Forever in Love (Montana Brides) (25 page)

Amy closed her eyes for a few seconds and tried to steady her pounding heart. There were plenty of hospitals and medical centers in the San Francisco Bay area, but finding a job that didn’t involve long shifts and unpredictable hours would be hard. She didn’t want to leave Montana, but saying goodbye to her sister would be worse than starting over.

Carmen sat beside Amy. She opened the folder in her hands and left it on the table. “This is Tom Ellery. I was waiting tables at an accountant’s conference in Chicago when I met him.”

Her mom pointed to the photo of a man in his mid fifties. He was tall and lean with grey hair and a wide smile. He stood in front of a pretty Californian bungalow, his arm wrapped around Carmen’s waist. They both looked happy and relaxed and everything her mom had dreamed about. With a sinking heart, Amy realized that all they needed to make the photo complete was a baby.

She looked closely at Tom’s face, trying to find something to dislike, something that had forced her mom to abandon Catherine. He seemed crazily normal, different from the other men that had paraded in and out of Carmen’s life. “Is he Catherine’s father?”

Carmen shook her head. “That was Ralph, a no good drunk who would sooner spend the night with his gambling buddies than me. I left him about a month after you took Catherine in.”

“Sounds like a lucky escape,” Amy muttered.

Her mom gave her a sharp look before returning to the album. “Tom’s wife died six years ago. He has two children in their early thirties. Carly is a lawyer in Boston and David works in his dad’s accounting firm.” Carmen turned the page over. “And this is Moggy.”
 

A black cat with half an ear was hissing at whoever had taken the photo. It didn’t look as though Moggy was a happy cat.
 

“I brought him with me from Chicago. We’ve been through a lot together.” Carmen voice grew softer. She closed the book and pushed it toward Amy. “There are other photos in there. I put captions on them so you’d know who you were looking at.”
 

Amy opened the album and stared at the photo in front of her.
 

Carmen leaned forward, looking over Amy’s shoulder. “That’s my parents and there are some of both of us when you were growing up.”

Amy’s heart squeezed tight until it was hard to breathe. She flicked through the photos, watching eighteen years of her life disappear in a few seconds. The last photo had been taken at her high school graduation, the only time her mom had come back to Montana after she’d left her with the Gray family.

“You probably think I’m going to go back to my old life, but this time it’s different. Tom’s helping me become a stronger person. He loves me, Amy, and I love him. We’re building a good life together.”

Amy glanced at her mom and saw a determination in her gaze that hadn’t been there before. For her mom’s sake she hoped it was true.

Carmen glanced nervously at Jackie. “I haven’t mentioned this to anyone except Tom and my lawyer. I thought it would be best to be honest with you.
 
I don’t want to leave you wondering what’s going to happen to Catherine.”

Amy held her breath, dreading what her mom was about to say. Her heart beat so fast that she could feel the blood pumping through the pulse in her neck, throbbing against her skin.
 

“Tom never thought he’d have more children after David was born. When I told him about you and Catherine he wanted to get to know you, to be a father to your sister.”

Amy pushed the album aside, bracing herself against the words tumbling from her mother’s lips.
 

Carmen stood up and moved back to her seat on the other side of the table, twisting the ring on her finger in circles. “I thought long and hard about my life. About how far I’ve come. How far I’ve got to go. I don’t know if I can give Catherine what she needs. I messed up so badly with you, Amy, that I don’t know if I have the right to try again with your sister.”

“You don’t have to make any decisions now, Carmen,” Jackie said. “The last few days have given you a chance to spend time with Amy and Catherine. You’ve got plenty of time to think things through.”

Carmen dropped her gaze to her hands clasped in front of her. “I didn’t come here to get to know Catherine better.” Her voice shook and tears fell down her face. “I came to say goodbye.”

Amy’s mouth dropped open. She choked out a noise halfway between a sob and a cry. She replayed what her mom had said, sure that she’d misheard her. Goodbye was final. It meant never again; I don’t want to see you. I don’t love you.
 

Jackie’s pen fell to the table, the notes in front of her forgotten as she stared across the table. “What do you mean, Carmen?”

“I’m not coming back.” Carmen wiped her face with a tissue and took a deep shuddering breath. “I don’t want Catherine to live with me. I can’t risk her future. Tom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but I can’t rely on him to make everything better. It has to come from me and I’m not strong enough on my own.”

“What’s going to happen to Catherine?” Amy whispered, afraid of the answer. She couldn’t bear it if her sister had to go into foster care, abandoned because their mother didn’t want her, and Amy wasn’t considered good enough for long-term care. There were thousands of couples waiting on adoption lists, all desperate to have families of their own. They had more secure futures than Amy did. Two incomes to give Catherine everything she could ever need.
 

Amy had a part-time, fixed-term contract with a medium sized hospital. She house-sat three cats and had to watch every penny she spent. No permanent home, no permanent job. Nothing to make her stand out amongst the couples waiting to adopt a toddler.
 

“I’m hoping you want to care for Catherine permanently, Amy,” Carmen said. “I’ll sign whatever papers are necessary. The only thing I ask is that you send me photos every now and again and let me know how Catherine is doing. If she wants to contact me when she’s older we can talk about it then. But for now I can’t see her. Not for a long time.”

Jackie pulled the chair out beside Carmen and sat down. “Do you know what you’re asking?”

“I’ve thought about it for a long time.” Carmen reached down and lifted an envelope out of her bag. “I had a lawyer draw up this petition to the court before I left San Francisco. If you’re happy to be Catherine’s guardian I’ll file it at the courthouse before I leave today.” She looked across at Amy.

Amy nodded, too shocked to do anything else.

Jackie took the document that Carmen held out to her and read it. She took a deep breath and rested her hand on Carmen’s arm. “You’ll be giving up all parental rights to your daughter. You won’t be able to see her or contact her without Amy’s permission. For the rest of your life she won’t legally be your child. Is that what you really want?”

 
“It’s what’s best for Catherine. My lawyer told me I’d have to come back to Bozeman for a hearing. From the moment the judge agrees to the petition, I won’t be her legal parent.” She took the papers from Jackie and slid them back inside the envelope. “I can’t offer you money for Catherine’s upkeep, because I don’t have much. But I did bring you this...”
 

Carmen reached into her bag and pulled out an old ring box. The red cover had mostly worn off, leaving patches of velvet stuck to the outside like a pocket gopher molting in the spring. “When your grandma visited us she gave me her mother’s engagement and wedding rings. It was all she had. I want you to have them.”

Amy opened the lid, holding her breath as the overhead light caught the centre of the solitaire diamond. Set against a narrow platinum band, a rainbow of color glowed in the box. “It’s beautiful.”

“I hope it brings you more luck than I found.” Carmen’s chair scraped against the floor as she stood up. She pulled her jacket on, lifting the collar high around her neck. “I’ve got to go. Thank you for looking after your sister, Amy. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I wasn’t able to give you the childhood you should have had.” With tears in her eyes Carmen left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Amy didn’t move. She’d come here thinking her mom wanted to take Catherine back to Chicago. But she didn’t live in Chicago and she didn’t want her baby back. She didn’t want either of her daughters.
 

 
“Are you okay?” Jackie looked just as shell-shocked as Amy felt.
 

“Can mom do that?”
 

Jackie leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “It’s more common than you might think. When I spoke to Carmen she didn’t give me any indication that she wanted to sign away her parental rights. Do you know what happens next?”

Amy closed the lid of the ring box and shook her head. “I suppose I go to the hearing, but apart from that I’ve got no idea.”

“I’ll email you a form that outlines the process when I get back to my office. You have to know that the courts don’t generally favor dissolving a biological parent’s rights. But in this case I can’t see them turning down Carmen’s application, especially if you’re happy to care for Catherine.”

Amy rubbed her temples, easing the tension that was fast building into a headache. “Do I need a lawyer?”

“Probably not. The judge will talk with me and Catherine’s previous case worker. They’ll call in any other social workers that have been involved with Carmen and your sister. If you think of anyone that would strengthen your case to look after Catherine then send me their names in the next couple of days.”

“Why do you think she did it?”

Jackie shrugged her shoulders as she gathered her papers and files together. “Your mom wants to give Catherine a better life. The way she’s doing it is either incredibly noble or the worst decision she’ll ever make. That’s something she’s going to have to live with if the judge agrees to her petition.”

Amy reached for her coat, slipping the ring box into the side pocket. “I’ll go and pick Catherine up from daycare. We’ll carry on as normal until we hear from you or the court.”

Jackie held the door open, flicking the light switch off as they left the room. “I know what happened today has come as a shock, but try not to think about it too much. It could be weeks before your mom’s case is heard and in the meantime you’ve got a little girl to look after and a busy life to organize. It will all work out how it’s supposed to.”

Amy didn’t disagree. Sometimes it was easier not too. Sometimes safer. She’d never taken much notice of fate and letting life take its own course. If she’d been a different person it would have been all too easy to repeat the same mistakes her mom had made. She expected more from herself. More from the people around her. More from her mom.

After she’d picked up Catherine from daycare, Amy rang Nathan’s mom and told her what had happened. Jenny invited them out to the ranch for dinner and some much needed support. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but as soon as she had Catherine bundled up in her car seat it began to snow. It looked pretty, but it was hopeless thinking they’d get anywhere in a hurry. She drove slowly, watching the blanket of white ice hit the windscreen quicker than the wipers could brush it away.

 
Amy stopped her truck outside the Gray family home and smiled at the scene in front of her. From the front yard the house looked like a Christmas tree. Light shone from every room, glistening off the thick layer of snow on the ground outside. Around the edge of the downstairs windows she could see the glow of orange pumpkins, hinting at the Thanksgiving decorations she couldn’t wait to see.

Amy shivered as she threw open her door and ran around the truck to get Catherine. They’d wrapped up warmly for the trip, with heavy-duty snow jackets and wooly hats taking the worst of the cold away. But the late afternoon temperature was bitter and the sooner they got inside, the happier she’d be.

Before she’d made it to the house the front door flew open and Matthew pounded down the steps.

“You need to come with me. We can’t get hold of Nathan.”

She frowned as Matthew lifted Catherine out of her arms and headed toward the house. She ran to keep up with his long-legged stride. “What do you mean, you can’t get hold of Nathan?”

Jenny waited at door, pulling Catherine into her arms as soon as Matthew’s feet hit the hallway. Her face was pale and she looked worried. More worried than Amy had seen her in a long time.

“Thank goodness you’re here, Amy. Matthew’s already loaded the first aid kit onto the back of the four-wheeler. Paul’s taken his truck to where we think Nathan went, but he may not get far with all the snow on the ground.”

Matthew tossed Amy a pair of ski pants. “Put these on. They’ll keep you warm. I’ll meet you at the back door in a couple of minutes.”

“Keep in contact with your father,” Jenny yelled after him. “And don’t do anything foolish.”

“Nathan’s hurt?” Amy took off her boots and pulled the pants over her jeans, fumbling with the tie around the waist. Her hands shook as she yanked her boots back on and zipped the leg of the pants tight.
 

Jenny kissed Catherine’s cheek and held her close. “He went out on his horse this afternoon. He told Sean he’d be back over an hour ago, but he hasn’t arrived home and the weather’s closing in fast.”

 
“Have you called the search and rescue team?”
 

Jenny shook her head. “We were going to wait until we’d had a look first.”

“Ring them now,” Amy said as she opened the front door. “I’m going to grab my medical bag out of the truck. I’ll be back soon.”

She ran down the stairs, nearly slipping on the icy steps. She opened the passenger door and lifted out a black bag, heading back to the house before Matthew came looking for her.

As soon as she walked inside, Jenny passed her a full face helmet and a pair of gloves. “I’ll give Catherine her dinner and put her to bed when she’s ready.”

“Thank you, and don’t worry. We’ll find Nathan.” Amy pulled the helmet over her head and walked quickly toward the kitchen. She glanced at Jenny before the back door closed. They both knew time was against them. A lot could go wrong in the mountains and unless they found Nathan soon, it could get a whole lot worse.