Fractured (5 page)

“Take me...” Lily started.

“Take her back to my place,” Bash tiredly interrupted her. She could almost feel the anger emanating from the backseat. It gave her an instant headache just to think about it. Lily would have wanted to go back to her apartment, but it was Saturday, and regardless of any hangover, Lily knew what that meant. “Lily and I are going to go see Mom.”

*****

Bash still felt guilty over it.

It was a little over seven years ago that their family’s lives changed forever. Bash and Lily were still in high school and were better friends at that time than at any other point in their lives. At sixteen, they were just discovering who they were and getting into a bit of trouble. Lily was the more troublesome twin: she’d sneak out, come home drunk, and do far worse—anything to get attention. While Bash was the more sensible one, she still managed to get dragged along on a good number of Lily’s shenanigans.

It was one of those Saturday nights where Lily had convinced her to sneak out and go to a party with college kids. Bash hadn’t wanted to go because it was final exam week, but Lily’s insistence wore her down and she relented.

At the party, Lily kept encouraging her to do shots, and backing her up when she was talking to a cute guy. That had made Bash feel desirable in a way she’d never felt before.

They came home the next morning. Time had slipped by, and the girls had completely missed the point when they ought to have left. Lily had somehow lost both of their cellphones, and Bash seemed to remember not caring. She was having too much fun. They returned around ten-thirty that next dreary, raining morning, to find both parents waiting for them in the living room, angry and nearly out of their minds with worry for their daughters.

Their mom, in particular, put the blame solely on Lily, who she obviously viewed as the instigator. Even though it was true, Bash couldn’t stand to hear her mother grill Lily and blame her for the bad influence. Lily wasn’t really defending herself, she was just denying everything their mother said. Their father watched the events, adding his tidbits when Cheryl asked him to chime in.

It wasn’t fair to Lily.

In her still-drunken haze, Bash decided to stand up for her twin.

“Shut up, Mom!” she yelled at her. “Just shut up! We both went together, ‘kay? It’s both our faults.”

“I haven’t even started on you, young lady,” Cheryl answered, so angry her voice was cracking. And she continued yelling at Lily, who continued taking it stoically.

Bash’s headache escalated until she couldn’t stand it anymore, lost in her own dark world of pain. If only she could get rid of the shouting, she’d be able to pass out in her bed and sleep it off. She opened her mouth and would forever regret the next thing she said.

“Just go!” she screamed. “Don’t you two need to be at church soon?” Her mother stared at her in cold silence. “Leave! We don’t want to talk to you right now.”

In a furious display, their parents grabbed their things and left, slamming the door so loudly, Bash winced in agony. She found her way to her bed, crashing as soon as she hit the sheets.

She didn’t know then that she would never see her father again and that her mother would never be the same.

She woke up to the peal of the doorbell a few hours later. The policeman said that their mother had a stroke while driving to church and wrecked the car in the rain. Their father died at the scene and their mother was in the ICU.

Their grandparents were called to take care of the girls while they assessed their mother’s health. The left side of Cheryl’s body was paralyzed and her memories were spotty. After trying to handle her condition by themselves, Grandma and Grandpa had no choice but to put Cheryl in a nursing home where she could be taken care of properly.

To this day, Cheryl remained in the nursing home, deteriorating more and more as the years went by.

Bash felt that if they hadn’t stayed out the whole night before and put that kind of stress on their mother or even if she hadn’t yelled at them and demanded they leave, both parents would still be alive. Bash felt responsible for their parents’ demise, and she and Lily had never talked about that morning.

Now, Lily drove Seth’s car to the rest home, with his strict instructions to take care of his car and his girlfriend. Bash thought it was cute, but Lily was icy the entire drive, probably because of the warning.

The Forum was located in Plano on a nice green meadow off the main road. If Bash could see, she’d notice how the big, red building seemed both inviting and ominous at the same time.

Even still, whenever she walked inside, the weight of the sadness inside was tangible. People lived here, and, though she didn’t want to think about it, people died here. This was where families hid people they were ashamed of. Bash wasn’t ashamed of their mother. She only felt guilty.

They found their mother in the garden behind the big building, sitting in her wheelchair in a bathrobe with a blanket across her lap. The gardens were all wintered, so there weren’t any flowering plants. Cheryl sat watching a water fountain in a daze. The attendant gently touched her shoulder, snapping her out of her daze. “Mrs. Martin?”

“Yes?” Cheryl’s voice was muffled due to the lack of control over the left side of her face.

“Your daughters are here to see you.”

“I don’t have daughters. I can’t
have
children.” Cheryl seemed both confused and so sure about that statement.

Bash’s heart broke. She swallowed and attempted a smile, trying to look as normal as possible. It always upset her mother when she remembered that Bash was blind.

“Hi, Mom,” she said. “It’s me, Bash. And Lily’s here too.”

Lily remained silent, not acknowledging her introduction.

The attendant took Bash’s hand and connected it to Cheryl’s. “She’s having a bad day,” he whispered into Bash’s ear. “Don’t say anything to upset her too much.”

Trust me, I don’t want to ever upset her again
, Bash thought sadly.

“Bash?” Cheryl asked, her voice getting clearer as she started to recognize them. “Bathsheba?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“And...Lily?
My
Lily?” Something else entered Cheryl’s voice, something wild.

Lily was still refusing to address their mother. Cheryl’s hand was clenched in Bash’s hand, squeezing it so hard, Bash was surprised she still had such strength.

“Go away,” Cheryl sneered at Lily. “Go away, harlot.”

“Mother,” Bash chided. Their mother had always been like this around Lily since the accident, acting terrified by Lily’s presence. Bash kept dragging her twin along hoping that it would change. Unfortunately it never did.

“No it’s fine,” Lily said. “It’s fine. It always is,” she added pointedly to Bash. Bash heard her storm off.

“Lily came all the way here to see you, Mom,” Bash said soothingly. “Lily
wanted
to see you.” Okay, that was probably a lie.

“I had a dream about her last night,” Cheryl was muttering. “I had a dream about that little...vile thing. Something Eric said...”

“It was just a nightmare,” Bash replied gently, the same way she always did. “A dream.”

Before Bash knew what was happening, she was roughly pulled down to Cheryl’s height. “She’s going to hurt you, my beautiful daughter.” Cheryl’s breath was hot in her ear. “She’s going to hurt all that you care about.”

“Mom...”

“Don’t let her win, Bathsheba,” Cheryl insisted. “Don’t let her win. She’s not supposed to be alive anyways.”

“What do you mean by that?” Bash asked, alarmed. This was something new, something Cheryl had never said before. A chill ran through her body. “What do you mean?”

“She wants your place. She wants that boy you’re dating.”

Bash pounced on that, hoping that could be a good segue into a different topic. “Actually, Mom, that’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she said, her face breaking into a grin just thinking about Seth. “You know my boyfriend, Seth? He asked me to marry him.”

Cheryl’s grip on her arm lessened so suddenly, Bash thought she had disappeared. “Marry him?” Her mother’s voice was reverent suddenly, her terror of Lily completely forgotten. “He asked you to marry him?”

“Yep.” Bash couldn’t hide the excitement from her voice.

“And what did you say?”

“I said yes. I wanted you to be the first person to know.”

Cheryl gently stroked Bash’s face. “Aw, honey, I’m so happy to hear that.”

Bash blinked, hoping to hide the tears she felt forming. “I’m happy too, Mom. I’m very happy.”

*****

Across the gardens, Lily sulked under a tree, watching her mother and sister share a tender moment together. Cheryl always tried to exclude Lily from their heart-to-hearts, which was part of the reason why she hated visiting.

The itching behind her eyes threatened to turn into tears. She roughly wiped her face. She refused to cry, especially when she had been expecting this.

As if on cue, a splitting crack ran through her skull, her hangover rearing its ugly head. It nearly debilitated her. She put a hand to her forehead, grimacing in pain. She didn’t notice that the leaves were shaking in the bushes around her even though there was no wind.

I really have to stop doing that
, she told herself, trying to get over the stranglehold of her hangover.
I really have to stop being so stupid.

Lily,
the voice in the back of her mind chimed in again.
Lii—iiiillllyy.

Shut up
, she told it. She often tried to ignore it. She never tried to get any help for it, because she feared that someone would think she was crazy and she didn’t want to end up in a looney bin like this. She would cope with whatever dark, crazy whisperings her inner psyche would say to her. She’d done it for so long anyways. It did, however, feel like the voice was getting more insistent these days.

They’re talking about you, Lily
, the voice taunted.
Talking about how much better Bash’s life is because YOU failed us.

Of course they would be. Cheryl had just kicked her out of the conversation. Bash would be talking to her, trying to repair whatever it was.

Truth be told, on some level, Lily did blame Bash for their parents’ accident. That fateful morning, Lily was just going to endure Cheryl’s condemnation and that would be the end of it. Then Bash had to step in and tell them to leave. Lily had it under control, and then Bash had to ruin it. Like she always did when it came to Lily’s life.

Not to mention that Cheryl now treated Lily like she was the scum of the universe. Something had happened in that car wreck that made their mother hate Lily now. All because Bash couldn’t keep her damn mouth shut.

Her thoughts drifted back to Seth, and her heart ached thinking about it. He treated her like some sort of stranger now too. Like he hadn’t arrived that night to see
her
. Like there wasn’t any sort of connection between them.

She thought back to their impending ski trip in two weeks’ time and wondered yet again why she agreed to go along. Maybe it was because Bash had allowed her to choose where they would go and offered to pay her way. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Seth was going.

She combed her fingers through her hair. The tears really were forcing their way down her cheeks now. Nothing felt fair to her.

Liii—iiiillyy
.

Shut up!
she screamed mentally.

Unfortunately, the voice wouldn’t hear of it.

She’s marrying him, Lily. Him. Your soul mate.

She was trying not to listen to the voice. It was just very difficult to ignore its insistence sometimes.

“No,” she whispered. “No, they’re not getting married.”

There was no way they were getting married. Bash would’ve at least told her that. Right? And with the ski trip to Colorado coming up soon...

No, they wouldn’t be getting married. They’d only known each other six months for Christ’s sake.

You’ll see
, the voice said smugly.
You’ll see
.
You’ve failed us Lii—illlly...

She rubbed her palms to her eyes, feeling her soul break at the admission. All she wanted her entire life was to be loved. Now, she really was never going to have her happy ending.

A rustling sound made her glance up into the trees, which were swaying even harder now, despite the lack of wind, like an invisible person was shaking them. She frowned, feeling an overwhelming sense of negativity sweep over her. She shivered involuntarily.

You’ll see
.

CHAPTER THREE

T
wo weeks later

“We need to get going if we’re going to make it to Steamboat Springs tonight,” Seth barked. He mentally winced, thinking that his tone reminded himself so much of his commanding officer back in Afghanistan.
Don’t even go there
, he thought to himself and shook his head.