Finding You: The Switched Series book one (10 page)

Chapter Twelve

How could I be so stupid? I never meant for anyone to find out I had known about them. I honestly didn’t want to hurt them like this. At first I didn’t care, but now I really believed they loved me and had no idea I even existed. Now I had messed all of that up. They would never trust me or want me around again. I needed some air. “I’m so sorry. I need to get out of here,” I say, trying to hold back the tears.

“I’m coming with you,” Ash says, following me out of the room.

“You don’t have too. I’ll be fine, I’m sure you hate me too.” He doesn’t say anything back, just opens the door on the passenger seat for me to get in. I do what he wants. I am in no mood to drive anyway. He gets in and drives us to his house.

“What are we doing here? Why didn’t you take me back to the hotel?” He just gets out and comes around to open my door. I just sit there staring at him when he grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug kissing my forehead.

“I don’t know why you didn’t say anything to anyone before now. I’m not sure why Molly didn’t say anything either, but I’m sure you both had your reasons, but we are going to go inside and talk about everything. I know you haven’t had anyone, but you have me now and I am on your side. Please never forget that. Okay?” All I can do is nod my head and think how much I do not deserve this guy. We walk into his house and he leads me into the bedroom. I lay down on the bed and he lays down right beside me. He grabs my hand and holds on to three of my fingers.

“What are you doing? Does my entire hand disgust you?” I ask him. He turns his head toward me and smiles.

“You didn’t want to go all of the way, so I didn’t think I should hold your hand all the way either.” That is just what I needed to hear. I can’t help it. I bust out laughing, unattractive loud belly laughing. I lean over and give him a quick kiss on the lips.

          “Thank you. I really don’t know if I could make it through all of this without you and that really scares me.”

“Hey, I am here for you, always,” he whispers sweetly to me. Turning back onto his back and grabbing my entire hand this time he asks the question I have always dreaded being asked, “Callie, how long have you known and when did you find out?”

Taking a deep breath, I start telling my story for the first time. “About a week after the funeral, I went back to my parent’s house to clean it out. I only had about an hour because they were still trying to keep me hid. Clay, the cop who first found me that night stayed with me while I went in the house. If it hadn’t been for him, I don’t know if I would have made it through the last ten years. He stayed with me the night my parents died until I had somewhere safe to stay that night, probably because I begged him to. He also found me somewhere to stay for the next couple of years away from here. He has kept in touch with me and made sure I was okay through everything. I really don’t know what I would do without him.”

Ash squeezes my hand so I look over at him. “Are you sure I shouldn’t be jealous?” he asks.

“Of course not, like I told you before, he’s been like a second dad to me. He doesn’t have a lot of family either, so we usually spend holidays and weekends together too.”

He just smiles then says “I’m really glad you had him. Maybe I can meet him sometime.”

“I would really like that,” I say, before continuing. “I didn’t really want much from the house. I found my moms favorite necklace, a pocket knife my dad always kept and a couple of pieces of art I had in my bedroom. Then I went to their closet to get some family pictures. When I got to the bottom of the box of pictures, I found an envelope with my name on it written in my moms handwriting. It said that if I had found it then it was probably because they were dead. If I had found it and they weren’t dead, that I needed to put it back and tell them I found it immediately. I guess that should have told me how bad it was. It pretty much told me when I was little I had gotten sick and ended up in the hospital. While I was there it came to their attention that unfortunately I wasn’t their biological daughter. There had been some mix up when I was born. They didn’t know how it had happened and couldn’t imagine not having me in their lives. I guess between my mom being a nurse in that hospital and my dad being a cop they were able to keep it quiet. They told me the name of my real family and even had some pictures so I would know who to look for so I wouldn’t be alone. It said a lot of other stuff too. Maybe one day you can read it. I don’t know. I was sixteen and had no idea what to do with all of this information, so I just kept it to myself.”

Squeezing my hand tighter, Ash scoots a little closer to me. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I wish I had met you sooner, which I guess I would have if you had told someone.”

I turn to him expecting to see him staring at me like he’s mad, but he’s just smiling. “Why didn’t you tell anyone sooner? Did you really not want a family?” he asks me.

“Of course I wanted a family. I was just scared. My parents admitted in that letter they knew about Molly, but for some reason didn’t think it was important to meet her. They said she was happy. They kept up with her, but still didn’t want to meet her. I didn’t want to show up at their door to be rejected. Then there was Molly. I know what it’s like to not have a family. I didn’t want her to know what that was like. I know she hates me and I get it for more than one reason. I didn’t want to ruin her life by coming here and I really think I did. Of course at the time, I had no idea she knew the truth too. This is all just a crazy mess and I honestly have no idea how we are going to get through all of this. I really don’t want to leave, but I am really afraid I should.”

Ash lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around me. We lay there for what feels like forever before he finally says something.

“Please don’t leave. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. I can assure you that you have two parents and three brothers who would do anything and everything for you. They love you Callie. I love you Callie.  If you don’t stay for me, please stay for them.”

Did he seriously just say “I love you Callie”? That’s what he said. I can’t move right now. This is not what I came here for, but I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here in this moment forever and forget about all of the other crap on the outside. I want this so bad, but I don’t think I can say it back, not yet anyway. So instead I snuggle closer to him and close my eyes.

“I don’t want to leave. I have made such a mess of all this, I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like no one understands how I was feeling in that moment. I just wanted to keep my parents to myself. I guess I felt like if I kept it a secret, they would always just be my parents and only my parents. I was being selfish and I didn’t want to share them with Molly. I guess I already was though. I just didn’t know it. “

“Tomorrow” he says. I look up then. “We will go tomorrow, together, and fix all of this. I promise everything will be okay. You really can trust me. I will take care of you.” I snuggle up again and close my eyes. I’m almost asleep when he asks, “Can I tell you something about me no one knows?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“When I was twenty, my family and I moved away.” He’s talking about his family. Brody said he never talks about his family to anyone. His best friends don’t even know the details of what happened when he was gone. “My dad was a cop and had gotten assigned to a new case he was going to have to be spending a lot of time on. It happened to be in Nashville, where I was going to school, so we all went. My sister was ten and you would have loved her. I guess you could call my dad a workaholic. He was great at his job and always put it first. He would work late hours and have to leave suddenly for jobs all of the time. I understand more now that I’m a detective, but it was harder to understand ten years ago. I’ve probably been a lot harder on him than I should have been, but some things are hard to forgive. Anyway, apparently my dad had been called out on a job late one night. My mom and sister were left at home. I know he worked late a lot, that was part of the job, but he was supposed to be off that night. I’ll spare you the gory details, long story short; he thought it was more important to stay with some victim all night than go home to his own family. And because of that, my mom and sister are dead. I have hated him ever since.”

My head pops up at his story. Maybe he does understand me more than anyone because we have this in common. “I don’t think I understand how that killed your mom and sister,” I say, confused.

“Someone broke into our house that night. He wasn’t home like he should have been to protect them and they were killed. I know it’s not technically his fault, but if he had been there, my mom and sister would still be here. I would still have a family. He knows how I feel about it all, so he stays away from me. Two years later when I came back here, the Taylor’s took me in. I spend every holiday and weekend with them. They have become my family. That’s how I know they are good people.”

My mind is spinning right now. He can’t really blame his dad for this, can he? I mean sure he wasn’t there, but people have jobs and they can’t be home all of the time. I know from experience how important it is to have someone with you when a tragedy like that happens. He is probably somebody’s hero just like Clay is mine.

“Let me get this straight, you don’t have a relationship with your dad because he was working the night someone broke into his house and killed his family? You think he should have stayed home?” I ask, confused.

“I don’t know, the more I think about it over the years, I guess it was just easier to blame him. I had to blame somebody. I probably hate who he was with even more. Who would make a complete stranger stay with them that long? It was morning before he got home and found them. I have never had a case where I had to spend all night with somebody without even calling to check in. Sometimes I wonder if he really was working. I barely saw him that week. He showed up for the funeral but that was pretty much the only time I saw him. The Taylors came and stayed with me a while, but my dad pretty much disappeared. I said a lot of things to him I wish I could take back, but it’s too late now. I think the Taylors talk to him some, but I haven’t seen him in a while.”

My heart is literally breaking. I don’t know how he did it. It was bad enough not having anyone with me, but having a dad that wasn’t even there for you would have been horrible. I’m once again very thankful I had Clay there for me. I really wish they could meet. I also really wish I could take Ash’s pain away right now. “Tell me about your mom. What was her name?” I ask him.

“Ella,” he says, squeezing me a little tighter again. Maybe this is what he needs. Just to talk about them. He continues, “She was amazing and beautiful. She always stayed home with us and made sure we had everything we needed. She was definitely the perfect mom.”

“And your sister,” I say. “Her name was Annie and she was as bratty as any little sister could have been. I miss her every day. “

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but what about your dad? Anything you want to share about him?” I can’t believe I asked him this. It’s probably the last thing he wants to talk about. He’s quiet for a few minutes. I decide he’s going to ignore me when he just replies one word, one word that absolutely breaks my heart. ”Cruz.” That definitely got my attention. I lift my head to look at him not wanting to realize that my world is fixing to come crashing down once again.

“Cruz, your dads name is Cruz Clayton?” I ask him, silently begging that I misunderstood him.

“Yes, Cruz Clayton,” he says. He pulls me back down to his side while I lay my arm over his stomach and snuggle closer. How did I not see this coming?

“Can I ask you one more question and then I won’t mention it again?” I ask him.

“You can ask me anything Callie,” he simply replies.

“When did this happen? What was the date?” I know he will know it. It’s kind of like a birthday, a date you will never forget.

He takes a deep breath before saying the date I will never forget, “July 4, 2004.” I have to leave now, I have no choice. He will hate me when he finds out the truth. The tears silently start falling and I realize this is actually the worst day of my life. I guess I really am going to have a lot of them.

I will never forget that date either. Not only is it also the date my parents were taken from my life and I literally lost everything, it’s also the date I met Clay. He had stayed with me all night that night. Not because it was his job, but because I had begged him not to leave me. After the bodies had been removed and every square inch of my house had been checked by multiple crime scene experts, he was still there sitting by me. I realized in that moment he had never even told me his name or if he had I had forgotten it. When the last person walked in to tell him they were leaving they called him Clayton. I asked him then if that was his name. He said it was his last name. I don’t know why, but I told him I didn’t like it and asked if I could call him Clay. He just laughed and said he had definitely been called a lot worse. He handed me his card and told me to call if I needed anything. I looked down and finally saw his full name on the card. Cruz Clayton. I didn’t hear from him until a couple of days later. He just said he had been trying to find me somewhere to stay. I had no idea where he had been and now I know. He was also dealing with burying his family. I can’t believe he never told me any of this. He should have left me that night. If I had known he had a wife and daughter in danger waiting for him at home, I would have never asked him to stay. That’s the funny thing about life. Every decision you make has a consequence.