Fly Like You've Never Been Grounded (Summer Lake, #4) (25 page)

Smoke nodded when Jack spotted him. “What do you want?”

“Hi sweetie, good to see you too! Don't be such a grouch.”

Smoke had to laugh. “I meant what do you want to drink, asshole! I know what you want to talk about.”

Jack grinned. “I'll get them, since I dragged you in here.”

Once they had their beers Jack headed for one of the high top tables in a quiet corner.

Smoke pulled up a seat and rolled his eyes. “Come on then. What's up?”

“I just wanted to see if you've talked to Laura yet?”

“Yeah, I've talked to her quite a lot these last few weeks.”

“You know what I mean. Have you told her how you got to be as screwed up as you are?”

“I've started to. Unlike some people,
she
is rather understanding and patient. She says we'll get there in our own time. That it'll all come out little by little as we get to know each other.”

Jack nodded. “Fair enough. You know I'm really not trying to be an asshole. I'd love to see the two of you work it out, but it worries me that it could all come around to bite you in the ass if you're not up front with each other.”

Smoke nodded. “Thanks, Jack. No seriously,” he added when he saw the look on Jack's face. “Thank you. I'm way out of my depth. I'm spending half my time buying a house and a car and setting up a life here that I can make her a part of. The rest of the time I'm wondering if I should just be wheels up and gone.”

Jack was frowning now. “I don't know what she's told you about herself, but the one thing you will never be able to do with Laura is
make
her do or be anything. She'll disappear on you, go into hiding, if she feels her independence is threatened.”

Smoke felt his throat go dry. That was odd. He'd grown to associate that reaction with being happy, with laying eyes on her. Now it was happening at the thought of losing her. As he stared at Jack it dawned on him—no way could he stand to lose her!

“I didn't mean it like that, Jack. I meant let her in.
Let
her be part of my life.”

Jack held up a hand. “It's okay, bro.
I
know what you mean, but I'm not sure she would. You're going about setting up all the trappings of a normal life—the house, the car, changing your work life so that you'll be based in once place, be around more. Most women would be getting ready to drag you down the aisle with all the signals you're giving off. I just want to make sure you know that Laura doesn't work that way. Everything you're doing is more likely to scare her away than reel her in.”

Smoke stared at him. “I'm not trying to
reel her in
, Jack. I'm...” He ran a hand over his eyes. “Honestly? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I just know I want her to be part of my life. I don't want to change the way I am, but that's okay, because she doesn't want me to. And I sure as hell don't want to change the way she is. It's her being the way she is that makes me love her.”

Jack's jaw dropped.

“What? What's up, bro?” Smoke was worried.

Jack was recovering quickly, a huge grin spreading across his face, making the corners of his eyes crinkle. “Did you hear what you just said?” he asked.

Smoke frowned. “What? That I don't want to change the way she is?”

“Why not?”

“Because that's....Oh, fuck!”

Jack was laughing now. “I hoped that was where you might end up! Now you just have to find a way to make it work. I remember the day you swore you would never love a woman again your whole life!”

Smoke pressed his lips together. Rolling the thought around in his mind, barely hearing Jack.
That's what makes me
love
her.
It was true. Now he stopped to think about it. He did love her. He wouldn't have been able to
make love
to her if he didn't. But what the fuck was he going to do about it? He looked up at his friend. “What do I do, Jack?”

Jack slapped his shoulder. “You'll figure it out. My only suggestion is you talk to her. Tell her everything.”

“Even tell her that I....” Smoke couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.

“Damned straight! Especially that!” Jack's phone buzzed. He picked it up off the table. “And it looks like you'll get your chance to, any minute now. They've finished and are about to head home.” He tapped out a text then looked up at Smoke. “Or at least they were. I just told Em to bring Laura back here.”

Smoke stared at him.
Jesus!
What could he do with this? Was he ready to tell her that he....? There was no time to decide. She and Emma came through the door from the deck. Her beautiful smile lit up her face when she spotted him. The happy buzz hummed loudly in his chest. He smiled back at her as she walked towards him. He might not be able to say it, but
damn!
He sure as hell couldn't deny it. He was in love with her!

***

L
aura was surprised to see Smoke sitting with Jack in the bar. She smiled, loving the sight of gentle Smoke out in public. The way he was smiling at her had her heart racing.

Jack stood up when they got to the table. He put an arm around Emma. “We'll see you guys soon.” He grasped Smoke's shoulder and gave him a shake. “Don't take too long about it.”

Laura was even more surprised that Smoke turned the same gentle smile on Jack. Weird, he would normally have punched his arm or something, but he just smiled and said, “Thanks, bro. I'll call you.”

Emma gave her a hug and then they were gone.

Smoke was by her side, taking hold of her hand. “Hey, gorgeous.”

“Who are you calling gorgeous, gorgeous?”

“You. Let's go home, lady. We need to talk.”

She let him lead her out of the bar. They walked down by the water's edge. “For someone who says we need to talk, you're being awfully quiet,” she said after a while.

The way he looked at her melted her heart. That look didn't need words. It told her he wanted her. As Missy had put it, wanted to
be
with her, not just
be in bed
with her. If she had to describe that look she would have said it was full of love. But it couldn't be, could it? And what was she supposed to do if it was? Panic? That seemed like the only reasonable response. For some reason though, she didn't feel panicky. That look made her feel happy—so very happy. And she had a fair idea that the look on her own face was mirroring it. He stopped walking and pulled her to him. Cupping the back of her head with his hand, he brushed his lips over hers. As always, her arms reached up around his neck of their own accord, pulling him down into a kiss.

Standing there wrapped in his arms, his mouth exploring hers, the gentle breeze off the lake reminding her where she was, she knew in her heart there was nowhere else on earth she'd rather be.

When he lifted his head, his eyes were full of questions. “Did that tell you anything?”

Laura took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “I think it did. And I think you're right. We do need to talk.”

Little furrows creased his brow as he took her hand and started walking again. “Let's take it home then.”

Back at the cabin they settled on the sofa out on the deck. “So, what do you want to tell me, Captain Hamilton?” She tried to make her voice sound light, but it held none of its usual teasing tone; even she could hear that.

Smoke curled his leg underneath him to sit sideways on the sofa as he took hold of her hands. “Did that kiss on the way back tell you anything, lady?”

She nodded.

“What did it tell you?”

“I need to hear you say it, Smoke.”

He shook his head. “I'm not sure I know how to make those words come out.”

She was aware of that. Maybe it was best left alone anyway. Maybe it was best to stay away from the words she thought he meant.

“What
do
you want to talk about then?”

“I think it's time I tell you my story. See if you still want to stick around for those words. You might want to run before I ever say them.”

“I doubt that, Smoke.”

His face looked pained.

She reached out to touch his cheek. “You've already told me you're no saint—though that wasn't hard to figure out. It's the past. We all have one. Your past has made you who you are today and I....”
Oh, God!
What had she been about to say? He was looking at her, the pain in his eyes replaced by hope. No. She couldn't bring herself to say it, even while he was looking at her like that. “I really like who you are today.”

His shoulders sagged, they both knew it was because of what she'd failed to say. But dammit, he'd refused to say it, too!

He nodded. “You're right. It has. I loved a woman once before. I was engaged to her. She loved me in the beginning too, but she ended up pretty much hating me.” He shrugged. “It was mutual.”

Laura said nothing. She didn't know what she could say.

“She wanted to be the center of my life, my world, my everything. She hated that I love my job so much. She thought I should turn my back on it, put her first whenever she wanted me to. I didn't. I couldn't.” He looked up at her, his eyes sad. “I don't know how.”

Laura wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close. He looked so sad, so lost. “I'm sorry, Smoke.”

He pulled back to look at her. “What for?”

“That she didn't love you back like you needed her to.”

The creases in his brow were back as he thought that one over. Then he shook his head. “That's not what I meant. It was me that couldn't love
her
the way she needed me to. I made her miserable, just by being me. I don't want to do that to you.”

Laura let out a little laugh and shook her head. “You make me so happy by being you, Smoke. I love hearing the way you talk about flying. I love seeing you fly. I love the way you care so much about your work. I love that you have your own thing, something that's so important to you. I would suffocate in a minute if...someone...tried to make me the center of their world, their everything.”

He nodded. “I'm starting to understand that. That's what we need to talk about. See, while I've been buying this house, setting up the flight school, laying the foundation for a life here...I'm doing it all with the hope that you'll be a part of it.”

Laura held her breath. Waiting for the panic to kick in, for the need to run to take over and drown out everything else. She waited. But it didn't happen. She stared at him in shock, as her heart raced—happily!

“I can't make you the center of it, and I always thought that was what a woman wanted, what a woman needs, in order to be happy. But you really don't, do you?”

She shook her head. “I not only don't want it, I definitely don't need it, and more to the point, I couldn't stand it.”

He nodded. “But could you stand to be a part of it? To see if there's some way we can be together that will let you be you, and me be me, but alongside each other?”

Laura bit her lip. London was hardly alongside Summer Lake.

Oh, his poor face! “You don't need to answer right now. But would you think about it?”

“Smoke, I....”

He looked up at her hopefully.

Oh, God!
She had to tell him. “When I was in London they asked me to stay.”

His gray eyes bored into her.

“To go and live there.”

His lips pressed together. “Oh. Sorry. I didn't know. You should have said.” He shrugged and as if he'd flipped a switch, the cocky Smoke was back. “So, how about we forget everything I just said?”

“But, Smoke, I....” She didn't get chance to finish the sentence. He'd pulled her towards him and his mouth came down on hers. She put her hands on his shoulders to push him back—she needed to explain. He deepened the kiss, claiming her mouth, owning her body. His hand was inside her top, his thumb circling. She let out a low moan as his other hand pushed her skirt up and slid inside her panties. All thoughts of explaining what she'd meant were lost. She couldn't even think straight, let alone put a sentence together. Her skirt was around her waist now, she was on her back. Underneath him. How did he do it? His fingers only left her heat to unbuckle himself and push her panties to the side. It had become so familiar to feel his knees pushing at her thighs, opening her up so he could....
Oh, God!

She clung to him as he filled her. There was a desperation in the way their bodies expressed everything they were too afraid to say. His arm around her waist, his hand in her hair told her she was his, she was where she belonged. Her arms around his back, and her legs around his told him she knew; she belonged to him. They told him what her words wouldn't—that she needed him. Each thrust of his hips demanded she let him in, into the deepest part of her body, into her heart, and into her soul. And she let him in, closing around him as he plunged inside her, holding him tight, begging him to stay. They took each other closer and closer to the edge. She felt him tense and knew that this time, when he said it, it would be true. She'd be his. He let go and she saw stars as he took her with him. But even as her body soared away with his, her heart hurt. Because this time he didn't say it.

This time there was no lying there, nuzzling and whispering. Even while he was still breathing hard he rolled off her and pulled up his pants. He gave her the cocky grin and disappeared inside. She straightened her clothes, since they hadn't made time to get out of them. This was horrible. She felt cheap, like someone he'd just fucked and was about to fly away from. He wasn't, was he?

She went inside and was surprised to hear the shower running. She knocked on the bathroom door. “Come on in. You've seen it all before.”

She stepped inside. “Smoke. Don't shut down on me. Please?”

He grinned at her. “I'm not shutting down, I'm cleaning up.”

“Talk to me.”

“Laura, you know I'm not a big talker. We've talked enough.”

“No we haven't! You told me what you wanted to say. You shut down when I started to tell you what I wanted to say.”

He shrugged and turned away to test the water. “Doesn't seem like there's much left to say.” He turned his back to her as he took his shirt off. “Talking is over-rated anyway. Do you want to join me?” He stepped out of his clothes and into the shower. “Can you close the door on your way in—or your way out?”