Flame Thrower (6 page)

Ryan took a few deep breathes to control the magic that pulsated to the surface and threatened to be released the higher his anger soared. He had to be careful not to lose control or he would burn this cabin down. He was on the cusp of doing just that now, but he focused on calming his racing heart. To lose control would only terrify Tillian, which was the last thing he wanted to do. It was common knowledge that the inhabitants of Folkyn were ignorantly terrified of magic or anything mystical. He needed to remain in control until she was in a better position to accept who and what he was.

“Oh, Tillian,” he whispered. His heart nearly broke hearing her sadness and he wanted nothing more than to heal her wounded soul. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience such pain.” Ryan rocked her gently back and forth in an attempt to sooth her, and the motion pulled her closer.

Tillian wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling the heat from his body as if it were a blanket of comfort being wrapped around her. When his arms tightened further, a strange sense of security settled over her soul and all the fears and shame seemed to melt away. She knew in that moment it was Ryan’s presence that gave her that.

“Shh, please don’t cry,” he whispered against her ear. “I ask again, who did this to you?”

Tillian debated while her emotions waged an internal battle. She felt uncharacteristically out of control and could do nothing about it at the moment. This compassion should have been coming from her brother and not some foreign king, but she latched onto it regardless. She needed someone to accept her plight and care for her, because she just couldn’t do it herself under the circumstances. Tillian desperately needed someone to protect her and Ryan was doing just that with more to spare. After a moment, she sniffed and snuggled her face against his strong chest while she settled down and then sighed.

“I’m not sure what to say, Sir.” Her voice was quiet and soft. She wasn’t crying only for her pain, but also for the predicament she was in. The shame that a part of her enjoyed what they did raced through her mind. Logically, she knew she couldn’t resist the arousal that the drugs in her system generated, but she still hated she found any enjoyment at all. Because of that she felt tainted, ruined and destroyed. She didn’t deserve Ryan’s compassion and she didn’t deserve the passion burning in his eyes.

“It would do me a huge honor if you called me Ryan,” he teased leaning back in order to tilt her face to his. “I think ‘Sir’ makes me feel old.”

Tillian smiled sweetly and added, “All right, Ryan.” A faint light appeared in her green eyes when she stared into his brown depths. At that moment, she felt something trigger in her heart. It wasn’t more than a flutter, a pulse, but it was there. “Thank you.”

“For what?” he inquired, his thumb still held her chin poised towards his face. He couldn’t bring himself to release that contact and marveled at the velvety softness of her skin. He could easily see the internal battle within her eyes, and decided he’d tackle that another day. Right now, he knew all she needed was exactly what he was doing.

“For all of this. You seem to be my savior, and I’m very grateful it was you who found me and not someone else. Your kindness is unquestionable and I find I’m at a loss for words to thank you properly.”

Ryan sighed and hugged her again. His arms pinned her within his embrace while he battled his need to release the raging magic that wanted to be set free. He wanted to burn something and feel the release that brought. Mostly, he desperately wanted to hurt the person who did this to her. “You don’t have to thank me at all.”

“I think I do. You have shown me a tremendous amount of compassion.” Tillian tried to pull away, but his arms held firm so she relented. “Not to mention, my appearance must have raised a few concerns. I’m sure your Captain thinks this some form of trap to lure you into a confrontation with Folkyn. Am I wrong?”

Ryan snorted rudely. He wasn’t amused. “No one should have lashed you, Tillian,” he growled. “I need no confirmation or reason for your appearance. You should not have been treated this way and you should not have had to endure what you did for the past two months. For that, I’m enraged and I don’t care what my Captain cautions against.”

While they talked, he’d forgotten about the healers and jumped a little when Edda cleared her throat. “I beg your pardon, my liege, but I’d like to complete what I started and get her settled for the night. We are almost finished, so if you would go back outside, the faster you can return.”

Ryan laughed softly, giving her one final hug. He allowed Tillian to pull away reluctantly and looked into her eyes. She felt right in his arms and releasing her made him want to rush to reclaim her. With an aggrieved look, he held her frantic gaze and forced a smile but only succeeded in a twitch that moved the corner of his bearded mouth. When he finally spoke it was to Edda, yet his eyes never left Tillian’s face. She showed signs of distress at the request for him to leave again. “Of course, Edda. I apologize for the interruption.”

“Thank you, Sir. I’m sure the Princess would appreciate some privacy while we complete our tasks. I’ll come to find you when we are through.” Edda stood off the side near the table, her arms crossed and she watched the two very closely. The utter devotion the Princess showed was unsettling and her liege’s quick possession of her was an equally uncomfortable circumstance. Either this went along sweetly or ended tragically, but that was up to them to decide.

Ryan’s eyes continued to hold Tillian captive while he searched for any sign her panic was out of control. If he saw that, he’d force the issue and stay, but he didn’t see anything. “Are you all right, Tillian?” he asked passionately before he moved a muscle to depart. Ryan wanted a reassurance she was going to be all right before he left.

She desperately wanted him to stay and almost said so, but she knew the healers were right. Tillian answered him silently instead with a tight lipped nod. She watched the disappointment flash through his warm eyes. That look filled her with a sense of satisfaction that rolled through her soul. Tillian accepted his desire to remain but acknowledged his willingness to give her privacy. She knew that with one word from her he’d not heed the request from Edda, so Tillian remained silent. She pulled instead on some hidden reserve of courage.

He watched her battle, saw her take a deep breath and smile. Ryan touched her cheek softly and caressed her smooth skin, but said nothing. His touch was enough to convey his intent.

“You won’t go far, will you?” Tillian lamely asked. It was a silly question, but she couldn’t stop the words as they left her mouth.

That earned a snort from Edda and a chuckle from Ryan. “No, I vowed before that I wouldn’t go far, so I’ll be right outside if you need me. I grudgingly agree with Edda that privacy is best, so I’ll depart. Remember, you are safe now, Tillian. No one will harm you while you are in my custody. No one.” That last was said with such conviction that Tillian let out a small gasp in surprise.

“Ryan—” she started but he stopped her with look. Ryan easily read that she was going to thank him again and felt the need to quiet her immediately.

“Tillian, I don’t want or need your gratitude. I only want you to relax and know you’re taken care of. You have nothing at all to worry about, not now.”

“I’m sorry I’m being so weak; you must think me very feeble indeed!” she teased, trying to lighten the moment. When she tried to turn her head away, she found her head pinned when his fingers denied her.

Ryan frowned a little at her words and hissed softly, “You are the farthest thing from weak. I’ve never met a stronger person, so cease this line of thought. I’m not sure I know of any woman who could have withstood what you’ve obviously been through and still remain sane. Be at peace, please. There are guards posted around this cabin and more off in the surrounding terrain. No one will be able to get near us without a small army shooting them down one hundred yards from our door. I promise I won’t go far and will return immediately when Edda says I’m allowed.“ He paused searching one last time for a sign that he should stay. “It’s time I leave, but are you sure you’re all right with that choice?”

His words brought on another wave of gratitude that he watched roll across her features. He even saw it flash in her green eyes. Seeing that calmed Ryan’s frayed emotions slightly. At least she appeared to be calming down, but he remained undecided about leaving.

Tillian knew that and added confidently, “Aye, I’m all right.”

He was unaware that he’d been caressing her cheek this entire time. It wasn’t until she pressed her cheek against his fingers that he realized it. With a sigh he released her and stood, thus breaking contact, and felt the immediate loss.

Again, he fought the need to control the magic that welled up at the intensity of their separation and he moved towards the door. He looked back at her and tried to reason what was it about this woman that had such a violent reaction on his composure? Fighting the urge to remain; to hold her while they finished their examination, he forced himself by putting one foot before the other until he was back outside with Wallace eyeing him cautiously.

Having a conversation on the topic was the last thing he wanted so he released a warning snarl to his friend and turned away while he calmed down. With the distance put between him and Tillian, Ryan felt the magic boil up, sending a tingling pulse to his finger tips. It itched to be released, and Ryan walked a fine line of control until he could temper the desire to unleash it.

“Sir?” Wallace said against all better judgment.

“Not now,” Ryan growled, his broad back turned to his Captain. He stood at the precipice and would dearly regret it if Wallace was the one who felt the brunt if he lost control of his magic.

Sensing his struggle, Wallace backed down. It wasn’t typical for Ryan to be this avoidant, or blunt. Seeing his turned stiff back was disquieting. Giving the woman inside another cursory glance, Wallace inwardly groaned. He went back to looking out at the night, waiting for his friend and liege to regain his composure.

* * * *

When the door closed behind Ryan, Tillian sighed. “Well, that was humiliating,” she said more to herself than anyone else.

“He didn’t seem to find anything in this situation to be humorous or shameful, so why are you humiliated?” Edda asked. She immediately resumed the actions Ryan interrupted by carefully cleaning the cuts crossing her body. Girdie likewise approached with a newly warmed bowl of water to finish Tillian’s bath.

Hearing Edda’s reply only made Tillian feel more ashamed. Ryan’s reaction matched what the healer said, but still, she should have been stronger, more composed. Instead Tillian fell apart at the first sign of compassion and crumbled when his warm eyes bathed her in his affection. “I’m a Princess of Folkyn. I’m supposed to be more reserved.” She turned her face to meet the matron healer while Girdie resumed her gentle washing. Tillian’s eyes narrowed in defiance. “I showed more self-control even when I received these lashings.”

She knew the answer to why she was stronger back then. At the time, she didn’t carry the heavy weight of feeling tainted, ruined. She was still pure. She wasn’t pure any longer, that was for sure. That was supported by her desire to have Ryan stay so he could touch her like the others had, but that thought immediately revolted her. Such thoughts only further confirmed just how far she slipped into the role of a whore. Instead of facing that truth, Tillian hid behind the story of being weak, which she equally felt so it wasn’t entirely a lie. She was weak, mostly because her family had broken her, and those men ruined her because now she wanted more.

Edda knew there was more to this than Tillian let on but ignored it. “Princess, you’ve been through a tremendous ordeal. We all understand. Those lashings happened before your kidnapping if I judge the timing correctly. I don’t doubt you were braver then than you are now. It’s normal. You’ve been through numerous torments since then which give you a freedom to feel what you feel now.”

Tillian groaned. She hung her head, shaking it a few times before she looked back to Edda. She hated crying, hated feeling this weepy. Her head shake forced the tears back behind a wall of numbness. “It’s just embarrassing to fall apart so completely before others and a neighboring king no less!”

“Pah. All that regal nonsense makes me angry. You are a human being, Princess. You feel emotions, and you feel pain. So, feel them in order to accept them. Once you do, you can move on and heal.”

Edda’s words caused a single tear to form in the corner of her eye, and Tillian did her best to hold it back to no avail. There was no healing from this. No amount of time would cure her of her conflicting emotions on the topic. She was ruined. The lone tear broke free and slide down her cheek anyway.

Edda thankfully let it go unnoticed and continued as if it never appeared. She checked Tillian’s pulse and eyes again by standing directly before her and holding her head in both hands. “You’ve been given a large dose of some drug, do you know what it was?”

Tillian shook her head. “I don’t. All I know is they brought it to me daily.”

“What effect did it have on you?” Edda methodically asked, not meaning to be callous, but her questions were lacking the sensitivities of the current situation.

“They clouded my mind and made me…made me—” Tillian whimpered as she struggled to complete this last statement. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words that the drugs caused her to be aroused all the time.