Forever With You (Bayou Dreams Book 5) (17 page)

Chapter 10

L
eslie burrowed herself deeper under the covers, her body seeking the unfamiliar warmth coming from the other side of the bed. It felt so good...yet...so...strange.

Her eyes popped open.

Her body stiffened. She wasn’t alone.

For the first time in nearly two years, someone who wasn’t Kristi during a thunderstorm was sharing her bed.

Leslie stared at the ornate chest of drawers that had been in this room since Braylon’s parents had bought this house thirty years ago. As her eyes traced over the intricate carvings along the mahogany dresser’s Queen Anne legs, she concentrated on controlling the numerous emotions rioting back and forth in her brain.

This wasn’t a bad thing. It wasn’t something she should be ashamed of. She was a young, healthy, normal woman. She should be able to enjoy spending the night with a man and not feeling as if her entire world would cave in on her in the morning. But that was exactly how she felt, as if the walls surrounding her would crumble at any second.

“Hey, are you awake?” Gabriel’s groggy voice came from just over her shoulder.

Leslie went rigid, but after a few seconds forced herself to relax. She didn’t want him to sense her anxiety over what they’d done last night. She didn’t want to explain to him that none of what she was feeling right now was his fault.

“I am,” she said.

Leslie felt his unbelievably soft lips on the center of her back. Her body warred with the urge to both flinch and liquefy with need. He had done so much for her last night. He’d reminded her of all the wonderful sensations she was capable of experiencing. The way he’d taken his time and worshipped her body was enough to make her melt this very second.

“I hate the thought of leaving you in bed like this,” he said, moving his lips to her bare shoulder. “But I promised Tristan I’d help him out this morning. The high school band is preparing for the state competition.”

“That’s okay,” Leslie said. “Shayla will be bringing the girls over soon anyway.”

“Ah, yeah. That would be awkward. I’m not sure we’re ready to explain this thing to Cassidy yet, are we?”

Leslie pushed out a breath. “Not just yet,” she said. “Give me just a minute, then I’ll let you have the bathroom.”

She rose from the bed, trying her hardest not to feel self-conscious as she walked her naked body into the bathroom and grabbed the robe from behind the door. Her hands fell still as she fingered Braylon’s threadbare robe. The flimsy blue cotton was practically useless. She’d started wearing it during his first tour of duty, and even though he’d bought her several robes over the years, Leslie had never been able to make herself give up this one.

She could not bring herself to wear Braylon’s robe while entertaining another man.

She pulled the one he’d bought her several Christmases ago from the bathroom closet. Leslie tried to quell the nausea building in her belly as she threaded her arms through the satin robe and tied the sash tight at her waist.

When she exited the bathroom Gabriel was standing on the other side of the bed, his pants on but unzipped.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Leslie said.

He looked up at her, his brow cocked in an amused expression. “It would be a little late for me to be modest, wouldn’t it?”

Her cheeks heated as she shook her head. “I guess so.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

Gabriel tilted his head to the side, his steady gaze roaming over her face. “Leslie, is something wrong?”

She watched him as he slid his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

“No, nothing,” she lied. “Do you...uh...do you want some coffee?”

He came to where she stood and wrapped his arms around her waist, lacing his fingers at the small of her back. “I wish I could stay for coffee, but I should have been at the high school ten minutes ago. I’m going to run over to my place to shower and change.”

He dipped his head, captured her lips in a slow, deep kiss. Leslie tried to enjoy it, but just before her eyes would have fallen closed, she glanced at the nightstand and saw the picture of Braylon in his uniform. The sickening feeling that had been threatening to overtake her flooded her gut.

She pulled her head back and pushed at Gabriel’s chest.

“I need you to go,” she said, her voice hoarse, her throat suddenly aching.

The disappointment that immediately clouded Gabriel’s face was too much for her to handle right now.

He took a step forward. She stepped back.

“Come on, Leslie, don’t do this,” he said, reaching for her.

Leslie sidestepped him and walked swiftly out of the room, heading for the kitchen. She had the door opened by the time Gabriel made it to the room.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I just can’t deal with...with this right now. I need some time. Please just leave.”

“Leslie.” Her name came out on a painful sigh. “Let me help you through this. We can talk it out, but you can’t push me away.”

He reached for her again, but she twisted away from his touch.

“Gabriel, please,” she said much louder than she’d intended.

His hands fell to his sides. The look on his face was one of pure agony. But she couldn’t be concerned with his pain right now. Not when her own was threatening to suffocate her.

Without another word he grabbed his keys from the table and walked out. He stopped on the second step and turned back to look at her. The heartbreak in his eyes stole the breath from her lungs. Time stood still as their gazes locked across the mere feet that separated them. It could have very well been miles.

Gabriel shook his head, shoved his hands into his pockets and continued down the steps, never once looking back as he got into his car and backed out of the driveway.

The minute Leslie closed the door, she dropped her head against it and tears started to stream down her face.

“Damn you, Braylon,” she choked out. Then, with enough force to shake the walls, she screamed,
“Damn you!”

She tore out of the kitchen, ran to the bedroom and grabbed the photograph from her nightstand.

“Look what you did to me!” she yelled at her dead husband’s face. “Look what I’ve become! A damn coward who’s too afraid to let a good man love me.

“Damn you!” she screamed again and hurled the picture at the wall.

The crash of the glass resonated through the room as it broke into pieces. Leslie crumbled onto the hardwood floor and rolled into a ball, her body racked with sobs. She folded her arms over her stomach and cried until she had nothing left.

* * *

“Dude? What the hell?”

Gabe looked over his shoulder and spotted Tristan standing on the other side of the chain-link fence. Ignoring him, Gabe dribbled the basketball a couple of times before taking a shot. He missed. Again.

“Is this what you call helping me? Practicing your weak-ass jump shot?”

“Not the time,” Gabe said as he set up for another shot. The ball rolled around the rim before falling...on the outside of the net.

Dammit
. But based on the rest of his morning, that was par for the course.

He shot the ball up again, banging it hard off the backboard and right into Tristan’s hands.

“You want to give that to me?” Gabe asked.

“Nah,” Tristan said, tucking the ball under his arm. He nodded toward Gabe’s chest. “You run out of clean basketball gear?”

Gabe looked down at his clothes. His once crisply ironed white shirt was now wrinkled and damp from the sweat he’d worked up running around on the basketball court for the past hour, and dancing the salsa at the Blue Nile last night. His pants weren’t in much better shape, and he didn’t want to think about the beating his shoes had taken on the unforgiving asphalt.

“Look, I’m sorry I never showed up to help out with the band. I’ve got a lot on my mind. Can you just give me my ball and let me hang out here alone for a while?”

“How long have you known me?” Tristan asked.

Gabe didn’t answer. It wasn’t as if Tristan needed one.

His friend continued, “And in all that time, when have you known me to leave you moping?”

“I’m not moping.” Gabe reached for the ball. The bastard switched arms.

“Oh, you are moping, my friend.” Tristan dribbled the ball a couple of times, then tried unsuccessfully to spin it on his fingertip. “Does your current mood have anything to do with a pretty widow that likes to volunteer in your class?”

Gabe’s mouth dropped open.

“Oh, come on,” Tristan said. “Seriously, man, how long have you known me? You think I didn’t see this coming a mile away?”

“But we’ve been careful as hell,” Gabe said. “No one was supposed to know.”

Pain sliced through his chest the moment the words left his mouth.

He should have known this thing between them was doomed from the minute she’d insisted they keep it quiet. She never would have been comfortable enough to bring their relationship out into the open.

“I don’t know if anyone else figured it out,” Tristan said. “Then again, I don’t know if anyone else pays close enough attention to you to recognize how different you’ve been lately.”

Gabe’s head reared back. “How have I been different?”

“You’ve been happy. Less stressed.” Tristan dribbled the ball a couple more times, then tossed it to Gabe. “I’m guessing something that falls into the not-so-good category happened last night, otherwise you wouldn’t be out here playing basketball in your Sunday best.”

“Actually, what happened last night falls into the best-night-of-my-life category. It was this morning when everything went to hell.” Gabe let the ball fall from his hands without taking a shot. “I don’t know what went wrong. No. I
do
know what went wrong. We moved too fast, and she wasn’t ready to handle it.”

“You had to have known that it would be tricky dating someone with the kind of baggage Leslie Kirkland carries. Or did you not know about her baggage?”

“I knew her husband died.”

“Do you know
how
he died?”

Gabe nodded. “She told me the first time we went out. But he died two years ago. I thought—hoped—that it was enough time for her to have worked through her issues over it. Apparently, I was wrong.”

Tristan picked up the ball and took a shot, sinking it through the net.

“So, what now?” he asked.

“What in the hell do you think I’ve been trying to figure out here on this basketball court?” Gabe asked, taking the ball and trying again. He missed, but caught his own rebound.

“You come up with anything good?” Tristan asked.

“There’s only one thing I can do,” Gabe said. He looked over at his old roommate and shook his head. “I can’t accept any other alternative.”

He tossed the ball to Tristan and then took off for his car.

Chapter 11

L
eslie didn’t know how much time had passed when she heard knocking at the kitchen door. She tried to lift herself up, but she was too weak to move, her body still wrung out from the deluge of anguish that had overtaken her. A minute later she heard the kitchen door open and Shayla calling her name.

“Les? Are you here?”

Moments later her bedroom door creaked opened. She heard Shayla gasp, and in a heartbeat her sister-in-law was at her side.

“Oh, my God, Leslie! What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay,” Leslie said, pushing herself up before Shayla called 911.

“What happened?” Shayla asked again. Her eyes darted from Leslie to the shattered picture frame. Understanding washed over her face. “Oh, Les,” she said.

“Mom?” Cassidy called, followed by Buster’s squeaky bark.

Shayla quickly pushed herself up from the floor. “Don’t worry, I’ve got them,” she said before backing out of the room.

Leslie didn’t put up an argument. She felt too broken to do anything.

Five minutes later, Shayla came back into the room. Leslie was exactly where she’d left her.

“Oh, honey,” Shayla said. She walked over and sat on the floor next to her.

Leslie tried to keep the tears at bay, but it was as if she’d released the hinges on a dam that had been closed for too many years. The force of the tide was too strong to stop it. She cried until her body ached with it, until she was too weak to do anything more than rest in Shayla’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Shayla murmured as she ran a soothing hand over Leslie’s head again and again. “It’s going to be okay, honey. It’s going to be okay.”

“When?” The single word came out hoarse and craggy. “When will it be okay, Shayla? It’s been two years and nothing is okay.”

Leslie wiped her nose on the sleeve of her robe and looked up at her sister-in-law. She and Braylon had the same deep brown eyes, the same eyes that her daughters had.

“It’s not okay. I slept with Gabriel,” Leslie admitted in a small voice. “In this room. I slept with another man in my husband’s bed.”

“Oh, honey, don’t. Don’t you dare do this to yourself,” Shayla said. She cradled Leslie in her arms again, rocking from side to side as guilty tears once again overwhelmed her. “This is exactly where you should have slept with Gabriel, because this is
your
room, not Braylon’s. This is healthy, Leslie. This is right.”

“Taking another man to my husband’s bed is right?”

“You’re damn right it’s right,” Shayla said. “You told me yourself that you and Braylon talked about this. This is what he wanted for you if anything ever happened to him. There’s no reason to be angry with yourself for doing something that Braylon would have wanted. I mean it, Leslie. Don’t you dare feel one ounce of guilt about sleeping with Gabriel.”

Shayla lifted Leslie’s chin so that she could look her in the eyes.

“Is it really you that you’re angry with?” she asked. “Or is it Braylon?”

Leslie pulled her trembling bottom lip between her teeth. “It’s Braylon,” Shayla stated. “He’s the one you’re angry with.”

She nodded, the tears once again cascading down her cheeks.

“I am,” Leslie admitted. “God, I am still
so
angry with him,” she said. “Why, Shayla? Why did he do it? I thought I’d dealt with all of this, but I need to ask him why. Why didn’t he come to me and let me help him? Why did he leave me to raise these girls on my own?”

Shayla smoothed Leslie’s hair away from her face, her own eyes brimming with tears.

“You’re never going to get those answers, sweetheart. I wish that you could—God, do I wish you could—but you need to accept that you won’t. Braylon is gone. He’s not coming back. You have to figure out a way to get past this, Les.”

“I know,” she said. She sniffed. “I’ve...I’ve been planning to ask for a transfer...to the Houston office. I thought maybe getting away from Gauthier would help.”

Leslie felt Shayla stiffen. She heard her swallow. “Moving?”

“I know it’s selfish, but sometimes I hate walking into this house, Shayla. Dealing with the memories. It’s just so hard.”

“Do you really think moving will help, though? You can’t run away from this, Leslie.”

“I know,” Leslie whispered.

Shayla tipped her chin up again. “Whatever you choose to do, you need to make sure that it helps you to really work through these issues, honey. If that means moving, then I guess you have to do what you have to do. But I really think you need to talk to someone, a professional who can help you through this.”

Leslie nodded.

“You have a life ahead of you, Les. You have two beautiful daughters. You have family that loves you and who is willing to do anything for you. Anything.”

“Thank you,” Leslie said. “I don’t know how I would have gotten through these two years without you, Shayla.”

“You would have, because you’re strong. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. But you never have to worry about getting through anything alone. Remember that.”

Shayla cradled Leslie’s face in her palms. “I need you to do something for me,” she said. “Before you make any decisions about leaving, I need you to think about the future you want for yourself.”

“I have been thinking about the future,” Leslie said.

“And do you see Gabriel in that future?”

“I can,” Leslie said. “I
do
. But I’m afraid I ran him off.”

“If he’s the man I think he is, he’ll be back,” Shayla said.

Leslie’s reply to that was an exhausted sigh. She remained on the floor with Shayla, allowing herself to be held. She was so tired of being strong, so tired of putting on that brave front that was nothing but a facade, despite what her sister-in-law thought.

“Where are the girls and Buster?” she whispered after some time had passed.

“I walked them over to Gayle’s next door. She was working in her garden. She said she would watch them for however long I needed. Do you want me to go get them?”

The floorboards let out a loud creak, drawing both Shayla’s and Leslie’s attention to the bedroom doorway. Gabriel stood just outside the room, his hands shoved into the pockets of the pants he’d worn last night.

“Actually,” Shayla said, “why don’t I take the girls out for ice cream?”

“Thanks,” Leslie said, her voice still hoarse from her tears.

“It’s what aunties are for, right?” Shayla smiled at Gabriel as she eased past him. A few seconds later, the kitchen door banged shut.

The awkward silence that followed Shayla’s departure scratched at Leslie’s skin. With a heavy exhale she pushed herself up from the floor. “Can you give me a minute to get dressed?” she asked.

He nodded but didn’t speak.

Leslie fled to the safety of her bathroom, shutting the door behind her and leaning back on it. Her eyes slid shut as she stood there for a moment and concentrated on taking deep, cleansing breaths. She walked over to the sink and gripped the edges.

Staring at the face looking back at her, she hardly recognized the woman in the mirror. She looked the same, yet everything was completely different. She
was
different. She was
strong
.

She’d endured immeasurable pain, yet she was still standing, just as Shayla had told her. Just as the man on the other side of the door had told her.

That man on the other side of the door was her future.

That was, if she hadn’t already pushed him away. But if she had pushed him away, would he be here?

Hope replacing some of the pain in her chest, Leslie turned on the faucet and washed the remnants of the past tearful hours from her face. She slipped on the white sundress with eyelet trim that she liked to wear around the house and ran a brush through her hair. When she opened the door, Gabriel was sitting on the Queen Anne chair she kept in the corner next to the cheval mirror. He rose when she emerged from the bathroom, but he still didn’t speak.

“I’m sorry,” Leslie opened. She shook her head, knowing the words were inadequate. “It was unfair of me to throw you out the way I did.”

“I just want to know what happened, Leslie.”

She pulled her trembling bottom lip between her teeth, and Gabriel’s face crumbled.

“Please, don’t cry,” he said, coming toward her. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her against his chest. “Don’t cry. I don’t want to upset you. I just want to know what I did wrong. Did I push too hard? Did I pressure you?”

“No!” She shook her head. “You didn’t pressure me into doing anything I didn’t want to do. You didn’t do anything wrong, Gabriel.” She pulled back and swiped at her cheeks. “Neither did I. Neither of us did anything wrong.”

“So what was that about this morning?” he asked, his voice filled with painful confusion.

“I never expected the guilt I would feel the first time I brought another man into this house.”

“Aw, baby.” He cupped the back of her head and held her to him. “I didn’t even think about how that would affect you. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. It was time for this to happen, Gabriel. All of it. I’ve cried so much today that I’m surprised I have any tears left, but it’s what I needed.” She looked up from where she lay against his chest. “Do you know the last time I allowed myself to cry like this? The day of Braylon’s funeral. Sure, I’ve cried, but I never just let it all out like this, and
never
in front of anyone. Ever. Whenever I felt myself getting too emotional, I would do everything I could to stop it.”

“Leslie—”

“I had survived deployment after deployment and heard on a constant basis how brave I was in the face of all that stress. People expected me to be strong. They didn’t expect tears.”

“You lost your husband. You lost him in one of the most tragic ways imaginable. No one could expect you to stay strong through that.”

She pointed to her chest. “
I
did. And I was. I was so strong throughout all of it. But, goodness, Gabriel, I couldn’t be strong anymore. I needed to let myself feel.

“What we did last night was the biggest step I’ve taken in letting go of Braylon. I’ve shied away from dating because I’ve been so afraid to take that step. I’ve been unsure of what it would mean, unsure if it meant that I would have to completely close that chapter of my life. But I’m ready to move on. Truly ready,” she said. “And if you’re still willing, I really want to move on with you.”

He captured her shoulders and dipped his head until he’d caught her gaze.

“You have to promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“I mean it, Leslie. Promise me you won’t send me away the next time you feel yourself falling apart. I’m not naive. I know that this will happen again. But you have to let me be there for you when it does.” He gently caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “If we’re going to be together, you have to trust me with every part of you, especially your heart.”

She closed her eyes and let her head fall forward onto his chest.

“I trust you,” she whispered. “And I promise never to shut you out like that again.”

He lifted her head and stared into her eyes, his soulful gaze reaching the very heart of her.

“In that case, there is nothing else I’d rather do in life than embark on this brand-new future with you.”

* * *

Leslie shielded her eyes against the bright sun peeking through the thick branches of the oaks that resided in Heritage Park, the landmark that divided the east and west sides of Gauthier’s Main Street. The park, like the rest of Main Street, had undergone a resurgence in the past few years. The growth was fueled by the local civic association’s drive to rebrand Gauthier as a tourist destination. If the flood of people who flocked to downtown Gauthier on the weekends—shopping, eating at Emile’s Restaurant or enjoying a cappuccino on the sidewalk seating in front of The Jazzy Bean—was any indication, the rebranding effort had been a success.

Heritage Park had undergone the biggest transformation, being restored to its former glory, with its wooden waterwheel—the focal point of the park—once again churning. This past fall, local attorney and state representative Matthew Gauthier, whose family founded the town, led an effort to make Heritage Park more kid-friendly. An overgrown area of trees and brush had been cleared away and brand-new playground equipment had been brought in.

“Mama, watch this!” Kristi called.

Still shielding her eyes, Leslie looked on as Kristi climbed up the rungs of the
big-girl slide
. When she made it to the top, she waved down at Leslie, then turned around with her back to the slide, preparing to slide backward.

“Kristi!” Leslie called, taking off for the slide. “Don’t you dare!”

Kristi turned and started to howl with laughter. “I’m just joking, Mom! Cassidy told me you would have a heart attack if I did that.”

Leslie plunked her hands on her hips. “Is that what you want? You want to give your mother a heart attack?”

Kristi hunched her shoulders. “I don’t know. What is a heart attack, anyway?”

Leslie heard laughter coming from behind her. She turned and spotted Shayla a couple of yards away.

“You’ll find out if you try that again,” Shayla called to Kristi. “You’re going to give both me and your mom a heart attack.”

“Slide down the right way or don’t slide at all,” Leslie told her daughter. She turned to Shayla. “These children will be the death of me.”

“You and me both,” Shayla said. Her lips dipped in a sad smile. “How are you doing?”

“Better,” Leslie said with a nod. “Definitely better than the last time you saw me.”

“Did you and Gabriel talk?”

“Yes. And, before I say anything else, let me reassure you that the girls and I are not leaving Gauthier.”

Shayla brought her hands to her mouth, instant tears springing to the corners of her eyes.

“Thank God,” she said. “Xavier was ready to write me a prescription for anxiety meds. I’ve been a mess since yesterday.”

“Honey, I am so sorry I worried you.”

Shayla shook her head and wiped at the tears that had escaped. “I can’t tell you what to do with the girls. But I just got them, Les. It’s my own fault for staying away for so long, but now that they are in my life I cannot imagine not having them there. I told Xavier last night that we would have to look for a house in Houston. It was just that simple.”