For the Love of Suzanne (31 page)

Once she was clean, he threw the soap on top of
her clothes, wrapped his arms around her thick waist and pulled her
to him and kissed her hungrily, feeling her hands hold his face as
she kissed him back with ardor of her own.

She was filled with desire as he backed her toward
the bank and then ran his finger over her intimately. “Cody,”
she gasped with surprise.

“It’s okay,” he whispered and
kissed her again. “I just want to make sure you’re
ready.”

“I’m ready,” she said raggedly.

He hauled her to the lush grass and lowered her to
her back, kissing her hotly as he moved to her side, keeping his leg over hers, he gently groped her breasts before taking one into his mouth to suck and caress the nipple with his tongue.

“Oh my God,” she gasped, tangling her
fingers in his wet hair and writhed under him and let him move to the
other as he maneuvered his way between her legs.

He rested on his knees and moved to her lips,
kissing her wildly as he entered her easily and eased back, pulling
her knees over his thighs, gazing into her flushed face and slowly
began to move.

As ecstasy took over, she whimpered and found
herself moving against him, creating the most pleasurable friction
she had ever felt. It had never been this good with Beau and this was
better than the first time she’d done it with Cody. He was
passionate yet gentle as he breathed raggedly and kept a steady
rhythm. His hands were calloused but so masculine and touched her
everywhere with care and finesse. He definitely knew his way around a
woman’s body.

He moved a little faster and positioned himself to
go a little deeper, whispering things to her in his Native language
he knew she didn’t understand. She felt so good and despite
the fact she was pregnant and had been with her husband, she felt as
if she’d never been with another man before. He found himself
taken away with the great feelings as a huge climax was building in
him.

She could see the ecstasy in his face as he arched
his back and tossed his head with a groan as he trembled and
climaxed, his body shaking with the sweet release, and he whispered
her name. His release triggered hers and she found herself holding
his hands as she tightened her legs around his waist as he still
moved slower and their heartbeats returned to normal.

He would have loved to have her like this forever,
but after a few minutes, he moved next to her and pulled her into his
arms with a kiss to her forehead and slept with her.

~~~

Suzanne woke to a dark, starry sky, covered with
her coat while Cody sat next to a good, strong fire, wearing his coat and no
shoes. He was cooking something other than rabbits and was using a
small pan and stirring whatever it was with a spoon.

He looked over at her when he felt her watching
him and gave her a little smile. “Hello, beautiful,” he
told her.

She smiled shyly. “Hi, handsome.”

“You flatter me,” he said humbly. “Are
you hungry?”

“I am, yes. Whatever you’re cooking
smells great,” she said as she sat up, holding the coat over
herself and saw that he’d laid out their clothes to dry. “Let
me go pee and I’ll eat with you.”

“Don’t wander off too far. There are
animals around.”

“I won’t,” she promised and
struggled to stand. The size of the baby and her weight made her
clumsy and awkward.

He was on his feet in an instant and took her hand
to help her up. “Are you okay?”

She nodded shyly, gathering the coat around her
bareness.

He watched her walk into the darkness, keeping an
eye on her in case she needed him as he made his way back to the
fire.

Suzanne came back and sat next to him on the
ground, crossing her legs in front of her, but said nothing as she
gazed into the small, mesmerizing flames. She was deep in thought
about how Cody was going to make it over with her. How all of it had
happened was beyond her realm of understanding. How had she gotten
here? Why was she here? Was he even real? Was this all a horrific
nightmare with a splash of good things?

He was rethinking the situation. He wasn’t
sure he wanted to go now. Her world was so different. He had no idea
what he would do there or how he would survive. Keeping her here
wasn’t going to work. This life was too hard and after all the
time that had passed, she still wasn’t used to it. Would she
give up her world for him? Would love conquer all? Did they even have
a choice?

He realized he really had nothing here anymore.
His people were annihilated. The fort was gone, not that he wanted to
be an Indian agent again. He had no friends and was treated with
disdain by most everyone due to his mixed race. He was considered a
criminal by the white people and a traitor by the Chiricahua. He had
no reason to stay and she definitely had no reason to stay, either.

He wanted to be with her. He wanted to marry her
and raise her child with her. But he couldn’t do it here. If he
wanted to be with her, he was going to have to overcome his fear and
go with her. Somehow.

She watched him slowly stir the stew, respecting
his silence and knew he had something on his mind.

He looked at her. “I have something to tell
you,” he said seriously.

She felt a rush of dread go through her body,
making her tremble slightly with nerves. The tone of his voice said
what he had to say wasn’t going to be good.

He took her hand and noticed she was shaking. “Why
are you trembling?” he asked with genuine concern.

She shook her head. “Please. Tell me what
you have to say.”

He watched her eyes fill with tears, making his
heart miss a beat and brought her fingers to his lips. “Suzanne,”
he cooed and wrapped his arms around her with a kiss to her soft
hair.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered in
his ear as she held him around his waist. The sadness was becoming
unbearable. She was losing him.

He found himself amazingly close to tears. This
was the woman he loved. He had never loved another and he never
would. How could he let her go? But then, how could he
not
? She
needed to be in her own world and he didn’t think he could
adapt to it. Just from the few things she’d told him, he knew
he would be lost and she would have to take care of him for the rest
of his life. He was a proud man who had never had to rely on anyone
else for his survival and didn’t want to start with her. There
would be so much to learn even if it was an easier place to live. He
couldn’t put that burden on her. It wouldn’t be fair for
her to have to take care of him and a baby, too.

Besides, he wasn’t sure he could cross over
anyway. He knew she could and would very soon. They weren’t
more than four days’ ride from where he’d found her in
that awful machine. Their journey was almost over and she would leave
him forever.

He tightened his hold on her and kissed her
forehead. “I love you so much, Suzanne,” he whispered to
her sorrowfully.

“I love you, too, Cody, but you’re
just like every other man I’ve ever met.”

“In what way?”

She drew away and wouldn’t look at him as
she ran her finger absently in the grass in front of her. “You
want to leave me, too,” she whispered, breaking on the last
word and covered her mouth in an effort to silence herself.

“Oh, no,” he denied softly, putting
his arm around her again. “No. That isn’t true. Not at
all.”

“Yes, it is,” she insisted. “And
I deserve it because I’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass to
you ever since we’ve met.”

He’d heard her say that before and kept in
mind that the ‘ass’ she was referring to was not a
donkey. He knew what she meant. “You don’t deserve to be
left,” he told her in a quiet voice. “What you deserve is
a man who can take care of you, a man who can protect you and your
child. I can’t do that in your world. I am not able,” he
finished softly. “I don’t know how.”

“I don’t need your damned protection
anyway,” she muttered, brushing away her tears.

He released her and stirred the stew a little more
and handed her a biscuit.

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry,”
she sniffed.

“Do it for your baby,” he said a
little crisply and set it on her lap.

She knew he was right and took a small bite. “I’m
sorry,” she said shakily. “I had no right to talk to you
like that.”

“It’s okay,” he said quietly as
he poured some stew into a bowl. “I know I’ve been
thinking a lot about how I could get over to your world and what I
would do if I got there and to be honest, I’m afraid,” he
said uneasily.

She looked at him. “I understand that. It’s
scary here for me, too. But I would show you the ropes, look out for
you and make sure you learned the way of life. Then when the time
comes, I would let you go.”

He shook his head as he handed her a bowl and a
spoon. “That isn’t my idea.”

She brushed her tears away, still looking at him.
“What is your idea?”

“I would need you to help me for a long
time,” he said reluctantly. “There are so many things in
your world that I do not understand. But what I do understand is that
if I were to make it over, I would want us to stay together forever.
I would want us to live in matrimony.”

“But what if you find somebody else?”
she asked uncertainly. “You won’t want to be stranded
with me.”

“Stranded?” he echoed with
disapproval. “I love you. You don’t get stranded with
someone you love,” he reasoned as he pushed a long strand of
her hair behind her shoulder.

“But I would have this baby. Would you be
able to love and raise another man’s child?”

“I’ve brought him this far. I would
want to take him all the way. Have you thought about staying here?”

She nodded. “This life is so hard,”
she said forlornly. “It is a lot easier in my world. We have
warm water that runs right into your house, showers, toilets; we have
heat in the house that you turn on with a switch, air conditioners to
cool us when we’re hot. We drive cars instead of ride horses.
We can travel hundreds of miles in one day. There’s so much
there, Cody. You would be amazed.”

“I already am,” he said with a heavy
sigh that spoke of his indecision. He was afraid of going with her, but
was also afraid of staying behind and losing her. He knew she was the
only one for him and he was sure it was forever. They were going to
have to make it happen. Somehow.

After a long while of silence, she asked him
softly. “How much farther do we have to go?”

“We can make it in four days provided we are
where I think we are,” he said quietly.

She nodded, knowing what it meant for them. “Will
you at least think about it?”

“I’ve been doing that a lot and yes, I
will continue to do so,” he promised.

“Thank you.”

“I don’t know how I can make it,
Suzanne,” he said thoughtfully as they ate. “Am I going
to have to die first?”

“I don’t want you to die,” she
said sadly. “I didn’t have to die to get here and I don’t
even know where here is.”

He chewed thoughtfully. “Your world sounds
fascinating.”

She nodded as she ate. “Sometimes it even
amazes me.”

The next three days went by too fast. Suzanne rode
quietly with him, deep in thought as was he. They exchanged kisses
and touches with very little conversation and the nights were spent
passionately with them ending up tangled with each other and
exhausted. Each time, he held her as she wept and shed a few tears
himself.

Cody wanted to drag out the trip, but knew she
wanted to get home. The baby was making her huge and uncomfortable
and he knew it had to be close to time for her to give birth. He’d
felt it moving many times under his hands and knew it was full of
life which eased his guilty conscience a little after putting its
mother through so much. He was thankful.

Suzanne was in a dark mood and had been since
they’d discussed his crossing over. The closer they got to
where they thought she needed to be to get back, the sadder she
became.

On their last night in the desert, she rested in
his arms after some tender lovemaking and kissed his bare chest. “I’m
sorry how I’ve been acting lately,” she told him softly

He kissed her forehead. “It’s okay.”

She raised herself on her elbow and looked into
his face by the light of the small fire. “I owe you some
explanations.”

He pushed her hair away from her face
affectionately. “No, you don’t.”

“Humor me. I need to get this off my chest
tonight just in case I make it over tomorrow,” she said with
light urgency.

He hated the thought of that and said nothing as
he continued to slowly trace her features with his finger.

She found it distracting yet comforting at the
same time. “You’re really a nice guy. I’ve never
met anyone like you and I won’t ever forget you. I’ve
been fortunate to know you. You’ve made me feel safe so many
times when I knew we were in real danger. I’ve never felt safe
with anybody until you. I didn’t know the feeling existed.”

He gazed into her eyes. “I would give my
life for you,” he said softly.

She didn’t even try to stop the tears that
streamed down her cheeks as she returned his gaze. This parting was
worse than when her husband had died. “I don’t want you
to do anything like that,” she whispered.

“My life is already yours,” he
reasoned. “I would give you the moon and the stars if I could.”

“Cody,” she begged. “You’re
making this really hard.”

“Why? Because I’m trying to hold onto
the only woman I’ve ever loved?” he countered with quiet
defiance as he traced the track of her tears. “I love you,
Suzanne.”

She sniffed. “I love you, too, Cody,”
she said shakily.

He raised his head and kissed her softly for a
moment. “Then stay with me,” he murmured, kissing her
briefly. “I don’t know if I can make it to your world,
but you’re already in mine. You can stay with me.”