Forever Pucked (34 page)

“For our honeymoon I’m making a cape out of a Fruit Roll-Up and then sucking it off Alex’s Super MC. I think I’m good at keeping things interesting.”

“I’m not talking about playing dress-up with Alex’s dick, Vi. I’m talking about stepping it up a notch.”

I eye her warily. “Stepping it up how?”

Charlene glances around the store. Lily and Sunny are still over by the lacy things, pulling hangers over their heads and modeling nighties for each other while giggling.

“Alex has had a hard year. Not being able to play has been difficult for him, right?”

“Well, yeah.” I still don’t see what this has to do with sex.

“And I know Randy getting all the center-ice attention has been even more difficult for him,” Charlene continues.

Lily’s out of earshot. “He’s had a rough time with that. Obviously he likes Randy, but watching someone else play his position was painful.”

It’s kind of like his hate for Buddy. He doesn’t want to be replaced by a piece of plastic that looks like a beaver.

“Exactly. You need to give him lots of opportunities to be the dominant, alpha man that he is.”

I stare at Charlene. “Have you been reading paranormal romances again? Or BDSM porn?”

“Seriously, Violet. Get out of your comfort zone. You’re in your twenties and marrying a professional athlete. These men like to fuck. A lot.”

This I know. On a slow week, Alex and I have sex almost daily. I don’t know why I have to step it up beyond that, but I’m willing to get some new, fun stuff if it helps repair my man’s sometimes fragile ego.

“Okay. I’m open to suggestions.”

“Great.” She slaps my ass, and I jump. “Let’s get you some new outfits to play in!”

Charlene is way too excited for this.

I follow her through the store while she pulls things off racks. She chooses a number of those leather-and-chain getups. I keep my mouth shut, because I can try them on, but that doesn’t mean I have to buy them.

I’m not sure where my mom and Daisy are, but we find Sunny and Lily standing in front of a wall of toys and lube.

“We should get you a new vibrator or two while we’re here,” Charlene suggests.

“There’s nothing wrong with Buddy.” Other than the fact that Alex hates him.

Sunny and Lily stop staring at the wall of dicks and other things to give their attention to me.

Sunny twirls her hair. “Buddy?”

“It’s her vibrator,” Charlene explains.

“It’s a beaver,” I add.

“Your vibrator is a beaver?” Lily asks.

“Yup. It’s a beaver wearing tightie-whities. I love it.”

“And Alex hates it,” Charlene says.

“Why?” Lily asks.

“Maybe because it has a name? He got all sorts of riled up when I told him I was in bed with Buddy during away games. I think it bothers him when I have to give myself orgasms.”

“That’s kind of sweet, isn’t it?” Lily says.

“I think so.”

“Anyway, you need a new one. Buddy’s face has almost worn off, you use it so much.” Charlene picks up two packaged vibrators and starts reading the backs, comparing models.

“The face has worn off?” Lily looks disturbed.

“It gets a lot of use during away games, and after Alex’s accident, he needed some recovery time, so Buddy had to help out.”

“Your vibrator has a face?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s, like, literally a beaver with buck teeth and everything.”

“You and Alex are perfect for each other,” Lily mutters.

I nod my agreement, then turn my attention to the wall of dicks. There’s a giant purple one with two heads—one at either end. It’s out of the package and lying on the shelf. Maybe it’s a tester. I pick it up, and it flops around. I smack Charlene on the ass with it. “What the hell’s the point of this? Is this for people who have two vaginas?”

Charlene ignores me. I make lightsaber sounds and then pretend it’s a pair of nunchucks. I accidently smack her in the tit. She grabs it and starts beating me.

Sunny and Lily burst out laughing, and I run down the aisle to get away. I end up in the anal section. Of course. On display are tubes of lube and a dildo thing that looks like a bunch of beads, which I actually have in the back of a drawer, along with other things that will never go near my Area 51. My butt clenches in defiance.

Butt plugs in a horrifying array of shapes and sizes taunt me. I pick one up that’s the size of my head and turn around. “Seriously? This is a gag gift, right?” I check the price tag. It’s more than a hundred dollars. For a giant rubber plug. That people apparently put in their Area 51. “The only ass this would fit in is an elephant’s.”

Sunny and Lily are staring slack-jawed at the huge hunk of rubber, or whatever the hell it’s made of. I pick up one of the tiny ones, which are packaged. I hold them up beside each other.

“Okay.” I wave the small one around. “I can maybe understand this. Like, it’s about the same size as Alex’s finger, but this?” I heft it up so they have a better view. Not that they need one. It’s massive in a terrifying way. It’s also heavy and awkward, so I lose my grip. It drops to the floor with a thud.

Charlene shakes her head. “Violet, unless you’re planning a new career as an anal porn star, I’m confident you’ll never have a need for this.” She picks up the giant plug and sets it back on the shelf. It has dust on it now, and someone’s gum is stuck to it. I hope whatever insane person buys it gives it a heavy-duty sanitizing before they do whatever they’re planning to do with it—maybe use it as a door stopper or a paper weight.

Charlene throws more things in the basket she’s commandeered. It’s mostly full of slutty bedroom wear. She grabs the small butt plug and tosses it in.

“Nope. No way. The finger is enough.” I grab for it, but Charlene pulls the basket out of my reach.

“But it’s the same size as a finger,” she argues.

“Yeah, but if I let him put things besides his finger in there, he’s going to think it’s okay to put other, bigger things in there, too. It’s like a gateway plug to his monster cock!” I’m starting to freak out. It’s irrational, but not. I know for a fact that Alex would like to get his giant dick in my ass. He was close with his fingers last night.

“It’s not a gateway, Violet. He doesn’t even have to know you have it.” Charlene keeps a protective hold on the basket.

“What’s the point of getting it if he doesn’t know I have it?”

“Good question.” Sunny has twirled the ends of her hair around her fingers and is rubbing them across her lips. She’s staring at the wall of butt-invasion products. Her cheeks are pink. Lily’s standing beside her, biting her lip.

Charlene releases a frustrated sigh. “You use it on your own and decide whether you want to share it or not. It’s really not that big a thing.”

“That one’s not, but there are so many sizes.” I gesture to the wall of anal implements.

Charlene grabs me by the arm. “Come on!”

“Where are you taking me?”

“The change room.”

“I’m not trying that thing out here!”

Charlene bursts out laughing. “Of course you’re not. You need to try these on.” She jingles the basket of fetish wear.

“Oh. Okay.” Suddenly trying on things with chains and buckles is a far less terrifying option. I let her corral me into one of the black-doored dressing rooms.

She tosses all the leathery, chained outfits on one chair and the other ones—the prettier, lacier jobs—on another. “We want to see them all.”

Then she closes the door.

I stare at the piles of slutwear. Eventually I’m going to get Charlene drunk enough that she tells me what kind of kinkery she gets up to.

I spend five minutes trying to get my boobs and the rest of my parts into one of the fetish getups, but I can’t seem to figure it out. There’s no way I’m buying something I can’t get into on my own.

After a while there’s a knock on my dressing room door. “Everything okay in there?” Sunny asks.

“This thing is like a straightjacket.”

“Want some help?”

I debate whether I do. My nipples are poking out and my red Waters’ ass underpants are bunched between the leather and chains. I’ve clearly done something wrong putting this on.

“Gimme a sec.” I try to reverse the process, but I’m now stuck. “Yeah. Okay. You can come in.” I unlock the door and peek out.

No sign of my mom or Daisy anywhere, thank God. I open the door enough that Sunny can squeeze through.

Her cheeks puff out, and she looks me up and down. “Oh, wow, that’s uh…”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think you have it on right.”

I look down at my chest. One boob is close to my neck, and the other is low. “Me either.”

“Let me see what I can do.” Sunny turns me around and starts fiddling with the crap that holds it together in the back. It gets tighter around my chest instead of looser. “I don’t think I’m doing this right either,” she says. “Maybe I should get Charlene.”

“Maybe.”

Sunny opens the door. Lily’s out there now. “Where’s Charlene?”

“I have no idea. I lost her a few minutes ago. Your mom and Skye are in the pocket pussy aisle, so I figured this was the safest place to hang out.”

Sunny checks behind her, then pulls Lily in and locks the door. “Can you help us figure this out?”

“Uh…this is…is Alex into this kind of thing?” Lily’s expression would be priceless if I wasn’t stuck in a fetish getup that’s cutting off the circulation in my right boob.

“I seriously hope not. Can you get me out of this?” I’m starting to get sweaty and panicky. I don’t want to be stuck in this forever.

“I can try.” She turns me around and confers with Sunny about all the strappy things. “I think maybe we should start at the front.” I turn to face her, and Lily’s eyes drop to my boobs. “That looks really uncomfortable.”

“It is.”

“I think maybe this isn’t designed for boobs like yours.”

“What does that mean?” I’m snappy, because I’m strung up.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. I just think my boobs would fit a lot better in there than yours. You need something that can house all that you have to offer.” Lily loosens a strap and the boob at my neck falls, providing some relief.

She struggles for another minute. A knock at the door startles us. “So? How’s it going?” It’s Charlene.

Sunny opens the door, and Charlene joins us in the now crowded dressing room.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

“I can’t figure this thing out!” I gesture wildly. “None of us can.”

“Let me fix this.” Charlene swoops in and starts fiddling with buckles, manipulating my boobs into a much less painful position. After less than a minute, all my parts are in the right place and my nipple no longer has tingles from lack of circulation. “Check it out.”

The three of them move out of the way and give me access to the mirror. “Holy shit.”

“Right? You look hot.”

“I don’t know if Alex will like this, though.”

Charlene crosses her arms over her chest and smirks. “Oh, he’ll like it. You should check out your ass.”

“She’s right. Your ass looks great,” Sunny agrees.

“And your boobs, but they always look great,” Lily sighs.

“I can’t even get myself in and out of this. I’m not buying something I could get trapped in!”

I have to admit, I do look pretty damn hot. I just don’t know if this is something I’ll be able to manage alone.

“Just try the rest of the stuff on, and we’ll decide at the end.” Charlene motions to the piles on the chairs.

The girls file out of the dressing room, and I spend the next half hour modeling lingerie. I have to show them every outfit, and then they have a vote. By the time I’m done, I have a larger keep pile than no pile. Half the stuff I’m not convinced I’ll actually wear for Alex, but I’m beyond arguing. We’ve been in this store for two hours. I’m hungry, and we’ve run out of traveler wine.

Usually my max time in a dressing room is twenty minutes. I try stuff on, pick some things I like, and get out. I’m tired from all the snaps and buttons and hooks and buckles. My fingertips hurt.

Before we hit the cash, Charlene stops by the Area 51 section and picks up a bunch of the small butt plugs.

“What are those for, party favors?” I can’t see why anyone would have a use for more than one, unless they were setting up a festive anal toy display.

Charlene ignores me, but jumps ahead of me in line. She dumps her basket of porn paraphernalia on the counter. It’s smut heaven. The cashier rings it up, and they have a serious conversation about the benefits of relaxation lube versus numbing lube.

When it’s my turn, I try to hide the Area 51 toy under the pile of equally embarrassing chainmail lingerie. The cashier is dressed like a pinup girl. Her boobs are pushed way up in a corset, and she has pin-curls. Her lips are the color of Alex’s hockey jersey—and my underwear.

“Oooh, looks like you’re going to have some fun,” she says.

“We’ll see.” I wish she’d move faster and put all the whips-and-chains stuff away before my mom and Daisy find us. I have no idea where they’ve gone.

“This one is so sexy.” Her white teeth sparkle as she holds up the outfit with the most buckles and chains. It also has these cuffs that apparently attach to the hips. Yeah. Like I want my hands restrained when Alex is coming at me with the monster cock.

“On second thought, maybe I won’t—”

“You girls find everything you were looking for?” My mom throws her arm around my shoulder.

I close my eyes. Of course. I hear Daisy’s choked cough behind me. Fuckballs.

“We sure did!” Charlene says. “I’m super excited to try this on at home.” She fingers the lingerie armor, and it clinks ominously. I’m so grateful. I don’t think I’d ever be able to look Daisy in the eye again if she knew it was for me.

“I didn’t know you were into the kink!” my mother practically shouts.

“We all have our secrets, Skye.” Charlene winks.

Daisy pushes between them to get a better look. “Oh…that’s, um, interesting, Charlene.”

“That’s how I like to keep things, Daisy.” Her grin is devious.

“And that’s what this does?” Daisy gestures to the outfit the cashier is wrapping in pink tissue paper. “Keeps things interesting?”