She hung her head down and
looked away for a minute. “They don’t know.” She looked back up at
me. “They only know what I’ve told them.” I nodded reading her like
a book. “And what have you told them?” “That we are two adults that
are committed to raising this baby.” “That’s it.” I asked
suspiciously. She nodded, “That’s it.” For some reason I found that
hard to believe.
Lucy
It was getting later by the
minute but Grant had still not arrived back yet, where the hell was
he. He still seemed surprise that I was willing to overcome my
anger and work with him on getting better. Honestly I was still
surprised myself or maybe I was tired of fighting. I didn’t want to
give him any inclination that we were getting back together
although we had some close calls over the past week, especially
when it came to him helping dress and bath me. There were times
when his hands would just linger on my bare skin for a moment and I
could feel the static between us with every touch. Those were the
moments that reminded me what I physically missed about him; His
large warm body all over mine, I quickly would have to focus on
something else to keep from tackling him on the floor.
After a long day outside I
managed to make it into the TV room…with Gregs help of course when
it started to get late. He lay beside me watching cartoons and
started to rub his eyes. “Sleepy honey?” I asked. “No mama, just
resting my face.” He would always say when he was dog tired. I
chuckled. “Ok.” I watched him doze off to sleep and to be honest I
was fading in and out too. I heard footsteps come in to the doorway
and that alerted me up. “Grant, where have you been, you have been
gone for hours?” He came in breathing a little heavy, like he had
been running all over the place. He also was wearing different
clothes. “Where you wearing that outfit when you left?” I asked. He
was grinning like a Cheshire cat that was up to something.
“Actually I’ve been home for an hour setting something’s up for
you…” I was confused. “You have? What have you been setting up?” He
hushed me as he came closer. “Just let me put Greg to bed and I’ll
show you.” He came over and grabbed Greg and took him to his
room.
What in the world was he doing out
there all this time, I didn’t even hear him.
My heart was pounding for
some reason; I didn’t know what Grant had in store. I felt a hand
touch my shoulder; I turned around to look at him. “Let’s go.”
Grant pulled me up held me under his arms and we walked to the
patio. “Now keep your eyes close till I say other words.” He
commanded. I did what I was told while being seated out on the
patio, shivers where running down my spine in anticipation. “Ok
baby look.” I opened my eyes and was stunned. “Oh my God.” Grant
was smiling like crazy. “Do you like it?” There were Tiki torches
all around the place, white sand filled the majority of the back
yard and ocean music played in the background. Grant placed
pineapple cupped drinks in front of me beside a tray of different
fruits. “So what does this remind you of baby?” He asked already
knowing my answer. I looked around the place at all the familiarity
and wanted to cry. “Where we spent our first anniversary …Malibu.”
He kissed me on the cheek. “Correct, I’ve been setting this up for
a while now. Since today is the day.” I froze and instantly knew
what he was talking about, March twenty-first…our wedding
date.
“
Look baby I know we have
been going through a hard time, but I wanted to do something so
special for you…just to show you I love you. This day means a lot
to me and I just wanted to show you.” Grant Just stared at out at
the work and then looked to me and was puzzled because I looked
horrified. “Lucy what’s wrong? You don’t like it?” I couldn’t be
here…not here …not with him. “I want to go back upstairs.” I
whispered in a voice so low and full of pain. Grant looked hurt.
“What? Why?” I shook my head. “I can’t be here…I want to go back
now.” I struggled to get up. “Ok, ok, ok I’ll help you.” Grant
finally complied. I needed to get out of there because I felt like
I was going to lose it if I stayed a second longer. We made our way
up to my bed room; Grant sat me on the bed and stared at me in
frustration. “So what the hell was that about?” he asked roughly. I
shook my head not wanting to talk to him anymore. “Nothing I’m
going to bed.” “No you’re not. Not until you tell me why you
freaked out like that.” I buried my face into my hands…hoping he
would take the hint and disappear. “Lucy I’m talking to you.”
“Stop! Ok stop, I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you ok.” He
leaned back against the wall, eyes filling with anger at the
situation. “I don’t know why I even waste my time?” I was not in
the mood for his slick ass comments. “Yeah I don’t know either. I
don’t know why you set that whole thing up. I don’t know why you
brought me all the way out here. I don’t why I’m so angry all the
damn time. I don’t know you slept with that bitch! ” I was crying
hysterically at this point unable to control it any longer. “I
don’t know anything anymore, but what I do know is that I don’t
want to be here…Not with you so just go. Just go!” I was crying so
hard I was shaking but I couldn’t stop, I was choking on my own
sobs. I felt Grant kneel down in front of me and pull my hands into
his. I snatched them away.
“
No. I’m not doing this
with you....This is your fault do you realize that? We would be
happy; this day would have been perfect. We would have been happy
if it was not for you.” I yelled fist pounding his chest and
meaning every word of it. He brought my face to his and kissed my
lips. I couldn’t deny I loved the feel of his mouth on mine but I
pulled away. “No I can’t...” He pulled me back down to him and I
couldn’t move…I didn’t want to. You never know how much you miss
someone until there right in front of you. Grant pulled us both up
into the middle of the bed and kept his lips firmly pressed to
mine. I couldn’t believe the eruption that was building up inside
of me just from a kiss. He broke his mouth away from mine even
though I tried to keep him down. “Grant…” I whispered. He silenced
me. Grant stared at me for the longest time before slowly stripping
away my clothes until he had me naked. My bruises were still
noticeable but fading, I wasn’t self-conscious about my body until
this exact moment. “Does it bother you?” I faintly asked him. He
looked at me with sorrowful eyes and brought his face down and
kissed every sore spot. I laid back and cried not because I was
ashamed but because I missed his touch so badly, it was like I
needed to have it. Grant kissed my stomach, my chest, and my neck.
He laid on top of me gently and I held him there for the longest. I
started pulling at his shirt until I slipped it off; I traced his
face with my fingers. “I love you…” Once again those words that
evoked so much power slipped from my lips. He kissed each of my
fingers as I held them to his face and brought those sweet lips
back down to me. I needed him more than ever tonight; I didn’t care
if it was right, wrong, or indifferent. I needed him to mend my
broken heart…even if it was for only tonight.
Grant
I woke up at the crack of
dawn and watched the sunrise, I felt Lucy moving around on my chest
so I knew she wasn’t asleep either, too much on our minds. As we
lay there naked in bed together deciding what the fate of our
marriage was going to be, we couldn’t help but enjoy the warmth of
our bodies together even if it was just for this moment. “Lucy….” I
finally spoke. She exhaled and nuzzled closer on to me. “I’m
awake.” “You know I don’t expect anything from you right?” She
looked up at me to get a better understanding of what I was trying
to say. “What?” I sat up with her so I could look into her face and
let her know how serious I was. “I don’t expect anything from you.
I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you for us to get back
together.” Lucy stayed silent to make sure she took everything I
said in. “Now do I love you and do I want us to be together… yes,
but I don’t expect miracles overnight and I’m not asking for them.
All I ask is that you be here…with me. That’s all I want now.” She
reached up and kissed my lips and laid me back down. We just stayed
relishing in the aftermath of our love making… not wanting to let
go. We didn’t know where this thing was going but we were glad to
be along for the ride.
Chapter
26
Can’t run away
Lucy
As time passed I got better
and was able to get around on my own, Grant and I continued with
our life just taking it day by day. Some days were full of
laughter, board games, and love. Other days were filled with
questions as to what to do, where to go and why. I tried not to
push anything that would strike up a fight but that was hard to
avoid given the situation. To be honest I didn’t want to fight, I
wanted us to get along, I wanted to be loved and appreciated just
as before; but things were not as before. “You can deny the truth
but can’t ignore the signs.” That’s what my grandmother used to say
and the signs were appearing everywhere to me. I must admit I
didn’t catch it at first but after a while it became clear. Every
time his phone would ring or he would get up and disappear for
hours at a time then claim he wanted to surprise me with some gift…
I knew the real deal. I was able to get up myself and make
breakfast this morning; it gave me sense of achievement to be able
to do this again since the accident. Grant informed me that he
would have to be out early today I could only guess as to why. I
placed the filled plates on the kitchen table and called the boys
down to eat.
“
Mama this looks good.”
Greg praised in his pajamas. “It sure is baby and homemade for a
change.” I joked with him. “I heard that...” Grant came strolling
down the stairs. He was dressed very nice in a white long sleeve
shirt, jeans and timberlands. He placed a big kiss on my lips and
sat down with a plate. “You look nice ….where are you going?” I
asked innocently. He looked at me confused. “I told you baby I got
to help out at the job today.” I nodded. “Oh. I forgot.” No I
didn’t. I continued my line of questioning. “So…Uh…When do you plan
on coming back?” He shook his head while wolfing down some more
pancakes. “I really can’t tell you…But I’ll be back soon as
possible. Unless you can’t handle being on your own because ill set
something up if...” “No… no I’ll be fine.” “Are you sure?” I
nodded. “I’ll be fine.” Grant finished his plate and put his dish
in the sink. “I promise I’ll come back as soon as possible ok.” I
nodded and kissed him goodbye. He patted Greg on the head as he
grabbed his keys. “Alright boy take care of your mother for me.”
Greg nodded while chewing on some sausages. “Ok daddy I got it.” I
watched Grant as he left. I stood in the kitchen alone and it
became clear that all the hard work he put into healing my wounds
were all in vain… they seemed to have been reopening
again.
Grant
I made my way up the hall
to the fourth room on the right, she was already sleeping and I
debated waking her up to let her know I was there. The doctors must
have sedated her for the labor pain, I figured when I saw the
epidural. While Alexia’s mother and family waited in the lobby I
took a seat next to her in the room. “I thought you would get here
soon.” She whispered to me with her eyes still closed. I took a
deep breath to shake off my nerves and grabbed her hand. “I
couldn’t miss this day.” She smiled that sweet smile that got me
every time. “The pain has stopped but I fear the worst has yet to
come.” Alexia readjusted in the small bed. It had been a long time
coming but the baby was about to arrive. I shuddered for weeks
about how I was going to pull this off, the thought of telling Lucy
the truth was too unbearable. We never even spoke about Alexia or
the baby, in her world it was like they didn’t even exist, but for
me they did. I always knew we would have to come to terms with this
situation one way or the other if we were going to continue in our
marriage. I figured let me just get through this day before we even
go there. Doctor Cramer joined us in the room preparing herself
with gloves. “Well Ms. Cruz it looks your baby is ready to come
out.” She said as her and other nurses prepared as well. “Thank
God, it’s getting crowed in there.” Alexia said touching her belly.
I gulped in anticipation and relief…at least it was not me
delivering the kid now. “Well let’s get started then.” Doctor
Cramer and the other nurses went down to the foot of the hospital
bed while I stayed close to Alexia’s side. I had seen enough birth
canals to last me a lifetime.
As they positioned her legs
we both took deep breathes as our child began to make its journey
into the world. “Ok. Push.” Doctor Cramer directed. Alexia strained
with all her might as the baby slowly made its way out. After three
pushes we weren’t even halfway done. This was the most difficult
birth I had ever seen. Alexia seemed exhausted and in serious pain.
I held her hand tightly and prayed for it to be over soon. As our
baby boy made his way into the world we all gleamed with delight.
At eight pounds and six ounces, Gage Mikael Smith was born. He was
such a beautiful baby and I couldn’t stop the tears in my eyes,
Alexia saw me crying and unexpectedly brought her lips to mine. It
was passionate and sweet like always and yet dangerous. I pulled
away from her slowly not wanting to give her the wrong impression
but I feared it was too late. The nurse brought our new baby boy to
us to hold. “Isn’t he beautiful Grant?” Alexia asked completely out
of breathe. “Yeah.” I nodded.
Gage cried a little but
soon calmed down when he was placed upon his mother’s chest. I was
surprised to see him open his little eyes it made my heart stop
when my newborn son and I made eye contact. “Let me hold him.” I
asked. Alexia saw the excited look in my face and gladly handed our
baby over to me. “I cradled the small child in my arms and couldn’t
hide the joy I felt. He instantly clung to me like he was already
used to doing so, it was like he knew I was his father. “Yeah…he is
amazing.” I brought Gage back to Alexia and leaned over them both
while they lie together in the hospital bed. As we looked down at
our precious angel we both knew the love we felt for him but only I
knew the pain of the result of having him was going to
cause.