Authors: Lolah Lace
I was quiet. I wanted to tell him the truth because I think I owed him the truth. But the reality was the truth would hurt him. He was already hurt and I really didn’t want to hurt him worse. He didn’t deserve this. Jack was a good guy. I was the confused bad girl. This is so hard.
“Jack, it’s--
” Shit what do I say?
“Were you with him?”
“Him?” Jack gave me the white boy version of bitch please. “Yes.” The brutal truth.
“Mason.”
“Yes.” I whispered.
“Did you ever
truly want to marry me?”
“Yes
I had every intention of marrying you.”
“So what happened to change that?”
The day of our wedding he lured me away and stopped me from showing up at the church. I can’t say that. “He happened. He changed that.”
“Why?”
“He wanted to prove to me that I was marrying the wrong person.” I was probably being too honest.
“Did he?”
“Did he?” I repeated it like I hadn’t heard him clearly. This was so difficult.
“Did he prove to you that he was the better man?”
“He isn’t any better than you Jack. He’s just better for me. I hadn’t gotten him out of my system. I never stopped loving him. I just started loving you too.”
Jack took a big gulp of the air that was directly in his vicinity.
“I planned a life with you and you just let me do it.”
“I did and I’m so sorry. I swear I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted all the things you wanted.
”
“Where were you for the past two weeks?”
“With him.”
“Where?”
“Does it matter?”
“It matters to me.”
“At his place.”
“Isn’t he married?”
“Not anymore.” Well he is married to me now.
“So he divorced Tess.”
“Yes. Then--”Should I tell him. I have to say something. He’s going to find out. If he finds out from someone else it will hurt him so bad. “We flew to Vegas. We ahhhhh got married.”
I heard a whimper
that leaked from his lips. His eyes bulged and then squinted. His sounds of agony hit me so hard I almost shook. Jack tried to hold in his oncoming tears with a sniffle. I didn’t work. The tears fell and he hurried to wipe them away as soon as they escaped. There was no way I could hold back.
I deeply cared for this man. Seeing him like this is painful. Only a heartless bitch wouldn’t be moved to sobbing. I was so overwhelmed by his
grief because I knew it was mine. I had grown to love and adore him. He was like a part of my family. Shit he was going to be my husband. I had that thought in my mind for months.
“Kari, I don’t think you understand the hurt you caused me.”
“Believe me Jack I understand it. I feel hurt too. I had a plan for our future. I didn’t even know I had these feelings for Mason. I buried them so deep.”
Jack finished off his scotch. “I hate him.
That evil bastard looked me in the face and said he didn’t know where you were.”
“You saw him?” Mason never said a thing.
“I hate him. I want to hate you.” He sat on the bed. I took a seat next to him.
I couldn’t respond to his statement. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted him to hate me. In a perfect world he would forgive me and we could go on with our lives.
“I’m sitting here crying over a fucking whore.”
Well damn! I stood up. My tears instantly dried. Jac
k put his empty glass on the nightstand and he stood to face me.
“Jack, that’s not necessary.”
“You are a tramp. You fucked him. You fucked me. You are a whore.” Jack peered down at me and I took a step back.
“I stopped sleeping with him long before we were even engaged.”
“Kudos slut, you slept with one man for a few months.”
Jesus. I reached up and slapped the vile taste out of his mouth. “I know I hurt you but you can’t talk to me like this.”
“Like what whore!” Jack roared and I crumbled. I broke down in tears. I was a sobbing mess. He was hurting me and I deserved it but it still hurt. I turned away from him. I couldn’t face him or his insults.
I felt Jack’s arms embrace me. He was holding me tight. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
God this is tearing me up. “Jack.”
“I want to fuck you.”
What? “Jack, let go.” He let me out of the hug to stare at me.
“I’m begging you. Give me your body. Let me have that one thing so I can go on with my life.”
“Jack. I can’t do that. That is too much to ask of me.”
“You owe me. I want to fuck his wife. He fucked my fiancée.”
“I can’t do what you ask.”
“You wasted thirty thousand dollars of my money. You have embarrassed and humiliated me in front of my friends and family. You have lied, cheated and ripped my heart to shreds. I want to fuck you to make me feel better
. You really feel you can just turn down my request?”
“I’m not
going too slept with you.”
“You fucked me two weeks ago and now you can’t give me your body to make me feel better
, to ease my pain.”
“It’s wrong and it’s just a ridiculous request.”
“That’s bullshit. You’re a selfish bitch.”
“Yeah well
.”
“Let me have your body.
Please Kari.” Jack was squeezing my forearms. His eyes were red and filled with tears. “I swear I would disappear from your life. Just give me that. Please Kari; give me you one last time.”
“Let me go.”
Jack let my arms go and wiped away his tears. My body shut down. My mind went numb. Everything I did to this man. I was hurting from hurting him. I felt real pain over the loss of him, of us. If I felt this bad he had to feel worse. Damn, I fucked up. Jack is perfect. I probably ruined him for the next woman. How could he ever trust another woman?
I broke him. I am selfish. I can just lie here. I can just let him say his goodbye to me the way he wants.
No I can’t betray Mason so Jack can feel better. I love Mason too much.
“So you married him and you think he’s the one.” Jack shook his head in disgust.
“He’s the one for me.”
“That’s great. Before I let you go I need you to take a pregnancy test.”
“What? Why?”
“I’ve been trying to ge
t you pregnant for months. Where’s your period?”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Prove it, take a pregnancy test.”
“Is this some desperate ploy to try to hold on to me?”
“Maybe, I think of it as a desperate ploy to have some control over your future.”
“Why be bitter?”
“Why be a whore?”
“You need to stop this.”
“You keep track of your period on the calendar you keep in the top drawer. You have been off the pill for three months. You could be pregnant right now. I need to know if I’m done with you for good.”
“I married Mason. We are over.”
“Not if you’re pregnant. I know you’re not on your period. I know you would never abort a baby. So take a test. If it’s negative then I’m out of your life for good.”
“You can’t make me do anything.”
“Oh yes I can. Did you think I would go quietly in the night? I want to hurt you just like you hurt me.”
“Jack you are a good guy. This is not who you are?”
Jack smirked and I saw him in his true form. “You will take a test and if you refuse I will not leave. I have taken up residence here. You can’t kick me out. You have to petition the court to evict me. It will be months before I am forced to leave.”
“I will go live with Mason.”
“I will sue you for half the cost of the wedding, breach of contract. I will make it my life’s goal to make you miserable.”
“Why would you?
”
Jack shrugged. “Because I can.
The pregnancy test is non-negotiable. You will take one today.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
“Sure you will.”
“Jack this is beneath you.”
“Yeah it is but fucking two guys is not beneath you. I got rid of one whore. How I didn’t see you for the tr
amp that you are is a mystery to me.”
“You don’t mean this.”
“I do. It’s clear to me.”
“I hurt you. I’m sorry but this is
life.”
“Yes it is. So in this life I will go out of my way to make your life a living hell. Oh and your husband too. You will have to evict me and let’s hope you’re not pregnant.”
“Jack.”
“Take the
pregnancy test and it may get you one step closer to getting rid of me.”
Frustration, anger, remorse. I shouldn’t have ever jumped into th
is relationship. I knew I was still very much in love with Mason. I knew I still had unresolved issues with the way things ended with me and Mason. “Fine, I will take the test.”
“You take the test and I will leave your house.”
“Jack please tell me how the hell I’m going to get a pregnancy test?”
“How? You know how.
We go to the drugstore and buy a test.”
“We?”
“Yes, you can drive. I have been drinking. I’m sure your new husband wouldn’t want me driving you around intoxicated.”
“This is sad.”
Jack ignored my statement. “Where’s your coat?”
“In the car.”
“Okay then let’s go.”
W
e quietly walked downstairs to the garage. I drove in silence to the closest drugstore I could find. I wanted to get this ordeal over with.
I r
eally wanted to bash Jack’s head through the glass of the passenger window. It’s over. I’m sorry but damn let’s act like grownups. If it’s that serious he should just sue me to get half the cost of the wedding. I know Jack is not this goddamn petty?
We were in and out of the drugstore as fast
as a tornado. I wanted this stupid ass shit to be over. I drove back home faster than I should have but I was perturbed.
Jack was tailgating my ass when we entered the house. He was irritating the shit out of me. He was making me anxious as shit. I didn’t think I was with child. Why would I be? A pregnancy test being forced on me was unnerving.
The
last few days of my life have been extra and I thought I was finally going to get to breathe and just chill for a hot minute. I had planned on getting my mind right before I had to explain my actions to my friends, brother, father and Karen. But no no, here is Jack with his vindictive bullshit.
My fingers were trembling as I opened the
blue and pink cardboard box. Jack was smirking in the doorway of the bathroom. What am I doing in this stupid girl situation?
This test was called
ClearBlue Easy
and it claimed to be 99% accurate. It also claimed it give results five days before a missed period not five days after like I would think. I mean does it really give you an accurate reading when you haven’t even missed your period yet?
This was the pregnancy test for dummies. There were no pluses or minutes or double lines. It either said pregnant or not pregnant in the little box. Who invented this extra shit?
This was humiliating. At least there was only one witness. I started wondering why people were always watching me pee. I pulled my sweats down and hovered over the toilet bowl. I peed on the stupid stick and ended up with urine on my hand. Gross.
I hadn’t taken a pregnancy test since Trey and that was ages ago. I wasn’t really nervous about the test. I felt strange peeing in front of Jack. I was mad
at him for tricking me into thinking he would be cool. He is forcing all this extra bullshit on me.
I wanted to start my new life with Mason. I knew that was going to be hard because of our history and I didn’t know how his ex-wife was going to deal with the news. She was a manipulator. Her little suicide attempt I believe was a ploy to control Mason. It worked initially but that shit backfired on her without me having anything to do with it.
I did my pee business. I slapped the stupid test down on the bathroom sink while Jack stared a hole in me. He was nervous. He was mad. I don’t know what he was.
I wi
ped, flushed, pulled up my sweatpants up and rushed to wash my hands. I felt disgusting. Not for just peeing on this stupid stick but for believing I could have ever spent the rest of my life with him.
I dried my hands and put the toilet seat down. I sat on the closed lid. I waited.
I stared at the turquoise, gray and blue painting of sailboats that was on the wall in the bathroom.
I hoped that this
test would set me free of Jack. I hated him but I really didn’t hate him. I empathized with him. I’ve been dumped before and it feels terrible. It was sad that I understood him. I had been in the same situation not long ago. Damn, this is so complicated. Jack just stared at me. I felt exposed but I stared right back at him. Maybe he could see that I didn’t do any of this on purpose. Maybe he could see in my eyes that I am really sorry. Maybe he can see that I did love him once. Maybe he would accept my apology and refrain from making my life a living hell.