Then I hear footsteps in the hallway and slip-slapping across the cold laundry floor to the bathroom. Pip must be up. As she passes my door, I call out to her.
Her freckled, smiling face leans into my room.
âHey Dan. Did I wake you?'
âNah. Didn't sleep much. How about you?'
âNot too bad. Once Mel shut up.'
âYeah, she goes on a bit. Umm, you going back to bed?'
âI was going to read for a bit. Why?'
âI, err, you didn't see anyâ¦anything odd last night did you?'
Pip steps into the tiny room and dives onto the spare bed. âOdd? What do you mean by odd?'
Suddenly I'm unsure about this. If I dreamed the whole thing I'm going to look like a total idiot. And I don't want to tell anyone I'm having nightmares. They'll make me see a shrink or something. I'm not ready for that. I don't want to talk about the accident again, ever, if I can help it.
âDan? What did you see? Come on, tell me.'
âYou're not going to laugh, are you? And promise me you're not going to tell Mel? I'm not up for being the punchline of her party jokes all summer.'
Pip hesitates. âMel wouldn'tâ¦Maybe you're right. You've lived with her longer than I have.'
âOnly like every minute of my life. Believe me, if she's got any ammo on me, she'll use it. So can I trust you?'
âDan, Mel is my best mate. But that doesn't mean I tell her everything, okay? Besides, Mel and I have different approaches toâ¦to all sorts of stuff. So spill.'
A movement outside catches my eye. I put an index finger to my mouth, signalling Pip to be quiet. Then I stand, take an unsteady step and ease myself onto the spare bed beside her. Reaching forward, I curl a finger around the curtain and edge it open further.
Pip spots them too: a family of Tammar wallabies, or maybe two mums with joeys. âCool,' she whispers. âNice one, Dan.'
The wallabies nibble at the spiky clumps of grass puncturing the stony ground. They tilt onto their front paws and then swing their bodies, landing back on their hind feet, one body length forward. Nibble, swing, nibble, nibble, nibble, swing. One of the joeys stands and scratches its hip with a claw as it chews. It seems to look straight at me.
Pip's face is only centimetres from mine. I lean back, watching her. She's wearing a shoestring singlet top and light cotton pyjama pants. It's funny, I've never really looked at her beforeâas in checked her out. I do tend to notice most of the girls in class, and make a point of âstudying the form guide', as Carlo used to put it. But I never looked at Pip that way. Maybe because she's Mel's mate. Maybe because she seems so feistyâas if she's too busy saving the world or something. She always seemed sort of sexless.
Not any more. One of the singlet straps threatens to slide off a freckled shoulder. I hold my breath, willing it downwards. Better still, I'd like to help it on its way. I'd like to move over and slip the other strap off, surf my hands down those curves I've never noticed before.
Suddenly I remember I only have a T-shirt and boxers on. Not good.
Get a grip, Dan. You're her best mate's brother. She's your sister's friend. It's not as if anything could ever happen. No way.
I lurch upright and topple back onto my bed. As I do, the blind hurtles upwards, scaring the crap out of me. The wallabies skip away.
âSorry! Had to stretch this legâor what's left of it.'
Pip grins and freckles dance. âGraceful as ever, Dan.' She hooks a finger around the dangling singlet strap and pulls it up. âRemind me not to take you on any nature shoots. So, what was so odd about your night?'
âActually, I've just remembered I'm a bloke, it's breakfast time and I'm hungry. D'ya wanna eat?'
She hurls a pillow at me and then follows as I hobble to the kitchen.
Bored, bored, bloody bored and it's only 10.45am. Mum and Dad have pissed off to the bird sanctuary. The girls decided to see how far they could make it along one of the hiking trails. I'm sprawled on the couch, books and magazines strewn around me. So far this morning I've bathed, sampled almost everything edible in the kitchen andâcommunity service announcementâeven put the dishes away. It feels like the others have been gone a week. I stretch out my good leg, flexing the quad. My whole body is tense, twitchy with inactivity. Bugger it, I'm going for a âwalk'.
Dad's left the key to the lighthouse on the kitchen bench. I swing the key ring around my index finger, debating whether to take it. I know Dad wanted me to wait so we could look inside together but he's not here. I am and I need something to break the monotony.
The cottage is surrounded by mustard gravel and sand drifts. There's no actual garden, just mallee scrub slashed on an angle by the weatherâTammar topiary. Wrens titter and squeak from the tangle of twigs.
I plod around the back of the house, heading for the lighthouse. It's sunny today but the tetchy wind cuffs me around the ears to let me know it's keeping an eye on me.
Halfway to the lighthouse is a shed. I limp over and speed-read a sign in the doorway: the place was a stable for horses used to haul supplies to the lighthouse.
Whump
! The wind creeps up again and king-hits the shed. Shit! It's freaking me out, this wind. There are no gentle breezes, just random acts of violence.
I hear a scrambling, scratching sound and flinch, turning in time to see a rat skitter along a rafter towards the corner of the roof. A rat, Dan. Just a rat. Or maybe one of the rare dunnarts Dad told us to look out for. Why am I so jumpy here?
It's the nightmare. Has to be. The goth girl, weeping. Reaching for me. What does it mean? More stuff about the accident?
Should I have trusted Pip? I really, really don't want to think about the accident again, let alone talk it over. I'm so sick of reliving that night, searching for something I could have changed.
What I don't get is why I survived and the others didn't. Why me? I've had plenty of close calls and near misses already. Any one of them could have claimed me. At last count I've used up five chances and I'm only sixteen. Barney has started calling me âthe cat' because he reckons I must have nine lives. I wish he wouldn't. It's no joke. I'm still here and guys like Carlo are gone, never to joke or fart or muck around ever again. How many chances did Carlo get? Or Boris? It doesn't seem right.
I halt, leaning on my crutches. It feels like roofing nails are being belted into the top of my busted foot and I've barely travelled a hundred metres. Part of me wants to go back to the cottage, chug painkillers and zone out for a while. Another part doesn't want to risk sleep. I don't want to see that girl again.
Transferring my weight to my good leg, I swing the crutches forward and get moving. Only two hundred metres or so to the lighthouse and then I'll be able to have a rest.
By the time I get to the tower, I'm sweaty and lightheaded. My armpits ache from the crutches and my foot is hosting a pyrotechnics convention. A crow glares at me from the step as if it's the official doorman. I swing my cast at it and it scuttles away, cursing me.
With a bit of forceful persuasion I get the crusty lock open and hang it on the bolt. As I open the door, the wind gives it a kick. It smacks into my shoulder and I overbalance, tumbling inside.
Kwammm
! The door slams behind me, the impact reverberating up the tower.
Awesome. One crutch on the floor, another on the ground outside. I crawl to the stairs, dragging my lone crutch with me, and sit on a step to wait for the throbbing to ease. The door rattles, as if someone's trying to get inside. There's a low howl in the tower. Goosebumps erupt on my arms.
For God's sake, take a chill pill, Dan. Repeat after me, it-is-just-the-wind. I exhale like the air-brakes on a semi-trailer and take my bearings.
I'm in a circular room with white-washed walls. A chart of nautical flags hangs on one wall beside a cabinet of lighthouse memorabilia and a dusty roll-top desk. Over the door, a freckled brass plaque carries the words
Lucem Spero Clariorem
. It looks like Latin but I've no idea what it might mean. Clariorem looks vaguely like clarion, which is a trumpet, isn't it? Could it mean âLoosen up your trumpet'â¦Nah. Maybe Mum or Dad might know.
Grabbing the stair handrail, I heave myself upright and hop across to the desk. It's a monster of a thing; I need both hands just to lift the lid.
I don't know what I was expecting. There's bugger-all inside it apart from a couple of ink bottles, a compass and a dusty, leather-bound logbook.
A Logbook Kept at the Cape Nicolas
Light House by
KM Wilton Head Keeper
June 1858 to January 1865
Dad told us about this guy during the drive from Melbourne. Loves a captive audience, my old man. Wilton was the retired sea captain chosen to oversee the building of the lighthouse. He quit seafaring when his wife and one of his twin daughters drowned in a shipwreck, leaving him to raise the surviving girl alone. Grief-stricken, he swore to save others from a similar fate.
The logbook is pretty dull to begin with: detailed reports on the weather and how tough it was getting building materials here because boats couldn't dock safely anywhere nearby. A jetty had to be built about five kilometres away at the base of steep cliffs. Then everything had to be hauled up the cliffs by rope and carted in wheelbarrows as horses weren't supplied until later. There were three families: Captain Wilton and his teenage daughter; the second keeper, Mr Bellows, and his wife; and the third keeper, Mr Sutton, his wife and four young children.
They arrived in winter and pitched their tents at a place they called Nolan's Returnâthe cliff tops above the jetty where a sealer named Nolan used to campâwhile their cottages were being built at the Cape. It took the keepers weeks to get all the barrels of oil and flour, plus the timber and other gear up the cliffs. It's not surprising they didn't have the time or energy to walk to and from the cottages every day.
When the captain hiked up to the lighthouse to inspect the builders' progress, he found the tower was almost complete but the lantern hadn't been assembled. He seems impatient, frustrated he still couldn't warn seafarers of the deadly seas. Lives had already been lost at the Cape, or the government wouldn't have paid for a lighthouse. The delay seems to eat away at the fretting captain.
Then a schooner arrived with a Marine Board official, dispatched to inspect the new lighthouse. The captain made the bureaucrat climb the cliff and walk uphill to the light station.
I bet he didn't have to ask twice for horses after that.
The day after this visit, the winter turned cruel.
J
UNE 19
Throughout this twenty-four hours strong gales from the NNW varying to the WNW with heavy rain and lightning. Today not able to get anything up the hill owing to the inclement weather.
J
UNE 20
Strong gales from the westward with hail and rain in squalls. All the tents wet and cold and a very high sea at the landing place.
Examined our stores and found them very much eaten by mice. Salvaged the remaining perishable items and shifted them up to the tents.
The three families were on the island an entire month before another boat arrived with a horse and dray, hay and extra timber for building a stable and fences.
How long did it take them to haul the horse up the cliff?
I pause, trying to sense how the families would have been faring. The men, spending day after day dragging and lifting stores. The women, cooking, striving to keep themselves and their possessions dry and warmâand constantly alert about the Sutton children straying into danger. The cottages must have seemed luxurious after all the weeks they survived in tents.
Even now I couldn't believe that the three houses are only metres apart. Why would they build them so close? What if they didn't get on?
Sure enough, that's exactly what the captain records in his elegant handwriting.
J
ULY 12
Mrs Bellows commenced with the assistance of her husband to call me everything but a gentleman. I told Mrs Bellows if she did not keep her slandering tongue from me, I would complain to the Marine Board in order to have them taken from the island. At 8, a strong wind & cloudy from the NNE. At midnight heavy squalls.
Twenty-four hours later the Bellows household is causing problems again. When called by the captain to help install the lighthouse lantern, Mr Bellows grumbled:
He told me he had not got his breakfast and
would not work night and day for me or no man.
How's that for form? Only three families and one of them won't pull its weight. The captain must have been ropeable. I mean, if you're in command, who do you talk to? Where do you go to get stuff off your chest? He only had his daughter and his logbook to confide in. If he wrote to people on the mainland, it might be months before he got a response.