Forever Is Over (70 page)

On reflection, I should have seen what was coming, but I did not.

At that age, I could quite easily have shared a single bed with two naked
Page Three girls without realising sex was on the cards.

Amy
’
s parents soon went to bed and left Daisy, Amy and I in their
lounge. I should have realised something was afoot when Amy sat herself
down ever so close to me on a massive settee. I should have understood
that the intent gazes I was receiving from Amy and the sympathetic
advice to forget Kelly and move on, were all leading somewhere, but I was painfully oblivious. The penny only dropped when Amy put her
hand on my knee as I was talking about Kelly
’
s disappearance. I was
more than a little uncomfortable with that, so, with my coffee finished,
I began to make my excuses.

“
Thanks very much for the coffee, Amy. I
’
ve really enjoyed speaking
to you tonight, but I suppose its time I
’
d better get going. Let you get
to bed.
”

Amy just pounced like a venus fly trap on an arachnid. Before I
had chance to move from the settee, she pinned me down and started
kissing me. I pulled away for a second. This was surreal, I had not had
a romantic or passionate thought about Amy in my life. She was pretty
in a pleasant way, but when you were friends with Jemma Watkinson,
it went largely unnoticed.

It was at this point that I should have walked away. I should have
apologised to Amy for giving her the wrong impression and walked
straight out the door, but that is not what happened! I was a sex starved,
drunken teenager who
’
s girlfriend had turned invisible, nine months
earlier and had not seen, felt or tasted a vagina since. I wasn
’
t cheating
on anyone.

“
Sod it!
”

Recalling this moment, I still have doubts whether I just said it in
my head or out loud, but I do know subsequently, once that thought had
crossed my mind, I dived back into that tongue sandwich.

Ignoring Daisy
’
s presence and the fact that Amy
’
s parents were only
a drink of water away from coming back down the stairs, we began
hurriedly undressing each other. My prosthetic testicle had its first
public outing, although I don
’
t think Amy noticed it, as her attention
was drawn to the tip of the iceberg rather than the bits below the water.
Five minutes after I had made my excuses, I found myself on my hands
and knees naked on Amy
’
s Mum and Dad
’
s lounge carpet, pulling
Amy
’
s knickers off her ankles, as she lay now naked on the floor. Just as
those knickers flew over her parents settee, like a horse over Beecher
’
s
Brook, I came to my senses. It was as if the hypnotist had clicked his fingers and I had come out of a trance, to find myself naked on stage
with a woman I had never met, with six thousand people looking on.
This was all wrong, I had to go.

“
Amy
”
, I said to my naked companion, who was laying, legs slightly
parted and eyes closed, on the lounge floor,
“
I
’
m going to have to stop.
”

             
It was Amy
’
s turn to be embarrassed. She sat up looking like she
needed to grow an extra arm, as three arms were necessary to cover her
two breasts and her pubic hair. Amy was understandably confused.

“
What
’
s the matter?
”
she asked.

“
It feels wrong.
”
I explained.

“
It
’
s just a lay,
”
Amy replied, revealing that she would have gone the
whole hog if I hadn
’
t brought
things to an early conclusion.

             
At this point, I had three choices.

Firstly, I could have taken the cowards option and blamed the whole
thing on my testicular cancer. This was a lie, but would have gained
me a huge amount of sympathy in Amy
’
s eyes. I could have just said I
wasn
’
t ready for this after my operation and cancer ordeal. This was an
automatic forgiveness pass.

Second choice was to just forget we had ever stopped, return my
now less excited penis, back to its former glory and make the most of
this rare opportunity or thirdly I could tell the truth!

Amazingly, I told the truth, not the truth about the cancer and the
orchidectomy, just the truth about how I was feeling. These days, when
I play the
“
Soundtrack to my life,
”
over in my head as I relive moments,
this moment is definitely Billy Bragg
’
s
“
The Price I Pay.
”
If you
’
ve heard
it, you will know what I mean, if you haven
’
t it
’
s about loving a lost lover
too much to move on.

“
Amy, it
’
s not just a lay,
”
I confessed,
“
it feels like I am cheating on
Kelly!
”

Amy was dressing herself again by this point. She had not seen
her knickers leaping over the settee, so had slipped her trousers back
on without sending a search party out for her knickers. It was not
an appropriate time for her to be crawling around on all fours saying
“
Where
’
s my knickers?
Where
’
s my knickers?
”

I had stripped her of a certain amount of dignity and that would
have just been the final straw. I started putting my boxer shorts on as
she responded.

“
Richie, for all you know, Kelly could have had a new boyfriend for the last six months. You are not being fair to yourself.
”

             
“
But I was happy with Kelly.
”

They were the words I said, but I remember thinking how horrible
they sounded as soon as they came out my mouth. To me, they sounded
glib.

“
You
’
ll be happy again, if you could just move on.
”

“
I
’
m sorry, Amy. I
’
m just not ready to move on.
”

I gathered the rest of my clothes together, put them on and Amy also dressed herself. I remember having a sneaky last glance at her
breasts, they were attractive breasts, similar to Kelly
’
s, pert and properly
rounded, perhaps a little smaller than Kelly
’
s but pleasant. If Kelly had
been out my system I would have been suckled in like a hungry baby!

My desire was now so low, it felt like I had released my bodily fluids on
that carpet already. The continued process of getting dressed was carried
out in an awkward silence.

Once dressed, I spoke,

“
I
’
m going, Amy. I
’
m so sorry this got awkward.
”

Amy moved towards me. I was dubious about where this was leading
but Amy just took my hands in hers. I was a coward and a procrastinator,

Amy was quite simply a lovely person. Lovely people struggle in this
world, they find the good in people less worthy than themselves, who
in turn find fault in their perfection.

“
Richie, we were friends before this, weren
’
t we?
”

“
Yes.
”

“
And we
’
ll be friends after this too. If you want me to, we
’
ll forget
this ever happened. If you want this to happen again, but to actually
happen next time, let me know.
”

That was twice in one night, Amy had pointed out her sexual
availability to me. This time though, she was handing me the key to
the chastity belt. I knew I would not be using it.

Just as I was making my way to Amy
’
s front door, I heard Amy
mumble something behind me. I thought I heard her right, but not
understanding, I turned around.

“
What was that?
”

I knew the comment was obviously not intended for me, which
made it all the more interesting.

“
Doesn
’
t matter.
”
Amy said, turning back to the crimson shade she
had been in before, during the heat of passion.

“
Go on! Tell me!
”
I pushed pleasantly.

“
I just said to myself
‘
Phantom Fucker
’
!
”

I thought that was what she had said but was confused by its
meaning.

“
Eh?
”

“
Don
’
t worry about it, Richie. It
’
s a
private joke between Jemma and me
.
”

“
You should go and visit her and share it face to face, Amy. It
’
s not
right her being in there and no-one visiting.
”

“
I will, Richie, I definitely will,
”
Amy said as she led me out the
door,

“
I
’
m sure she
’
d have a chuckle at my expense.
”

I had no idea what Amy was on about but was still too drunk to care.

I set off home thinking things over and cringing to myself from time
to time, screwing my face up to reflect my torture. How complicated
was I making things?

First, I fell in love with Kelly, who ran away to Holland then
Singapore after pushing her mother down the stairs and killing her.
Then, I developed an interest in her sister Jemma, who has now been
jailed for the manslaughter Kelly committed. Finally, as the icing on the
cake, I find myself naked in the lounge of Jemma
’
s best friend, Amy,
despite the fact that I had never been physically attracted to her in my
entire life! Add into the mix, a cancerous and subsequently removed
scrotum and it all adds up to one fine mess!

All I could conclude from the whole sorry state of affairs was that I
wanted Kelly back. I remember breaking out into another Billy Bragg
song that night on the journey home. A song called
“
The Only One
”
as
that was what I wanted Kelly to be and by the time I reached home, I
felt in utter turmoil. I had let Kelly slip through my fingers and I knew
if I didn
’
t get her back, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

“
Come on big boy! Come to Amy!
”

I closed my eyes, lay back on the carpet, the soft hairs tickling my
naked back and told myself the more I relaxed the less this would hurt.
There were too many things running around in my mind though to
allow me to chill. The day before had been day five of my period and I
would have just died of shame if Richie had been witness to the last of
the blood. Blood was fear one, fear two was pregnancy. Should I stop
before we start and suggest he put a condom on? Would Richie sort that
out himself ? If he didn
’
t, could I get pregnant at this time of month?
Claire Rayner was always saying no time in the month was safe, but
the girls at school reckoned if you had just been
“
on
”
then it would fine.
I trusted Claire Rayner more, but since I had leaped on Richie, we had
just kissed and tore at each others clothes in silence, would it ruin the
moment now if I spoke?