Finding Willow (Hers) (24 page)

“We’re leaving on Sunday. A motel isn't the ideal place for you two to live, but it will have to do for the time being, Star.” Before I can say anything about them completely dumping her like a piece of trash, Chrome takes charge of the situation.

“Neither of them is returning to that motel. They are staying with me and my daughter until the house is finished. Simple as that.”

I turn to face him, and I know there isn't room for discussion on this topic. I think about all the pros and cons of spending that time together, but having Magnolia adjust to my parents leaving with Scarlett's company may just be the best possible transition. Seeing as Scarlett and Magnolia are around the same age, the question plagues me. Does Chrome know my baby girl?

“Did you...” I pause, looking for words that won't offend him, but I don't have to finish my question before he knows what I am trying to ask.

“Scarlett and Magnolia are in the same class. Had I known all of this, I would have done something about it long ago. I'm sorry, Star.” Here is this big fucking biker guy, looking as though he wants to cry for me. I want to smile, but I can't. I want to wrap my arms around him, but I don't. I just leave it be. There will be a time and place for us to have this heart-to-heart without my father involved.

“She can spend one last night here. I will be back in the morning to pick her up. Please make sure she packs everything. I don't want her forced to leave anything more than she already has to behind. I know how shitty it can feel, since I was forced to so many times as a girl.”

I wrap my arms around my baby girl after we’re done, giving her all the love I hold in my body, and I promise her I will be back bright and early in the morning to start our new lives together. It all feels like a dream and I pray that, when I wake up tomorrow morning, life will still be as fucking wonderful as it is right this minute.

When she is safely out of the room, I feel the rage burn through my body.

“Don't you even fucking walk out of this room. Turn your fucking pathetic asses around and face the fucking music for once in your fucking lives,” I yell in my parents’ direction. They freeze in place, slowly turning around. I can feel the heat radiating off of my face as my temper boils over. I just can't hold it all back anymore. It has been stuck here for far too long.

“All these years. All these fucking years,” I mumble under my breath while staring at the floor, unable to meet their eyes. “First, you don't protect me from that monster. I tried to tell you over and over again, but you fucking ignored me. You ignored your fucking eight-year-old child telling you something was wrong. I was
eight
!”

“Star, that is why we didn't invite him here tonight.” My mother's voice is a mere whisper, but I can still make out every single word. Didn't
invite
him? So that fucking makes it okay somehow?

“Did he know? Did he fucking know my daughter was here with you? Did he fucking see her? Did he fucking spend time with her?” I swear on everything that is holy in this world they better answer no. They better not have allowed that monster anywhere near my fucking angel.

“Star, you are being irrational. He made a mistake.” A mistake that lasted for almost two fucking decades? I don't think so. Mistakes are a one-time thing.

“Did he?” I scream. I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes again. If there is a God at all in this world, they will say no.

“He knew Magnolia was his daughter, but he wasn't around often enough to spend time with her.” My father's words do nothing but piss me off even more.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” I pace back and forth across the room. I want to punch something. I need to fucking break something. I spy a picture frame in the corner of the room, and as I pass by it, I pick it up and chuck it right at my mother's head. She jumps and it narrowly makes contact with her before smashing into pieces against the wall.

“How fucking
stupid
could you be? All those years I told you what he did to me. All those years you ignored my pleas for help. Then you are stupid enough to leave him alone with her. I will never fucking forgive you, I can tell you that.” My chest heaves as I struggle to catch my breath. Chrome's hand holds tightly onto my waist, keeping me steady on my feet while I unload years of hate for them.

“I can fucking guarantee you two fucking things.” My voice starts low and gets louder with every word. “You better say your goodbyes, because you are never going to get the opportunity to see my daughter ever again. As for her
father
, she will be safe. He will never hurt her the way he hurt me. Never. I can fucking promise you that!”

I don't want to give them another day of her life. I don't want to leave without my daughter, but instead of considering my parents’ happiness, I try to tell myself this last night is what Magnolia needs. These are the people who have raised her for the last five years.

I turn and walk out the door without looking back. Did that really just happen?

“So you mean to tell me, for the past five years, she has lived with our parents, and nobody had the fucking common decency to tell you until they wanted to dump her on you and return to their own fucking pathetic lives?” Seven's voice pierces my eardrum through the phone line. Pissed would have been the way to describe her
before
I told her what our parents conspired to do. Now that she knows, I am pretty sure she wants to kill them and then piss on their bodies. Not that I would object to that.

“Yeah, that is exactly what they did. All these years. They finally gave up their facade when I rolled into town with the mission of finding her. Journey has been in on it for years. I don't think I am ever going to be able to get over what she did to me. I expected it from them, but her? Not one bit.”

I use Seven as my own personal therapist, but I also know that, once the dust settles, I am going to start seeing someone professionally. I need to, not just for me to move on with everything in my life, but so I can be a good mother to this little girl who depends on me now.

“I wanted to talk to you about some things, Star.” I’ve never liked the sound of that. Anytime she starts to get serious, I freak out. I know I have done her wrong so many times, but I just want to put it in our past.

“Paisley is here. In Manhattan.” I don't even know what to say. Just a few days ago, she was in her little love nest in Daytona Beach and now she’s with Seven in Manhattan of all places? Something isn't right.

“Is she okay?”

I worry about her. More than I probably should. She is a big girl. God, I can't even begin to think about all the shit I was getting into at her age, but the fact that I am the oldest is what always reminds me that I should be their protector.

“She has a couple bumps and bruises. She hasn't been too open about what happened, but I am taking good care of her. I think she is going to stay here with me for a while. Since you won't be back in the city anytime soon. Don't worry, though. I will keep an eye on her. Whatever trouble she got in won't touch her here. I promise you that.” Even though it was always Seven and Star, she loved my sisters just as much as I did.

“Hey, Seven, how do you feel about coming up here for Christmas? I know we haven't talked in a couple days, but I bought that old rental cabin. You know, the huge one on the outskirts?” Of course she knows, because we would both daydream about a happily ever after there.

“If that’s what you want, Star; I will make sure that Levi, Paisley, and I come up for Christmas. If our parents are really moving on, I have no problem being in Woodstock.” Her words warm my heart, and I can't wait to decorate my first real house and try to make this Christmas the best one yet. I feel like a little kid, anxious for Santa Claus to come.

We say our goodbyes and I set out to cook a meal. I know guys. I am probably going to burn Chrome's house down, but I have to learn how to cook. I can't live on food from Maggie's every night. Not by a long shot. I want better for myself, and I want better for my sweet Magnolia.

This is What You Call a Family?

I think about that old 90’s movie,
Newsies
. Christian Bale walks through the streets of New York City at the turn of the century singing about having a family, something he has never known.

I’m nervous for my daughter. I worry that I will fail her and not be able to provide her with the family she honestly deserves.

“Wanna talk?” Chrome's voice distracts me as I fill the oversized metal pot and place it on the stovetop. I grab the box of pasta from the bag on the counter and work on dumping the frozen meatballs into the baking dish for the oven.

“I’d like that.” There is a lot we need to get out in the air. Yesterday, life may have been difficult, but now, the risk of our new relationship is more. I have to weigh the effect this could have on my daughter and her future. I love him, but she is my life.

“I figure Magnolia can share a room with Scarlett until your house is ready.” Sounds logical, as long as Scarlett is feeling better.

“How is Scarlett feeling?” I open the pre-heated oven and nearly burn my arm on the side of it as I slide the baking tray inside.

“She’s better. Star, I think we need to talk about us. Things are changing. Shit has happened, and we need to be on the same page.”

He pulls a chair out at the table and watches me work. I don't want to look at him because I will completely lose focus on dinner. It has been days since I felt his hands on me, and I am aching for him in so many ways.

“You’re right. I have a lot of questions, about your work, the club, everything. We know so little about each other.” I wash my hands in the large metal sink and turn toward him while I dry them on the blue kitchen towel.

“There are some things I just don't want part of my private life. The club is one of them. I don't want you wrapped up in it. I hang out with the guys daily, but I won't force it on you.” The club. This infamous fucking motorcycle club. I want to know more about it.

“I get it, and if it is something you love, I am fine with it. I just need to know what you
do
for them?” I guess I just don't get the logistics of these clubs.

“Some of the shit we do is illegal, and I won't get you involved in that. I'm the Sergeant at Arms. I keep shit straight. I’m the muscle.” I don't know if I should just leave it be or pry, but I don't think I want to know more than this.

“If our girls are going to be around it, I want your word nothing bad will happen to them.” Our girls. The momma bear in me is starting to become possessive over Scarlett, just as much as I want to protect my very own Willow. Willow. It is going to be so strange adjusting to call her something different. A name I didn't give her. Magnolia Star. After me. I guess I could get used to it.

“Of course I won't let anything happen to them. I've done my best to keep Scarlett away from it since before she was born. It would gut me if anything happened to her, or Magnolia. Star...” He pauses and his hands run over his smooth, bald head. He lets out a deep breath. “I've watched Magnolia grow. She’s been friends with Scarlett since they started Kindergarten together years ago. This is a small town.”

I don't know whether I should be jealous that he’s had this time with my daughter, or pissed off that I was robbed of it. Maybe I should just be happy knowing he can share those memories with me since I wasn't fortunate enough to be there for them when they happened.

“I'm just glad I will have her back tomorrow.”

Happiness is something that has always been few and far between in my life. Finally, I have the chance to be genuinely happy, and I am going to fucking carpe diem.