Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star (27 page)

“Exactly. And I’ve put too much into myself and my work to be turned into a sex object.”

“But you are sexy, Lizzy,” Alex objected. “You are vital and confident and strong, and that’s very sexy. It comes across in your performance, so you might as well use it.”

Elizabeth smiled politely to hide her disagreement and looked away from Alex. She wasn’t at all pleased with his observation. Her eyes moved to Darcy, who remained silent, but she saw his eyes travel up and down her body with a look that made her feel very warm.

Was it possible? she asked herself. Could it be that the super-hot Fitzwilliam Darcy found her desirable? She tried to dismiss the thought as being ridiculous, but a part of her burned with the idea. She definitely desired him. He was one of the sexiest men she had ever known, and she couldn’t deny her attraction to him.

And then what? she asked herself. Spend the rest of the tour with him? She couldn’t see herself in the type of relationship Jane had with Charles, all hearts and flowers, and she definitely didn’t want to be in Charlotte’s position. Not that she even knew what Charlotte’s position was. At the last three stops, Richard had taken a different flavor to his room each night, seeming more and more subdued around Charlotte. Elizabeth had thought their affair was over, until she caught them in an intimate position in a tour bus bathroom yesterday.

Elizabeth also knew that if she slept with Darcy, she would prove all those websites correct. LBS were just Slurry’s Bitches: their playthings for this tour.

She felt a flare of anger at the idea, but when she looked into Darcy’s eyes, she knew it didn’t matter; if he really cared about her, and if she really cared about him, all the rumors and innuendo would be of no consequence. A part of her knew she could love him. She didn’t, but when she heard him play and when they had these easy conversations, she knew she could, and a part of her longed for it.

And then what?
Elizabeth’s personal history with romance read like the title of a book:
The Greatest Disasters of Modern Times: The Titanic, the Hindenburg, Elizabeth’s Love Life
. Past history had taught her it was much easier to fall in love than to stay in love. It would be much easier to have a casual affair with Darcy than to try to have a relationship. It would be much less painful when it ended, she realized with a frown. But somehow she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t treat him like an easy fuck. He was already more than that to her. So she was back where she started.

No, Darcy was a yummy-looking treat, and he might or might not be a good person inside. But Elizabeth didn’t have time for it. She didn’t have the time, or the emotional energy. She smiled sadly to herself as she realized that she would take a pass on him.

***

Elizabeth sat in the private corner backstage, working on a new song, unaware she was being observed. She sang along with her strumming, testing out chord progressions and the flow of her lyrics.

Took so long, just to get enough.

Took so long to get here.

You’re showing a path ahead,

Spinning me around.

You take me up, you take me down.

I don’t know where I’m going.

And every time I look at you,

It’s like a new face is showing.

Do you want me?

Do I want you?

Do you want me?

Do I want you?

Yeah, I think I do.

He smiled to himself. How could he not? He felt instinctively that she was singing about him. It was the first solid sign of her affection for him and it made him grin with deep satisfaction.

“Careful,” a voice said from behind him. “You’ll burn your eyes out like that.”

Darcy turned to see Alex staring at him coldly. “And I suppose you know this for a fact?” he replied, his voice coated with ice.

“Everyone knows you can’t stare at the sun for too long. Didn’t your mother teach you that?” He pushed past Darcy and walked to Elizabeth, calling her name to draw her attention, as Darcy watched.

“I’ve got great news, Lizzy.”

Elizabeth stopped and tilted her head expectantly. “Well?” she smiled.

“Collins just called. He’s bringing the video commissioner down tomorrow and we’re going to have a meeting to plan your video!”

Elizabeth smiled brightly. “I still can’t believe it,” she said, then she laughed with delight. “That’s great, Alex. Thanks for telling me.”

“I’m going to go tell the others,” he told her as he moved off.

Elizabeth nodded and returned to her guitar. As Darcy watched, she smiled again and then looked away thoughtfully.

He was puzzled. Elizabeth was not prone to sadness, and yet for the last few days, she seemed almost depressed. He walked up to her quietly, as she sat absently strumming and staring into space.

“Hey,” he said easily.

“Oh!” she started. “Hey,” she replied.

“I heard you got good news.”

She nodded her head, looking very pleased. “I’m very excited. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for so long. I just hope I don’t screw up too much. I’ve never done this before and I’m certainly not an actress.”

No, you’re not
, he thought. “Elizabeth, is something wrong? You seem down lately.”

She looked for a moment as if she was going to push him away, and then her face changed and she spoke. “My mom called today,” she began. “She told me that a good friend of mine from college is pregnant.” Elizabeth smiled in embarrassment. “And it’s kinda bothering me. This girl is my age, and she’s going to have a baby. Be a mom. All that responsibility for someone else.” Her eyes widened at the idea. “I can’t imagine being in that place. I’m just so not ready for anything like that.” She looked at Darcy. “Does that make any sense?”

He nodded. “It makes a lot of sense.” More sense than he could tell her.

Elizabeth nodded. “I’ve been putting all my energy and my attention into my music and my career; it’s almost impossible for me to think about a family or settling down. I guess I’m worried I’m missing something.”

“You are committed to your career, Elizabeth. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s where you should be. Children can come later, if you want that. Right now you are creating music that touches millions of people, and that’s no less valid than being a mom. You should be proud of what you’ve done.”

Elizabeth looked into his eyes and smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Darcy, that helps.”

He smiled softly. “Anytime.” He was painfully aware of the distance between them. She was deeply committed to her career, and he respected that in her. But it didn’t stop him from wanting her. He wanted to help her, to ease her way. He could. He could make it so easy for her, if she would only let him.

But she wouldn’t. She would tease and play, but she would never let him close. She was so guarded and focused. He smiled mirthlessly as he recognized himself in her. The difference was that he had a career already and was willing to make room in his life for her.

He had no idea how to close the distance between them, or even if he should; would she welcome him, if he did? Yes, they had both shown an awareness of each other, but could they move beyond it?

He was almost to the point of despair when she went back to her song. Still, listening to her words again, he knew there was hope. It would take time and effort, but he had hope.

***

Richard smiled lustfully at the woman before him. She was a tall, leggy blonde with beautiful blue eyes and a charming, quiet manner. He met her earlier at the meet-and-greet and was delighted at her ability to make him believe that he was her first choice, as opposed to being a poor replacement for Darcy. Gently he lifted her chin and kissed her, tasting her sweetness.
Oh yeah
,
this is going to be good
. He kissed her again, long and hard. She responded vigorously, yet no matter how deeply he probed her, he couldn’t find what he was searching for. No woman, no matter how beautiful or sexy, had touched him the way
she
had. He didn’t like that thought, and he pulled the girl closer, determined to banish it.

“Richard?” a soft voice spoke to him from behind.

He stopped, puzzled by what he heard. It was like his thoughts had invoked her presence and for a second, he doubted if he had really heard her. The reaction of the woman in his arms, however, made it clear that Charlotte was really there. He frowned at her in confusion. “Char?”

“Um,” she appeared to shrink before him. “I was wondering if I could talk to you, but I see you’re busy.”

Richard looked from her small face to the blonde and back. “Oh, Char, this is Suzanne. Suzanne, Charlotte Lucas, of Long Borne Suffering.”

Charlotte nodded and smiled politely to the blonde, who smiled coldly back.

Richard looked confused. “Is it important, Char?” he said uncomfortably. They were backstage, and Richard had only a short time before the buses would be leaving. He really wanted to be with the hot blonde, but he was concerned about Charlotte. He had never seen her looking this worried before.

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s nothing,” she said as she turned away.

“Char?” His voice stopped her. “Is something wrong?” he questioned her, clearly torn.

She shook her head, not looking back. “It’s nothing, Richard. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

***

Elizabeth felt like she was walking on air. Winnie, the video commissioner from De Bourgh, had just spent the last two hours discussing plans for the video. It was going to be a challenge; she had never done anything so complicated or expensive before. The “Everything You Are” video had simply filmed them during their rehearsal. The money involved in the new video had definitely given her a moment of uneasiness, but Alex assured her that they had made enough from the tour to cover it, even if CD sales fell flat, which was highly unlikely. “First Impressions” was still in the top forty, and all the predictions were that it would be moving up rather than down.

In less than a week, they would fly to a race car track in Ohio, the setting for the video. They would meet the director and spend two days shooting. Elizabeth’s excitement had reached a new high, and she was ready to celebrate with her friends.

She invited Alex and Winnie to join her in going out for dinner, but they declined, being too busy crunching numbers. She then found Jane with Charles in his suite, the door left open as it usually was. They were working on a song together. Elizabeth smiled with genuine happiness for them. It really seemed like they were made for each other.

“Congratulations, Lizzy!” Charles said when he noticed her there. He stood and gave her a friendly hug. “Jane told me all about the video. I’m really happy for you!”

“Thanks, Charles,” she grinned. “Do you two want to come out for dinner?” It was a rare night off, and Elizabeth wanted to have fun.

The smiling pair agreed and Elizabeth walked across the hall to Darcy’s door. She knocked determinedly. He wasn’t going to beg off this time.

He was in a robe and holding his guitar when he opened the door. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why are you in your bathrobe?”

“I was playing,” he answered in his soft voice.

“What? You play in the nude?” she asked teasingly.

“Yes,” he answered her with complete seriousness.

Elizabeth’s lips formed an O and her cheeks warmed slightly, but she maintained her nerve. “Well, get dressed. We’re all going out,” she announced.

“Out?”

“Yes, out to dinner to celebrate the newest Long Borne Suffering video, starring me.” She smiled happily.

Darcy smiled back, enchanted by her infectious happiness. “Give me a moment.”

“Okay, you can meet us at our suite. I’ve gotta find Char,” she answered as she walked off. Darcy watched her move away, admiring the view, then shut the door.

***

Elizabeth opened the door to her suite, a wordless tune of joy on her lips. She walked to Charlotte’s room, where she heard noises. The door was open and she looked inside. The tune died.

She stared, her eyes not able to understand what she was seeing, her mind unwilling to process the image. Before her was Charlotte, pulling her shirt down, and sitting on her bed, far too close to her, was Bill Collins.

Shock and confusion froze her into place. “Char?” she whispered, completely unable to believe what her eyes were telling her.

Charlotte looked up, her face reddening. “What?” she snapped.

“What are you…? What are you doing?”

“Excuse me,” Collins huffed as he stood up and pushed past her.