Flicker (9 page)

A girl my age moves from the side of the room where she’s been standing with the other Vessel’s. She walks to Basil and takes her hand. Agreement has light brown hair and freckles across the bridge of her nose, but her soft face doesn’t put Basil’s frozen body at ease.

Hana calls for her, and Basil puts her finger to her lips, “Shush, Hana. Everything’s going to be okay, sweet girl.” Her words don’t match the fear carved on her face.

“Don’t leave me!” Hana cries out.

Basil lets go of Agreement’s hand and kneels to her sister. “Be brave, Hana, like Mama would have wanted.” Basil kisses her little sisters forehead and then allows Agreement to lead her through the entrance Honor used.

Hana’s big lip quivers as she watches Basil leave. Once they’re gone Honor calls out for a girl named Timid. She’s the same size as Hana and motions for her to come. Timid is a small girl of eight or nine, harmless, but still Hana fights back tears. She has no choice but to stand and walk out with her.

“Next, Duty meet Cecily.”

An older woman steps out of the perimeter. Her hair’s long, the color of honey and specked with lighter shades of blonde. I wonder how long she’s lived here, or if she spent any years without food or warmth. Mom nods at me, as if to say, “All is well” just like Dad whispered as he spoke his last words. I’m filled with dread at my own ominous thoughts.

After Mom leaves with her partner, I wait for mine to come out of the woodwork, but no one walks forward for me. It’s strange how a short time ago I was broken about having to come here to this island and now I’m feeling embarrassed that no one’s claimed me fast enough. My heart races, not knowing what will happen if no one advances to be my partner, will they throw me out?

              The door opens and Humbleman Discernment enters and a buzz erupts throughout the room as Vessels lean to one another in whispers.

“Honor, you need to come back with me. We have something to discuss.”

She follows him out the door, leaving me alone at the table, in the room lined with women, wondering what happens next.

chapter thirteen

I
try to guess my match by the women left in the room. If it has to be someone my age there are probably five girls to choose from and try as I might to decipher personalities from one or another, it’s impossible. Besides the different heights and weights, color of hair and tilt of their noses, there’s nothing distinguishable about them except for one. She keeps her eyes straight ahead not engaging in the whispers around her; she has her shoulders pushed back, her lips pursed ever so slightly. She exists on a different plane than the rest of the Vessels, higher, better, flawless.

The atmosphere in the room is peculiar and, though I avoid eye contact, I hear murmurs around me. I’m out of place in my yellow robe; the Vessels are pristine in their white dresses, all Greek goddesses and the younger girls, sweet cherubs. I cross and uncross my legs, never having worn a dress before.

The door opens once again to my relief, but my heart sinks as Honor walks in frowning.

“Lucy, you need to come with me. Vessels, we’ll return shortly. You may practice your songs for our upcoming service until we return.”

I walk out of the room with Honor, wondering what could be going on. As we make our exit I can’t help but feel I’ve broken protocol, and I’ve done that enough times in my life to know that isn’t a good thing.

“Lucy, the Humblemen who review the tests have asked to speak with you
privately
.” She huffs the last word, letting me know she’d rather be in on the conversation.

“Can you come with?” Fear rises in me as my mind flies back to the men at the steps who tried to defile Mom. Being left alone with the strange Humblemen is too much, too soon.

“That won’t be acceptable. Once they make a decision, it is final. That goes for both of us, we’re equals in that, at least.”

The hallway is large, every surface made of marble, made to withstand the tests of time. At an unmarked doorway Honor stops, “This is where you go in. I’ll be here when you’re done.”

I walk through the door Honor holds open. There is a narrow passage I walk through before I enter the main Chamber. The room is starkly decorated like the place we took our test, but quieter. No music is sung; instead three men stand around a table pointing at something. When I walk in, they stop and look me up and down.

I recognize Humbleman Discernment from earlier on the boat. The second man looks a few years older than me, but the third is much older than Mom, with a white beard hanging long, in two braids past his chest.

“Honor told me to come in.” I squeak out the words, and tighten the belt at my waist.

“Yes. We need to ask you about your test.” Humbleman Discernment points to the papers on the table. “We’re the Council of this Refuge, the chosen Humblemen. We help ensure our Vessels accomplish their duties, and that Humblemen are performing their roles as well. As the Council, it’s our collective job to partner new Vessels with members to help them transition, which you just witnessed in the great room.”

Humbleman Discernment stops and takes a hard look at me, as if searching for something he can’t quite find.

“What did you know of The Light before you came here?” asks the bearded man.

“I knew … umm….” My words break like they always do, but I force myself to push through, stumbling as I go. “I knew practically nothing. My mom … she wanted to come, she knew you existed before, well, before the blackout.”

“Nothing else?”

“No, why would you think I did?” I ask, amazed at my sudden ability to speak with clarity while so many men stare at me.

“You’re hiding something.”

“I have nothing to hide,” I say, knowing I do.

“Where do you come from?” the youngest one asks.

I hesitate. How do I tell these men about the place from where I come? A place where apples blossoms lay on the faces of the ones I loved. A place laden with fabricated stories, as heavy as the branches on the tree where the forbidden fruit is actually sweet. Sweeter than the life I lived.

I come from a place that was a lie.

Instead, I open my mouth, “A compound in the country. I lived there my whole life, but everyone died, except mom and me … so we came here.” The facts relayed are true enough.

“And you just
happened
to make the boat? I heard you made it by minutes. Isn’t that right, Humbleman Discernment?” the younger man says. His dark eyes seem to question my statement, and me.

“Indeed it is, Humbleman Depend, but that isn’t important. Lucy, the response you gave on the test was strange, that is why you are being questioned.” Humbleman Depend says it like an accusation. “Why did you write those words about the day you claim to be born?”

“The words had been buried, just waiting to come out.” I say, feeling free to say the truth. 

The bearded man addresses the others, “Humblemen, we aren’t going to understand it all tonight. We can speak with the Nobleman when He comes. I vote we partner Lucy with the Vessel most similar to her, and then wait.”

“I don’t know if that’s wise, Humbleman Integrity. You
know
who her closest match is.”

“What does it matter? We want the Nobleman to pick one of our Vessels, who it is matters not.”

“Agreed,” the Councilmen answer. 

“Lucy, you may return to the hall to wait for your assignment. Please ask Honor to enter our chamber,” Humbleman Discernment says to me.

“Thank you, Lucy, your willingness to answer and explain yourself shows strength in character and we welcome you into The Light,” Humbleman Integrity says, bowing his head slightly.

“And thank you, for welcoming me.” Even though I don’t understand all that they say, I feel better after having spoken to them. I will be able to stay here, with Mom. No one is kicking me out tonight. “Truly, it’s my deliverance.”

“Why do you say it like that?” Humbleman Depend asks.

“Like what?”

“So … hallowed.”

“I just said the truth. My truth. Before I had nothing, and now I have honey and blueberries and a person partnered to help me, and hopefully a future here.”

“A future here indeed, Vessel,” says Humbleman Integrity, bowing as I leave.

*****

Honor joins me in the hallway a few minutes later. Her rattled demeanor hasn’t softened, and she looks me up and down like Humbleman Discernment did, as if trying to find something she can’t place.

“I don’t know what you said in there, but the Humblemen don’t change their minds. You must have done a number on them to have gotten them to go for a partnering like this.”

“I was just myself, I swear it.”

“Well, in that case, it’s a blessing to meet you.” She bows her head, but her voice has an edge of sarcasm I don’t deserve.

Once back in the great room, the singing voices hush. I stand next to Honor, wondering why so much fuss is being made over me. Going from six people in the compound to dozens should be overwhelming, but it’s comforting to be here. Maybe this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Maybe Mom is right. Maybe The Light is home.

Honor addresses the room and I listen, intent on learning as much as I can.

“There is a period of time before our Vessel Lucy will have her test completely reviewed. The Councilmen assure me everything will be sorted soon. Until then Lucy will be paired with Perfection. Although not her precise equal, we can all imagine how beautifully Perfection will handle this unusual situation.”

A flash of shock crosses the face of the girl who appeared set apart. Her blond hair spins in a shock towards Honor, blue eyes widened in surprise. However, she composes herself quickly, setting her mouth in a smile. As she walks towards me, her gown ripples, much like the sound of the voices around us who have something to say about the events surrounding this evening. Perfection simpers, and then links arms with me. I hold up my head and try to match her confidence, but it’s clear we couldn’t be less alike. The Councilmen’s judgment is lost on me.

chapter fourteen

B
efore we pass through the door, Honor stops us. “Perfection, spend your evening as usual,” she says. “There should be no change in your schedule because of a partner. The Councilmen insist on this, so we shall proceed, even if it is unusual.”

“So tomorrow she will follow me while I complete my tasks?” Perfection whines.

“Exactly, surely you can manage cutting a few flowers with a girl by your side.” Honor purses her lips in agitation.

“I understand,” Perfection answers with a huff. 

“So where do you go next, after singing circle?” Honor asks.

“My helper Agreement has laundry now, so I usually spend this hour in the Bathhouse, alone, reflecting on The Light and how I can more brightly shine.” Her words are flat and memorized.

“Then continue as normal. A bed will be brought to your chamber and try to see this situation as a way to refine yourself.”

“I will do my duty.”

Honor walks away and we turn into the hallway going the opposite direction of the Council Chamber. Giant crystal ensconced chandeliers hang above our heads, emitting bright light on everything. The hall is opulent and unending as we walk down the corridor. There are marked doors on either side, every twenty feet. Nameplates such as
Vessels: 8-10
,
Nursery
,
With Child
and more oddly,
Awaiting.
I don’t dare ask Perfection what they mean, her stony silence makes it clear she’s unhappy with my being next to her, regardless of her smile and willingness to link her arm through mine.

After we’ve walked past a dozen or more doors in silence, we come to a glass entryway marked
Bathhouse
. I follow Perfection inside the empty, marble-covered room and am amazed to see a giant pool of water in the middle. The warm and steamy air causes my eyes to grow heavy after I’ve stood in the heat for just a moment.

“Being partnered with me is a blessing, even if it’s only for a short while. I’ve never had a match before because I test perfectly.”

“That’s impressive.” My voice cracks, not wanting to say the wrong thing to her.

“Yes, well the test is based on our knowledge of The Light. New members couldn’t know about our sacred texts, about our ways. If you scored well, you must know something you’re not telling.” Her lips purse as she judges me. I wish Basil were here, in our short meeting I felt safe around her, and right now I could use a friend.

“There’s nothing, I swear.” I hate trying to convince her that I’m not a liar, but she isn’t interested in hearing me. I stop speaking, not trusting myself to keep hidden the thing I am hiding. My hand.

“If you say so.” Her words are meant to patronize. “They must think you’re special because it’s unusual for a new Vessel not to find an equal.”

“I’m not special, Perfection. I’m just a girl,” I say, my words barely above a whisper.

“One of the luxuries of being a member of The Light is never having to worry about what you are or aren’t. There are Humblemen whose jobs are to tell us what our roles are, and to make sure we’re doing them correctly.” Her voice is elegant and airy, pointing out how shaky and unsteady mine sounds.

“What’s your role?”

“I do everything within my power to become a perfect mate for the Nobleman.” A smile spreads wide on her rosy lips.

“Who is he, your god or something?” I ask, watching as she slips off her dress, letting it fall on the floor as she slides into the water.

She sucks in a deep breath as if my question annoys her. “Come in the water, you need to rest your body. The water’s full of salts and minerals to soak in your skin, making you more whole. You could use it.” She leans her head against the edge of the pool and then presses an unmarked button on the floor creating bubbles to rise around her.

Upset by her intentional digs at me, I turn away; embarrassed once again of exposing myself in front of a stranger, and one whose
perfection
has been noted by the entire Refuge. The insecurities I have about my body can’t resist the temptation of the warm steam that surrounds me. I’ve never had a bath in my life.

I take off my dress, folding it before placing it on a bench, and test the temperature of the water with my toes. Heaven. I let myself sink into the tub and sigh, as my weary Lucky-riding-legs absorb the healing properties of the water.

“Do you honestly not know the name Nobleman?” Perfection asks me once my body is submerged in the bath.

“I don’t. I don’t even know what The Light is.” I’m not sure how free I am to talk with Perfection, especially after Mom warned me to keep quiet.

“I figured you knew all about us, since you were partnered with me. See, the Nobleman isn’t God; He’s a
gift
for The Light. He’s our Prophet.”

“Like you do what he says?”

“He guides us, if that’s what you mean.”

“How do you know he’s the Prophet?” I ask.

“Because it was
prophesized in the sacred texts
,” she says, like I’m an idiot for not knowing such basic things. “But I don’t think we should be talking about this, Honor said you must have patience.”

“Of course, I don’t want to get you in trouble,” I say, not wanting to upset my partner. I’d like to read the texts though, to understand what she’s talking about.

“You can’t get me in trouble.” Perfection laughs, as though I’ve said something ridiculous.

“People don’t get in trouble at The Light?”

“Oh, people get in trouble, lots. What I mean is you can’t get
me
in trouble. I’m the Refuge’s only chance of offering a mate to the Nobleman. I’m Perfection.” She says it like it’s a done deal.  When she closes her eyes I’m struck by just how beautiful she is. If the Nobleman wants perfect, this is the Vessel for him.

“Do you think I could get a copy of the sacred texts?” I ask.

“Lucy, you have loads to learn.
I’ve never seen the texts
.”

If she hasn’t, I have no chance of seeing them. But how can you believe something you’ve never seen with your own eyes? A week ago that idea would have seemed impossible, but now after knowing what Dad did … without proof … I understand that Perfection could.

We’ve nearly fallen asleep in the soaking tub. My body is relaxed and I forget where I am until the young girl Timid, followed by little Hana, walks in greeting us.

“Perfection, the night hour is here. May I help you to your room?” Timid asks, holding a towel out for her.

“Yes, we mustn’t be late.” Perfection stands then wraps herself in the towel. The girl gets another, handing it to me. The soft white cotton envelops my sleepy bones. The girl walks to a closet in the corner, returning with stacks of bedclothes for us. I’ve never worn a nightgown; it would have been a frivolous choice for the compound. Practical sweatshirts and T-shirts were the clothes of my childhood.

I dry off and slip the gown over my body and then wrap a bathrobe around me, cinching it tight, confused at the generosity of The Light towards me, a new Vessel in their fold. A few hours ago I was worn out on a horse’s back, dirty and ragged. Now I’ve eaten sumptuous food, relaxed in a hot tub, and been waited on hand and foot.

“Hana,” I say, turning back towards the girls, “are you doing alright?” No one’s there, the girls have disappeared.

“Lucy, you can’t speak that way. You’ll need to learn your place so those girls can learn theirs,” Perfection admonishes.

Disappointed with my inability to speak with Hana, I follow Perfection out the door.

“Should we get our clothes?” I ask as we leave the Bathhouse. 

“The girls will get them.” Perfection answers.

“Like maids or something?” I think of Hana, her blueberry stuffed cheeks, her innocent laughter. Surely she won’t be gathering clothes dropped on the floor by the likes of me.

“The girls are assigned that role, of course.”

“And you … you don’t clean up after yourself?”

“I don’t and neither will you as long as you’re partnered with me.” Perfection loops her arm through mine once again and we walk down the marble-walled corridor.

Perfection begins again, “Lucy, we’re almost to my room,
our
room for now. My guess is when they figure out your test error you’ll be Bound to your Humbleman. Until then, do your best not to ask questions like you did in the Bathhouse. You must practice discernment because girls will talk, and talking, even for learning purposes, can lead to … well, unpleasantness. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“Of course not. Will I get to see my mom soon?”

“Oh, Lucy.” Her exasperation’s obvious. “Your Mother’s partner is already Bound, so she’ll be with the wives of that Humbleman. Humbleman Discernment I think, you met him on your way here, right?”              

“I did. But what is being
Bound
?”

“It means you are joined as two, Humbleman and Vessel, mates forever, with the mission of repopulating the Earth, with the power of The Light. Only, it’s one Humbleman with many Vessels,” she answers as though this is the most normal thing in the world.

I shake my head in confusion. Perfection gives a deep sigh before continuing.

“Vessels are
Bound
between the ages of fourteen and sixteen. Or at least, it usually works that way.” Perfection exhales in annoyance at having to explain these facts that are old hat to her, but mind-boggling to me.

“How old are you?” I ask, thinking Perfection and I must be pretty close in age.

“I turn sixteen and I haven’t been Bound yet. They’re hoping the Nobleman will choose me, soon.”

“Does the Nobleman have other mates?”

“No, not yet, the sacred text say he doesn’t have to bind himself with a Vessel until he wants … and he’s picky. There are girls at all the Refuges hoping to be chosen.”

“How old is he?” I ask, wondering if Perfection hopes to marry an old guy.

“He’s sixteen,” Perfection says. “And the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I’m a few weeks from him choosing me, I’m sure of it. Last time he was here we spent an entire afternoon together,” she says, as we stop in front of a door marked,
Vessel: Perfection
. “Besides I’ve known him forever. We were childhood friends so it only makes sense for him to pick me.” Her eyes flick up, like she’s thinking of something faraway, but then she shakes it away and opens the door.

I smile to myself; Perfection is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I saw many Vessels tonight and none of them compare to her.

“I bet he’ll choose you, I can’t imagine a more perfect choice.”

“We shall see, soon in fact. He’s coming to our Refuge next week. Your timing to join was impeccable. Lots of members could go months and months and never see him face-to-face.”

Perfection enters her private room, revealing another sparse space. Two beds, dressed in white linens are side-by-side and a faint light radiates from a lamp on a table between them.

I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of awe. A few days ago I was the only girl my age I’d ever known and now I’ve been thrust into a world with a partner my same age, in an ample Refuge, a church crossed with a castle. The fact that they’ve welcomed me so entirely causes my eyes to fill with tears. I brush them aside and follow Perfection.

She sits on a bed smoothing her bathrobe and I follow suit, not wanting to be pesky with questions. Unable to resist I ask, “So why do you get a room to yourself, and others are required to share?”

Perfection slips off her robe and into the bed before whispering, “
I
have special privileges
. Great honor would be bestowed on our Refuge if I were chosen and because of that, I’m granted extra amenities in an effort to make me as perfect as possible. No one would want a grouchy mate, for eternity, would they?” She smiles, like I should know what she means.

“Where’s Basil? She’s the girl who came in with me today. She’s fourteen, is she in the room marked
Vessels: 14-16
?”

“Those are the types of questions I was talking about. A little insensitive? Anyhow, Basil will be here shortly, I’m sure of it.”

I don’t understand how me asking about Basil is insensitive or why she’ll be coming here. It
seems sensitive
to ask about her, but Perfection’s words make sense moments later, as Basil walks into the room, with a pitcher of water in her hand. Her eyes widen in relief when she sees me, but she doesn’t speak.

“Basil!” Seeing someone who connects me to the outside is a comfort.

“Lucy, that isn’t the way. We must retire now, it’s time for bed,” Perfection corrects me. 

“But Basil…?” My words trail off and when she doesn’t respond I find myself following Perfection’s lead. I lie down in the bed, pulling the heavy covers to my chin. In the uncomfortable silence of the room, I find it impossible to take my eyes off Agreement and Basil who still stand here. Why I’m not allowed to ask questions and why I’m blindly obeying Perfection baffles me, yet I remain quiet.