Authors: A. D. Ellis
Shit. Nicky and I are eating pizza and playing video games and something is wrong. I could tell something was bothering Nick, but I knew that I needed to let him tell me what the problem is on his own time. Eventually, Nick blurted out, “Miss Elizabeth is going on a date with Mr. Scott and it’s all your fault. I feel mad at you, Nate.”
Shit.
Again. Nicky is confused and hurt and mad. And another shit. Libby is going on a date. With Scott Donovan. I don’t have a problem with the guy, he’s a good guy. Boyish and little too excited about automotive technology, but he’s a solid guy. Damn it. Why couldn’t she go out with a douchebag so I could hate him? No, no, I don’t want her dating a jerk. I just don’t want her dating a good guy. He will treat her well and push me out of her life. Wait, I don’t want her dating a good guy? Why wouldn’t I? I want her treated well. But, bottom line, I don’t want her dating anyone but me. I don’t want anyone treating her well except me.
Fuck! I need to talk this out with Nicky first then I need to work through it in my own mind. I need a nice long run, but I’ve got to fix this with Nick before that.
“Nicky, listen bud, I know you’re upset with me and with the fact that Libby and I aren’t dating right now. I’m upset about that too. Really upset. I know that I messed things up, and I feel really bad about it. I made a big mistake, and I’m having to suffer the consequences of my choices. Those consequences suck big time, Nick. I know that not having Libby around hurts you about as much as it hurts me, and I’m sorry about that.”
Nick hung his head and his eyes were full of tears. “Nate, I miss her. I liked when you guys were together. I thought she was going to be my sister and give us babies. Why does she want to go on a date with Mr. Scott when you still love
her. Doesn’t she love you anymore?”
God, this sucked! I took a deep breath and tried to explain this to Nick as I also tried to wrap my head around it. “Nick, I want that more than anything, and I’m going to
keep fighting for her.” At the look of confusion and unsureness on Nick’s face I had to clarify that I didn’t mean I was going to FIGHT, but I was going to keep trying to get Libby to come back to me. “I hurt Libby when I didn’t trust her. She has to be on her own for a while right now. We might not like it, but for now, we have to just be there for her as her friends. We have to show her that we are here for her so that, when she learns enough about herself to realize what she wants, we will be here waiting. At some point, we may have to realize that all we’re going to get is friendship. But, for now, I believe that Libby still loves me and that she will eventually realize that. We just have to give her some time.”
Nick wasn’t happy with this explanation.
Hell, neither was I. But, just like me, he accepted it for now. I drove Nick back to my parents’ house then headed over to the school for a run. I noticed that the lights in the gym were on. A little basketball may be better than a run. It would at least be warmer. And, lucky or unlucky depending on how you look at it, Scott Donovan was playing tonight. Game on, man.
I saw Nate this morning at the hobby shop when I stopped in for some decorative paper so my students could make bookmarks. Those butterflies that I kept hoping would take flight when I was talking to Scott swarmed in my belly as soon as I saw Nate behind the counter. His blue eyes looked directly at me and his smile curled my toes. I remembered his words about what he’d be thinking about me each time he saw me and how it definitely wouldn’t be friendly thoughts and the butterflies whipped into a frenzy. This was ridiculous! I just needed some paper, and I could certainly handle speaking to Nate as a friend would.
“Hi, Nate.
Just need some paper today. We’re making bookmarks in class. How are you?” I tried to keep my voice steady, but I know he noticed how it wavered.
“Hi there, Libby-girl.
Sounds like a fun project. I bet Nicky will want to make more than one; he won’t be able to decide which design to use. I’m good, thanks for asking.” Nate replied with a warm smile, and I noticed that he still addressed me with his special term of endearment. I longed to throw my arms around him. No, I had a date tonight! I was dating and moving on from Nate. I owed it to myself to move on from Nate.
Nate shuffled around a bit and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck as if he had something more he wanted to say. “What’s wrong Nate? You seem nervous.” I wondered what in the world he could be nervous about.
“Well, Libby, I think I need to tell you something. I don’t want you finding out about it from anyone else. I may have
talked
to Scott Donovan last night after basketball.”
Oh. No.
He. Didn’t!!!
I tried to swallow my anger and my worry about what this talk entailed. “Nate, what did you do?”
“Don’t worry, Lib, I didn’t use my fists or even threats. Scott is a good guy, and I’m learning from my past behavior. I just told him that I didn’t think things between you and I were over and that I wanted him to know that I wasn’t just going to let you go. I swear I wasn’t threatening, but I did tell him that he better treat you well, or I would find out and then I wouldn’t be such a nice guy.” Nate at least had the decency to appear a little sheepish as he finished telling me what he said to Scott.
“Nate, I really wish you hadn’t done that. I have to date. I have to find out if I can feel for someone else the way I felt for you. I have to live a little as Elizabeth before I can consider being your Libby again. Please don’t talk to Scott like that again.” I tried to appear angry as I paid for my paper and left but, deep down, I felt a strange satisfaction that Nate was still fighting for me. But that satisfaction was pushed aside when I thought of dating Scott when I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. I didn’t want to lead Scott on, but he seemed safe to try out this dating thing.
After work that day, I was exhausted. The bookmarks were a huge hit with the students, but it was tiring to get them all made. Nate was spot on about Nicky, he had asked to make 3 because he couldn’t decide which paper to use. He was in my last class of the day, so I allowed him to make extra. His smile and hug were totally worth it. Honestly, I really just wanted to go home and cuddle up with a book, but I had a date. Sadly, I wasn’t all that excited about this date. I called Audrey to talk it over with her.
“No, Beth, I won’t come over and help you pick out an outfit because I’m not in support of this date. You need to be with Nate. I know he hurt you, but it was a misunderstanding and you love him. You can learn who you are while you’re WITH Nate. You don’t need to date around. That’s just not you.
And, Scott Donovan? He’s a nice guy, but he’s totally not your type. Your eyes don’t sparkle and your cheeks don’t flush when you talk about Scott the way they do when you talk about Nate. That’s present tense, Beth. Your eyes sparkle and your cheeks flush EVEN NOW when you talk about Nate. You want to know why you aren’t excited about this date? It’s because you still love Nate. You can’t get excited about Scott because Nate is always on your mind. So, big sister, pick out your own outfit and put on a fake smile and get ready to be miserable all night until you finally admit that you need to be with Nate.”
Ugh, Audrey was right. She wasn’t even mean about it. She was just honest, and it killed me to admit it. I love Nate. I never stopped. Should I call and cancel on Scott? Ugh,
it’s 5:30, no, I can’t call 30 minutes before a date and cancel on someone I’m going to have to see on a daily basis. But, I couldn’t lead him on. I’d need to tell him tonight. I decided on a nicer pair of jeans, boots, and a sweater. I brushed through my hair and touched up my makeup.
Scott pulled up right at 6:00. I glanced out my window and felt a stab of heartache when I saw his gray and blue Mustang GT. My heart wanted to see a red Jeep pulling up. My phone chimed indicating a text as I grabbed my purse to head out the door.
NATE
: Hey Libby-girl. I’m sorry I talked to Scott. If he makes you happy then I won’t interfere again. But, I will keep fighting for you. Have a nice evening. When he kisses you, think of me. Think of my lips on yours. Think of my hands on you. If you can’t think of me while he’s kissing you, maybe he’s better for you. But, if I pop into your mind when another guy is kissing you, maybe it’s me you should be kissing. Oh, and just know that I want to punch my fist through his face if he DOES kiss you, but I will keep my anger in check. Good night, Libby. I love you.
Dang it! Nate, you can’t send me things like that as I’m walking out the door on a date! I quickly text back:
ME
: Leaving now. Good night. No punching.
I meet Scott on the sidewalk and he smiles this huge innocent smile and opens the car door for me. “Elizabeth, you look beautiful as usual.” I thank him and settle into the seat.
The rest of the evening isn’t exactly a disaster, but it’s not what I would call a huge success. Well, I guess it was a success in determining that Scott and I were destined to be friends. First, during dinner, Scott told me about Nate confronting him. He said that Nate was very soft spoken and kind and didn’t come across as threatening at all, but that he got his point across very well. Scott then informed me that NICKY had talked to him today at the center! I was shocked, but couldn’t help but smile when Scott told me what Nicky had said. “Mr. Scott, I don’t think you should take Miss Elizabeth on a date. She loves my brother, Nate. He loves her too. He made a mistake, but they are going to fix it because they love each other. She’s going to be my sister and give Nate babies.”
Oh, Nicky! That sweet, simple man. I couldn’t help but love both him and his brother at that moment. Scott had a good sense of humor about it, and I got the feeling that he knew this was going to be our one and only date.
During the movie, Scott put his arm around me. This movement solidified that my butterflies only get crazy for Nate; Scott’s arm around me felt as platonic as if a brother were sitting next to me. Scott, good guy that he is, just snuggled me under his arm and whispered, “I get it, Elizabeth, just get comfy and enjoy the movie.”
The end of the night brought Scott walking me to my door. “Elizabeth, thanks for a nice evening. I was hoping that there would be something more between us, but I can see that you and Nate have too much going on. It’s too strong to fight against. I won’t be the one who tries to break that apart.” Oh, Scott, you’re too good.
“Scott, I know this sounds really pathetic, but I’m hoping you’ll help me out. I’ve only kissed two guys. One was a disaster and one was Nate. Would you be willing to kiss me? I know it’s unfair to ask you so you can pass if you’d like.” I was truly embarrassed asking this, but I needed to see if a kiss from Scott would spark in me the way a kiss from Nate did.
“Elizabeth, I’d never turn down a kiss from a pretty girl.” Scott tipped my chin up and brought a feather soft kiss to my lips. He increased his pressure slightly. His lips felt nice against mine but, honestly, I could have been kissing my hand for all the reaction my butterflies had. Scott pulled back after a final kiss on my cheek. “I hope you and Nate can fix whatever the misunderstanding was. You both seemed much happier when you were together. Good night, Elizabeth. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Ok, so, now what? I love Nate. I want Nate. Elizabeth wants Nate. Libby wants Nate. What do I do now? This is when I wish my mom was around to give advice.
I was going out of my mind. I was running more than usual, but it didn’t seem to help much. The poor kids on my team were about run ragged because I ran practices harder than normal. I had talked to Dad and Uncle Dale a couple times, and they didn’t really have much to tell me other than to give Libby time. Luckily, I had Nicky, and he seemed positive that Libby would come back to us. I had to chuckle a little when he told me that he’d had a talk with Mr. Scott. Oh, man, I bet Libby would have had the biggest smile to hear about that.
I had played ball with Scott and a few other guys last night. It had been a week since Scott took Libby out. It was killing me, but I had to know what was going on since Libby had been off radar for a week. “So, Scott, not trying to be nosey, but how was your date the other night?” Yeah, no
way to ask that without sounding like a total jerk.
Luckily, like I already knew, Scott is a nice guy. “Well, Nate, dinner and a movie with a pretty girl are always enjoyable.
A little snuggling during the movie and a kiss goodnight. What’s not to like?” I’m not sure if I was going to throw up or swallow my tongue. Snuggling and kissing my Libby? Libby snuggled and kissed Scott? Maybe it was time to give up on her coming back to me. My stomach sank.
Scott chuckled, “Man, Morgan, you’ve got it bad. I might as well have taken my sister on that date for as platonic as it felt. Elizabeth is a gorgeous, fabulous girl but she’s not for me, and I’m not for her. Our date made that very clear. Even if she wasn’t totally in love with you, which she is, by the way, we just didn’t click. I can admit defeat and move on when it’s just not going to happen. But, as you told me the other day, if you hurt that girl, I won’t be so nice next time.”
Scott slapped me on the shoulder and walked away smiling. He left me with a big goofy grin. Libby’s date wasn’t great. Libby still loves me according to Scott. So, why haven’t I heard from her? Is she waiting on me to contact her?
As I showered and packed up my gym bag, I heard someone talking on the phone. “Yeah, Ma, I’m trying to figure something out. I know
it’s a few months away, but I want his 4
th
birthday to be special. He’s finally old enough to let me know what he wants, and I want him to have exactly what he asks for. I just don’t know where to start. Yeah, ok Ma, I’ll be home in a bit. Bye.”
I couldn’t remember the new guy’s name. He’d not been playing ball with us for very long, and he didn’t show up consistently. Shit, I hated having to ask his name after already meeting him. “Hey, man, sorry I don’t remember your name.”
“Oh, hey, it’s Jeremiah. Jeremiah Jordan. And, you’re Morgan, right?” The man was taller than me by about 3 inches. He had an air of military about him. I knew that Audrey was pretty against anything military, maybe because of her upbringing with the Captain? I’m not sure. But, I also knew that she needed the money and her business needed, well, business. I hoped she wouldn’t be mad at me.
“Jeremiah, right!
Yeah, Nathan Morgan, but most people call me Nate. Hey, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you talking about a 4
th
birthday party. My future sister-in-law is a party planner, and she’s really good. Would you want her contact info? I know she’d be able to help you plan a great birthday party for a 4 year old.”
Jeremiah took the piece of paper on which I’d written Audrey’s cell number and website information. He seemed interested, so I hoped it would get Audrey some business.
I left the gym with thoughts of Libby in my mind. When was Libby not on my mind? I headed to my parents’ house. Nick had called earlier to ask me if I wanted to come over for supper. I told him I’d be there in time for dessert. Nick said he’d save me some cake. Mom made the best banana cake with cream cheese icing. Maybe she’d let me take some home too.
By the time I got there, Dad had left to go help Uncle Dale close the shop, and Nicky was in his room reading a book that Miss Elizabeth had given him. Mom was finishing up the dishes, but she dried her hands to come hug me and get me some cake and a big glass of milk. Will I ever get tired of my mom treating me like her little boy? Maybe someday, but it’s always nice to come home to Mom. I expected her to go back to the dishes so I started to head up to Nick’s room. “Nathaniel, sit down, let’s talk.” My
mom wasn’t usually the one to issue commands, she always just sort of let things happen or had my dad make the commands. But, when my mom told me to do something, I usually still jumped right to whatever she asked. So, I turned around and dropped straight into a kitchen chair. After a big mouthful of cake, I cleared my throat and inquired, “What’s up, Mom?”
“Don’t you ‘What’s up’ me young man. I want to know what is going on with you and Elizabeth. I try to stay out of your personal life, but I know that you’ve both been miserable. I respect Elizabeth’s decision to be on her own for a while because, frankly, you screwed up badly Nathaniel. But, I also know that her date with Scott Donovan wasn’t successful because they are totally just friends at the center. I also know that she loves you, and you love her. So, what is going on?” My mom was asking questions I’m not sure I knew the answers to.
“Mom, I really don’t know what’s going on. I told her I wasn’t giving up on her. I know her date with Scott wasn’t great because Scott told me himself. But, it’s been over a week since that date, and I’ve not heard from her. I know I love her, and she loves me; I just don’t know where we go from here.” I shoveled more cake in my mouth and took a drink of milk. Luckily, I swallowed right before Mom reached around the back of my head and smacked me.
“Ouch! Mom! What the hell, I mean HECK was that for?” I rubbed my head and ducked a little in case she wanted to hit me anymore.
“Nathaniel Joseph Morgan! I didn’t raise a stupid boy, but right now you’re not thinking very clearly! You’ve been so busy protecting Nicky and screwing around, which by the way was ridiculous and I don’t ever want to hear another word about it! But, you’ve been so busy with those things that you don’t know how to date a girl. It’s been a week since Libby’s date with Scott and you’re just waiting on her to contact you? Is that fighting for her? Lordy, Nate, do you think she’s just going to show up at your doorstep without you showing any interest? You sit here shoveling cake in your mouth while that girl is probably at home wondering why you’ve not contacted her. Fight for her my ass, pardon my language, but that’s not fighting for her.” My mom left the room mumbling to herself about thickheaded males. Nicky must have heard Mom because he came into the kitchen.
“Hi Nate.
I saved you some cake! Mom said you can take a piece home too. It’s really good.” Nicky was always as excited about cake as I was.
“Hey, Nicky, my man.
Thanks for saving me some cake. I’ll take a piece home, but you can have the rest of it when Mom says it’s ok. Listen, bud, I’m not going to stay very long. I need to go visit Libby tonight. You ok with taking a rain check on our bro time?”
Nick jumped up and ran out of the room. Shit, was he angry? Nick usually didn’t get angry easily and I thought he’d be glad to know I was heading to Libby’s place. I heard Nick thumping down the stairs almost as if a herd of elephants was behind him. He skidded to a breathless stop in front of me and held out two items in his hands. I recognized them immediately. They were made from the paper that Libby had purchased the other day. Nicky had made bookmarks. “These are for you and Miss Elizabeth. She let me make three bookmarks. I kept one, but I want you and her to have these.”
I looked at the bookmarks. My face couldn’t help the smile that broke out and my eyes got a little watery. On one bookmark it said, “Nate loves Libby and Nicky” in Nicky’s scrawled writing. On the other bookmark it said, “Miss Elizabeth loves Nate and Nicky” with a heart. I asked to see the bookmark that Nicky kept to confirm my suspicion of what his said. Sure enough, his bookmark said “Nicky loves Miss Elizabeth and Nate”. I hugged my brother fiercely and told him that I loved my bookmark and that I knew Libby would love hers as well.
On the way to Libby’s, I came up with a plan. I wanted more than anything to talk to her and hug her and kiss her, but I thought I needed to do more. So, I swung by the hobby shop and caught Uncle Dale before he and Dad locked up for the night. I needed a few things.
Later, as I headed to bed, I smiled as I thought of Libby finding the gift I left for her tonight. I put it against her door and knocked before running down the block to where I’d hidden my Jeep. The brown paper bag was plain, but I had drawn hearts and flowers all over it with the words “Nate loves Libby” and “Libby loves Nate”. Inside I had placed the bookmarks from Nicky. I wrote a note that said:
“
Dear Libby, These are from Nicky, but he wanted me to give them to you. Libby, you are my heart. I always know my place when I’m with you. These bookmarks are so readers don’t lose their place. I lost my place once when I thought I’d lost you. I’m giving both of these to you. When you’re ready, when you know where your place is, you can give me back my bookmark. I love you. Nate
.”