Have a safe trip to North Carolina but
Do Not
talk to any strangers on the plane, especially female ones. And don't forget that I love you! And that I miss you more than I can say. Forever,
Kath
July 2
Tuesday night
Dear Kath,
I'm so excited! I wrote an editorial for
The Leader
and its going to be printed in next week's issue. It deals with senior year. I'll send you a copy. I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow night for Fourth of July weekend. Sybil's coming too.
I ran into Michael at the Robert Treat a few days ago and tonight I saw him at Friendly's. We had an ice cream together and talked about you. He's all packed and ready to go. I kissed him goodbye for you—very platonically—on the cheek. I'm going to miss both of you this summer. I'm enclosing Artie's address at the clinic. Michael said you asked for it. I wish I had it to do all over again with him. I'd handle things a lot differently. Oh well—as my mother says, we grow from our experiences. I hope that's true.
Have fun.
Love,
Erica
July 2
Dear Mom and Dad,
I guess you could say I'm adjusting to camp. Most of the staff is very nice. I like Nan, the photography counselor, best. Theo, the head of the tennis program, calls me Kat, even though I have explained at least a million times that nobody calls me that. I got a letter from Grandma. I didn't know they were going to Martha's Vineyard next week. Did Jamie write that she has a new boyfriend? His name is Stuart. If she hasn't told you don't let on that you know. She'd kill me! He plays the oboe and has braces on his teeth. I never knew you could play that kind of instrument wearing braces. He's very good. Last night Foxy called a special staff meeting telling us that the emphasis here is supposed to be on
friendship, not sex! Don't worry about Jamie, though. I'm keeping an eye on her. Besides, Stuart is more interested in his oboe than in her.
See you on visiting day.
Love,
Kath
July 3
Wednesday
Dear Kath,
I'm at the airport waiting to board my plane. Don't worry about strange girls. I'm scared of them!
Oh-oh … they just announced my flight. Have to run. I love you. I'm counting the days too. Only 42 more.
Forever,
Michael
P.S. Keep that bathing suit on (until I get back).
Thurs. July 4
Dear Artie,
I'm an assistant tennis counselor at the camp in New Hampshire where my sister, Jamie, goes. It's not a bad job. The lake is really beautiful, but cold. I hope you're feeling okay. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
Your friend,
Kath
Friday, July 5
Dear Erica,
When you get this you'll be back from the beach. I hope you had a good weekend. I wish you'd find a nice guy and get Artie off your mind. You can't go on blaming yourself forever. Remember your vow to get laid before college? Well, I've been thinking about that and I've decided it might be just what you need. And you know I wouldn't say that if I really didn't mean it.
You should see me. I'm a mess. My nose and forehead are peeling like mad. It's been very hot since Tuesday and I broil on the courts four hours a day. But thats better than at night—because at least my mind is occupied. Nights are the worst. You just don't know what it's like for me, trying not to think of Michael … knowing that we're going to be apart for so long. Its pure torture. But here's some good news! My roommate, Angela, the smelly one, has moved in with Zack, the potter. He has a shack on the grounds. So now I have a room all to myself.
Most of the kids here are okay. There's just one 15 year old brat I can't stand. Her name is Marsha. Everyone says she's a fantastic ballerina but I haven't seen her dance yet. She's too busy hanging around the tennis courts because of Theo. When I compare us at 15 to Marsha, I can see that times are really changing … and not for the better, in my opinion. I wouldn't want to see Jamie carrying on like that in two years.
I'll say this for Theo—he's not impressed by silly kids. He doesn't say much about himself but my friend, Nan, knows that he is 21 and a senior at Northwestern. Nan is impossibly shy around guys but I'm going to try to fix things up between the two of them. He's not as bad as I first thought. Time for supper now. Write soon.
Love, Kath
July 9
Tuesday
Dear Kath,
We had a great weekend at the beach. The weather was perfect. I think I told you that Sybil was coming with us. She's on another one of her diets but this time with the doctor's approval. She didn't want to talk about the baby.
I think the whole experience was more than she bargained for.
Thanks for your suggestions. But I've been doing a lot of thinking and have decided I don't want to fuck just for the hell of it. I want it to be special, like you and Michael. So I'm going to wait. Theo and Nan sound nice. I'm glad you've found some friends. They should help make the time go faster.
Love,
Erica
Thursday, July 11
Dear Kath,
Dad and 1 enjoy hearing from you very much. We're glad you're adjusting to camp. Its been very hot here. Yesterday the air conditioning in the library broke down and we had to close early. Let me know if there's anything you need on visiting day. We're looking forward to spending the day with you and Jamie. Grandma and Grandpa are off to Martha's Vineyard for ten days. Erica stopped in the library to say hello. Thats about it.
Love, Mom
23
The campers have to report to their rooms at 10:00 every night. Then the staff gets together in the retreat, which is a small cottage with some comfortable furniture. Usually I write my letters there. Sometimes, while I'm trying to think of what to say I'll look up for a minute and catch Theo watching me. He doesn't get embarrassed and turn away but I do. His eyes are light green and Nan says every time she looks into them she melts. His hair is brown and hangs into his face. On the courts he has to wear a headband to keep it away so he can see the ball. He's got a moustache that turns down around the corners of his mouth and he's very tan, including his back and chest, because he hardly ever wears a shirt.
The other day, Theo, Nan and I were on the
dock. I laughed when he took off his socks and
sneakers because his feet were so white. So he
picked me up and tossed me into the lake. I was wearing jeans and a shirt and I wanted to kill him. The truth is, he's not the wise-ass I thought he was going to he when we first met. He's very patient with the kids and is even helping me improve my game. Sometimes, after dinner, we play a set or two. He says I'm the only one here who can give him a decent workout.
One night, during the first week of camp, Theo came over and pointed to my necklace. "What's it say?" he asked.
"This … " I said, holding up the disk.
"Yes."
"It says
Katherine
on one side and
Michael
on the other."
"The guy you're always writing to?"
"Uh huh."
"Can I see?"
"Sure."
He stood very close to me and took it in his hand. He looked at the side that said
Katherine
first, then turned it over. "What's
forever
supposed to mean?"
"What do you think?" I asked.
"I think forever's one hell of a long time for a kid like you."
"I'm not a kid. I happen to be eighteen."
"Congratulations," he said.
Right after that I asked him to please stop calling me Kat.
He said, "I can't stop now … I'm used to it … besides, it suits you." Now everyone at camp calls me Kat. I don't mind as much as I did then. I got a letter from Michael. Dear Kath,
I'm getting settled here. I've got my own room since my cousin, Danny, is away for the summer. His twin sisters are thirteen and remind me of Jamie. Tell her I said hello. I'm getting to be a first rate lumber stacker. Next week I get to work the saw. That's a big step up. I think about you every night—all night. Love forever,
Michael
Dear Michael,
Be careful with the saw! I don't want anything to happen to your hands. I love them (and the rest of you isn't bad either). Ha ha.
Love forever, Kath
Each staff member gets two short and one long night off each week. A long night means you don't have to hang around for evening activity. You can leave right after supper and you don't have to report in until the next morning.
This week Theo asked if Nan and I would like to go into Laconia with him to see a movie. He has a car and we don't. Naturally we accepted.
I tried to arrange it so that I would sit next to Nan and she would sit between me and Theo but he decided it was only fair that he sit in the middle, since he was the only guy. He put one arm around each of us but I knew it was just a joke. It's funny, the way you get to know summer friends so well in a short period of time, especially at camp, when you are thrown together morning, noon and night Sometimes I dream that Michael and I are making love. I can understand that. But in the middle of the night after the movie, I woke up drenched with perspiration and ashamed—more ashamed than I've ever been in my life. I dreamed I was with Theo. It was so real—I could smell him, taste him, feel him—and I wanted him so much. I did things to him that I have only read about. I wrote Michael a four-page letter the next day, to keep my mind where it belongs. I stayed as far away from Theo as I could. Even so, I knew there was something growing between us. Something I was afraid to even think about.
Every night, from 8:00 to 10:00, the canteen is open and the campers can hang out in there, listening to music, dancing and getting snacks. Theo dances with the younger kids, like Jamie, but avoids the older ones, like Marsha. You can tell he's not looking for trouble. Nan doesn't dance at all. She says she has two left feet That presents a real problem because dancing can be a very good way to get two people together. And Theo likes to dance. If only he would look at Nan the way he looks at me. If only my
insides didn't turn over every time our eyes meet.
Tonight, Marsha put on this slow song and all the kids booed her because they prefer hard rock. They don't even know how to touch-dance. But Marsha wouldn't change the record and she came slithering over to Theo and tried to drag him to his feet. He told her, "Sorry, Marsha … but I promised this one to Kat." And he took my hand and pulled me up. I shook my head but he didn't care. He said to the kids,
"Watch carefully … and I'll show you a new way to dance." Then he put his arms around me and the kids whistled and cheered and Theo laughed and held me tighter. Soon, some of the kids got up to try touch-dancing and Theo started the record from the beginning again. He's not much taller than I am—just three or four inches—and I was wearing clogs, so that as we danced our bodies came together. We didn't talk or look at each other but there was a lot going on between us. When the record ended I broke away from him and ran out of the canteen. I went down to the lake where it's cool and dark and I sat on a rock and I cried. How can you love one person and still be attracted to another?
The next day I got a long letter from Michael. I kissed it and showed it to Nan to prove that I am not the least bit interested in anyone but him.
On visiting day I spent the morning on the courts rallying with the campers so their parents could see how much their games had improved. Foxy gave me the afternoon off to be with Mom and Dad. I was the only counselor who had visitors. After lunch Jamie showed them her oils and watercolors and the fabric she's weaving with Angela's help. Then my father changed into tennis shorts and he and I played two sets. I beat him 6-3, 7-5. He was very impressed.
Later, I took Mom up to see my room. "It's nice and cozy." She sat on my bed and looked at the pictures of Michael taped to the wall. "You seem to be getting along very well … I'm glad."
"I'm managing … " I told her. I went to my closet and took out a shoe box full of letters. "Look at this," I said, " … all from Michael. We write every day."
Mom nodded.
"I'll bet you thought we wouldn't."
"No … I never thought that."
24
On the following Sunday night I was in the retreat answering Erica's letter, when Foxy poked his head in and said there was a phone call for me. I looked at my watch. It was 10:30. Who would call me at 10:30?
Nan walked me over to the office.
My mother was on the line.
I said, "Mom … what's wrong?"
She said, "Bad news, Kath … "
"What is it?" I felt tears in my eyes before I even knew.
"It's Grandpa, honey … "
"What … ?"
"Another stroke … he didn't make it this time, Kath. He died two hours ago."