isn’t much call for your talents. Can you do anything else?”
(I should not boast!) “What’s your best weapon? I’ll duel you with it, either contest rules, or blood. Phone your widow and we’ll do it.”
“My, you’re a sparky little slitch! You remind me of a fox terrier I once had. Look, dear, I can’t play games with you; I have to keep this office open. Now tell me the truth and I’ll put your name on file.”
“Sorry, chief. I shouldn’t have sounded off. All right, I’m an elite courier. If I carry it, it gets there and my fees are high. Or my salary if I’m hired as a specialist staff officer. As for the rest, of course I have to be the best, bare-handed or with weapons, because what I carry
must
go through. You can list me as a DI if you wish—barehanded or any weapon. But I’m not interested in combat unless the pay is high. I prefer courier duty.”
He made notes. “All right. Don’t get your hopes up. The hairy characters I work for aren’t likely to use couriers other than battlefield couriers—”
“I’m that, too. What I carry gets through.”
“Or you get killed.” He grinned. “They’re more likely to use a superdog. Look, sweetheart, a corporate has more need for your sort of messenger than does a military. Why don’t you leave your name with each of the multinationals? All the big ones are represented here. And they’ve got more money. Lots more money.”
I thanked him and we left. At Goldie’s urging I stopped in at the local branch post office and made printouts of my own brag sheet. I was going to ease off on the required salary, being sure that Boss had favored me—but Goldie wouldn’t let me. “Raise it! This is your best chance. Outfits that need you will either pay without a quiver, or will at least call you and try to dicker. But cut your price? Look, dear, nobody buys at a fire sale if they can afford the best.”
I dropped one at each multinational. I didn’t really expect any nibbles but if anyone wanted the world’s best courier, they could study my qualifications.
When the offices started to close, we slid back to the hotel to keep our dinner date, and found both Anna and Burt just a leetle tipsy. Not drunk, just happy and a touch too deliberate in their movements.
Burt struck a pose and declaimed, “Ladies! Look at me and admire! I am a great man—”
“You’re swacked.”
“That, too, Friday, m’love. But you see before you wup! the man who banked the broke at Monte Carlo. I’m a genius, a blinkin’, true-blue, authentic, f’nanchal genius. You may touch me.”
I had been planning to touch him, later that night. Now I wondered. “Anna, did Burt break the bank?”
“No, but he certainly bent it.” She stopped to belch carefully, covering up. “’Scuse me. We dropped a little here, then went over to the Flamingo to change our luck. Got there just before post time for the third at Santa Anita and Burt put a superbuck on the nose of a little mare with his mother’s name—a long shot and she romped home. So here is a wheel right outside the track room and Burt put his winnings on double zero—”
“He was drunk,” Goldie stated.
“I am genius!”
“Both. Double zero hit, and Burt put this enormous stack on black and hit, and left it there and hit, and moved it to red and hit—and the croupier sent for the pit boss. Burt wanted to go for broke but the pit boss limited him to five kilobucks.”
“Peasants. Gestapo. Hired menials. Not a gentleman sportsman in their entire casino. I took my patronage elsewhere.”
“And lost it all,” said Goldie.
“Goldie m’old frien’, you do not show proper respec’.”
“He might have lost it all,” agreed Annie, “but I saw to it that he followed the pit boss’s advice. With six of the casino’s sheriffs around us we went straight to their casino’s office of the Lucky Strike State Bank and deposited it. Otherwise I would not have let him leave. Imagine carrying a half a megabuck from the Flamingo to the Dunes
in cash
. He wouldn’t have lived to cross the street.”
“Preposterous! Vegas has less violent crime ’nany other city North Amer’ca. Anna, m’true love, you are a bossy, notional woman. A henpecker. I shall not marry you even when you fall on your knees at Fremont ’n’ Main ’n’ beg me to. Instead I shall take your shoes away from you and beat you and feed you on crusts.”
“Yes, dear. You can put your own shoes on now because you are going to feed all three of us. On crusts of caviar and truffles.”
“And champagne. But not because you are henpeckering me. Ladies. Friday, Goldie, my true loves—will you help me celebrate my f’nanchal genius? With libations and pheasant under glass and gorgeous show girls in fancy hats?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“Yes before you change your mind. Anna, did you say ‘half a megabuck’?”
“Burt. Show them.”
Burt produced a new bankbook, let us look at it while he buffed his nails on his stomach and looked smug. Bk504,000. Over half a million in the only hard currency in North America. Uh, slightly over thirty-one kilos of fine gold. No, I wouldn’t want to carry that much across the street, either—not in bullion. Not without a wheelbarrow. It would mass almost half as much as I do. A bankbook is more convenient.
Yes, I would drink Burt’s champagne.
Which we did, in the theater at the Stardust. Burt knew how much cumshaw to give the captain of waiters to get us ringsides (or paid too much, I don’t know which) and we sopped up champagne and had a lovely dinner centered around Cornish game hen but billed as squab and the show girls were young and pretty and cheerful and healthy and smelled freshly bathed. And they had show boys with stuffed codpieces for us women to look at, only I didn’t, not much, because they didn’t smell right and I got the feeling that they were more interested in each other than they were in women. Their business, of course, but on the whole I preferred the show girls.
And they had a swell magician who plucked live pigeons out of the air the way most magicians pluck coins. I love magicians and never understand how they do it and I watch them with my mouth hanging open.
This one did something that had to involve a pact with the Devil. At one point he had one of the show girls replace his pretty assistant. His assistant was not overdressed but the show girl was wearing shoes at one end and a hat at the other and just a smile in between.
The magician started taking pigeons from her.
I don’t believe what I saw. There isn’t that much room and it would tickle. So it didn’t happen.
But I’m planning on going back to watch it from a different angle. It simply
can’t
be true.
When we got back to the Dunes, Goldie wanted to catch the lounge show but Anna wanted to go to bed. So I agreed to sit with Goldie. Burt said to save him a seat as he would be right back after he took Anna up.
Only he didn’t. When we went up I was unsurprised to find the door to the other room closed; before dinner my nose had warned me that it was unlikely that Burt would soothe my nerves two nights in a row. Their business and I had no kick coming. Burt had done nobly by me when I really needed it.
I thought perhaps Goldie would have her nose out of joint but she didn’t seem to. We simply went to bed, giggled over the impossibility of where he got those pigeons, and went to sleep. Goldie was snoring gently as I dropped off.
Again I was awakened by Anna but this morning she was not looking sober; she was radiant. “Good morning, darlings! Pee and brush your teeth; breakfast will be up in two jounces. Burt is just getting out of the bath, so don’t dally.”
Along toward the second cup of coffee Burt said, “Well, dear?”
Anna said, “Shall I?”
“Go ahead, hon.”
“All right. Goldie, Friday—We hope you can spare us some time this morning because we both love you both and want you to be with us. We’re getting married this morning.”
Goldie and I put on fine exhibitions of utter astonishment and great pleasure, along with jumping up and kissing each of them. In my case the pleasure was sincere; the surprise was faked. With Goldie I thought that it might have been reversed. I kept my suspicions to myself.
Goldie and I went out to buy flowers with arrangements to meet at the Gretna Green Wedding Chapel later—and I was relieved and pleased to find that Goldie seemed to be just as happy about it out of their presence as in it. She said to me, “They’re going to be very good for each other. I never did think well of Anna’s plans to become a professional grandmother; that’s a form of suicide.” She added, “I hope you didn’t get your nose out of joint.”
I answered, “Huh?
Me?
Why in the world would I?”
“He slept with you night before last; he slept with her last night. Today he’s marrying her. Some women would be quite upset.”
“Fer Gossake,
why?
I’m not in love with Burt. Oh, I do love him because he was one of you who saved my life one busy night. So night before last I tried to thank him—and he was awfully sweet to me, too. When I needed it. But that’s no reason for me to expect Burt to devote himself to me every night or even a second night.”
“You’re right, Friday, but not many women your age can think that straight.”
“Oh, I don’t know; I think it’s obvious. You didn’t get your feelings hurt. Same deal.”
“Eh? What do you mean?”
“Exactly the same deal. Night before last she slept with you; last night she slept with him. Doesn’t seem to fret you.”
“Why should it?”
“It should not. But the cases are parallel.” (Goldie, please don’t take me for a fool, dear. I not only saw your face but I smelled you.) “Matter of fact, you surprised me a little. I didn’t know you leaned that way. Of course I knew that Anna did—she surprised me a bit in taking Burt to bed. I wasn’t aware that she did. Men, I mean. Hadn’t known that she had ever been married.”
“Oh. Yes, I suppose it could look that way. But it’s much what you said about Burt: Anna and I love each other, have for years—and sometimes we express it in bed. But we’re not ‘in love.’ Each of us leans heavily toward men…no matter what impression you gained the other night. When Anna practically stole Burt out of your arms, I cheered—despite fretting a bit about you. But not fretting too much because you always have a pack of men sniffing around after you whereas with Anna it had become a seldom thing. So I cheered. Hadn’t expected it to lead to marriage but it’s grand that it has. Here’s the Golden Orchid—what shall we buy?”
“Wait a moment.” I stopped her outside the florist shop. “Goldie…at great risk to her life somebody went charging up to the bedroom of the farmhouse, carrying a basket stretcher. For me.”
Goldie looked annoyed. “Somebody talks too much.”
“I should have talked sooner. I love you. More than I love Burt for I’ve loved you longer. Don’t need to marry him, can’t marry you. Just love you. All right?”
Maybe I did marry Goldie, sort of. Once we had Anna and Burt formally married, we all went back to the hotel; Burt moved them into the “bridal suite” (no mirror on the ceiling, interior decorations white and pink instead of black and red, otherwise much the same—but much more expensive), and Goldie and I moved out of the hotel and sublet a little crackerbox near where Charleston slants into Fremont. This placed us in walking distance of the slidewalk connecting the Labor Mart with town and that gave Goldie transportation to any of the hospitals and made it easy for me to shop—otherwise we would have had to buy or rent a horse and buggy, or bicycles.