Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star (35 page)

Deep inside of her, she mourned a lost opportunity. Darcy had come to mean so much to her. He was an artist like her, and his guidance had come to mean so much. While she’d never completely understood him, a part of her was excited at the possibility of a relationship with him. She knew now that was impossible.

Darcy had his good points. She couldn’t deny that, but she could not let herself get wrapped up with a man who would try to control her like he would.

That thought opened up memories she closed off long ago. She looked at Alex sitting in the seat in front of her. She could see the top of his head, the hair she once ran her fingers through as he kissed her breathless. Alex had tried to control her too. Everything that had made him a great manager had made him an awful boyfriend, and when Elizabeth realized she had to end the relationship, it had not been pretty.

Darcy would be a thousand times worse. A man who did not shy away from hurting his oldest friend and sister would have had no qualms at all about devastating her, using her for as long as he wanted, then dumping her. Oh, she knew he might want her for a long time, but in the end it would be the same.

For the first time, Elizabeth was sincerely glad that they hadn’t progressed any further in their relationship. She knew, from so many times before, that sleeping with a man put her on the fast road to heartbreak, and with Darcy, it might have been the end of her music career as well.

Fitzwilliam Darcy was simply too hot to handle. He had an intense flame that blazed within him that would burn her, consume her, and leave nothing behind. There was no more choice for Elizabeth. She had the certainty she was searching for. She and Darcy would simply not happen. They couldn’t.

Darcy was pleased that Richard had come to rehearsal. He finally emerged from his room that morning, joining them for breakfast. Darcy was beginning to hope he had been correct when he told Caroline that Richard just needed to get over Charlotte. In fact, he hadn’t believed it when he said it; he was just stalling for time. But now, it looked like time just might have done the trick.

Although Richard seemed back to his usual self, Charles was now a mess, distracted and barely able to focus on their songs. Not that he needed to. The rehearsal was part of their routine, a ritual they did each performance day while on tour, but not strictly necessary.

If Darcy were completely honest, he would have to admit that he was off today as well. He wouldn’t acknowledge it, but he had an itch on his consciousness, like a tiny part of his brain was unraveling, disrupting his ability to fully concentrate. He certainly wouldn’t admit he was missing her, even if he knew he was.

Just when Darcy was about to snap at Charles for missing his entrance for the fourth time, he heard footsteps running toward them and saw Jane rush onstage. She didn’t stop until she was in Charles’s arms. He picked her up and swung her around, a scene worthy of any movie.

Darcy exchanged a look with Richard, clearly communicating that rehearsal was now essentially over, and then they both looked to see the return of Jane’s band mates.

Elizabeth and Charlotte stood offstage, with Alex standing behind them like a mother hen. Both ladies looked distinctly uncomfortable. Darcy walked over to them. “Welcome back. We missed you.”

“Thanks,” Elizabeth answered lightly. She noticed that Charlotte just stared at Richard, whose gaze rested back on Charlotte. “Um, did you have a nice break?” Elizabeth asked, trying to save the uneasy reunion.

“Yes, we did,” Darcy answered with the same intent. “We went Jet Skiing,” he grinned.

“Oh,” Elizabeth replied, a little surprised. “All of you?”

“No,” Darcy answered carefully, “just Charles and I.”

Elizabeth took his meaning, and her eyes rested on Richard before she quickly looked away again.

“How was the video shoot?” Darcy asked.

“It was good,” Elizabeth said, nodding. “It was very… educational.”

“Great,” Darcy answered, and paused uncomfortably. He was quickly becoming frustrated with the situation. Talking with Elizabeth had never been this forced, and the staring match between Richard and Charlotte was simply ridiculous. “Well, we’re just about done with our rehearsal. Do you want to take a break and then have your turn?”

Elizabeth looked at Charles and Jane, who were still tightly embraced, as soft, earnest words were shared, and nodded. “Yeah, I think that’d be best.”

Darcy walked back onstage and began putting his instruments away while Elizabeth waited a moment for Charlotte. When she didn’t seem inclined to move, Elizabeth left her and walked backstage.

***

Charlotte was immobilized. She looked into Richard’s eyes, reading them as if they were the most fascinating novel she had ever seen. She read in them a pain, which warmed her somehow; it helped her to know that she wasn’t suffering alone. She didn’t want to be alone. She wanted to be with him, but she saw by the sadness in his eyes that it would not be.

For his part, Richard was silently cursing himself. He tried for almost a week to disconnect from Charlotte, and here he was, as caught up as any fly in a spider’s web. He saw her pain, her longing, and perhaps something more that he did not have the courage to face. She hadn’t turned away from him, hadn’t grown angry with him, and hadn’t moved past him. She was in the same place he was, stuck in the same mire. He was tempted to chuck it all away, to quit his noble plan and pull her close, to bury himself in her sweetness and warm himself in her affection. But the vision of her, devastated and broken after the incident with Collins, stopped him. He was responsible for that; all the blame was his. He was poison to her, toxic to her spirit. He would not let himself destroy her. He loved her too much.

“Hey, Char,” he said, discovering they were alone. “How’re you doing?”

“Good,” she replied, blinking as a similar awareness came to her. “How are you?”

“I’m good. It was nice having a break, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Course, you had to work; sorry ’bout that.”

Charlotte shrugged. “It wasn’t too much work. I mostly hung out in the trailer with Jane.”

Richard shared a look of understanding. “I know. Sometimes you get the feeling they could replace you with a cardboard cutout.”

Charlotte grinned at his perceptiveness. He knew her like no one else. Her heart was both swelling and breaking. Why? Why couldn’t he see that they were perfectly matched for each other? She looked away, unable to face him. She wanted him so much, but she couldn’t have him.

“Do you want to get a drink or something?” Richard asked. His eyes filled with sad comprehension of the moment.

“That’d be great,” Charlotte agreed. They moved backstage and joined Elizabeth and Alex in the green room. Cold drinks were passed around, and they took refuge in the company of others.

Darcy and Caroline soon joined them. “Where are Jane and Charles?” Elizabeth asked.

Caroline smirked. “It could be awhile yet.”

Elizabeth grinned in understanding. “You should’ve seen Jane on the plane. She was practically willing it to go faster.”

Caroline laughed. “Charles poured orange juice on his Corn Flakes at breakfast this morning.”

“The worst part is he didn’t notice until the bowl was half-gone,” Darcy added. This got a chuckle from everyone. “I don’t know what they are going to do during the break.”

Elizabeth’s eyes grew quiet and sad. “I forgot that was coming up.”

“Yup,” Caroline said happily. “Nine days of work, then we are off for a month.”

“We are off the tour for a month,” Alex corrected. “You’re not really off, Lizzy Bennet. You have some appearances scheduled, a video to shoot,
and
you have a performance,” he added cryptically.

Elizabeth eyed him, puzzled. “Performance?”

He grinned like the cat that just caught the canary. “I just got a call from Anne. Long Borne Suffering will be performing ‘Everything You Are’ at the VMA pre-show in three weeks.”

“That’s great!” Caroline exclaimed, echoing the general sentiment of the room.

Elizabeth’s jaw dropped. If he had told her she was winning a Nobel Prize she would not have been more surprised. The MTV Video Music Awards was one of the biggest shows in the business, and being asked to perform, even in the pre-show, was a huge mark of both their success and their potential.

“I guess we will see you there,” Darcy grinned.

“Are you performing?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes. We’re the closing act.”

Elizabeth was impressed despite herself. The closing slot was the most prestigious appearance of the night; in the past, acts like U2, Madonna, and Guns N’ Roses had held it. Considering Slurry was basically unknown four years ago, it was quite a testament to their talent.

Elizabeth felt a surge of emotions for Darcy she didn’t understand, and she struggled to control it. “So, we’ll see you there,” she said politely.

Darcy nodded.

***

Jane and Charles had left the planet and entered their own private world.

“I missed you so much, baby,” he said between kisses. “It’s so good to hold you.”

“I know,” she grinned, light-headed from the sensation. “I missed you, love.”

“I think it’s going to be a couple days before I can let go of you again.” Charles sighed.

“That’s okay,” she giggled, “we’ll just move Lizzy and Char to the Slurry bus.”

Charles laughed. “Oh, that would work,” he said sarcastically before returning to the sweetness of her lips. “I’m going to hate being away from you during the break, Jane.”

His words cut her sharply. Irrationally, she felt betrayed. A dozen questions sprang up in her mind, but her natural restraint kept her from asking any of them. Instead, she merely looked at him, waiting for whatever explanation he could give.

“I have to go home for a week. I have… business I’m required to take care of there, but it’s just for a week. Then I’ll come back to New York.” Charles was so unhappy. He wanted to tell her the truth. He wanted to explain everything, about his father getting out of prison, about setting up his house. He wanted to take Jane to California with him and show her the places where he grew up. But he knew he couldn’t. “We can go to the VMAs together, and then we’ll spend the rest of the vacation together, just us, I promise,” he told her lamely.

Jane was mollified. She gave him a weak smile as she chose to think about the time they would have together, rather than the time apart. She kissed Charles longingly once more and then walked him back to the others.

***

Elizabeth was complimenting Darcy when Jane and Charles entered the room, and the news about the pre-show performance was repeated. Charles’s excitement over the news was overwhelming. “Jane!” he shouted triumphantly. “I’m so proud of you! Next year you will be on the main show with us!” He took her into a great hug, his face illuminated with love and pride.

The group spent a few more minutes chatting, updating everyone on the plans for the rest of the tour and the break. Darcy was aware of the uneasiness between Charlotte and Richard, which he understood, but the distance between himself and Elizabeth puzzled him. It seemed that each time he tried to reach out to her conversationally, she politely backed away. He knew they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, but he didn’t understand her reaction.

“Elizabeth,” he called to her as she was about to leave for the stage. She turned and walked to him, her face neutral. “Anne is coming down tomorrow and she’s bringing the web designer. They want to update the Slurry page. Would you come to the meeting? I really don’t know anything about this and I could use your advice.”

Elizabeth was careful to not react to him. “Sure, Darcy. Just let me know when.”

“Thanks,” he said, and smiled privately to her. He was disturbed to see that his smile was not returned. She gave him a slight nod and walked away.

***

Elizabeth sat at the table in the LBS bus, her coffee cup forgotten in her hands, her mind a thousand miles away. Jane exchanged a look with Charlotte, who moved off to the back, allowing Jane to join her sister alone.

“Lizzy?” Jane called softly. She touched her sister’s arm.

Elizabeth visibly broke out of her trance and smiled with embarrassment at her sister.

“What’s going on?” Jane asked softly.

Elizabeth’s face fell, and she looked down at her plate. “I’m feeling a little confused, I guess.” She looked into Jane’s patient eyes and took advantage of the silent offer before her. Elizabeth knew she could tell everything to Jane and receive nothing except understanding and support. “When I was talking to George, he told me some stuff about Darcy.” She paused. “It wasn’t very nice.”

Jane encouraged her to continue.

“I…” Elizabeth frowned and began again. “When I was with George, it was easy for me to be sure of my feelings. But now we’re back, and Darcy has been… I don’t know. He’s been pleasant and warm, and I’m not sure what to think anymore,” she concluded.

“Well, how do you feel about George?” Jane asked practically.