The hallway is packed and I almost have to run to keep up. A few people give me dirty looks as I shoulder past them. Where the hallways intersect,
a couple of school liaison cops stand like big blue islands in the throng. Their arms are crossed, and they are scanning the crowd. One of them follows Cyn with his eyes. I don’t know why, but I feel my face flush red. Cyn notices the cop too and ducks her head. The cop curls his finger at me, motioning me to come over. Cyn blows me a small sideways kiss and then disappears in the crowd.
The cop introduces himself as Constable Nagle, gives me his card and pulls out a tablet. He asks my name, what grade I’m in. I’m thinking about the cop watching Cyn, and how her fingers touched her lips as she blew the kiss. The cop tap-taps. Do I live near the school? Do I drive? Where do I park? I think about Cyn’s fingers on my belly. The cop is just looking at me. Did he ask me something else? He seems to be waiting for me to answer.
“Huh?”
The cop sighs. “I said, when was the last time you were in Meridian Park?”
I think about last night, with Cyn, on the bench in Meridian Park. I think about the lamplight hanging in the trees and how the cold raised little bumps on Cyn’s ski, and how warm she was when she held me. Just now, in the hallway, was she blowing me a kiss? Or was she shushing me? The cop raises his eyebrows. “Well?”
Why wouldn’t Cyn want me to say anything to the cop? She and I were there last night, but the shooting was last week. We didn’t see anything. We weren’t doing anything wrong. But I don’t really want to explain to the cop what we were doing there at one in the morning. I say, “Meridian Park? I can’t remember the last time I was there.”
Two days later Cyn is standing at my locker, chewing on her thumbnail. As I approach, she smiles and throws her arms around me. She kisses me on the cheek. “How would you like to drive the Honda?”
“At lunch?”
She shakes her head. “Right now. It needs gas.”
“Now? I’ve got a class. How about we go together at lunch?” I open my locker and reach for my textbook.
She puts her hand on mine. “No, it’s got to be right now. My brother is picking it up, and he’ll lose his mind if I haven’t filled the tank. I’d go, but I’ve already skipped this week.”
Has she forgotten that I’ve skipped too?
She says, “And I’ve been late. Twice.” She presses the keys into my hands. “There’s forty bucks in the console. Go to the same place. Park it at Meridian when you get back. My brother will get it there.”
I’m just about to ask where to leave the keys when she says, “He’s got keys.”
The bell rings and she starts to walk away. I say, “Why don’t you just give your brother the cash?”
She turns and runs back. She cradles my face with her hands and kisses me,
full on, navigating the entire surface of my tongue. When she finally pulls back, I have to gasp for a breath. She says, “Because I really want a Malabar.” She taps the end of my nose. “Remember the Malabar.” Then the hallway is empty and classroom doors are closing, and I’ll be late to class now anyway. I toss the keys in my hand. So I guess I’ll go for a drive.
I keep the speedometer at ten over and stay with the flow of traffic, fast enough to learn what the car can do but not so fast that I attract attention. I downshift into the corners just for the feeling of the car uncoiling. I would so like to own this car. The border guard asks who owns the car, and for a second I sweat because I don’t know Cyn’s brother’s name. I don’t remember if we got asked this when Cyn and I crossed. I’m pretty sure we didn’t. But when I give him the only name I know,
“Hawley,” the guard waves me through. That was easy. I crank the sound system and imagine that I do own this car.
At the gas station the same worker is on, and he gives me the same hard time about not having any Malabar and then about not waiting on the pump while he takes for-fricking-ever getting the Malabar. And when he finally comes out with the Malabar, his shirt is covered in the same crud, like he’s had to crawl through a warehouse again to get it. By the time I pay, I have just enough time to get back for second class. I pull into a spot at Meridian Park.
Cyn’s brother. Who is this guy anyway? I reach over to the glove box and pull out the plastic pouch with the vehicle registration. He probably lives in a great condo with a great girlfriend and a great dog. Wait a minute. How is he going to get the car if he lost his license?
I slip the registration papers out of the pouch.
Her brother doesn’t own the car. The owner is Cynthia Hawley.
At supper, Megan looks jubilant, like she has news that no one else has. She can hardly wait until we’re all seated before announcing, “Police were at Dove’s asking about the gang shootings.”
I say, “Police have been everywhere in this town. They were at the school
interviewing us. Anyway, how do you know about police being at Dove’s?”
“One of my clients at the salon works there. She told me.”
“Dove’s.” Mom looks at me, her forehead creased with concern. “That’s where your new friend works.”
Before I can reply, Megan says, “Well, that’s the thing. My friend doesn’t know Cyn. She says she’s never heard of her. Isn’t that weird?”
Yes, that is weird. Very weird. Suddenly, I’m not hungry. I say, “Maybe they work different shifts.” Or maybe she uses a different name. Or maybe she doesn’t even work there. How would I know? I slip my phone out of my pocket and check the screen. Cyn still hasn’t answered my texts.
Beside me, Livy says, “Who are you texting?”
“No one.” I put the phone away before my mother can tell me to.
Megan notices me checking my phone too. She says, “You remember you’re staying home with Livy tonight, right?”
Livy squeals with delight, “Uncle Daniel!” and thumps her hands on the table.
I say, “Like I do every Wednesday, yes, pro bono, and like I have since she was a baby because you’re at class and Mom has choir.” I gather Livy into a squirming heap and plunk her onto my lap. “And we’re going to read
two
stories at bedtime.”
Livy holds up three fingers. “Three!”
“You better get ready then.”
Mom says to Livy, “Come on. Let’s get you ready for bed before I go.”
Livy scrambles down from my lap. When they are out of the room, I say to Megan, “Why did you have to ask me that? When have I ever not watched Livy when you’ve asked me? When have I ever let you down?”
Megan smirks. “Well, now that you have a girlfriend…”
I interrupt her. “Cyn and I are friends, okay? She’s not my girlfriend. I mean, I’ve turned down shifts at work to stay home with Livy, and I don’t care that I’m not getting paid. I do it because it’s Livy. I will always be here to take care of Livy. Always.”
Megan holds up her hands. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”
I say, “Just don’t act like you know Cyn or anything about her, okay? Because you don’t.”
Neither do I, apparently.
Later, when Mom and Megan have left and Livy is finally asleep, I hear from Cyn. She texts,
Can I come over?
She must be parked outside, because I’ve no sooner replied than she’s at the door. She glances around at the empty house, at the key rack with no keys
hanging on it, and says, “It’s just us?” She wraps her arms around my waist.
I push her away. “You didn’t answer my texts.”
She takes my hands and sets them on her hips. “My phone died.” She nibbles my ear. “Sorry.”
Her lips feel soft and warm. I say, “The Honda. Whose car is it, Cyn?”
“We’ve got the place to ourselves and you want to talk about my car?” She kisses me lightly along my cheek, then on my lips. She tastes like peppermint gum.
“They asked at the border. Why did you say it was your brother’s?”
She moves my hands higher. “So you wouldn’t get all weird about me having a car and you not having a car. Like you are now.” She presses herself against my hands.
Gently, I push her away. “Tell me, Cyn. Is it your car?”
“You’ll just hate me if I tell you.”
“I doubt that. Just don’t lie to me.”
Her shoulders slump. “What do you want me to say? That my parents bought it for me? That they buy me stuff to make themselves feel better because they’re never around? That all I have to do is ask and they’ll hand over whatever I want?” A tear slips down her cheek. “I don’t even have a brother, Daniel. I wish I did. I wish I had someone who understood me and loved me just for breathing.”
“Cyn…”
She continues, “I wish I had a brother who could buy me a car. But I had a boyfriend. He wasn’t very nice, but he bought me stuff I could never have otherwise. He had so much, it was nothing to him. But it was everything to me.”
I pull her close against my chest. “I’m sorry, okay?”
She sniffles. “Don’t be jealous, okay? I’m not proud of being with him. And I don’t care if you can’t buy me stuff.”
Until that minute it hadn’t occurred to me that I am supposed to buy her stuff. None of Megan’s boyfriends bought her anything. But then, they were all losers—they couldn’t even buy condoms. Cyn bought me the jacket, so maybe I am supposed to get her presents. I say, “You’re done with the guy, right?”
She mock-slaps my chest. “Yes, you dumbass. I’m with you.”
“Well, it
is
a nice car.”
She laughs a little.
I kiss the top of her head. “You can tell me what’s going on with you. I live with women—I’m used to listening.”
She steps back and pulls off her hoodie. “Ask me anything.”
And everything I want to ask, everything I want to know, vanishes as she
folds herself against me. I slide my hands over her thin T-shirt, tracing the even bumps of her spine. She winces. I yank my hands away. “Did I hurt you?” Just under the sleeve of her shirt, it looks like she has a big bruise. “What happened?”
She barely makes eye contact. “It’s nothing. I just bumped myself.” She reaches for my hand. “Come on. Let’s watch
TV
. Or something.” She grins.
We do watch
TV
, or something, and afterward I must have fallen asleep, because Cyn is shaking me awake, her keys in her hand.
“Cyn, is everything okay?”
“I just have to go, okay? I don’t want to be here when Megan gets home. She won’t be happy if I’m here while you’re watching Livy.”
In Livy and Megan’s room, I hear Livy cry out.
“Oh no,” I moan. “She must be having a dream.”
Cyn puts her fingers to my lips. “I’ll check on her.”
I stand at the doorway while Cyn pads over to where Livy is thrashing in her sleep. Cyn puts her hand on Livy’s back. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s just a dream.”
Livy sits up. “It was a monster. I couldn’t run.”
Cyn says, “I get those dreams too.”
Livy stares at Cyn, as if she’s trying to focus. “What are you doing here?”
Cyn smooths Livy’s hair. “I was just hanging out with your uncle Daniel.” She turns Livy’s pillow over and plumps it up. “Your mom will be home soon.”
Livy settles back on her pillow. “Mmm, that feels nice.” She curls up on her side as Cyn straightens the blankets and tucks one of Livy’s stuffies under her arm. Livy’s voice already sounds
half asleep when she says, “Uncle Daniel likes you.”
Cyn looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. “I like him too.”
Cyn stands watching Livy for a moment or two, and then she creeps out of the room, closing the door.
“Wow,” I say. “You’re like the kid whisperer. She never settles so quickly for me.”
Cyn smiles. “But now I’ve really got to go.”
Standing in the hall, wearing just my jeans, I’m suddenly self-conscious. I fold my arms across my chest, wishing I had a shirt. “Is everything okay with us? I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“You are such a nice guy, Daniel.” She strokes the side of my face. “You make me feel like I am worth something.” She kisses me softly, barely parting her lips.
When Cyn leaves, I peek in at Livy. She is still curled up asleep, her hair fanning the pillow, one arm still holding the stuffie that Cyn gave her.
At Bio, Cyn is a no-show. I have to redo the experiment from the last class because I didn’t make any notes. Maxwell has already handed in the assignment. But does he help me? No. He abandons me to figure out the experiment on my own while he chats up Mila and the girls at the next lab station.
Then, at lunch, he’s full of stories. He says, “That Dove guy Cyn works for?” He crams a sandwich into his mouth. “They went out. Apparently, he used to pick her up from school in a big-ass
SUV
.”
Dove was the boyfriend? I feel my face get hot. “Maybe he was giving her a ride to work.”
Maxwell shrugs. “I’m just telling you what I heard.”
“From Mila and the girls in Bio?”
“Yes. They live in the same neighborhood. Mila and Cyn used to be best friends. Their parents are in Hawaii together as we speak. So I guess Mila would know if Cyn went out with Dove.”
“It’s also possible that Mila just thinks she knows what she’s talking about.”
Maxwell gives me a long look. “I like Mila.”
“I’m sorry.” I am. “But I don’t know why you’re talking about me with Mila.”
He holds up his hands. “Whoa, it’s not like we were discussing you. All Mila said was that she’s glad Cyn is going out with a solid guy now. It sounds like Dove creeps her out.”
I’ve never met the guy and he’s starting to creep me out too.
I’m leaving school when I get a text from Cyn. She’s waiting at her car in Meridian Park. By the time I get there, hers is the only car in the lot. She sees me and gets out and runs to meet me. She buries her face in my neck. I say, “Where were you today? Did you go to any of your classes?”
She shrugs. “I was there for part of the day. I had a dentist appointment.”
“We could have met up.”
“And walked around in the halls, holding hands?”
The way she says it, it sounds like maybe that’s not the most exciting thing she’s ever done. I say, “Well, I’d like that. We’d be like a normal couple.”