For All You Have Left (11 page)

“What?”
I ask.

“The scar contest
. You have the biggest scar.”

I laugh an unguarded laugh.

“What do I win?”

He doesn’t say anything, so I turn my face up toward his, and after a moment, I notice his eyes leave a
leisurely trail to my lips, and I quickly turn away, allowing a certain silence to sneak in between us. I don’t even know how much time passes before I hear his voice again.

“Whatever your heart desires,” he says, softly.

I slowly turn back toward him. He’s smiling, and it’s contagious.

“Hold me,” I say.

My eyes meander back to the television, which has been pretty nonexistent until now, but all my attention stays wrapped up in him. I feel his muscular arms tighten around me, and then, I feel him pulling me down. I let him lower me to the couch and cradle me in his strong arms. And suddenly, I feel his coarse fingers lacing in mine until his hand all but engulfs my own. And in the next moment, his warm body is pressing against me, and I can feel his hard, broad chest rising and then falling in slow, rhythmic beats. It’s exhilarating, and yet, all so strange—like a sobering reminder of what life feels like when all you feel is every touch—and nothing else.

Chapter Fourteen

Sleepover

I
don’t know how much time has passed when I wake up to a guy making pancakes on some show on TV. The light from the television is bright, and it forces my eyes shut. But when I feel warm breaths on my neck, my eyes shoot open again. And the first thing I notice is Jorgen’s arm wrapped around my waist. Then, one by one, the details come rushing back to me. We talked for a long time after dinner about everything and nothing simultaneously—everything from our favorite holiday to our least favorite Smurf. His were Groundhog Day and Gargamel. And even after I pointed out that Gargamel wasn’t a Smurf, he still picked Gargamel. I remember our silly conversations, but I don’t remember falling asleep.

I lie as still as possible, while I try to plot out my next move in my head. He’s still sleeping. I don’t want to wake him, but I’m lying on my arm and it’s completely asleep. And I’m not so sure I really want to be here when he wakes up either. It would be weird. Right? I barely know him. And what if he’s weirded out? That would be even worse. And what if he smells my morning breath? Nope. That settles it. I’ve got to get out of here.

I carefully reach for my phone on the coffee table with the hand that’s not fast asleep and press a button. All at once, its light fills the small space around us, and I panic and instinctively cover the screen with my other hand.
Oh Mylanta!
I’m screaming on the inside. A thousand tiny needles are suddenly stabbing my sleepy arm.

I grimace and lose a breath, but Jorgen doesn’t stir. He seems to be unaffected by the light and my stabbing pain. I still don’t move though, at least not until I can finally shift my arm without feeling the sharp tingles.

After about a minute, the pain is bearable, and I slowly lift my hand up a little and peek at the big numbers etched across my phone’s screen. In a blinding, white glow, I read 2:30.

I clutch the phone in the palm of my hand and wait several seconds before carefully picking up his wrist with my two fingers and slowly sliding out from underneath his arm. His face shifts, and it stops me cold. I wait until he settles back into the throw pillow before I craftily stand up and turn back toward him to see if he’s still asleep. He is, and he looks perfect—peaceful, manly, sexy, perfect—and it makes me want to crawl right back under his arm, but I don’t. Instead, I grab the blanket at his feet, and I pull it to his shoulders and rest it gently against him. He is a beautiful creature. I wonder for a second how he got onto my couch, how he got into my life. I’m in awe of him in a way—in a way that I can’t quite explain yet. I mean, besides the attractive part, which he’s got down pretty well, he’s got this way about him that makes me feel so comfortable around him even though I barely know him.

He shifts on the couch, and I instantly hold my breath as I watch him grab the blanket, settle deeper into the leather and gradually grow still again before my eyes catch the remote sitting on the coffee table. I quietly reach for it and turn off the TV. Then, I stand there for a good minute, maybe longer, trying to figure out if I really do need to go to my bed. I think about it—hard—before I finally decide I should. I take one last look at him and silently sigh. I’m already kicking myself for leaving him as I slowly tiptoe out of the living room and to my bedroom. In the dark, I shimmy off my clothes, throw on my sweatshirt and boxers, slide under the covers and close my eyes. Somehow, I just know I’m going to regret this in the morning.
 

***
 

My alarm clock nearly gives me a heart attack, just like it does every morning. I turn over and let my hand fall heavy onto its top button until it’s quiet again.

It’s another minute before I finally crack one eye open and probably another five before I throw back the covers and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Immediately, I feel the soft carpet under my bare toes, and one big yawn later, I’m on my feet.

My little apartment is draped in darkness,
which doesn’t really matter because my eyes are barely open anyway. Good thing my walk is only one straight stretch.

Ten. Eleven
.

I swing open the door, snatch up the morning paper and squeeze the rubber band off. The rubber band habitually slides onto my wrist as I open the newspaper to the last page. I shake the black and white sheets once to make them stiffen. Then, I swing around to the other side of the door and push my back against it until I hear it latch.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

I drop the paper and
let out a terrified, high-pitched scream. There’s a man on my couch, and it takes me a second before I realize who it is.

“Jorgen,” I finally say, once I’ve caught my breath.
I’m literally panting as he sleepily sits up, wincing—no doubt from my Oscar-worthy scream.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No. I just...forgot you were here.”

“Did we fall asleep?” he asks, rubbing his eyes.

“I think so.” I reach down and pick up the paper.

“Did you...sleep here?” he asks, eyeing the couch.

I nod my head. “For a little while. But then I went to my room.”

He looks kind of disappointed. “Well, I guess I better be gettin’ home so you can get ready for work.”

He stands up and walks over to me but then stops with only a foot between us. He’s so close that I can smell his sweet cologne again.

“Last night was...,” he says and then pauses, seeming to be searching for the right word.

“Nice,” he finishes.

He opens the door but then slowly turns back toward me and
steals a glance at me through hooded eyes. “That outfit really does look good on you.”

I look down and notice my bare legs with the boxers nearly nonexistent
. And instinctively, I roll my eyes and send him a playful smirk. But before I can even attempt anything resembling a comeback, he disappears behind the door, leaving me to my newspaper and my newfound giddy smile.

Chapter Fifteen

Leo

“S
o, what’s Lucas doing tonight?”

Hannah looks at me and pushes her lips to one side, as if she’s thinking.

“Video games; weird, scary movies; watching a rerun of some dumb, old football game—everything he can’t do when I’m there,” she says, sending me a devilish smirk.

“So, he’s in heaven?” I ask.

She laughs. “Of course.”

I plop down onto the couch with a big bowl of popcorn. “Okay, what are we watching?”

“Something really girly,” Hannah suggests. “And preferably something with Leo.”

“Oh, you know what?” I remember. “I just got
The Great Gatsby
...”

“No, you didn’t,” Hannah breaks in. She dramatically sighs and throws her hand to her heart. “I love Leo.”

“I’ll...take...that as a
yes
then.”

I get up, grab the movie and feed it into the DVD player. Then, I plop right back down onto the couch with the popcorn.

“You know, when we were kids, I was convinced that I was going to marry him,” Hannah says.

“You were also going to marry Prince William and one of the Hanson brothers too,” I remind her.

She stops and seems to think about it. “Dang it. I was, wasn’t I? What happened to me?”

I stare at her with knowing eyes.

“Lucas.”

She looks up at me and then nods her head. “Lucas,” she simply repeats, sighing happily to herself.

She grabs a handful of popcorn out of the bowl in my hands and shoves it into her mouth.

“Hey,” she says, still chomping on the corn.

I barely even make out the word, her mouth is so full. It’s a few seconds before she swallows and starts again.

“Do you remember that stupid game we made up when we were kids where we would pretend to sleep if someone came into a room?”

I start to laugh. “Yeah.”

“How did that start anyway?”

“Mom,” I say.

Hannah
points her finger at me. “That’s right!”

“She would call us to do something, and we would just act like we were sleeping. Evidently, you don’t wake a sleeping kid.”

Hannah bursts into laughter. “We got out of doing so much work with that. How did she never catch on?”

I shake my head. “How was she never concerned by how much we were sleeping all the time?”

Hannah stops laughing and squints her eyes in what looks like a thought. “You know, I have no idea.”

She’s quiet for a little too long, so I look over at her and catch her smiling to herself.

“That was such a stupid game,” she adds.

I stuff a handful of popcorn into my mouth. “But it worked.”

Snickering, she dramatically nods her head. “That it did.”

“But, anyway,” she goes on, shifting slightly on the couch, “the first time I met Lucas, I was a freshman in college, as you know, and I was at a friend’s house. Lucas was there, but I had never met him before. He was the only person I didn’t know out of like maybe six or seven of us sitting in the living room that night.”

She stops and looks at me. “Have I ever told you this story?”

I start to shake my head. “Uh-uh, I don’t think so.”

“Okay,” she goes on without missing a beat. “Anyway, Andie, one of my friends, was just about to walk into the room when Lucas all of a sudden whispers ‘sleep.’ And almost by instinct, my head goes down and I close my eyes.”

All my attention darts to Hannah.

“No,” I say. “There can’t possibly be another soul in this world that knows the sleep game!”

“Well, he did,” she says.

“You’re kidding?” I think my jaw is stuck open.

“I know, right?” She laughs. “Everyone else just looked at us like we were crazy afterward. It’s such a stupid, simple game. But he knew it.”

She grabs another handful of popcorn. “I swear I fell in love with him right there.” I watch her shake a finger at me. “There’s always that moment when you just know you love someone.”

Hannah’s attention goes back to the screen
then, while my mind travels back to Andrew and to a little dirt baseball field in the pouring rain. I had loved him before that day—even though I hadn’t realized it. But in that moment, in the pouring rain, I knew there was no turning back.

A few minutes pass before the old memory eventually fades and my mind gets stuck on Lucas again. “I still
can’t believe he knew the sleep game.”

It looks as if Hannah just barely gets her eyes to leave Leo and to venture back to mine.

“How?” I ask. “And how have you never told me that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just always forget. Evidently, he made it up too. I think one day he did it to get his little cousins to stop bothering him or something and then he found out it could work as an easy prank, and then, I guess it just kind of stuck.”

“All this time, and I never knew.” I think about it for another second and then cock my head to the side. “Hannah, he’s like one of us.”

“I know!” she squeals. “And we’re such a rare, strange breed.”

“Yeah,” I say, still chewing my mouthful of popcorn. “I know.”

“God,” Hannah says, shaking her head. “We were a mess when we were kids.”

“That. We. Were,” I agree, drawing out every word for emphasis.

Hannah’s quiet then, and so am I. Leo has returned to the screen, and instinctively, our eyes are glued to him again. But it’s not long
before Hannah breaks the silence.

“Hey, you remember when we tied James to that chair and left him under that old tree that one time?”

I almost spew my popcorn everywhere.