Forever Bound (9 page)

“I…I don’t know, Declan. I’ve got a lot on my plate and I have Lily to consider.”

“Promise me you’ll think about it then.”

Her eyes looked a little uncertain when they met mine. “I will.”

And then I stepped aside and let her go.

For now.

***

Christmas pageants are their own personal form of hell.

This was a fairly small school, but you still had over a hundred kids that you had to corral into the auditorium and figure out who needed to stand where and when and then how to move everyone without it being too distracting.

I wish my drill sergeant was here. He’d know how to get these kids to listen and stay in their spots. It was exhausting.

My class was going to be sitting next to Kristin’s class, but right now, no one was sitting. The kids took this opportunity to start to run around like little hellions. I whistled loudly for my kids to line up so I could get a head count and get them seated.

“Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two,” I counted and felt a sense of panic. Someone was missing. No, two someone’s were missing. Quickly I started moving the kids along into their rows and mentally checking my class list to figure out who wasn’t there.

My stomach sank.

Jessileigh.

Shit! I had turned my back for a minute to see what was going on up on the stage and listening to Mrs. Crandall, the music director, give us all instructions and now Jessileigh was missing.

“Everyone needs to stay in their seats. Understand?” I admonished my class and then began to frantically scan all of the rows for Jessileigh.

“Declan? Is everything all right?” Kristin asked worriedly. She was standing beside me, and I’d never heard her approach.

“No,” I snapped. “One of my kids isn’t here. Actually, two of them…” I kept scanning the area. It shouldn’t be this hard to keep track of these kids! How could I have let her out of my sight? She was my responsibility!

“It’s okay. It’s easy for you to lose sight of them in a situation like this. I’m sure…”

“You don’t get it!” I said, my frustration going. “They are my responsibility. It’s up to me to keep them safe, and if I don’t do that, someone will get hurt!”

She took a step back and studied me.

“Jessileigh!” I called out.

“Yes, Mr. Curtis?”

My head snapped around as Jessileigh—and Lily—popped up behind the back row of seats. I stormed toward them and took a minute to rein myself in. “Are you supposed to be back here by yourselves, or are you supposed to stay with the group?”

“With the group,” they both mumbled.

Taking each of them by the hand, I led them to our section and sat them on the end where I could keep an eye on them.

“Declan?”

Shit
. Kristin was standing right there, questions written all over her face.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I didn’t want to be too far away from the kids so I walked back a couple of rows but made sure I was facing them. Watching them. “What?” I snapped, my heart still racing at the thought of what could have happened.

“What just happened back there?”

“They wandered off and were hiding. I told them to stay with the group.”

She shook her head. “It’s more than that. You said that someone would get hurt. What’s going on?”

A scrubbed a weary hand over my face and knew that she had a right to know what was going on. “Look,” I began and knew that this had the potential to fuck things up royally between us. “What I’m about to tell you cannot go any further than between you and me. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“I’m not a teacher…”

“I knew it!”

“Yeah, great. Save your pat on the back, Nancy Drew, until I’m done,” I grumbled. “Anyway, I’m…I’m a bodyguard. Jessileigh’s my client.”

Kristin looked at me and then Jess and then back again. “I…I don’t understand.”

“Her parents are in a bitter custody battle and right now, there’s a very real possibility that her mother is going to try and snatch her up and take her away.  I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“But she’s her mother!”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. She’s unstable and there’s been allegations of abuse.”

“Maybe they’re untrue,” she said defensively.

I shook my head again. “It’s been witnessed. And documented.  Hell, she’s all but admitted that if given the opportunity, she’d snatch the kid up just to piss her ex off.  She’s not allowed unsupervised visits with Jessileigh, but she’s threatened to take her repeatedly. I’m here to protect her.”

She went silent for a long moment. “So…so do you do this sort of thing a lot? Protect kids?”

“No. Jess is the first child client I’ve had. Normally it’s a bit more…intense.”

“You mean dangerous.”

“Yes.” I stared her down and watched her face. I knew the instant that it all registered with her and when she started to think of a way out of what we had begun. I could read her like a book.

“I see.”

I had to do something, say something quick.  “Not all cases are dangerous,” I said a little too defensively.  “I have three partners and we trade off and…”

“I…I can’t deal with this right now, Declan. It’s all just a little too much.”

I knew it would be. “You can ask me anything you want about my job, Kristin, and I’ll answer you. But you need to keep this to yourself. No one—other than Chuck—knows why I’m really here. I need to know that you’re not going to freak out and say something.”

She shook her head. “I won’t.” She looked over her shoulder toward Lily and Jessileigh. “Is she all right?”

“She’s going to be,” I said quietly. “I’ll make sure of it. And Lily is perfectly safe, too. I don’t want you to worry about that.”

With a curt nod, she turned and walked away, and I had a sinking feeling that this subject was far from over.

Kristin

I spent the entire week in an emotional fury—torn between excitement over this new thing that had developed with Declan, confusion about whether I should have gotten into it at all, and worry about his admission of his real job and purpose here.

I’d always known he couldn’t really be a teacher, but I’d never expected him to work in security and close protection. It fit him better, like he’d finally put on the right-sized outfit in my mind, but the fact that his job was dangerous was like a blaring warning siren in my head.

Nick’s job had been dangerous, and he’d been killed. I wasn’t about to risk something like that happening again to me and Lily.

All through the day, though, I kept telling myself it didn’t matter. Declan and I had been very clear and open about things from the beginning. It was just a fling. Nothing serious. Nothing to get all uptight about.

Sex was sex. And sex with Declan might have been mind-blowing (I flushed hot just remembering it), but it was still sex. It didn’t have to—it
wouldn’t
—change my life.

I was mature and reasonable enough to have sex without assuming it would turn into love.

Declan wasn’t a man I could ever fall in love with.

My teaching all day was a little frazzled. A few times I actually forgot what I was talking about, and my students all giggled when I admitted it. It was ridiculous. Focus was something I’d always been good at, and it was just annoying that Declan had somehow managed to take that away from me.

I kept hearing his voice, though.
Promise me that last night wasn’t a one-time thing
.

I didn’t want it to be. I was dying to have sex with him again, but first I had to assure myself that I was able to handle it without my whole life spinning out of control.

After school on Thursday, I was doing some lesson prep that I’d let slide for the last couple of days, while Lily read quietly in the corner of my classroom. I stared down at the math book and instead of equations pictured myself showing up at Declan’s place later tonight. After Lily went to bed, I could get my elderly neighbor to sit with her. Then I could just go over there. Tell him it had to be casual, no-strings-attached. Then he would take me to bed.

I desperately wanted to be with him again. I’d only seen him in passing today, but his eyes were speaking. I could read the expression clearly.

He wanted to be with me again too.

I took a long, slow breath and tried to think through the idea reasonably.

“Mommy,” Lily said from her corner.

“Yes, sweetheart.” I didn’t look up from the textbook, since I felt like I’d been caught, like I shouldn’t have been having such thoughts in the presence of my daughter.

“Is there a blanket I can use?”

“What?” I looked up then and saw that Lily was on the floor. She must have found the pretty, plastic Christmas plates and tea-cups I’d bought for a birthday party in my class last week. There were some leftovers, so I’d put them in the cupboard. She’d laid out four place settings and was busily folding the napkins.

“I want a blanket so I can have a Christmas tea-party picnic. Is that okay?” She looked up at me soberly.

“Of course, it’s okay.” I’d never seen her try to do a tea-party before, but I was always quick to encourage her when she wanted to play. She was so focused on reading and school that I was glad whenever she did some sort of whimsical fun.

“Like in Alice in Wonderland,” she added. “But it will be better with a blanket to spread it out on.”

“Sure.” I got up and went to the closet and pulled out an old quilt I’d used for some activity last year. Then I helped Lily spread it out on the floor and watched as she carefully arranged the place settings on it. I couldn’t help but smile when she went to get the fake mini-Christmas tree I’d set up on a window sill and placed it like a centerpiece.

When I saw she was having fun, I started to go back to my desk to finish my work.

“Will you have the tea party with me?” she asked, settling herself down cross-legged in front of one of the settings. “You can be the March Hare.”

I chuckled and came back over. I really should work on those lesson plans, but Lily wanted to play like this so seldom that I couldn’t say no. I lowered myself to the floor, trying to tuck my skirt around my legs so nothing inappropriate was showing. “I’ll be happy to be the March Hare. Will you be Alice?”

“Of course.” She reached up and pulled the elastics out of her ponytails, smoothing down her dark hair. “Alice doesn’t wear ponytails.”

“That’s right. You look like the perfect Alice now. We’ll have to imagine the Mad Hatter, but maybe you could talk for him.”

“Yes, I can—“ She broke off, her eyes darting over to the door of the classroom. “Hello, Mr. Curtis. Do you want to be the Mad Hatter?”

I gasped and whirled around to see that Declan was standing in the doorway, watching us with half-smile that looked both astonished and amused.

He stepped into the room. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can see you’re busy.” His smile warmed as he looked from me to Lily.

Lily beamed at him. “You’re not interrupting. We needed a Mad Hatter anyway.”

“I’m supposed to be the Mad Hatter?” He looked particularly sexy and masculine, standing over us in his khakis and black shirt, with a slight stubble on his strong jaw. He didn’t look at all like the kind of man who would want to be play a silly, girlish game.

“Yes, please. You can sit right here, and I’ll pour you some tea.” She patted the bottle of water she must have taken from my bag earlier, the only beverage the room offered.

“I’m sure he’s busy, Lily,” I said softly. “He probably has a lot of work today, and we have to be considerate and not assume other people can always drop everything to play with us.”

Lily blinked. “Oh.” She turned her eyes up to Declan. “I’m sorry, Mr. Curtis. I am considerate. If you’re too busy to be the Mad Hatter, I understand.”

It was so sweet my chest ached. The poor little thing had lost her father, and she wanted so little. But Declan was simply not a man she could put her faith in.

He hesitated. I could tell he felt rather uncomfortable, as if he were being stretched in a way he just wasn’t used to. I assumed he’d take the out I gave him and make a quick escape. Instead, though, he smiled again and lowered himself to the floor to sit in front of one of the place settings. “I guess I’m not too busy to have tea with two pretty ladies.”

Lily’s face broke out in a wide smile, and she started to pour the water into the teacups, giving them instructions on their roles and how they should act to be in character.

I tried to play my part as required, but my eyes and thoughts kept straying to Declan. He was taking his Mad Hatter character seriously, although he obviously wasn’t very familiar with the story. And I couldn’t help but be touched as I listened to Lily give him instructions and watched him respond with a kind of gentle generosity I hadn’t expected to see in him.

“We need to switch places,” Lily announced without warning.

Declan had been pretending to drink tea out of his pretty little teacup and he stopped with it perched at his lips. “Why do we switch places?”

“Just because. That’s what they do. Right, Mommy?”

I was already getting up. “Right. That’s what they do.”

I felt Declan’s eyes on me as I straightened my skirt, hoping again that nothing inappropriate was showing.

“Now, you sit there, Mad Hatter,” Lily directed, pointing at the place she’d just been sitting. “And, March Hare, you can sit there.”

So we all took our new seats, and I tried not to giggle at Declan’s expression. He clearly hadn’t expected to partake in a tea party when he’d dropped by the classroom just now.

Lily seemed very pleased with the entire arrangement, and she told Declan, “Now you have to tell a poem.”

He swallowed visibly. “What? A poem? Why?”

“That’s what the Mad Hatter does, right? He says silly poems.” She gazed at Declan expectantly.

He was clearly put on the spot, and for a moment I thought he might just get up to leave. After all, it wasn’t like Lily was important to him.

But he didn’t get up or make up an excuse. He cleared his throat and put down his tea cup. “A poem. Okay. Uh, okay.
There was an old man from Nantucket
.”

I almost choked on my fake tea at the first poem that had evidently popped into his head.

Declan’s eyes widened as he must have realized the rest of the poem he’d started to say. He looked from me to Lily quickly.

“That was good!” Lily leaned forward. “What’s the rest of it?”

She was so innocent, and Declan was so visibly awkward that I had to raise my hand to cover my mouth to hide my smile.

He seemed to realize my suppressed humor and shot me a dark look that made me want to laugh even more.

“Go on, Mr. Curtis!”

He cleared his throat again. “Uh, right.
There was an old man from Nantucket. He, uh, had a really nice bucket
.”

I was having such a hard time not laughing now that I was trembling with it.

“Shh, Mommy,” Lily hissed. “He’s saying his poem.”

“Right. Carry on.”

That got me another dark look from Declan, who manfully and stiltingly proceeded. “
The bucket was red. And, um, he put it on his head. And…and…sometimes under his chin he would tuck it.
”

I was gasping with laughter at the end of his improvised limerick, and Lily burst into loud applause that spilled over into giggles.

Declan soon was laughing too, and he could barely keep his composure as Lily demanded that he recite his fun poem again, until she had memorized it and could recite it too.

I met Declan’s eyes over the blanket, place settings, and mini-Christmas tree and we shared a look of warmth and complete understanding.

Like we were in this together.

I couldn’t believe this was the man I’d had sex with a couple of days ago. I couldn’t believe he could be so hot and masculine and also so…sweet.

By the end of the tea-party, I was well on my way to swooning.

I couldn’t swoon, though. Not over Declan. This was too serious. I couldn’t let Lily get too attached, and I definitely couldn’t get too attached to him myself.

Declan wasn’t—he just wasn’t—the kind of guy to stick around.

He was the guy for one night. He wasn’t the guy for forever.

***

“Mommy?” Lily said later, on the drive home, pulling me out of my brooding reverie.

“What, honey?”

“Does Mr. Curtis like you?”

I was so surprised I actually jerked, barely managing not to jerk the steering wheel. “What? What are you talking about?”

She looked concerned at my tone, which was harsher than it should have been. “I was just wondering. He wants to be around you a lot.”

I searched my mind, wondering what in our behavior had clued the girl in. I couldn’t think of anything, since all of our more intimate encounters had been when she wasn’t around. “We both work at the school, so we end up in the same place sometimes.”

“He looks at you like he likes you.”

I had no idea what to say to that.

“It’s okay if he likes you, isn’t it?” she added, an edge of concern in her voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Daddy is dead, so it’s okay for you to have a boyfriend, right?”

“Right. It’s okay. But Mr. Curtis isn’t going to be my boyfriend.” My mind was a confused whirl, and I just prayed I was handling this right. This was the first time the subject had ever come up.

“Why not?”

“Because we don’t like each other that way.”

“Maybe you do and you don’t know it yet.”

“I don’t think so, sweetheart. But one day I might like someone that way.” I met her eyes in the rearview mirror. “How would you feel about that?”

She reflected for a minute before she answered. “I would feel okay. We can still love Daddy, right?”

“Of course, we can. We’ll always love Daddy.” For no good reason, I felt tears burn in my eyes.

It was so unfair—brutally unfair—that Nick had to miss out on all these years of being a father to Lily.

Lily nodded. “So it’s okay if we want to love someone else.”

I checked her expression and saw nothing but confidence. She believed it. She wasn’t conflicted. In her mind, there was no problem with loving a father who was dead and loving another man too.

The knowledge eased something I hadn’t known was anxious in my heart, but it generated a different sort of anxiety. “That’s good. That’s right. But Mr. Curtis isn’t that man, Lily.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I checked the mirror and she looked content, staring out at the park we were passing. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad we’d gotten through that hurdle unscathed.

We were almost at home when Lily said out of the blue, “I think it’s a disting possibility.”