First Love (28 page)

Jordan had to think fast. She feigned indifference. “That’s fine. My last class that I needed tutoring in is over. I need to finish my classes at Florida, Father, or I could lose a whole year transferring. I only have this semester and summer. Besides, I’ll be too busy with classes for much of anything else.” She knew she was pretending, but she still felt guilty. “All I want is to finish school.”

Her father was hesitating. He was also securitizing every word and action. She needed to be convincing.

“I’ll be done in August and then I can help with campaigning until I get a job. I just want to finish school.” She walked up to her father and hugged him. “I promise I won’t see them again. Just let me finish.”

The tears were real, but they were for Drew. She couldn’t allow her father to destroy Drew’s life. She had no doubt he could pull political strings. From this point on, she would carefully hide her feelings until she could figure out what to do. It was time for her to start taking care of herself.

Drew waited until the next morning to call. Jordan was much calmer.

“I’m so sorry for last night,” Jordan said. “I’m not angry at you. I just don’t know what to do. My parents left this morning and now I’m here by myself. I miss you. I need to see you. There’s something I need to talk about.”

“Can’t we do it now?”

“No. I need to see you.”

Drew felt panic. Something was wrong. “Jordan, I’ve got two more weeks in this clinical. I can’t leave now.”

“I know. My father is campaigning in Colorado Friday and Saturday. Is there any way you can come down for a couple of hours? Please?” Jordan’s voice was wavering.

“Where are you staying? Want to meet at your hotel?”

“No! I mean, let’s meet someplace else. Is there someplace quiet we can meet?”

Now Drew was concerned. “A restaurant or someplace else?”

“Someplace else. Where we can walk and blend in.”

“Jordan, there aren’t too many places to blend in. You find a place and call me.” Conversation turned briefly to school and then it was over. It was the strangest conversation they had had in months. When Jordan called and suggested a coffee shop not far from the Brown Palace, Drew’s anxiety level increased.

*

Drew arrived twenty minutes early, and the shop was empty. She was ready to turn away until she saw Mattie standing by the door. “What’s going on?”

“Ms. Thompson wants you to go on in. She’ll be here in a few minutes.”

She sat down. Ten minutes later, Jordan arrived. Drew stood to hug her, but Jordan walked past her and sat down. Drew returned to her seat. And waited. The look on Jordan’s face was heartbreaking.

“Thank you for coming. I just needed to see you.” Jordan slid her hand across the table and touched Drew’s. Just as quickly, her hand was back in her lap. “I don’t have long. I’m having lunch with my dad.”

“Jordan, look at me. Please.” Drew waited until Jordan was looking at her. “What’s going on? Something is wrong.”

“My father doesn’t want me to see or talk to you or Mark again. Brandan’s father has fed him with a bunch of lies. He’s threatened to get your financial aid revoked.”

Drew’s fist was beginning to hurt. “There’s nothing he can do. Besides, my residency will pay for any loans I have.”

Jordan was staring down at her hands. A tear formed in the corner of her eye and was quickly wiped away. “Mattie managed to get me away for a few minutes.” Jordan looked back up at Drew. She finally reached across and held her hand. “Drew, my father has a lot of power. Maybe he will do that and maybe he won’t, but I don’t want to take the chance. He’s absolutely adamant.” She paused, gathering her flagging courage. “I won’t be able to see you or talk to you again. Not for a while.”

“No! I won’t let you. We can work this out.”

“Drew, I need some time to figure things out. You were right about my parents and you were right about me. I’ve been hiding from my parents and myself. Please trust me.”

“Trust you. You’re telling me you can’t see me because your parents don’t approve and you want me to trust you. For how long, Jordan? One week? One month? One year? And what am I supposed to be trusting? That you may or may not come back to me?” What little she had eaten earlier was fighting to come back up. Drew hurt. “Why can’t you trust me?”

“Drew, I do. I don’t trust my father and I don’t trust myself. I don’t have the courage you do, but I’m working on it. I need to do this on my own.”

“What happened to us making decisions together? Being a team?”

“All my life someone else has been making decisions for me. Taken care of me. Telling me what I can and cannot do. It’s time for me to take care of myself.” She put her hand up to stop Drew from speaking. “I know you want to take care of me, but I need to learn to do things on my own. I won’t be worth anything to anyone until I do. Especially myself.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a cell phone. “I’ve got to go. I asked Mattie to get me two cell phones. I put them in your name so that my parents won’t see the bills. I need for you to trust me. I can’t call often, but when I do call, I may need you to come get me. Will you?”

This conversation was frightening Drew and not much scared her anymore. “I don’t understand. Are you saying good-bye?”

“No, I’m saying I need to work things out myself. I need to be strong enough to run to you. Will you come get me if I call you?”

“Are you safe?”

“Yes. Will you come get me if I call? I need to know that you will be there if I need you.”

“Why can’t I help you now?”

“Remember when you wanted to protect me? It’s my turn to protect you. I need to do this.”

“Jordan, I can—”

Jordan put her fingers on Drew’s lips. “I’ve got to go. I have to do this my way. I just need to know that I can count on you to come when I call.”

“It’s okay for you to take care of me, but I can’t do a damn thing to help you. This is fucked.” The pain was clearly visible in Jordan’s face and body language. “If you call, I’ll come. Don’t expect me to wait forever, though.”

Jordan nodded. “It’s the best I can ask for. Please don’t try to see me or call me at the house. I’m sure I’m being watched carefully. Mattie is the only one I trust.” Jordan stood, briefly stroked the side of Drew’s face, and left.

“What the fuck!” Drew watched the door close and wondered what the hell was going on. Even more, could she survive the not knowing? “Hell, no!” She got up and left the phone on the table. At the door she turned around and went back to get it. “I don’t know why. I can’t believe this is happening. Again.”

*

Drew only heard from Jordan once after that night and the conversation had been friendly but impersonal. Jordan was putting distance between them. Jordan was back in Florida. The news often had pictures of her being escorted around by an Air Force officer. Brandan, however, had disappeared. The White House had put out a brief statement that there would be no discussions of marriage until Jordan had finished her education. When she saw pictures of Jordan, Drew was well aware that Jordan wasn’t happy. Jordan’s smile was for the cameras. There were no dimples or traces of dimples. The only good news for Drew was that she had been accepted in the University of Wyoming Family Practice residency program. That guaranteed that her medical school loans would be paid off by the end of the residency.

Finally, Drew was stepping off the plane at the Gainesville airport. Mark was there to meet her. She hoped some normalcy would return to their lives now that they were all in Gainesville. Mark was full of news from Tampa. No matter how much she tried to pay attention, she found thoughts of Jordan interfering.

She had only been in Gainesville two days when she came home to find Mark standing at the door with an envelope.

“One of Jordan’s security detail delivered this. She insisted you read it right away. She also said you need to stay away from Jordan for Jordan’s sake.”

Drew grabbed the envelope and ripped it open. She read quickly. “What the hell?” Drew slammed her hand on the kitchen counter. “Apparently, Brandan went ballistic when Jordan refused to marry him. He outed us and said it’s our fault.” Drew read a few more lines. “My parents were really upset. I tried to explain that Brandan was just angry, but they wanted to blame you. They threatened to take me out of school, but I convinced them I only needed two more semesters to finish. They agreed but only with tight security. I am now sure that I’m carefully being watched and all my activities monitored. Anything I do or anyplace I go except to class is scrutinized. I tried to explain this when I saw you, but being around you weakened my determination.”

She looked at Mark. “I’m sure it’s because queerness is contagious. I guess that means there are very few straight people left in the medical school. After all, we’ve been here long enough to infect the entire program. We’re more contagious than vampires.”

She resumed reading. “My dad’s made it very clear he doesn’t want me doing anything to embarrass him before the election. I can’t see you or talk to you or Mark, and I prefer you not try to contact me. I haven’t figured everything out, but I hope you will keep the phone. Just in case.”

She put the letter down. “Wow. It reads like she’s telling me good-bye, but she’s asking me to trust her.” She began to pace. The movement helped her to think. “I have no doubt that when Jordan said she loved me she meant it. When we were in D.C. during Christmas break, I almost believed….”

“Believed what?”

“I don’t know. She wasn’t happy. Not because of anything we were doing, but she wasn’t happy about going back to the White House. She didn’t want me to leave. I felt as if I were abandoning her. Now it sounds like she doesn’t want to upset her parents and she’s abandoning us. Then, in Colorado, I felt like she was barely hanging on to a thread.” She slammed her hand again. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Drew ran her now sore hand through her hair. “She wants me to trust her and wait. I’ve got to figure out a way to talk to her.”

“How?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you!” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. “Mark, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

“Do you trust her?”

“I don’t know what to believe.” Drew was close to tears and she hadn’t cried since she was a teenager. “I feel so fucking helpless! Why did I have to fall for fucking Hatchet’s daughter?”

“You’re lucky?”

Drew glared at him. “Lucky! Lucky? I’ve been luckier on some of the rankest bulls I’ve ridden. At least I ended up with some money. Getting to see her will be impossible, and I’m not going to put her in an uncomfortable position with her parents.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Watch, wait, and finish med school.” She paused. “If all else fails, move on.”

*

March

The month of March was hard, not only because Jordan had to pretend to be happily complying but also because she knew Drew was in town. She seriously thought about dropping out of school, but let the thought quickly pass. She reached for the anonymous cell phone with no GPS chip, but put it back down. She had to finish school.

As soon as school was finished, she would make sure she wasn’t a blip on her father’s radar. Life was easier if she didn’t fight her parents. She knew how to play the part of the compliant daughter. It was a role all too familiar, and now all too onerous.

*

Drew kept busy. That was the only way to survive. March and April flew by. She was counting the days until graduation. No matter how busy she was, she couldn’t avoid thinking about Jordan. Was Jordan having second thoughts? Had the First Family convinced her that Drew and Mark were perverts? Was Jordan missing her?

Too many questions were driving her crazy. She focused instead on the number of days until graduation. Her entire family was flying down for it.

*

May

The night before graduation, a large dinner party was planned. Drew had turned in all her final paperwork and completed all the final requirements for completion of her degree. She and Mark had even picked up their gowns and caps.

“Come on, one more picture,” Megan pleaded. “But with your graduation cap.”

“I’m wearing my Stetson and that’s that.” Drew laughed and put her graduation cap on top of the hat she usually wore in rodeos. It was a black felt Stetson and her favorite. “Now finish taking these damn pictures and let’s go eat. We can take pictures tomorrow when I have to wear this thing for real.” Having her family and friends around helped to fill the void created by Jordan’s absence. She was now questioning whether Jordan still loved her. Or if she ever did. The waiting was making her crazy.

“Have you heard from Jordan?” Her mother was sitting next to her at the restaurant.

“No, Mom. Nothing. I don’t know what to think.” Drew knew she couldn’t tell her parents about what was going on. Cracks were appearing in her heart. Every day that went by without hearing from Jordan, another seed of doubt was planted.

“I do,” her brother Greg said. “She’s not good enough to deserve you.”

“I’m not sure your Republican friends would agree with you,” Hayden said. “After all, Jordan was saved from Drew’s lascivious clutches. We all know how promiscuous our sister is.”

“You idiots,” Megan said, “stop this teasing. This is hard enough for Andy.” She reached across the table and patted her arm. “I’m afraid our brothers have all the sensitivity of a tomcat in heat.”

“Yee-ow,” Hayden cried, sounding more like the tomcat.

“The only reason I put up with you,” Drew said, “is because I know you got me a really wonderful graduation present. Right?”

*

Drew stepped off the stage after shaking hands with the dean and was stopped by Mattie. She immediately looked around for Jordan. “Where is she?”