First Love (17 page)

Drew had given up trying to analyze how easily they held hands or hugged. She was just enjoying the touching too much. She was vigilant enough to avoid being that close to Jordan whenever they were in public places. After the camping weekend, Drew realized Jordan’s spontaneous outbursts of affection may not be considered appropriate by everyone. She didn’t want Jordan to become a target.

Drew arrived home to an empty apartment. Mark was on call at the hospital until the next morning, so Drew was surprised by a knock on the door. It was Jordan.

“Hi, I thought we could watch a movie and maybe talk.”

Nervous was the only word Drew could think of to describe Jordan’s state. “Is everything okay?”

Jordan nodded and then walked into the kitchen to grab a soda.

“Are you hungry?”

Jordan shook her head.

Something was bothering Jordan and Drew didn’t know what. For the first time in weeks, there was tension.

“I brought
Notting Hill
. Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses, and I loved this one. We actually got to meet her when she came to Ohio.” Jordan was talking too fast. She took a deep breath. “Is that okay? I can send someone to get something else or we can check to see what’s on? I mean…well, whatever you want to do.”

Jordan had gone from silence to nonstop talk. Drew was unaccustomed to this side of her. “That’s fine. Let me get some popcorn.” Drew’s brain was too fuzzy to figure out what was going on. The easier path was to follow routine. She got the popcorn and soda, and they stretched out on Drew’s bed to watch a movie.

“I’ve never seen this movie,” Drew said, “but I wanted to see it. My mom loved it. I think Julia Roberts is gorgeous.”

“Is she the kind of woman you’re attracted to?” Jordan’s question was tentative.

“Isn’t most of the world? Look at that smile. Who wouldn’t want to be looked at like that?”

Jordan watched the opening sequences, realizing there was only one woman she wanted to look at her like that. “I guess it would be special, but it would probably mean more if it was someone you cared about, who cared about you.” Her throat tightened. She hoped Drew would have said something. Drew’s silence only increased her anxiety. Jordan needed some answers. She had to try. “Drew, can we talk about something? About you, and, uh, me?”

Jordan’s courage was wavering. What little was left enabled her to turn and look at Drew. Drew was sound asleep. Jordan’s courage fled. She stretched out on the bed next to Drew. Jordan reached out and gently touched Drew’s face and then nestled closer.

The simple action caused Drew to pull Jordan close. A sigh of contentment was followed by return to deeper sleep.

Hugh Grant’s voice droned in the background with Jordan unaware of any sensory stimulation except the feel, the smell, the touch, and the sound of Drew sleeping next to her. She allowed herself to get comfortable and turned off the Blu-ray. Being held by Drew had been her dream for weeks, but not Drew being asleep. It’s a first step, she reminded herself. Sleep wrapped her in its embrace and she allowed her dream to become a reality.

*

Early morning light filtered into the room. Drew felt warm and rested for the first time in months. In her half awake state, she turned and gently, lightly kissed the woman lying next to her. Her constant dream seemed more real this morning. Only when Jordan kissed back did Drew realize this was not a dream.

“Jordan! Oh, my God. I’m sorry.”

“I have wondered what this would be like.” Further words and actions were halted by Mark knocking on her door.

“Drew, breakfast in ten minutes.”

“Jordan. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. That’s it. I wasn’t.” She managed to get some space between them. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I need to get going.” Drew needed to run as fast as possible away from Jordan, the room, the situation.

“Do you always swear like that when you wake up?”

“I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t really awake. That shouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t have done that.” Drew slid to the edge of the bed.
What the fuck was I thinking? I know. I was thinking about her. Now to get the hell out of here before this gets worse.

Jordan’s voice was soft but determined. “I think that is the first time you didn’t answer all the questions in order.” She reached for Drew but only grabbed air as Drew slid a little farther away. “Drew, please. I think we need to talk.”

Drew felt like a shit. She had taken advantage of Jordan in a vulnerable situation and now was making matters worse. Drew didn’t need another
I’m not
gay speech, and she didn’t want to lose Jordan as a friend. She ran her hand through the long, soft locks framing Jordan’s face. Guilt and desire filled her. “Look, I’m really sorry about kissing you. This isn’t a good time to talk. Can it wait?” There was no way she was capable of dealing with this right now. With Jordan in her bed. Kissing Jordan. What the hell was going on? She needed time to sort this out—alone.

Jordan hesitated but nodded. “Sure. I don’t think I have much choice.” She slid out the other side of the bed. “I’ll talk to you later.”

What the hell was I thinking? Kissing Jordan like that! She could have me arrested.

No matter how much she enjoyed it, Drew knew it couldn’t work. Jordan was sexy as hell, had an amazing body, and was so easy to be with. The kiss was probably curiosity. Drew needed a cold shower.

*

Jordan joined Mark in the kitchen.

“Hi, Jordan. What are you doing here so early?” No sooner were the words out than Mark realized she had spent the night. “Never mind. I don’t want to know. Oh, well, duh.”

She was too confused to notice much of what he said. Besides, it didn’t make much sense. Kissing Drew was the most incredible experience. All the missing pieces of her life fell into place. She still hadn’t really talked to her, though. She touched her lips recalling the kiss. Jordan smiled. “It was wonderful,” she said. She looked at Mark. “I’m hungry. Want some help?” Mark nodded then dropped a raw egg. “You clean that up and I’ll fix breakfast.”

Humming, Jordan deftly managed ingredients and cooking utensils. All she could think of was how wonderful Drew’s lips felt. How soft. How warm. She had hope.

Mark quickly cleaned up the mess and disappeared.

*

Drew had just opened the door to her bedroom when she was tackled by Mark who spun her around and pushed her back into her room. “What’s going on? Are you sleeping with the Republican president’s daughter? Sister, speak!” His voice had gone up an octave and his eyes were wide. Drew had never seen him so shaken.

“Yes, we slept in the bed. Nothing happened. We were watching a movie and I fell asleep. She was still here when I woke up.”

“Then why is she in the kitchen humming and fixing breakfast?”

Drew didn’t have an answer. She was still trying to figure out the questions. She grabbed some food as she ran out the door.

She was too busy for the next few hours to even think about Jordan. The few moments when she had a break, Drew replayed the scene of kissing Jordan and how right it felt. There was no doubt about how she felt about Jordan. She wanted her. She also felt guilty for having such strong feelings for a straight woman. And not just any straight woman. The fucking straight daughter of fucking Hatchet Thompson. Drew berated herself for again allowing a straight woman to distract her. She needed to stay busy. Was there ever enough work to keep a certain Thompson out of her thoughts?

*

At seven thirty the next morning, Mark opened the door to leave for the hospital. Jordan had been pacing outside for thirty minutes. The memory of the kiss haunted her. She grasped onto the slim tendril of hope.

“May I come in?” Her voice was tentative, unsure. Not even conjuring up her political persona could give her the assurances she craved. “Is Drew up yet?”

Mark stepped aside and let her in. “She left thirty minutes ago.”

“I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“No, but I need to be at the hospital.”

Jordan tried to hide her disappointment.

“I’m sorry. Can I give her a message or do you want to come back later?”

“I’ve got a meeting at my sorority house later. Maybe after.”

Jordan knew her courage was waning. She needed to talk to Drew. “Later, maybe.” She would hold on to the last ounce of it for as long as she could. Her thoughts, however, betrayed her.

Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe this whole thing is wrong. Maybe this is God’s way of keeping me from making a mistake.
Her heart was being torn apart.
This doesn’t feel like a mistake.

Dinner conversation at Jordan’s sorority house had become so predictable. Like most Friday nights, the topics of discussion were dates for the weekend and other social activities, things Jordan rarely participated in unless required to for an official function for her father. This particular evening her sorority sisters were more insistent than usual on discovering her plans.

“Nothing,” Jordan answered. “I haven’t made any plans other than studying with friends.”

“Who?” someone asked. Someone always asked.

Jordan shrugged. “A friend.”

“Not that dyke tutor of yours. Do you even feel safe around her?”

Safe
? The only person Jordan felt safe around was Drew. She made Jordan feel cared about, respected, and whole!

“I’m studying this weekend. No other plans.” She resumed eating, hoping her lack of an answer would cause the conversation to shift. She knew all too well that there was always someone who couldn’t wait to announce to the world what Jordan Thompson was doing. The higher her father climbed, the more her life, and her brother’s, had become public, too. How much more exposed could her life be?

Tonight, Jordan knew she could no longer play their game. After months of struggling, she had made a decision. Now she just needed to figure out what to do about it. She had tried to talk to Drew, but she was late getting to the hospital. As she looked around the table, Jordan wondered if they would still be as curious if they knew what she really hoped would happen this weekend.

As soon as dinner was over, she left for her own place. One of the advantages of being Harold Thompson’s daughter was that she didn’t have to account for her coming and going. As long as she conformed.

Once home, she requested one of her security team drive her to Drew and Mark’s place. She’d come to realize they were her only real friends. She instructed her driver to park someplace where the car wouldn’t be noticed and requested the same of her personal security detail. Tonight, she was hoping she would be staying, and she didn’t want to arouse unnecessary curiosity. Tonight, she needed an answer.

Mark greeted her at the door. “Drew got called back in. She won’t be back until eleven. I’m due in then. Come on in. I’m heading to Miami tomorrow as soon as my ER shift is over.” Mark headed back to his side of the house with Jordan following. “It’s been crazy the whole week. How many more real disasters can we have?”

“I’m guessing David is also planning on taking the weekend off.” Jordan couldn’t believe how calmly she was talking about this. Two men!

“I haven’t seen him in six weeks.” Mark was all smiles. “We aren’t planning on going anywhere or doing anything. Just spending time together. And I’m going to catch up on my sleep.”

Jordan had long admired the relationship Mark had with his lover. What amazed her most was the comfort she felt around them. Their love was obvious. It reminded her of her parents.

“Got a few minutes to talk?” Jordan asked.

“If you don’t mind talking in my bedroom,” Mark answered. “I’ve got to pack some things for the weekend.”

“Sure.” After a few minutes of small talk, Jordan finally gathered her courage. “Mark, when did you know?”

“I’ve always known. I learned early to listen to my heart.” He sat on the bed next to Jordan, laughing softly. “We’re Latin, you know. My mother believes in being guided by her emotions. I guess I inherited that from her. What’s your heart saying?”

Jordan wasn’t surprised by the question, just how to answer. “I’ve lied to myself, denied what I felt, kept this a secret for so long I almost didn’t believe it was real. Tonight, at dinner, I sat listening to everyone gossip about who they were going out with, who’s getting engaged, who’s sleeping with what guy. I couldn’t stand it. I felt so out of place, especially when they started asking me again about my plans. I don’t know what to do, Mark.”

“Tell her. Show her.” He took her hand. “Yesterday morning when you came out of Drew’s bedroom, you were glowing. I could see love written all over you. Drew’s probably as nervous about this as you are.”

“She’s had a lot more experience with being gay than I have.” Jordan’s surprise had little to do with the fact that Mark had immediately known Drew was the cause of her discomfort, but more with the idea of Drew being unsure about being involved with her.

“Yes, that’s true, but none of the other women were President Harold Thompson’s daughter.” Mark laughed. “Sorry, I was thinking about her family. They’re not wild about her associating with you.”

“I know.” Jordan couldn’t hide the pain. “What am I going to do?”

“I—” The phone rang and Mark grabbed it. “Hold on a minute while I get this. Hello.” Mark paled as he listened. “Not a problem. Be there in five.”

“What’s going on?” Jordan asked anxiously.

“Drew’s going to be late. There’s a multiple motor vehicle accident coming into the ER. Sounds like a long night. The good times just keep on keeping on. I gotta go.” He slipped his shoes on and kissed her on the forehead. “Go ahead and watch TV until she gets home. I’m sure she’ll appreciate you being here. I just don’t know when that may be.” Seeing her hesitation, Mark added, “If you want to, that is.”

Jordan nodded and hugged him good-bye. He was such a good friend. After he was gone, she wandered around the empty house, finally settling on his bed to watch TV and wait.