Finding Olivia (Trace + Olivia #1) (18 page)

I expected some cocky remark about his affect on me, but instead, his lips crashed against mine. I leaned into the kiss, standing on my tiptoes to reach him better. His tongue flicked against my lips, seeking entrance, and I was happy to oblige. He growled low in his throat as one of my hands sought his hair and tugged lightly, while I fisted his shirt in the other.

He wrenched his lips from mine, breathing raggedly, and panted, “That’s me
not
saying goodbye.”

Before I could recover, he walked away from me
, and out the door.

Holy hell, I think
liked
not
goodbyes.

c h a p t e r

Fourteen

My mom and dad were asleep when I arrived home. I half expected my dad to still be awake, pacing the halls, waiting for my arrival. I let myself in and went straight up to my room to go to bed, leaving my suitcase in the trunk of my car.

★★★

It was morning now, late morning.

Dad never let me sleep in.

I stepped out of my room and looked around, expecting him to come running at me, with a shaking fist, cursing me for sleeping in.

But nothing happened.

I quietly descended the steps, looking for him.

I tiptoed into the family room and saw my mom sitting there, drinking a cup of coffee
, and watching a news show.

She never watched TV or drank coffee when
he
was around.

“Dad’s gone,” I stated.

“Some church thing,” she smiled pleasantly and patted the spot next to her on the striped couch.
Whenever he was gone, she became a whole new person, more vibrant and alive. “He won’t be back until late tonight, we’ll probably be asleep. There’s some breakfast left over if you’d like some or we could go out and get lunch.”

I smiled brightly. My dad would never let us eat out, so on the rare occasions that he was gone, my mom would treat me to lunch out.

“Lunch would be great,” I beamed.

“Good,” she patted my knee, “and I can’t wait to hear all about school without your dad around.”

“I’ll go shower and get dressed,” I stood. “Where do you want to go for lunch?”

We
always had to drive out of town so that one of dad’s church members didn’t see us.

“I’m not sure yet,” she sipped her coffee. “We’ll think of something while we drive.” Her eyes widened and zeroed in on my arm. “Is that a tattoo?”

“Oh,” I looked down, “yeah.”

“I like it,” she smiled. “But you better not let your father see it. You know how he is
.”

“Yeah, I know,” I
grumbled with a dramatic sigh, rubbing my still sleepy eyes.

I went outside
, and carried my suitcase in, before getting ready.

Since I was home, I dressed in a worn pair of jeans
, and a sweatshirt. Avery would have a conniption if she knew, but I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

“Ready!” I called as I bound down the steps.

She grabbed her keys and I followed her out to the garage.

I slid into the beige leather seat of her Lexus sedan. Even though it was a few years old, it was in pristine condition, and still smelled new.

We were quiet during the ride, enjoying the peace.

“How does that place look?” My mom pointed to a restaurant after driving for almost an hour.

“Looks good to me. I’m not picky,” I shrugged.

She glanced at me, a smile curving
her lips. “I’m really happy you’re home, Olivia. I know you were just here,” she swallowed, “and you’d probably rather be at school, but I want you to know that I love when you’re home. I hate that we don’t get to spend much time together.”

I took her hand in answer.

★★★

“This is so yummy,” I took a bite of a sweet potato fry before slurping on my second glass of sweat tea.
I’d added a ton of sugar packets to it. No one up North knew how to make it sweet enough.

“Mhmm,” my mom hummed in consent.

A text message vibrated my pocket and I reached down to read it. It was a message from Trace.

Miss u.

I miss u 2
.
I quickly wrote back.

Oh. I was supposed to send that to someone else.

I hate you
.
I wrote.

;) U no I like 2 mess with u
.
I read his text and decided that I wasn’t going to write back. Two could play this game. It was time for Trace Wentworth to shake in his boots.

Olivia
?
The text came a minute after the previous one.

I was kidding
.
This one came a few seconds later.

R
u ignoring me
?
He asked.

I guess I deserve it.
This text came two minutes later.

Sweating yet
?
I decided to let him off the hook.

U suck. I thought you were really mad at me
.
I could picture Trace letting out a sigh of relief.

Nah. I just wanted to get back at u 4 that comment. I have to go though. Having lunch w/my mom
.
I explained.

Hav
e fun. If I was there, I’d be…well I’ll let you imagine what I’d be doing to u right now. ;)

I gulped as my mind went rampant, imagining Trace running his hand up and down my thigh, then higher.

I put my phone back into my pocket and looked up at my mom.

“So,” she eyed me, “who’s the guy?”

Immediately, my cheeks reddened. “What makes you think there’s a guy?” I squeaked.

She tilted her head, giving me a don’t-play-dumb look. “Girls don’t smile like that over nothing, Liv,” she pointed at my face with a fry.

I clapped a hand over my mouth.

“Tell me about him. I know he has to be special to have
captured your attention,” she dipped her fry in ketchup.

“You’re not going to tell dad
, are you?” I asked shakily.

She narrowed her eyes at me, those same eyes that I saw every day in the mirror. “There are a lot of things I don’t tell your father, Liv. Remember that.”

“His name is Trace,” I supplied.

She smiled, biting into her burger. “And how’d you meet?”

“I—uh—got a flat tire,” I looked down at my plate, “and he stopped to help me.”

“That’s nice. Is he in college?”
She asked, playing with her straw as she waited for my reply.

“He’s a mechanic,” I bit my lip.

“Is he…older than you?” She questioned cautiously.

I rolled my eyes. “He’s twenty-two.”

“Oh,” she breathed a sigh of relief. “I can tell you really like him.”

“I do,” I admitted. “He’s great.”

“I wish I could meet him,” she sighed.

I swallowed. “Why don’t you leave dad?”
The words tumbled from my mouth. I knew the real reason why she wouldn’t leave, but I wanted to hear what she had to say.

She put her burger down and studied me. “How could I leave him, Liv? I have no money of my own. I have nowhere to go
or stay. I have
nothing
and he made sure of that,” she whispered the last part under her breath. “And honestly, Liv,” tears shown in her eyes, “I’m afraid of him.”

I was shocked that she admitted to me that she was afraid of him but I was careful not to let it show.

I reached across the table and took her hand. “I don’t like that you have to live like this, mom.”

“It is what it is,” she sighed. “He won’t change and I can’t leave. I’m stuck. It’s better if I pretend like I’m happy and everything is okay
,” she rubbed her eyes. “I shouldn’t talk bad about him, he’s your father, but…” She paused. “Once, when you were about five, I had been putting money away. He’d give me money for groceries and I’d keep the change; hide it away, that sort of thing. One day, he found the box I was hiding it in. He got so angry. So angry,” she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. “After that…”

“You stopped trying to find a way out,” I supplied.

She nodded. “It wasn’t worth it.”

“How-how did you meet dad?”

A wistful look stole across her face. “In high school. He was a senior and I was a sophomore. He was…so handsome and charismatic. I could talk to him for hours. He was
nothing
like he is now.”

“What changed him?” I picked up a sweet potato fry.

“He changed after we got married,” she sighed. “He turned into a completely different person. I felt like I was living with a stranger. He had fooled me and,” she shrugged, “I was stuck.”

“Why didn’t you leave then? Why stay and get pregnant with me?” I wasn’t sure I wanted my questions answered but I had to know.

Tears glassed her eyes. “It’s time you know the truth, Liv.” She bit her lip, crumpling the napkin between her fingers.

Panic coursed through my body.
“What? What truth? What are you talking about?” I stuttered. What was going on? She was looking at me seriously and the tears were starting to trickle down her cheeks.

I began to sweat; feeling like a bomb was about to be dropped on me. I wanted to run but my feet wouldn’t move. I gripped the slick wood table in my hands.

“Early in my marriage with Aaron, I volunteered at the local library. That’s when I met Derek,” she smiled longingly and I began to shake my head at her words. “He was even more handsome than your father. Dark wavy hair and his smile…it lit up the room, Liv.” Her eyes grew clouded with the distant memory. “All of the ladies that worked at the library were infatuated with him, even the older ladies. He was so charming that he was impossible not to fall for.” My need to run was steadily increasing but I still couldn’t
move
. “He was at the library almost every day to study. He wanted to be a doctor. I found myself making excuses to go by there, even when I wasn’t volunteering,” her smile waned. “One day, we got to talking and…” she looked down at the table, taking deep breaths. This was hard for her. “I was craving companionship but Aaron was too busy studying to be a preacher. It started out innocently. I just wanted someone to talk to, I needed someone to listen to me,” she reached across the table for my hand and I gave it to her. “I fell in love with him. I didn’t mean to, but I did,” her eyes pleaded with me to understand. “I was going to leave Aaron for him-” She shook her head back and forth, fighting for composure.

A part of me wished I could go back in time and undo what she was saying. I didn’t want to hear this and I had a pretty good idea where this was headed.

“Derek and I were going to move in together and after the divorce was final with Aaron, we’d get married. I saw a lawyer and had the papers ready to give Aaron. I was waiting for the right moment. That’s when…that’s when I found out I was pregnant, with you.”

“Mom,” I croaked, “no. Don’t say it. Please, don’t say it.”

“That was also the same day,” her voice cracked, “that Derek got into a car accident.”

“No, no, stop,” I begged. I wanted t
o cover my ears but I couldn’t make my hands move. I was paralyzed.

“He didn’t make it and I never got the chance to tell him about you,” she sobbed.

“Please, stop,” I cried.

I knew I should be happy, and a part of me was, that Aaron Owens wasn’t my
biological father. But everything I knew, was being shattered to pieces by a few words.

“
Derek is your dad, Liv, not Aaron,” she squeezed my hand. “Aaron knew. There was no way you could be his, and I’m so sorry, because he hated you for it. I tried to leave for
you
. I did, Livie. I tried so hard,” her sobs could be heard through the restaurant. They probably wanted to kick us out. “This is all my fault.”

I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do or what to say.

I sat there and watched my world crumble around me.

★★★

I hadn’t said anything as we finished eating. Or
attempted
to finish eating, I should say. Neither of us really had much of an appetite after the shit-storm of lies, that’s my life, was revealed.

We were almost home when I spoke up, “Is that why dad
—er—Aaron, has treated you so badly? Is it because of me? Because I’m not his?”

“No, sweetie,” she reached over and patted my cheek. “He was like that before…that’s why I-”

“Cheated?” I supplied angrily.

“Yes,” she sighed, gripping the steering wheel
, bowing her head. “You have to understand, I didn’t do it maliciously. It just…happened. I love Derek. Or loved, rather,” her eyes pooled with tears as she gazed at the road. “I miss him every day of my life. I miss what we had and what we could’ve been. I miss him so much, Liv, but he gave me
you
,” her voice was fierce. “He gave me the greatest gift a man can ever give a woman. You’re so much like him and you don’t even know it. When you smile, it’s
his
smile. When you laugh, it’s
his
laugh,” she looked at me fiercely. “When I get sad, and miss him, I know it’s okay, because there’s still a part of him here on this Earth.”

“Why did you decide to tell me?
Why now?” I questioned.

The air left her lungs in a gust. “When you were little, I thought I’d never tell you, and especially
with the way Aaron treated you—us—I thought it was better to keep you in the dark. But a few years ago, I decided to tell you. I didn’t know when, I just knew I had to,” she swallowed thickly, gazing out at the road. “You deserved to know the truth and Derek isn’t some dirty secret I’m trying to hide from the world. He was the love of my life, Liv, and it wasn’t fair to spit on his memory by keeping the truth from you. He was a good man.” She quieted and then added, “The way you were smiling at your phone when you were talking to that boy, that’s how I smiled when I was with Derek.”