Grady
Every fiber of my being wants to run naked into the street and shout, “She’s back!” at the top of my lungs. I haven’t felt this amped since the day we found out we were having Caden. Cassie is lying in my arms and we’ve just had great sex and later we’ll talk. Now, though, I feel like the man. Watching her come for me again, her eyes fixed on mine while I took her there, was worth every second of the time we were apart. Hearing her cry out my name while I was inside her, definitely the reward of a lifetime.
She’s back.
Really
back.
I drift off with my nose buried in her hair, the taste of her on my lips and the sweet smell of her all around me.
When I wake, the bedside clock says 9:48. Cassie breathes evenly against me. Even in sleep she didn’t move, and that’s new. She used to roll away as soon as we fell asleep, but this morning she’s remained tucked into me.
Her long, dark hair is a tangled mess on the pillow next to mine, and I’m so grateful for that familiar sight that I could weep. So many nights when we were married I slid into bed after I came home from playing a show and just watched her. I used to run my fingers through her hair and stroke her cheek, and she was such a sound sleeper that I never even disturbed her. Now I trace the slope of her shoulder, the swell of her breast, the curve of her hip. I smooth my palm over her butt, remembering how she bared it for me in the living room. I loved her on her knees for me. It was hot and urgent, like the sex we had as teenagers, only better.
Apparently my cock thinks we’re still teenagers, because it’s roused itself again with all the rubbing and pokes insistently against her. I can’t stop touching her body. My need for her is too great, and it’s been too long since I’ve had her like this. I allow my fingers to wander across her chest and brush over her nipple once, twice, until it stiffens in my hand. I pinch it, just a little, which makes my cock leap against her.
“Now who’s a sex fiend?” she murmurs, turning into my touch without even opening her eyes. A gorgeous smile dances on her lips. This teasing, satisfied, easygoing Cassie is the woman I’ve missed waking up to.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Mmm, no, it’s good…” She rubs her ass against my erection and pulls my hand back over her breast. “Don’t stop.” I bury my face in her hair and breathe her in as I fondle her, until I have to have her again.
Rolling her toward me, I make a make a feast of her body, kissing and nipping and licking her neck and tits and belly. I suck and tease her nipples until they’re hard little pebbles, lavishing my attention on them, making her mewl and whimper and shake. When I slide two fingers inside her, she’s a hot, slick, puddle. She looks up at me with those dark eyes and whispers my name.
“Grady,” she says again, quiet and serious, “Now. Please.”
When Cassie wraps her arms and legs around me I’m overcome by how much I’ve missed this. Her mouth tipped up to mine. Her hands clutching me close. Her body, soft and lush, spread for only me. It’s intimate and multi-sensory. I can smell her and hear her and taste her so clearly, and when we touch I watch her face and everything is complete.
I’m happy to move slowly inside her and just kiss. No way can I come again, but it doesn’t matter, because I could do this for hours. I cradle her jaw and brush my lips over hers. “I love you,” I whisper against her mouth, even though I don’t expect to hear it back, and she doesn’t repeat my words.
But she lays her hands on either side of my face and gazes straight into my eyes, and she tells me she does without making a single sound. Her lips don’t move, but those dark eyes are once again soft for me the way they used to be, her gaze tender and heated all at once.
My throat feels like it’s closing. This is the moment I’ve dreamed of for eleven years. I squeeze my eyelids over my burning eyes and she whispers my name again, her voice like a prayer. I bury my face in her neck and I am finally home.
* * * *
The afternoon sun streams through the window and Cassie stretches in the patch of sun like a cat, a slow unfurling of her limbs that makes me want her again, even though I’ve spent the entire day making love to her. I gaze at the creamy length of her body, all long lines and gentle swells, the grownup version of the lithe girl I could never keep my hands from, and I fall in love with her all over again. A peace suffuses in me as she reaches for me. When I brush my face across her ribs she curls into me, cradling my head between her breasts and drawing up her legs.
“What are we doing?” she whispers against my hair.
“Mmm. Getting reacquainted.”
“Be serious.”
“I’m being perfectly serious.”
“Grady…” she protests.
“This is how it starts, Cass. This is how we know it’s right to do what we’ve been dancing around since Delaware.”
“Yes, but what are we
doing
? After this?”
“Building a new life together.” I nestle into her, my fingers stroking her hip.
“How do we do that?” Her voice is tremulous and I want to hold her until the uncertainty passes.
“Just like this,” I say. “Like we’ve been doing the past couple weeks. We spend time together, we spend time with the kids. We should probably see somebody. A marriage counselor, or something.”
“My therapist does couples counseling. I was already thinking that,” she confesses. “And then what?”
“After a little while…” A rosy nipple nudges against the tip of my nose and I can’t resist a quick taste. Her sharp intake of breath and the firm flesh on my tongue stir me all over again, but I know I need to answer her question. “After a while we tell the kids we’re getting back together and we decide which house we’re gonna sell.”
“And that’s it? Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
I can feel her heart racing, so I scoot upwards and take her worried face in my hands. “We’ll take our time, Cass. There’s no rush. I want you in my bed every single night of my life, but we’ll get there.”
She relaxes a bit and her eyes get a bit hazy. “Every night of your life?”
“Mm-hmm.” I trace the swell of her bottom lip with my thumb, watching her mouth open for me reflexively.
“We’re never going to get any sleep.”
“Yeah we will. We’ve got kids. But before and after…”
Her breath catches in her throat as my fingers ghost over the curls between her thighs. Stroking softly, barely petting her. I cup her wet sex and tug her lip between my teeth and instantly we’re all probing fingers and eager mouths again.
I roll her to her side, her back to my front, and spoon her while I guide myself inside her. From this position I can kiss her back, which drives her insane. I don’t think either of us can come again, but I just need to be inside her. It’s the connection more than anything, the feeling of getting so close to her that I don’t know where I end and she begins that I crave.
Cassie sighs as I rasp my chin across the expanse between her shoulder blades and trace the bumps of her spine with my tongue. Inhaling her scent, I kiss and nuzzle the silky skin of her back and shoulders until she’s shuddering and panting in my arms, clutching me for dear life from the inside. With her hot clutch around it my cock roars back to life, hardening almost painfully.
I underestimated both of us.
When I brush my palms across her nipples she cries out and works her hips faster against me, taking me deeper.
“More,” she whispers hoarsely and I twist and roll the nipple closest to me between my fingertips as her hand slides between her legs. She’s touching herself, something I never convinced her to do in front of me before. I thought it was impossible to be more aroused, but Cassie’s driving me crazy. I prop my elbow up so I can watch her fingers rubbing as I move deep within her.
“That’s it, baby,” I breathe into her ear. “Watching you touch yourself is so fucking sexy.”
She moans in response and I roll the other nipple between my thumb and forefinger, pinching and releasing to the rhythm of my strokes.
“I want to feel you come all over my cock.”
This earns me another whimper and I nuzzle her neck, my tongue tracing a line from her shoulder to the little soft spot behind her ear. She shivers, and I steady my thrusts so they’re shallower but just as rapid. I suck and bite her shoulder and back as she chases her orgasm, her fingers moving frantically on her clit. When she tenses I clutch her hips and pound into her, the roaring in my own ears nearly as loud as Cassie’s voice crying out my name. I explode inside her, holding her tight as she jerks and then slumps against me, eyes closed, nostrils flaring as she calms her breathing.
I stay inside her until I soften and slip out, but I keep holding her even when our bodies are no longer joined. Shifting a bit I’m amused and somewhat proud when I realize there’s nowhere on this bed right now that doesn’t have a wet spot. Has that ever happened to me before? I doubt it. Today is my first honest-to-God sex marathon. And it’s with Cassie, the only woman I’ve ever loved.
I’m selfishly reliving trying to tally the number of collective orgasms we’ve had today when I realize Cassie’s pulled away from me.
“Babe?”
She shakes her head and slips out of the bed without a word, heading for the bathroom. I roll over and bury my nose in the pillow, which is soft and smells like her.
I could fuck all day. I
did
fuck all day. There are guys my age taking Viagra, and I just made her come two, three, four…
Yeah. Pretty proud of myself. I allow myself a few moments of very pleasurable replay before I realize there’s something wrong. The toilet has flushed but Cassie’s not coming back out of the bathroom. I hear the water run, then stop, then run again.
“Cass, you okay?”
Her voice is muffled when she replies with something that sounds like, “I’m fine,” and I stretch lazily and rub my chest, allowing myself to doze a bit.
Wait. “Fine” doesn’t mean
fine
to women. I learned little else during our marriage, but I do know that much. “Cass?” I call again, worried now, but the bathroom door opens and out she comes, her eyes suspiciously bright but a smile on her face.
“You okay?” I ask.
She nods and crawls back into bed, nestling into the crook of my arm. Something’s still off, but she feels good wrapped around me. We cuddle in silence and shift until we’re spooning again, and I fall fast asleep with her tucked in my arms.
* * * *
This time, when I wake, it’s to quiet sniffling. I couldn’t have been out more than half an hour, but Cassie’s body is stiff in my arms, her arm over her face. She’s definitely crying.
Does she regret this?
“Cass?” I whisper.
She rolls further into the pillow. Her shoulders shake, and sounds tear from her as if she’s in pain. Her knees are drawn up to her chest like a child’s.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong.” I try to keep the panic out of my voice, but I swear if she tells me this was a mistake, I’ll turn Incredible Hulk and smash everything in this goddamn house. She can’t say it was a mistake. Nothing that happened in this house today was a mistake.
Fuck.
“Cassie, look at me.”
She pulls her arm away from her eyes and turns her tear-stained face to mine. I don’t see regret, and I don’t see shame. I see unspeakable sadness in her dark gaze as it fixes on me. Her eyes fill again with tears and a single drop escapes the inside corner of one eye, rolling down the side of her nose before it spills into the seam of her lips. I watch it, paralyzed, hoping like hell that what she’s about to say won’t break my heart.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and just like that, my heart shatters.
Grady
“What are you sorry for, Cass?” I feel anger building up in me like it did when I was a child and about to cry. The backs of my eyes start to burn, and I clutch her so hard she winces.
“We could’ve h-had this years before now,” she weeps. “And I muh-messed everything up by being a bitch to you this whole time.”
Not what I expected her to say. Relief washes through me, and I mentally kick myself for being such an asshole. The fact that I thought she was ending it means we have way more work to do on our communication skills than I thought.
“Hey, no, no…” I roll her to her back and cup her troubled face in my hands. “Please don’t cry, Cass. Please don’t.”
“It’s true.” She looks miserable, guilty and sad and a bit scared. “I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so sorry.”
“Hey.” I force her to look at me, then kiss her softly. “We talked about this. There’s no one to blame. We’ve put it behind us.”
She nods and her tears slow, but they don’t stop. “We can’t ever really put it behind us,” she whispers.
“You’re right. But we’re going to make so many beautiful new memories, Cass, I swear to you, it won’t matter. I’ll make up for it every day. Every single day.”
“You’re doing it again.” She shakes her head. “You’re taking responsibility. You can’t say there’s no one to blame and then blame yourself.”
“I’ll always blame myself.”
“And I’ll always blame myself.”
“Your therapist is going to have a field day with us.” I’m being serious, but she smiles. “I love you, and I will do whatever it takes, Cass.”
“I know you will. I just need to feel this, though, and you might not be able to fix it.”
“But I
want
to fix it.”
“Can you just hold me, please?” she whispers, and I squeeze her as tight as I can. Beside me she weeps quietly, her body stiff in my arms, and she doesn’t relax even when I try to soothe her. I had no idea how much guilt she’s been carrying. As far as I’m concerned, anything she did was justified and she has not one fucking thing to be sorry for. But she’s eating herself up with regret.
For the first time since yesterday I’m worried that this might not be as easy as I hoped it would be.