Forever Breathing (Just Breathe #3) (9 page)

I just stare at her wide-eyed. This is probably not my best move but if I speak, I know my voice will betray me. I take another bite of apple and focus on the sweetness mixed with saltiness. Anything to drown out how my insides are turned inside out right now.

She continues, “You can’t even consider it, Ever. He would be lost without you and I suspect you would be lost without him. At least you were before, I know this first hand.”

I nod agreeing with her but I still don’t respond. I will be lost without him. But it has to be done
for
him.

She falls silent staring at me, waiting.

I look away and focus on the window across the room. Vibrant fish glide past oblivious to us or probably even their purpose in this grand world. Their existence is so minor yet so major. We are all here for a reason. Mine, I’m finding, is way more complicated than I could have imagined ten short months ago.

I look back over and meet Amber’s very green eyes. She obviously knows already, or thinks she does.

I roll my eyes at that trait, seeming to annoy me a lot lately and start out slowly, “Amber, I love your brother more than anything. v sit>>I rollYou are so right, I can’t exist without him and I know he cares very deeply for me, maybe to the same point as me.”

I pause, choosing my words carefully.

“He has given everything up for me, to be with me. You already know this.”

She nods glaring at me. Oh great. This is not going to be easy.

“For that reason I have to do this… for him. I have to do this for what he has now so that he can keep it.”

She begins shaking her head.

I look down and finish not able to see the horror in her face.

“If we don’t do something, it will go back to the way it was before and we will never be allowed to be with each other.”

I plead with her this time, “Don’t you see, it’s for him, for us.”

When I look up she is still shaking her head. The look on her face is unbelieving.

“I can’t believe you, I thought of you as a sister and you’re going to betray us.”

I stare at her unable to respond to such harsh words.

Suddenly her face changes, and a light tinge of blue creeps into her eyes.

Then I feel strong arms wrap around me from behind and I hear his beautiful voice.

“Hey sweetness, good morning.”

His lips meet my neck and I lean over giving him more places to kiss, savoring this moment as a tear runs down my cheek, mixing with the saltiness of the sea.

***

I avoided the subject with Jack again. I know I’m such a wimp. I decided to use my quick trip to Gam-aw’s for two things. To get my mom off James’ back, but also to run through things with Gam-aw before I lay it all out there with Jack. My first choice is Gabbi but Gam-aw will have to do.

I land in the bathtub again.
Nuts.
On top of the bathtub, yet again I forgot about my legs. Someday, I’ll get this whole thing right. Gam-aw comes through the door as I’m getting out of the tub on shaky legs.

“Hey you. I was wondering when you’d come and fend off your mom.”

I wince, “That bad huh?”

She smiles, “Nothing I can’t handle, remember I’m
her
mother.”

I smile back. James was just talking about handling my mom. Here’s to hoping I can follow their lead.

***

As soon as my conversation with my mom is over, I ask Gam-aw if I can stay awhile. She leads me to the living room and I sink into the overstuffed, couch, covered in yellow flowers. It feels heavenly against my worn out muscles. Maybe I’ll stay overnight. I chuckle inwardly;
there you go again Ever, avoidance is not your best feature.

I turn to face Gam-aw, “I need to tell you something. B { soot ut let me tell you everything first before you say anything. Okay?”

She looks confused but concerned suddenly, “Of course honey, what is it?”

“Gam-aw, things are going to get bad again in the sea. A week ago, I found out that Alex is still alive. I am so happy that he is alright. But he went to Peru, the city there is twice the size of ours.”

My voice cracks a little at the mention of Alex and his betrayal. It makes me so sad. She grasps my hand and squeezes.

I continue, “He met with me and Jack and explained that they have joined with other Lior cities to defeat Jaspen.”

I take in some air and finish, “Gam-aw I’m scared. It’s a battle that we can’t win if we fight with who and what we have. They are so much stronger.”

She looks very worried suddenly and cuts me off, “Ever, you have to come back then. You
can
come back now. Seamus is gone so there is no one keeping you there. The only way you will be safe is to come back home and live on land. There’s no other choice now.”

Her eyes glaze over momentarily and she claims, “I told you in the beginning that nothing good comes from the sea. Seamus was actually doing the right thing. I am so mad at Jaspen for doing this to you.”

Oh boy, this is going to be like talking to Amber all over again.
Great!

“Gam-aw, there’s a little more. I’ve already made a decision.”

She goes silent and waits looking thoughtful. I know what she thinks I’ve decided. UGH!

“Gam-aw, Jaspen and I have come up with a plan. I’m going to Peru. It will help to find out what they are planning.”

She starts shaking her head raising her voice before I can even tell her more.

“Ever, no you can’t. It’s too dangerous. How could he think that is okay? Especially after everything you have already been through…”

I cut her off standing up and pacing, “I’m going. I have to go. When I started this thing and chose the sea, my reason was Jack. It still is. If we don’t fight for what is right, no one will. This is the only Lior city that has fallen to the Erebus. That speaks volumes and that is why they are coming. They want to squash out that hope. The hope, that life can be different. The hope, that you can love who you want. I have to fight for that. I am the only hope at this moment and I won’t let them down. I won’t let Jack down.”

Her face goes blank. I’m not sure if she’s going to yell at me or hug me so I wait. Minutes drag into one another as I watch a myriad of emotions pass over her face.

Finally she speaks, “Ever, you are one of a kind, you know that.” Admiration fills her face, “You make me so proud to call you my granddaughter. I don’t like it one bit but I won’t argue. You need to stay safe and remember you can come back to land anytime.”

I nod as she gets up and she hugs me. I feel all of her emotion in that hug and my energy is instantly drained. Tears well up in my eyes and I savor my grandmothers words and touch because speaking about my ulti {abo is insmate cause is a lot easier than it’s going to be.

A smile spreads across my lips thinking about Jack and how when this is all over, there will be nothing on this earth that can tear us apart.

Chapter 14

James

Telling Sara that I am coming back with her felt better than it should have. I do have an ulterior motive but just being with her for longer than small moments, excites me. I have to wrap my brain around it all and come up with an official plan. I know I can’t stay there forever and I have to keep my purpose in the forefront as hard as I know it is going to be.

First things first though the parents. I’m almost tempted to just be done with this and tell them about the sea. I don’t know what would happen if I did though. Apparently people can forget things easily when it comes to the sea stuff. Who knows what’s really true though and what’s not. Ever and I have been through the ringer with lies and truth. Who knows what’s up and down anymore. But this lying shit is getting old. I’m running out of convincing stories.

I clomp down the stairs and walk into the kitchen. Both my parents are reading the paper at the table and drinking coffee. They look up as I walk through the doorway.

My mom greets me, “Hi James. How was practice last night?”

“It was good. Davis wrote a couple of new songs, they’re coming along.”

“Good, we’re looking forward to hearing them.”

I nod and grab the bottle of juice to pour a glass.

She announces, “I spoke to Ever last night.”

Good, she made it to Gam-aw’s.

I turn around and lean against the counter taking a sip from my glass.

“I was thinking, maybe I’ll go and see Gam-aw and Ever once more before school starts. Next year will be busy and next summer I’ll be doing the college thing like Ever.  What do you think?”

I wait for their reaction. Minutes tick by and they seem like hours. I need this to work so badly. My mom turns to my dad to gauge his reaction.  He must take that as he gets the final decision.

He clears his throat, “I don’t see why not. Did you talk to Gam-aw yet?”

I nod but before I can respond my mom pipes in, “James, are you sure she is fine with this? I know she thinks she is hip with all the teenagers but she is getting up there and I know she needs her space.”

“Yeah mom, she said it’s good as long as I have your permission.”

My dad asks, “How long will you stay? School starts in a few weeks.”

I knew this would be a bit of an issue. I tread little by little.

“I know, I was thinking a couple of weeks, I’d still have one week left when I get back.”

My mom shakes her head, “I don’t know what the appeal is for you an ~abo iontd Ever to go and stay with an eighty year old woman but I’m glad she has that kind of relationship with you two.”

So am I, more than she knows.

I head out as soon as they are done grilling me. I pack a bag and decide not to push things. I buy a train ticket for the next day with the last of my band money. Well, there went that. It sucks that I have to buy a ticket anyway when I’m not even going to use the thing.

I dial Gam-aw’s number reluctantly. I know I have to tell her something just not the truth, or the whole truth anyway.

“Hi James, how are you?”

“Hi Gams, I’m good. I need a favor again.”

She chuckles, “Of course you do. What will you two do when I’m gone?”

“Gam-aw don’t talk like that.”

“Sorry, today has been tough. What do you need?”

“Well, I’m coming up tomorrow. I need to go back to the sea for a little while.”

She sighs, “You are going to finish school next year, aren’t you?”

“Of course Gam-aw, I won’t be gone long.”

She starts to say something but seems to hesitate.

“James, we need to talk before you go.”

“Okay Gams, see you tomorrow.”

I hang up already knowing the talk she is referring to. Ever must have told her about the upcoming imminent battle. I hope my sister is handling things well. This could turn out very badly but if I have anything to do with it, they will come out on top and she won’t have to worry anymore.

***

The next day, I have a major de’ja’vu moment. I find myself saying goodbye to both of my parents again at the train station. But this time as I board the train, I know it’s not for good. I have a plan and I’m sticking to it. Even
if
a beautiful blonde gets in my way, my senior year awaits me.

As soon as the train starts to move I sink down into my seat, put my ear buds in and pull up my hoodie. I close my eyes and focus on the loud vibrations of traveling to block out any uneasiness about this whole thing.

***

The train comes to a stop and jogs me awake. My left side feels warmer than my right. Something feels like it’s attached to me as well. I look over and see the top of her
blonde head. She is snuggled into my arm holding on as if her life depended on it, asleep. My breath catches at the sight of her. If she is so bad for me, why does my heart do good things every time I see her or think about her? Even after everything she did, I still can’t shake this.