Firebird (5 page)

“Thanks, Livvie, but I need high-test tonight.  It’s a long drive to Maine, and I can’t miss tomorrow’s ferry.  There’s only one daily trip to the island this time of year.”  Alexandra spoke through black velvet as she pulled her gown over her head, tossing it in a heap on the bed as she reached for her jeans.

“You’ll need lights, water and heat when you get there.”  Olivia Manning retrieved the crumpled velvet and searched for a hanger.  “Do you want me to call the caretaker?”

“Can’t risk him scaring her off.  I’ll take care of all that when I get there.”

“Fine.  Dan’s waiting for us in the living room, eating the last of your chips.  You’re sure you don’t want my brother to go with you?”

“There’s no one I trust more than you – or your brother, Liv.  That’s why I want him with you, at his place, watching over you and Ruby.  There’s no better bodyguard than a retired New York City cop.  And I can take care of myself.”

“New York’s finest, alright.  His Jeep is all gassed up for you and double-parked out front – at least he never has to worry about tickets.”  Olivia folded a warm sweater and passed it to Alexandra.  “Oh – and your brother-in-law called just before you got home.”

“Thanks, I’ll call Anthony from the road.”

Olivia shook her head.  “Would anyone ever dare to call him Tony?”

Alexandra smiled as she tucked a pair of jeans into her duffel bag, picturing the long silver hair and intense blue glare of her patrician, leonine brother-in-law.  “Only Eve, when she was angry with him.”  She tossed flannel shirts and wool socks into the duffle bag, then reached for several files as she shook her head.  “Damn, I should be packing bathing suits, Liv!  I was hoping to get away with Ruby for a few days.”

“It will happen.  At least you have a small breather now that the exhibit has opened.  You haven’t had a real day off since they hired you!”

“The Director gave me a chance to prove myself, Liv.  I had to give it my best shot.  But, yes, I can take a few days now, especially since the gallery is closed Sunday and Monday.  When I told my boss about Juliet - well, she just threw me a God-help-you look and muttered something about hormones with cellphones.” 

“Good one.”  The two women smiled at each other.

“If only it
were
just hormones…”  She tossed her old Nikes into the duffel bag.  “Juliet’s built such a huge wall around herself.  I understand she wants to protect herself from more hurt, but –”  She stopped as she saw her friend’s expression.  “What?”

“Pot, meet Kettle.  I think you’re both in for a surprise.”

“
Oh
, no.  The only thing we have in common is Eve!  That girl is an entanglement with a capital ‘E’ that I do not need.  I am
done
with relationships.  It’s just Ruby and me now.  And that’s the way I want it.”  She glanced toward the nursery door.  “It’s so hard to leave her again.  I can’t bear to let her out my sight, Liv.”

“You’re doing what’s best for Ruby, honey.  It’s only for a few days.”  She gestured toward the stroller.   “You’ll be back here jogging in Central Park with her before you know it.”

“I feel as if I’ve been on my own for so long…  Dammit, Livvie, when did my life spin out of control?”

“You’ve just lost your sister, honey.  You need time to grieve.  To cry.”

“I lost Eve a long time ago, Liv.  It’s too late for tears.”

“Alexandra, talk to me.”

“You need to
feel
to have tears, Liv.  I can’t feel anything, I’m numb inside.”  She turned away.  “Ah, where is that damned laptop?  I can’t find anything since the break-in!”

“Thieves check the newspapers for funeral dates, you know that.”  Olivia froze.  “Unless… A day or two before the break-in, some guy stopped us on the street, asking about you.  He said he was a neighbor.”

Apprehension flickered down Alexandra’s spine.  “A neighbor?  Ruby was with you?”

“I’d taken her for a walk.  He was very nice, Al, he –”

“What did he look like?”

“I don’t know, he wore a cap, sunglasses.  I couldn’t really see his face.  But he was tall, had a slight accent.  I’m sure it was innocent, but - you did the right thing, sending us to my brother’s place, out of harm’s way.”  Olivia knelt on the floor, reached under the bed to retrieve the missing computer, and slid it into a leather carrier.  “Al – I’m sure you’ve thought about this, but – is it possible it was your ex who broke in here?”

Alexandra’s eyes narrowed.  “I called my lawyer first thing.  The restraining order is still in place.  And I finally reached someone on the orchestra’s staff.  Rick is there, in Australia with the tour.  Thank God.” 

“I still can’t believe his lawyer got him off!  He should be rotting in prison for what he did to you.”

“His money bought the best legal team there is, Liv.”  She zipped the duffel bag closed with a dismissive motion.  “I don’t care anymore, as long as he stays an ocean away from Ruby.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you and Dan bringing her here tonight, Liv.  I just needed to see her so badly.” 

“She needed to be with you, too.  But it’s your niece who needs you now, Al.  Ruby will be fine with us in Queens.”

“Fine?”  Alexandra flung a hand toward the barred windows.  “Sometimes this place feels more like a prison than a home.  We’ve never even lived in a place long enough to choose curtains or borrow sugar from a neighbor.  Ruby needs a real
home
, dammit, not a sublet in Greenwich Village.  A house, with a swing in the yard and windows filled with sunlight, not safety-bars!”

“You came here because you
needed
a safe place, Al.  Have you forgotten how many weeks you spent in the hospital?  My God, your husband beat you, he threw you down the stairs.  You were seven months pregnant.  You almost
died
! 
You almost lost Ruby
!”

Alexandra felt the shadows close in around her.

A blue light flickering
. 

The images reared up in ambush.  Pulsing machines in a sterile hospital room.  Her broken, bruised body.  Agonizing contractions.  A man’s voice. 
Push, Alexandra, push
!  An alarm, loud and jarring.  So cold.  A cry, then silence.  Bone-deep fear. 
My baby!  Where are you
?   Darkness. 

Days later, when she finally regained consciousness, she’d torn out the IV and found her newborn two floors down in the Neonatal ICU.  So tiny and frail.  The tangled nest of wires and tubes, the respirator, the bed no bigger than a briefcase.  Sickened, Alexandra closed her eyes tightly, forcing the memories down.

She felt Olivia’s arm slip protectively around her shoulders.  “That brute of a husband hurt you, Al, badly.  But he didn’t break your spirit.  You fought your way back.  And then you fought for Ruby.  Hell, you’re
still
fighting!  He made you stronger.” 

Alexandra looked into her friend’s eyes.  “You think so?  The scars on my body have healed, Livvie, but the scars in the mind take longer.  I’m always running.  I work all day, Ruby hardly knows me.  It’s
you
she cries for when she has a nightmare.”

“Hush, don’t be so hard on yourself!  I don’t see anyone else around here ready to pay the doctor bills, do you?  Ruby’s specialists don’t come cheap.  I know how much you love Ruby, honey.  But it’s always a struggle to balance work and your child.  You don’t have the luxury of being a full time mom right now.”

“I traded a mansion for this apartment, just to live without fear, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. And I love the gallery, Liv, you know that.  But if I could stay home, and just paint and be with Ruby…” 

“You and Ruby will find your way together.”

“But I want to be running
towards
something, Livvie, not away.”  Alexandra held out her hands helplessly.

“I’m standing here looking at you pack your bags for Maine.  I’d say that’s going
towards
, for sure.  Especially in late October!”  Olivia shook her head.  “Some people get knocked down and stay there.  You picked yourself up, Alexandra, you found a way to go on.  It takes a strong woman to do what you’ve done to protect your child.”

“Strong?”  The word took Alexandra by surprise.  “That’s just what mothers
do
.  We get up and we go on, no matter how much it hurts.  But now it’s about more than just going on, Liv.  Ruby needs a mother who’s home for dinner, a dog to play with...”

“A dog!  And who’ll have to walk the monster, do you think?”  Olivia turned on her heel, shaking her head.  “I’ll see about that coffee. 
You
think about buying Ruby a goldfish.”

“Make it espresso!”

“Make it a
small
goldfish!”

As Alexandra scooped up her make-up from the dressing table, she glanced in the antique mirror.  Behind her, the bedside lamp cast a warm pool of light on the silken comforter, leaving the far end of the room steeped in shadow.

Alexandra blinked and saw, wavering in the tarnished glass, her bedroom as she’d found it just before her sister’s death.  Jewelry box upturned, drawers open, her lingerie scattered across the carpet. 

The image sickened her.  How had he gotten in, what had he wanted?   The new locks and alarm system were state-of-the-art, but still...

It was the timing of the break-in that was bothering her.  Just before Eve’s death.  She stopped, statue-still, her silver hairbrush in her hand.

Jesus, Eve!  Was it because of you
? 

She dropped the brush and ran to the door.  “Olivia, Dan!  Forget the coffee.  I’ll get Ruby, we’re leaving right now.”

Alexandra tossed her glasses and phone into her purse, hefted the heavy duffle bag to her shoulders and, with a last look around the bedroom, turned off the light.  

CHAPTER 5

“This scepter-ed isle...”

Shakespeare, Richard II

THE ISLAND

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23

Almost twelve hours later, relieved to be freed from the choppy swell of Penobscot Bay, Alexandra flicked on her fog lights and drove down the ferry ramp into a veil of wispy mist.  It had been many years since she’d visited the small island off the Maine coast, but she turned instinctively north on the Beach Road, cracking the Jeep window and breathing deeply as the tall island pines closed in around her. 

She drove through spruce and birch, scarlet bushes and towering firs, blurred and ghost-like in the watery fog.  Ten minutes later she turned the Jeep into a narrow lane and heard the familiar crunch of shells beneath tires.
 

The lane ended in a fork, just as she remembered.  To the left, the road uphill to Cliff House disappeared into the dark pines.  To the right, the ocean glimmered silver through fog-laced branches.  She hesitated, and then a sudden shout carried on the wind drew her toward the sea.    

“Do you love the beach as much as your mother did, Jules?” she murmured.  “Be there.”

Sea grass, undulating like waves, appeared.  Alexandra parked the Jeep on the edge of the dunes.  Slipping binoculars over her shoulder, she climbed the wooden steps and crossed the familiar foot-bridge over the dunes.  Now the sea was invisible in the opal mist, but she could hear the thunder of surf against the sand, the deep warning clang of the buoys, and the familiar, haunting cry of the gulls.  The wind off the ocean blew its sharp autumn breath against her face.

Twenty-four years since the terrible night she’d left the island...

The scent of the sea engulfed her and for a moment the years fell away and she was a young girl again, innocent, shouting and running on the beach with her sister.  But that life had ended.  She had moved on long ago.

And yet - I’ve missed the sea, thought Alexandra, as she inhaled the sharp scents of seaweed, crushed shells and ocean.  When the weather grows warm again, I’ll bring Ruby here, to the island, and we’ll search for seashells together every morning.

She reached for the chain around her neck, pulled the locket from beneath her scarf, and snapped open the small golden disc.  Her daughter’s bright eyes glowed back at her.  Her finger stroked the tiny face.  I miss you, sweetheart. 

The wind sighed through the grass.  Alexandra closed the locket and stepped onto the sand.

The mists swirled and parted like a curtain, suddenly revealing the old lobster boats bobbing in cobalt water and the grey-shingled sea captains’ shanties that lined the road to the harbor.  The rocking chairs on the curving porches were covered and still.  Like a Vermeer painting, she told herself.  And then she saw that the small cottages now shared their dunes with expensive, new summer homes.  The island has changed, she thought.

Everything changes...

I left this island because of you, Eve.  And now you’ve pulled me back to find your daughter.  Her eyes scanned the rocky beach for her niece.  Who had shouted?  Somewhere in the distance she heard the barking of a dog.  She hurried across the sand.

But once more the wind shifted and the fog billowed in.  She stopped, disoriented, watching the harbor disappear into a Brigadoon-like mist.  For a brief moment the mists parted and, dreamlike, the familiar old wooden picnic table appeared on the sand.   She blinked and saw, through a watery prism, a scene from her seventeenth birthday.  Her last night on the island, the night her life had changed forever.  And she heard, through the fog-silence, a long ago voice...

* * * *

“Hurry, Alexandra, it’s almost time!

It’s the Fourth of July.  Giddy with expectation, she is running across the sand like a bride in her long white dress.  The night sky is a deep blue, the air scented by the sea, and she is waiting for the man she loves.  Tonight, she is sure, he will slip an engagement ring on her finger…

He’s been away from the island for weeks.  Six years older than she, he’s needed the libraries on the mainland to finish his doctoral thesis.  But tonight he’s coming in on the late ferry - and he’s promised her a special birthday surprise.