Forgotten Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) (7 page)

“Natasha, stop packing
for crying out loud and talk to me! Please!”

“Marcus, I am sorry but I can’t continue with this marriage anymore
, I can’t!”

“But we made promises to each
other; we said vows to each other. I have never cheated on you, I have never laid a hand on you and I have never cursed you. Why are you doing this to me?” shouted Marcus, suddenly feeling as though his entire life was slipping away right before his eyes.

“It is not about you! It’s finally
about me! I feel so trapped in this life of yours. I did not choose this! This is your dream life, not mine. You are living out your dreams and plans and you have fulfilled your desires but what about me? Have you ever in the last six years of our marriage wondered how I must be feeling?” she retorted.

“Natasha
?” interjected Marcus, not understanding what she was trying to say.

“No, you listen, said Natasha now through
mascara blackened tears which were streaming down her face. 

“I feel as though my life is at a standstill Marcus. I have tried to fit into your world, my parent
’s expectations, and even my friend’s advice but I cannot keep living the life of a schizophrenic. I have my own dreams, and you knew six years ago that I wanted to finish my degree and that I had an opportunity to launch my singing career. I did not blame you when I got pregnant because I loved you and I was young and giddy-headed then. When my parents told us we had to marry to save face, I was torn because I wanted to finish my studies still but I couldn’t. I wanted my dream career but I couldn’t. I was too sick and then they wanted us to get married before I started showing too much. When the baby did not make it that broke my heart! Do you remember all of that Marcus?”

“Yes, I do remember
but I thought all of that was in the past for you, and for us. We love each other and we have moved past all of that now.”

“
Moved past? You must be one of the blindest people that I have had the misfortune to know,” she said harshly. “Do you even remember that my audition with the record label was the same month of our wedding and I gave that up too?”

Marcus could not stand the look of pain he saw in Natasha’s eyes
or heard in her voice. It was the first time in about a year that she was finally letting him look inside to see the raw anger and hurt that she kept boiling beneath the cool and unaffected surface facade she usually displayed.

“Yes
, I remember how disappointed you were, but I thought we had decided to build a new life and to see what new avenues would open up for us?”replied Marcus racking his brain to find a way to get her to stop and see reason.

“Don’t you see? The only avenues that opened up were breakthroughs for you. You got your books published and became an international best
- selling author. You were able to purchase two restaurants and you have become a wealthy man. Look at me, no college degree, singing a few nights at your restaurant, singing occasionally at church in the choir when my time on the roster rolls around every few weeks, and teaching art part-time in a grubby preschool that makes me want to scream every single day that I am there? Where are my dreams in the midst of all of that? I’m Marcus’ Nicholls’ wife, and the Reverend’s daughter. That is all anyone ever sees when they look at me.”

“But I
‘ve given you a good life Natasha, I‘ve given you my love that has never changed! I did not buy those things for me, they are ours, all of them!” said Marcus incredulously wondering how she could think that their restaurants were his alone. Everything he did was for her and everything he had was hers too!

“
I never asked you to give me a good life Marcus!”

“But Natasha, all I’ve ever wanted was to provide you with all you could ever need to be happy. How can you stand here and say that when I am the one who encouraged you to
start singing again at Sands and to keep painting and to someday show your art off!  I love you baby!”

“
Marcus, don’t call me that, I am not a baby! And I really don’t know what I feel for you anymore. All I am asking is that you to give me my freedom. I want my dreams; I need to see if I can have some sort of pride in my life again. I can’t do it while I am trapped in this life shrouded in your shadow!”

“Freedom, this is not a jail cell!
Do you know how many women would love to have the things you do? Why do you think you have to toss our marriage aside? Why can’t this be enough for you?”

“Marcus, I need to do it so that a few years from now I can look at you without hating you and all that you st
ood for in my life. I am leaving while I still have some respect for you. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just gotten out at Ashley’s the first day we met and let her take me home,” she spat bitterly.

Natasha knew that her
last words were said with more cruel intent than she actually felt, but she knew that she needed to say something that would shock Marcus into letting her go. Something that would convince him that she was serious even though she knew that what she said was an outright lie. The day they met was one of the best days of her life, but it was also the day that changed the course of it since then. Although, she was miserable, she knew still had feelings for Marcus, and she just could not shake the idea that somehow their meeting had completely changed the course of her life for the worse.

When her parents discovered she was pregnant only two months after she an
d Marcus met they demanded to meet him and told him in no uncertain terms that he would have to marry her to save face in front of the church they led. Her parents cancelled her tuition payments to SCAD and she was told that she had made her choice by sleeping with Marcus. She could not visit her parents or speak with them without both of them dropping some comment about how she totally messed up her life. They never let up on rubbing in the fact that despite all of their lectures, she hadn’t made a name for herself, and she’d wasted her opportunities for a life in Marcus’ shadow.

Marcus stunned by the gravity of what Natasha said sank into the armchair beside the closet and looked at her clearly pained.
All of the air in his body left in one gust with Natasha’s admission.

“Are you saying that you wish that we had never gone on that first da
te or gotten to know each other,” asked Marcus in a low voice, recalling his memories while sitting in the SUV only a few moments ago outside.

Natasha knew that her next words were
again complete lies but she had to say them anyway if she had any chance of convincing Marcus of what she was saying to him then.

“Yes
, that is what I am saying!” shouted Natasha. “I wish we’d never met!”

With those words she stifled the choking sob that threatened to well up out of her and resumed packing
her handbag with the cosmetics scattered on the bed. She knew that she couldn’t take everything and decided to send movers in to clear the rest of her things at a later date. 

“Liar!” roared Marcus moving out of the
armchair so rapidly that Natasha had no time to think. He seized her shoulders and he spun her around and crushed his mouth against hers. She started to struggle but he persisted and within seconds her body betrayed her, relaxing against him as he kissed her with all the feeling he had in his heart. As his tongue plundered her mouth she had no strength to resist him and found herself responding with equal intensity.

Breaking their kiss he held her hear
t-shaped face between his hands and looked at her trembling lips and eyes glistening with tears.

“Natasha, I hear your words
but I just don’t believe you. That was not the response of someone immune to me. Your body can not lie to me. You never could.”

“How dare you?”
spat Natasha fearing her plan was about to collapse.

“How dare I, I shouldn’t have to dare, I’m your husband. I know that when we got married that the circumstances were not ideal but no one forced me to marry you. I knew from the first day we met and I kissed you beneath that mahogany tree on this property that what I wanted with you was permanent. I was prepared to do anything to keep seeing you.”

Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by the ringing of Natasha’s cell phone. She wrenched out of his grip and hurriedly picked it up and after saying, “okay, I’m coming” to whomever it was on the line, she hung up, dropped the phone on the table and slung her bag on her shoulder. She then grabbed the two small travel cases that she was packing and forced her way past Marcus toward the bedroom door walking quickly.

“Natasha,
who was that on the phone?” demanded Marcus to her retreating figure.

“Marcus, please don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. We have not had a real relationship in
almost a year and a half now,” she shouted back.

“Speak for yourself Natasha, nothing has changed for me.”

“Yes, but everything has changed for me,” she replied flatly as she began to descend the staircase. Descending quickly her suitcase bumped noisily on the tiles as she dragged it behind her. She could hear Marcus’ footsteps behind her and she concentrated all the more on trying to move as fast as she could to the front door.

Standing on the landing of the staircase Marcus asked,
“Is this really what you want Nat?” gently using the name that always softened her in the past.

Steeling herself against his subtle manipulation, she
collected herself and continued walking down the hallway and then half ran out of the front door without looking back.

Marcus could not believe what he was seeing and hearing. His wife was leaving him, she was actually leaving! He thought that when
he called her name, she might have actually turned around but when she continued walking that rejection felt as though someone had literally punched him in the gut and it paralysed him for a moment.

He heard the front door open and realized with one last burst of panic that he did not even know where she was going. As he began to run
down the final steps after her toward the front door, he heard a car door open and close and the idling of an engine. When he got to the door, he saw his wife’s jet black hair disappearing into the doorway of the taxi that was parked outside. 

“Natasha? Natasha?
” he called alarmed that there was a car waiting outside. He thought she would try to use her own keys to the SUV, but a taxi?

By the time,
he reached the car door, she’d already locked it and refused to look up at him. He tried to open it but it was already locked. The tint of the glass also prevented him from getting a look inside and panic continued to rise in his throat suffocating him.

As the taxi pulled out of his driveway, Marcus
frantically felt his pockets for his keys but they were nowhere to be found. He ran to the SUV to see if he could open it and get the spare that he kept in the glove compartment. The door would not budge, it was locked.

“Damn!” he swore
brutally. He was so distracted earlier that he had locked the door and now shining and dangling from the ignition were his keys!

“Damn it Natasha!”
he shouted again into the still mountain air and pounded the door of the Land Rover with his hands as he turned just in time to see the fading red taillights of the taxi as it disappeared around the corner and began its descent down the hill.

She had left him
!

As the car continued down the hill, Natasha allowed her tears to flow freely. She hated hurting Marcus like that but she felt out of control and still finally in control at the same time. It was as if the two halves of who she was were at war, but neither could win. For years, she battled alternating feelings of love and hate, celebration and envy, flaming passion and an ice-cold attitude and she knew that if she stayed she would go mad.

The truth was that she was equally to blame as much as Marcus the night they first made l
ove, when he had visited her after she returned to college. It wasn’t planned but it happened because they both missed each other so much and the passion and love they felt for each other took over and they had both cast common sense aside. It was reckless and it was foolish but at the time neither had any idea what they consequences might have been. She was in love with Marcus then and making love to him seemed to be the most natural thing in the world. They had spent two of the happiest days of their lives together but it all came crashing down when she discovered she was pregnant. It was a difficult pregnancy and she had terrible morning sickness which made it impossible for her to continue studying. When she told her parents and returned to Derrien Island she was filled with so much shame knowing she had disappointed them. It seemed that for as long as she could remember her relationship with Marcus was filled with conflicting emotions.

Now seated in this taxi, she replayed what she had just done in her mind.
She did not dare tell Marcus that she was actually headed for the airport, and that she had made the travel plans about two weeks earlier. If possible a clean trail would provide her with a clean break!