Finished (4 page)

She shrugged. “Just for fun, of course. I’ve never seen you this riled up before. Has this girl actually gotten to you? Or is it that delicious hunk of a man you also share your bed with?”

“I’ll ask you one more time. Why are you here?”

“It’s exactly as I told you. My date brought me here. Believe it or not, it wasn’t to admire your delectable ass.” The woman let out a rippling laugh. “Now you want to clobber me, but it’s really yourself you’re angry with. You’re going to have to tell her—tell them both—someday, you know.”

“That day is not today.”

“You’re a fool. And you’re only making it harder on yourself. You know you’re going to have to give it up. This person you’re pretending to be isn’t you.”

“You don’t know me as well as you believe.”

“I know you better than you know yourself. I always have. I’ll remind you of that fact later this evening.”

“There will be no later this evening.” Drayton was as cold as she’d ever heard him—both his tone and his expression as he reached into an inner pocket of his jacket. “Here’s what you asked for.”

Julia sucked in a breath as she saw him handing the woman a diamond necklace.

That was the necklace she’d seen him with the other day—the one he’d hidden from her. Not the one he’d given her this evening.

The woman took the necklace, eyeing it with something that looked almost like lust. “Very nice. But you know very well I’m not through with you yet.”

Julia couldn’t take anymore. She kept hearing the words—and all of the underlying implications—but she coiled her shock and betrayal into a tight little ball so she wouldn’t have to feel them. She pushed into the room, making sure the door banged as it swung.

“There you are, Drayton,” she said with a painfully fake smile pasted on her face. “I was looking for you.”

Both Drayton and the woman had whirled around in surprise, and Julia caught a look of startled dismay on Drayton’s face before he masked it.

The woman, on the other hand, looked maliciously gleeful, once she’d processed Julia’s presence and slid the necklace discreetly behind her back.

“Julia,” Drayton managed to force out.

Her eyes cut to him but she barely saw him. With that same fake smile, she said, “Come on, Drayton. It’s time to go.”

***

“Julia,” Drayton said, as she stormed into their apartment and threw her purse and jacket on a chair. “You need to talk to me so I can explain.”

“Explain?” Her voice cracked on the one word, so she swallowed hard, twisting her face in an effort to keep her composure. “Why should I listen to your explanation, when you’re just going to lie to me again?”

“I haven’t lied,” Drayton said, while she stomped around the living room, picking up dishes and strewn mail in an effort to concentrate on anything but the infuriating man who wouldn’t stop talking. “She and I aren’t having an affair. I’m not fucking her. There’s nothing going on between us.”

The fact that he was telling her this—and still sounding so horribly convincing—broke the tight ball of Julia’s emotions. She turned abruptly on her heel and faced the fireplace so he wouldn’t see how her face contorted as she controlled herself.

She could feel him approach her from behind, but she wasn’t prepared when she felt his warm hand on her bare shoulder. “Julia,” he began, his voice softer now.

“What happened?” Mike asked, coming into the room. He’d been in his bedroom, but he was still dressed in the t-shirt and khakis. His confused face and rumpled appearance—complete with a five o’clock shadow—hurt Julia strangely. She took a ragged breath.

“What did you do to her?” Mike asked, his voice almost menacing.

“I didn’t do anything to her.” Drayton appeared annoyed and impatient as he was besieged on both sides. “Stop trying to intimidate me with your bulk. Julia overheard a private conversation and got the wrong idea.”

She made an outraged noise. “The wrong idea? I’m not an idiot, you know. You said—you lied to me about knowing her. Then you were mad at her for coming to the party because I would be there. You’d arranged to get together with her after the party, and she told you I would find out eventually.”

She took a step toward him as she processed the bitter reality completely. “And you gave her that necklace. I saw enough of it the other day, before you hid it from me. It wasn’t this one.” She struggled clumsily with the platinum chain around her neck, trying futilely to unhook it. “You lied to me. I saw that necklace in your room—the same one she was wearing tonight.”

She made a choked sound, as she struggled with the delicate clasp. She had to get the diamond off. It felt tainted.

Mike moved over to help her unhook the latch, and she dropped it on a side table.

Drayton rubbed his face with his hands, evidently at his wit’s end. “It wasn’t the same—”

“Stop lying.” She cleared her throat as she felt Mike place a protective hand on her back.

“Who is the woman?” Mike asked.

Drayton made a face. “This is a private argument. There’s no need for you to interfere and make it worse.”

“Private?” Mike’s eyebrows lifted in a good impression of Drayton’s characteristically skeptical look. “Am I no longer part of this relationship?”

“It matters just as much to him as to me,” Julia said. “We’re supposed to be in this together. Our only commitment has always been exclusivity. So if you’ve broken that, then you’re cheating on him too. We deserve the truth from you.”

“This is ridiculous.” Drayton made a frustrated sound in his throat and turned his back on them for a minute.

“It might seem ridiculous to you,” Mike said quietly. “But if you’re having sex with anyone else, you sure as hell better tell us now. If only because both of us are putting our health at risk every time we share a bed with you.”

“Damn it,” Drayton snapped, whirling back around to glare at them. “What have I done to deserve this sort of interrogation? After a year and a half, you might have a little more faith in me.”

He strode out of the room and into the hallway, and Mike and Julia blinked at each other.

They didn’t have time to process what had happened because Drayton returned almost immediately.

He had something in his hands, which he thrust in her face. “Look. This is what you saw the other day. I didn’t give it to the woman you saw tonight.”

Julia’s mouth fell open as she realized that he must be telling the truth about this, at least. It was the same diamond, cut in the hexagon shape, hung on an identical chain. “But—”

“I had a thing with her in the past,” Drayton continued. “Yes. I’m sorry I lied about knowing her. But we had a complicated relationship, and things are still sticky between us. I didn’t want to pull you into it and give her the opportunity to hurt you.”

Julia felt like the ground was shaking beneath her feet, throwing her completely off balance. “But you lied about my necklace. And why do you have two of the same necklace? And why had you arranged to get together with her later tonight?”

“I’d arranged a meeting to give her the necklace I gave her at the party. Not to have sex with her. It’s a long story,” Drayton said, sounding defeated and absolutely exhausted. Nothing at all like himself. “And it doesn’t leave me looking very good. I was an ass in the past. I didn’t treat her the way I should have. I had no desire for you to know that part of my history. That’s why I lied to you before.” He held her gaze with his vibrant green eyes, and she couldn’t look away. “If you insist, I can explain the whole sordid story to you, when we’re all more composed.”

He glanced over to Mike, who was watching Drayton with lowered brows. “For now, know this. I haven’t had sex outside of this relationship since we got together. I haven’t even wanted to. That’s the truth.”

Julia believed him. She couldn’t help but believe him. She reached down to pick up her necklace. “I’m sorry, Drayton. We should have trusted you about that. But it seems so much like you’ve been keeping secrets, like you’ve been hiding things from us lately.”

Mike still had his hand on her back, and his face hadn’t softened or relaxed.

“I know,” Drayton admitted. “I haven’t been myself lately. But can we talk about it later? None of us are in good shape for a rational conversation at the moment.”

Julia nodded, almost relieved that they wouldn’t have to hash out everything she knew was stirring under the surface of their relationship. Sometimes, she wished they could put it off forever.

When Drayton shifted his eyes to Mike, seeking his response, Mike’s gaze was an obvious challenge. “Don’t lie to Julia again. Even about things you consider minor.”

Drayton narrowed his eyes. “You’ve been playing the white knight a lot lately. Keep it up, and I’ll start to pursue everything
you’ve
been trying to hide.”

Julia felt an overpowering flash of fear as the two shared a silent confrontation. She didn’t want that. She couldn’t allow them to finally voice what had been simmering between them for a while. “Stop it, you guys. You’re both acting like little boys. We don’t need an alpha-male showdown. In fact, I think we all need some alone time tonight.”

They’d been supposed to have sex tonight, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen. So Julia went to her room and was relieved when she heard the men go to theirs too.

She got ready for bed and changed into her pajamas—a soft knit tank and short set. But when she crawled into her big, empty bed, she couldn’t lie still.

Too much had happened, and too much hadn’t happened that might have. It felt like her whole world was on the verge of crumbling. She might not be completely happy with their relationship, but that was because she wanted it to be deeper. Not because she wanted it to end.

She stayed in the dark room alone for as long as she could, but the emotional energy kept shuddering inside her, and it wouldn’t leave her alone.

She needed someone.

So she padded out into the hall barefoot and stood in the dark for a moment. She’d been planning to go to Drayton. She would apologize again, and so would he. Then he’d soothe her with deft, quiet words until she was able to forget all of her fears. Then he’d kiss and hug her until her body was able to respond to his. Then he’d make love to her until she couldn’t think of anything but the pleasure, the thrill, the delicious satisfaction of being with him. Of living the life she’d known for the last eighteen months.

But she stopped before she entered his room and, without considering why, went into Mike’s room instead.

He was in bed and the room was dark, but she knew he wasn’t asleep.

Her eyes were adjusted to the lack of light, so she could see the outline of his body. He’d been staring at the ceiling, but he turned at her entrance.

She didn’t say anything. Just crawled into bed with him. And he didn’t say anything either as he pulled her into his arms.

She started to shake with emotion. Mike stroked her back and occasionally pressed a soft kiss against her hair.

Drayton hadn’t cheated on them, but Julia knew something was wrong. He was hiding something, and something just wasn’t right about their relationship.

She wanted to be with them both. She wanted so much more from both of them. Sometimes she believed the tension was just because they were ready for the next step toward commitment, but sometimes she was sure it was the rumblings before the collapse. And she was so afraid of the day when pretending it didn’t exist wouldn’t fix things.

When she still couldn’t stop shaking, Mike made a helpless noise in his throat. “It’ll be all right, baby. It will. We’ll figure something out.”

“We shouldn’t have accused him of cheating. Why didn’t I trust him?”

Mike didn’t answer. Perhaps because she already knew what the answer was.

She burrowed against him as his arms tightened around her, and his solid strength and the rough warmth of his body was the most comforting thing she knew in the world.

But she couldn’t forget, couldn’t let all of her fears and grief pass away in the balm of his touch. And after several seconds, she stared up at Mike’s face in the dark. “I’m scared.”

“I know, baby. I know.” He met her eyes and she knew—even before he spoke—that he wasn’t going to lie to her. “It was good for a while, but that doesn’t mean it will last.”

She stayed with him all night. Occasionally, she’d doze off, when the strain of the day caught up to her. But when she woke in the middle of the night, surrounded by the silence of their expensive apartment and the gentle touch of Mike’s hands, even half-asleep as he was, she had to confront what she’d never been able to admit before.

When daylight came and she could use the whole of her mind and her conscious will, she’d never believe she had made such an admission in the dark.

But Mike’s final words might be the truth.

Two and a half months ago, both Mike and Julia had had a little too much to drink at her cousin’s wedding reception.

They’d both been laughing in the elevator about nothing in particular on the way up to their hotel room, and Julia couldn’t seem to keep her hands off Mike as he unlocked the door.

“I had such a good time,” she announced as she stepped inside, sliding her hands down his back until she could playfully squeeze his ass. “I don’t think I’ve ever had such a good time at a wedding reception before.”

Mike grinned at her, looking rumpled and sexy in his dark suit and loosened tie. “Your good time—and also your gropiness—might have something to do with the amount of champagne you drank.”

“Hey, I wasn’t groping,” she said, in an obvious lie. “And you drank a lot too.” She slid off her shoes and her jewelry and stared at herself in the mirror above the dresser. She looked prettier than normal. Also kind of flushed and mussed.

“I never said I was sober. For what it’s worth, I had a really good time too.” He collapsed on the bed, sprawling out as he kicked off his shoes. “I’m just saying our mood might be elevated in proportion to the amount of champagne we drank.”

“You’re pretty lucid for being inebriated.”

“Alcohol brings out my verbal brilliance. But I don’t think inebriated is the word for my current state.”

“Buzzed?”

“Maybe a little.”

She giggled, feeling strangely soft and affectionate. She sank down onto the bed beside him, reclining just like he was. “Thanks for coming with me this weekend.”

“Sure. What else would I do?”

“Well, you could have said no.” She turned her head to smile at him. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

He smiled back. “Me too.”

After smiling at each other for a while. Julia rolled onto her side so she was facing him. “It was funny to see all those people from high school. I feel so different from them now.”

“I think everyone feels that way when they go back to their hometown.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” She took a little breath and then admitted, “I guess I wanted everyone today to see me for who I am now, since I didn’t feel very special in high school. Is that silly and petty, do you think?”

“Of course, it isn’t silly or petty.” He’d been staring up at the ceiling, but now he turned to gaze at her face. “I figured you’d have been popular in high school—since you’re so smart and pretty.”

She felt a happy flush at the compliment but didn’t let it distract her. “I wasn’t particularly popular. I wasn’t really in a group at all. I had a few friends, and we were always on the fringes. Not the really popular kids. Not the really smart kids. Not the really artsy kids. Just boring. In the background. And, whenever I go to something like this, I can’t help but want everyone now to see me as…as significant. Even after all this time.”

His gaze had turned strangely deep. She recognized it even through the haze of the alcohol. “I think you’re significant, Julia.”

She smiled, rather sappily. “Thank you for that. But aside from my living situation—which is definitely unconventional—I’m about as average as a person can get.”

“You are not.” He’d been relaxed, laidback, all evening, but an unexpected urgency was starting to tighten on his face. “There’s nothing average about you.”

She reached out to stroke his chest over the fabric of his shirt, since the jacket of his suit had fallen open. “I wasn’t really fishing for compliments, you know. Just telling you how I feel.”

“I know that, and I’m telling you how
I
feel. There’s nothing average about you. It’s just not obvious on the first look. It takes a little time for someone to realize how incredible you are.” He laid a warm hand over hers on his chest. “Seriously, I’ve never known anyone else with a heart like yours. You really listen to people—hear what they’re saying, care about what they’re feeling. You genuinely feel for other people. You don’t let them slip away when something better or more interesting comes along. Do you think that’s normal? Do you want to know how often I used to go on dates with women who nod and smile like they’re listening to me but are actually thinking about something else? About making a good impression, about what’s going to happen later in the night, about whether or not I like her, about whether or not she likes me. But you really listen. Other people can be themselves with you and know that they’re safe—because your heart is so big. And deep. And loyal.” He suddenly cleared his throat and glanced away, as if he hadn’t realized he had said so much.

She was speechless—touched and astonished and almost awed—by what Mike had said, by the fact that he seemed to mean it. She shifted her hand slightly so she could twine her fingers in his. “I don’t really think I’m so different than other people.”

“Well, you are. You’ll have to trust me on that.”

“Maybe you’ve just been hanging out with the wrong people.”

He smiled again, more natural now—lazy and teasing. “Entirely possible.”

Julia took a deep breath, conscious of a warm wave of affection and pleasure. All from nothing more than a conversation. “What were you like in high school?”

“Eh.”

She blinked at his unforthcoming response. “Were you a jock? You look like you would have been.”

“I played some sports, yeah. But I was never super-popular.”

“Really?”

“You know what high school is like.” His expression turned slightly sheepish. “I was in the Math Club and the Chess Club and the Comic Book Club.”

She giggled and scooted over so she could drape her arm around his middle. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“I bet the girls liked you, though.”

He gave a half-shrug. “I could get dates, sure. But I didn’t really have much of a social life. I never had a serious girlfriend.”

“In high school?” She’d known Mike for more than a year, but she hadn’t known very much about his background, and she was fascinated.

He opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it again. After a few seconds, he said, “Ever, really.”

“You’ve never had a serious girlfriend? Ever?”

“Never. Not one I’ve made a commitment to.”

She stared at him, trying to process this information. “Why not?”

He shrugged again and glanced away from her. “Trust isn’t all that easy for me.”

She didn’t know why that was, but it fit what she knew about him. For long time—until just recently, really—he’d always held part of himself back. Now, she wanted to know more. She wanted to know him deeper. “What about Drayton?”

“What about him?”

“You trust him, right? You seem to be…committed to him in some way, right? You’ve been friends for ages.”

“Fifteen years.” Mike sighed and closed his eyes. “But it was never a conscious commitment with us. And we haven’t been close for all that time. We drift in and out of each other’s lives—depending on our situations. But we understand each other, and we both always understood the need for freedom. But, yeah, I guess he’s the longest relationship I’ve had.”

“Were you in threesomes with him before me?” She was pretty sure the answer to this was yes, since their first night together had been too smooth, too natural for it to be a first time for them.

He nodded, his eyes sober as they he studied her face. “Just brief things—no longer than a couple of weeks—but yeah.”

“So why did you want to make it longer-term?”

“I don’t know. I think I was just…tired.” His expression changed slightly. “Plus, the sex was the best I’ve ever had.”

She smiled a little fuzzily. “Me too.”

She stroked his chest, feeling another wave of affection, understanding, bonding. It warmed her all over, from her fingers and toes to her chest. In a way, it felt even better than sex, and she relaxed into the feeling.

It was nice. It felt simpler than how she felt at home, where she had to juggle two different men, many carefully constructed boundaries, and her own varying needs and feelings.

Being with Mike like this, opening up, felt like taking a deep, cleansing breath.

“I like this,” she said, without thinking through the wisdom of the words.

“You like
what
?”

“Being with you like this. It feels…” She blushed a little as she realized what she was admitting, but she made herself complete the thought. “It feels free. Like I can be
all
of me.”

His expression changed, deepened in some inexplicable way. “I feel the same.”

She remembered Drayton with a pang in her chest. Drayton and Mike were equal in her life. They’d always been equal. She’d always been sure not to privilege one over the other, or their relationship would never work. So, to make up for the lapse, she said, “I wish Drayton was here. I’d like to be with him this way too.”

She heard Mike let out a breath, but nothing changed on his face. “Yeah. I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t open up. He never has. It’s just who he is.”

Julia believed him, but she still wondered. If they were closer—the three of them—then she’d be able to pour more of herself into this relationship emotionally. It was so hard for her to always hold back.

And she wanted to be close—in ways that went beyond sex. Despite the champagne, this truth had clarified in her mind in a way it never had before.

“Anyway,” she said, her hand stroking farther down, over Mike’s belly. “I’m glad you came with me this weekend. I’ve had a really good time.”

“Me too.”

She could feel a familiar tension start to rise in his body, so she slid her hand down even more, cupping him over the growing bulge at the front of his pants.

He gave a soft, little groan as she massaged him gently. “Oh, baby.”

Mike had never called her “baby” before. She kind of liked it.

Then he reached out and took her head in his hand, pulling her into a deep kiss. And the conversation part of the evening was over.

***

Julia was thinking about that evening on her way back from work the following Monday, about how that weekend was really when her own feelings had started to change, when she understood that she wanted more than the no-emotional-strings relationship she had.

She’d left her office later than normal, since it was near the end of the month when her workload always intensified, and she’d seen both Mike’s and Drayton’s cars in the parking garage, so she knew they both were already home. And, as soon as she walked into the apartment, she realized something was off.

When she closed the front door behind her and put down her leather bag in the entryway chair, she smelled something deliciously familiar—pungent and garlicky. The television wasn’t on, and classical music was playing on the stereo. And someone was rattling around in the kitchen.

“Hello?” she called out. “Are we having company?”

“I’m in the kitchen,” Drayton said.

She wandered in and found him incongruously dressed in black trousers, gray dress shirt, and her frilly pink apron. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Drayton was pushing something around in the frying pan, but he pulled her over to him with his free hand and gave her a peck on the lips. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Stuffed mushrooms! Yum!” She tried to sneak a taste of the filling but he swatted her away. “To what do I owe my favorite food? Do you have bad news for me or something?”

Beginning to scoop out spoonfuls of stuffing and place them in the large mushroom caps he had lined up neatly on a cookie tray, Drayton smiled at her over his shoulder. “Why do you assume there’s an underlying agenda?”

Julia let her skeptical expression answer the question for her.

Chuckling, Drayton admitted, “All right. To tell you the truth, Mike said you’d been having a rough time lately and we should pamper you for an evening.”

Her jaw dropped, even as her heart bounced up into her throat. “Pamper?”

“That was my response to such an embarrassingly trite word. But, linguistic choices aside, I thought perhaps he was right.”

It took a minute for his dry words to sink into her consciousness. “Why do I need to be pampered?”

The look Drayton slanted her was half-knowing and half-sheepish. “You’ve been stressed lately—regarding
us
. Don’t try to deny it. And then this weekend…” He shrugged gracefully. “I’m sorry about Saturday night.”

For one horrifying moment, Julia thought she was going to cry. This was why she always forgave Drayton, no matter how arrogant and infuriating he could be at times. He always made sure she remembered his more frustrating characteristics weren’t the things that mattered most.

And that he and Mike would make efforts to make sure she was feeling appreciated—to give her a special evening—was just about the sweetest thing she could imagine.

“If you’re considering crying, please try to squelch the urge. My mushrooms don’t need any more humidity.”

Julia burst out laughing, and she leaned over to give Drayton a warm hug.

“Where’s Mike?”

“I’m here.” Mike walked in, still dressed from work in khakis and a blue dress shirt. “Did Drayton tell you our plan?”

“He did.” Julia went over to give Mike a hug too and was surprised by the urgency of his embrace in return. “You guys didn’t have to do this.”

Mike kept his arms around her, and she sniffed at him, trying to recognize the unexpected scent. “It’s the least we can do,” he said. “We’re not exactly easy to live with.”

“So what else is on the agenda besides the stuffed mushrooms,” she asked, when she’d shown appropriate appreciation by kissing them each in turn.

“Mike was taking care of something for you. He can show you while I finish up the culinary part of the evening.”

Julia let Mike lead her out of the kitchen and back into Drayton’s bathroom—the largest and nicest in the apartment. He didn’t usually like having them hang out in his room, so she was surprised until she saw Mike had drawn a bath for her and lit several candles. The bathroom was filled with a warm glow and a fresh, relaxing cucumber scent.

She got into the bath and soaked for twenty wonderful minutes. Then she put on a silk robe and went out to the living room to feast on stuffed mushrooms, cheese cake, and strawberries with chocolate fondue on a blanket in front of the fireplace. Both men were charming and agreeable, and they all drank a lot of champagne.