Fire and Shadows (Ashes and Ice #2) (3 page)

6

CONNOR

Mom looked up
at me as I stepped into the kitchen, but there wasn’t a fake smile on her face. Her face was taut with concern, with apprehension. The house had been quieter, even more unbearable since my uncles went out on the fishing boats. They wouldn’t be home for weeks. Mom was alone to deal with her recently hospitalized son, a son who she apparently thought was still a suicide risk. Without looking, I knew there weren’t any sharp knives in the drawers. She had hid them away. I looked at her and gave a weak, “Hey, Mom.”

She swallowed hard and nodded to the corner of the room. I didn
’t expect to see her there, which was stupid of me. Of course, I should’ve thought she would come.

She
had lost her too.

Nanan stood up slowly, her eyes like needles pointed at me.
“Connor, my boy, where is my Jade?”

I flushed, because the desperation in her was somehow apparent in the low even sound of her voice. She needed me to know
the answer, to have the solution and to ease her fears. I didn’t. I was as lost as she was.

“
I—I don’t know,” I said.

Her eyes stayed on me,
intently weeding through secrets and lies, searching for the truth. “No,” she said finally. “No, you don’t know where she is.” She walked around the table and stood in front of me, her small, round frame pitching slightly back so that she could look up at me. “You don’t know where she is,” she whispered, “but you know what she is.”

I gulped in a breath. Mom leaned in looking concerned, worried about what this small woman would do to her son...but she hadn
’t heard what Nanan said. She couldn’t have. “Nanan, Connor has been through a lot these past few weeks. Maybe you could come back another time.”

Nanan didn
’t look at Mom. Her eyes locked on mine and she cocked her head to the side.
You know what she is…
the words were a combined threat and a promise. Nanan knew something. “Do you want me to come back, Connor? Or do you think we should talk?”

A promise and a threat simmered between us.

The words were out of my mouth before my mind could quite grasp their meaning. I stared back at her and said, “We need to talk.”

Nanan sat on the porch sipping
Mom’s ice tea, rocking on Dad’s old rocker. She looked free and at ease. There was no indication that this was the same woman, who just five minutes ago, hinted at knowledge of the supernatural. I felt awkward sitting in the chair beside her, silent. My body was screaming with questions. What did Nanan know? Did she know everything? Had Jade told her? We stared out onto the yellowing grass baking by the sun. Nanan made a clucking sound before settling deep into the chair.

“
I miss yo’ daddy, boy.” She sipped on her tea. “As I know, you miss him.”

“
Yes, Ma’am. I do.”

“
It tore me up to see the Sight claim him like it did...they say that when you get the Sight as an adult, it drives you mad.” She stopped rocking. “I know that his blood didn’t call to him when he was young. I watched for it... and I was so happy when he grew up as a healthy, normal young man. Then he met your momma and it looked like he would have a happily ever after.”

I stared at her, blinking. The
Sight? Nanan knew that Dad would get the Sight?

“
How—how did you know?”

“
Your daddy’s papa had the Sight, just like his father before him. It passes through the bloodline you see, father to son.” She looked off into the trees. “There are all kinds of Seers—ones that see the Other world, ones that can sense the Other world, ones that can speak in the Other world’s tongue, ones that can even see the future.” She shifted her gaze to me then. “Your granddad could see the future...”

I never knew my grandfather. They said he died after a long battle with hysteria. For some reason, we didn
’t talk about him, but I hadn’t asked either. He was in the photo in the upstairs hallway. A completely average-looking man hiding a host of secrets. I felt like my world was being strangled with secrets.

“
Yes, he could see the future. He saw ours...yes, he saw ours.” Her expression turned distant and wistful.

“
What do you mean, Nanan? W do you mean he saw ‘ours’?” I stiffened and asked.

“
A long time ago, my own Momma had us growin’ up on the bayou. We were just two girls and Momma. Papa died on a shrimp boat. Momma became so stricken with grief that she started going to see the Voodoo doctors in New Orleans and they would promise her that they could help her communicate with Papa. They told her ways to mix potions, cast spells, and...and hurt people who hurt us. And there were lots of people who hurt us...oh, yes. Lots of people.” Her fingers grazed her knuckles. On them were thin scars. I never had noticed them before. I felt ashamed that I didn’t think of Nanan as a person with a past. She was just the tough old lady down the street. The lady who had always been there. Yet, my grandpa lived and I had known nothing about him. Our past was riddled with so many unknowns that I felt I could trip into a chasm of them. I felt unsteady, unsure. I was glad I was sitting down.

Nanan continued in her warm, round voice.
“Me and Jayla didn’t think much of it all... Momma just getting out her grief on one of her whims. But then... it happened.” Nanan’s nostrils flared as she gritted her teeth. “A man came into our home when Momma wasn’t there. He—” Nanan’s voice broke off. “He said Momma owed him for all the Voodoo. We found out she was selling herself for it. No wonder about all the whispering in town. All the terrible names we were called. That monster came into the house and raped my little sister...left her for dead.” She looked at me, desperation and outrage plain in her chocolate eyes. My heart hiccupped at her words. How could a past be so terrible? It got worse. “I. Wasn’t. There,” she said.

“
Nanan...I—” I started, but Nanan charged on.

“
Momma came home and didn’t even shed a tear. All she said was ‘I’ll fix it.’ She then pulled out a doll, chanted over it, and threw it into the fire. The next day...we found out that that man’s house had burned down...he died inside. So did his baby boy and wife.” She looked at me then. “Sins and responsibility touch everyone we love, Connor. You hear me?

My eyes were wide and glassy. More secrets and darkness lurking in our town.
“Wh—what happened? To your sister?” I thought I knew the answer, but I couldn’t stop the question.

Nanan stared into her glass.
“That precious child died right in my arms.” She made her arms as if she was holding someone and rocked back and forth; her eyes closed as if she could still feel her.

“
My sister was my whole world and the Dark Magic took her from me.” Nanan’s eyes snapped open, intense. “Your granddaddy had come to the house two nights before ranting and raving that my momma’s sins and wickedness would come and hurt us when the full moon came, and when the debts were due. He told her she had to stop. She screamed at him, called him terrible names, told us he was crazy and sent him off. And he was right. The full moon came and all my momma’s wickedness caught up with us.”

Nanan was quiet. So was I. The breeze was too gentle; they sky too blue; the whole
world too damned bright for all this pain spilling out of Nanan. I took in a shaky breath. Nanan’s soft voice was as gentle as the breeze as if she was whispering a secret and didn’t want anyone to hear. “My sister had big green eyes.”

I looked back
at her, trying to read her expression. Green eyes. I tried to imagine green eyes set within dark skin like hers. Immediately when I imagined it, Jade’s tanned face and startling green eyes came to mind. “Green eyes...like Jade’s.”

“
Yes, just like Jade’s. When I saw her, I wanted her close to me. She was my daily reminder of what I lost... of what I had missed. She filled this hole in my life. That’s why I always took in the kids who came through; because I wanted someone in my life who reminded me of the baby sister, I had lost. None of them did... they were all just nice, lost kids, so I helped them as much as I could. But Jade, Jade was different. She was more than lost. She was fractured and splintered, and broken−” Nanan’s voice broke. “Did she ever tell you how I found her?”

I shook my head
. In all of my time with Jade, not once had I asked her how she met Nanan. Once, she had told me that they simply ‘met’. I didn’t pry; I thought we had more time. Yet I was without her... not knowing.

“
She was on a dock off Riverside, heaped on the edge of it, curled into a ball. She was screaming.”

“
She was screaming?”

“
Yes, she was afraid. She was afraid of the water, you see. I held onto her and she clung to me, clung to me as if she had nothing else in the world to hold onto, like if I let her go, she would shatter. So I didn’t let her go. I held her until her screaming stopped. I held her until the desperation in her eyes was gone.”

I remembered the way Jade looked on the bridge and that time I had her wade into the lake.
She was terrified, but I couldn’t imagine Jade screaming in terror, couldn’t imagine her so fearful. It hit me that before I met her, she was even more broken, and Nanan had already started to fill in the pieces.

“
She looked at me like my sister looked at me before she died. Afraid... and so young. Jayla died in my arms looking up at me with those big green eyes, and then here was this other girl, this other terrified girl looking up at me, and all I thought was that I needed to protect her. So I brought her home... but then when I saw the two of you together, hearing her laugh, seeing her blush, seeing her stronger, I was so happy because I bet if my sister had lived, she would have had moments like that.” Nanan’s face changed. “It wasn’t until I saw her notebook that I knew... I knew she wasn’t just an average girl. It was then the pieces started to fall into place.”

“
Her symbol?”

Nanan nodded.
“Yes, her symbol. The mark to ward off inner evil. Your granddaddy had marked it on our door... he said to help stave off the temptation of dark spirits with my momma. I used to have nightmares about that symbol. I used to hate your granddaddy because it obviously didn’t work. It didn’t save us. But I couldn’t hate him for long...no. When they put him away for dementia, I knew that wasn’t what ailed him. I knew he had some terrible, dark gift, one that he couldn’t control.” She looked at me, her eyes filled with sorrow. “I felt guilty for not telling the truth. I just let him go to that hospital. But I didn’t want anyone to know the secret. I didn’t want to bring up the past...I couldn’t.”

The pieces quickly fell into place and a cold chill seeped into
me. My grandfather had been put away from his madness; my father had nearly gone mad before dying, and now...I looked down at my hands with the small scars on my wrists. “What is going to happen to me?” I asked Nanan in a small, shaky voice.

Her expression changed, pity etching itself deep into her features.
“I don’t know, Connor. I don’t know.”

7

DESI

Desi looked out
onto the porch. She tapped her fingertips against her coffee cup. Her nerves tapped against her bones, the whole of her on edge. The whole of her terrified.

Connor had nearly died just a
week ago.

She sucked in a breath, so thankful to be able to watch her son rocking away and talking to Nanan on the porch. He
’s alive. Alive. A tear escaped her. Then another. Her throat was still raw from the countless hours of crying. A tear escaped her. Then another. She wasn’t sure if the tears would ever stop. She felt too weak to lock them away and pretend, too weak to be strong and she was ashamed.

She had nearly lost her son. The only thing in
the world she had left. She had already lost the love of her life and now all she had was her boy, her miracle. It tore her apart to see him suffer. She saw him broken before when her husband died. He fell away from her, so out of reach and she had to stay standing when all she wanted to do was fall apart. Then Jade had come into their lives and changed everything. She saw how Connor brightened when Jade was at his side. How he grew into a young man, a man who looked out and could see, rather than look down and pretend. She loved Jade for reaching to him, for helping him, for loving him.

But maybe she never did love him.
Maybe she was just a cruel player in a game. Desi dashed that thought away, but it nagged at her. She flinched as she remembered the gashes on Connor’s arms in the hospital room. Cuts neat like blades.

How could he have fallen so hard? How could she, his mother,
have let him? How heartbroken had he been to think of himself, to try to leave her, abandon her.

It was all too much. He was too proud to admit that he had tried to kill himself. He denied it so fervently, but Desi could see that there
were secrets held within him, secrets he wouldn’t share and every time she tried to believe him, she would see the cuts and remember what it was like to watch a hospital heart monitor, in hopes that it would not stop beeping. It tore her apart knowing that Connor would rather suffer alone. Would lie to her. Would shut her out.

She watched him on the porch. The stern expression on his face, the tear rolling down Nanan
’s cheek made her heart constrict even more.

Both
Nanan and Connor were at the center of the heartache created by Jade had dragged Nanan into this too. She wondered how such a vulnerable sweet girl could create such chaos. Desi tried to remember Jade’s face. Her eyes looked so vulnerable, so open. Why hadn’t she tried to dig into her past, into who she was? Connor demanded that she did not contact the authorities to find her. Which only left Desi to believe that she left them all willingly. Desi had been convinced that Jade loved Connor, even with that other boy vying for her affection. She had seen Jade light up when she was with Connor.

Desi set her cup down and rubbed her temples. She could feel a headache creeping in. She was so confused, and betrayed and alone. So alone.
Desi sipped on her coffee, barely tasting it. She tucked her thoughts about Jade away and focused on her boy outside. Something had changed. Desi straightened, concerned. Both Connor and Nanan had stilled outside, a sadness pulling at their features. Desi walked to the door ready to open it, ready to intrude on this moment, this private moment, which she no longer wished to be shut out from.

The phone ringing jerked her to a halt. She looked back at the phone, then back to outside. With a heavy sigh, Desi turned and picked up the
phone.