Finding Noel (24 page)

“No. Thanks, Emily.”

“Enjoy.”

Joette turned back to me. I didn't even look at my food. “I take it they don't know either.”

She shook her head. “Not yet.” She leaned back. “You know, Mark, the longer I live, the more I see a pattern to our lives. The universe is a trillion, trillion threads moving in seemingly unrelated directions. Yet when you look at them together, they create a remarkable tapestry. You think she saved you. She did. But that's so you could save her.”

I looked at my cup, unsure of what to say. Finally I asked, “When are you going to tell her?”

“I don't know. But I can't wait much longer. It's already obvious
I'm not well. In another week or two I'll have to quit work. That's why I wanted to make sure you were still around.”

“She won't take my calls…”

“She loves you, Mark. She's fighting it, but she does. To get through to her it's going to take a lot of faith on your part—enough for both of you. Macy's greatest hurts have come from those who were closest to her. She wants to get close to you. But think of the risk that poses to her. Everything inside of her tells her to run. It's self-preservation. And that's a pretty powerful instinct.”

“How do you break through that?”

She looked at me for a moment and I saw the answer in her eyes. “With love. Unconditional, unrelenting love.”

I breathed in deeply. It was a few moments before I spoke. “I fly back to Alabama this Saturday.”

“Are you coming back?”

I shook my head. “I wasn't planning to. I've pretty much shut down my life here.”

Her face showed her disappointment. “I hope that you'll reconsider. Macy's worth it.”

“I'll think about it. I promise.”

“Fair enough,” she said. “I'm adopting Macy on Friday. It would mean a lot to the both of us if you could be there.”

“I'll be there.”

“Thank you. Now eat, before your sandwich gets cold.”

We didn't say much as we ate. I had lost my appetite and ate more out of obligation than hunger. On a napkin she wrote out the time and place of the adoption. When I was finished,
we went out to the parking lot. Joette walked me to my car. “Thank you for talking with me. And whatever you decide, I appreciate all you've done for us.”

I unlocked my car door. “I do love her, Joette.”

“I know. And I love you for that.” We hugged.

When we parted, I said, “I'm sorry that you're sick.”

Her eyes filled. “Me too.”

On the drive home I turned on the radio to an FM station that played all Christmas music. A saxophone played
Silent Night.
As I listened, I began to cry for a good woman I had just met and was about to lose.

The attorney handling Macy's adoption asked if she wanted copies of the final adoption papers sent to Irene Hummel. Macy didn't see the point in it. Revenge is only for those still chained.

MARK SMART'S DIARY

Friday morning I woke with a headache. I think my body was reacting to the stress of seeing Macy and the truth be known, I didn't want to go through that again. It didn't matter. I had already made a commitment to Joette and nothing short of being in a coma would keep me from going.

Even though Macy was an adult, the women still needed to hire an attorney and go through the regular adoption process. The only thing not required was a permission form from the Hummels and home study—something experience had given Macy very little confidence in anyway. Joette knew several attorneys who were among her regulars at Denny's, and one of them offered to do the legal work for her pro bono.

The adoption was set for noon at the Salt Lake County Courthouse—the courthouse where Macy had been adopted by the Hummels thirteen years earlier. When I arrived, Macy, Joette and their attorney were already there, reading through the paperwork.

A police officer stood near the vacant judge's bench, and there were a dozen or so other people in the courtroom who looked to be friends of Macy and Joette's. I walked in and sat
down near the back of the room. Joette noticed me and waved. Macy turned and looked at me and she also waved, though there was sadness in her eyes. I mouthed, “Good luck,” and she mouthed back, “Thank you.”

The judge arrived a few minutes later and everyone in the room rose. Macy and Joette were asked to approach the bench and sit on the side that defendants would normally sit on. Then, at the judge's beckoning, Macy and Joette entered through a swinging gate and sat down in front of the judge's desk. He was an older man, bald and wearing a smile nearly as wide as his face.

“Well, young ladies, I thought I'd seen everything in this courtroom, but I've never before had the pleasure of presiding over a proceeding such as this one. Under the circumstances, I think it would be appropriate for the two of you to give testimony as to why, at this later age of life, you want to have this adoption take place.”

Neither of the women was expecting to speak, but Joette quickly raised her hand.

“Your honor, I'd like to speak first.”

“By all means.”

As she stood, she suddenly teared up. Macy rubbed her back. Joette raised her hand to her breast and took a deep breath. “When I lost my only child, I was sure no one could ever take her place or heal my heart. I couldn't imagine ever feeling joy again.

“I was partially right. No one could take her place. But someone did heal my heart. This beautiful young lady seated
next to me. I believe that God sent this angel to me. She has given me a reason to live. When she asked if I would be willing to adopt her, I think that hole in my heart was finally filled. Your honor, in my heart Macy is already my daughter. But it would be a great privilege to have the world recognize her as my daughter as well. Thank you.”

Joette sat down next to Macy and they hugged. Everyone else in the room was smiling or crying. The judge beamed.

Then Macy stood, wiping tears back from her eyes. “Thirteen years ago I was brought to this very building to be adopted by a family that didn't love me and I didn't want to be a part of. I think it's appropriate that the room I was adopted in is right behind this one. Because as of today it is all behind me. Today I come of my own choice to be legally bound as a daughter to a woman I love and want to belong to. This woman has done more than give me a place to live; she has taught me the meaning of love and family and home.” She turned to Joette. “I guess it's never too late to find a home.”

For a moment the two women just looked at each other. Then Macy turned back to the judge. “Thank you, your honor.” She sat down next to Joette and held her. I knew Macy still didn't know how ill Joette really was, and it was hard to control my emotions. The judge was obviously touched by the women's words. “Are there any objections to this proceeding?” he asked, though I was pretty sure he'd toss his gavel at anyone who did. The only responses were a few random headshakes, whispered “nos” and one loud “Heck no”.

“Very well, by the authority vested in me by the state of Utah, I hereby grant this adoption. Congratulations to both of you, and may God bless.”

Macy and Joette rose and the whole of the spectators descended upon them. I walked up as well, straggling a bit behind the others. When I got near to Joette, she threw her arms around me.

“Thank you so much for coming.”

“Congratulations,” I said. “You have a new girl.”

Joette just beamed. Macy was talking to someone else and I turned to go, when she excused herself and ran to me. She took my hand and I turned around to face her.

“Thanks for coming,” she said.

“You're welcome. Congratulations.”

For a moment we just looked at each other. She looked down and swallowed. “I don't want you to leave.”

I looked down, avoiding her eyes.

“There's nothing here for me,” I said.

She looked back up, and I could see the pain my statement caused her. She bowed her head and lifted her hand to cover her eyes. I put my arms around her and pulled her into my chest, and she began to sob. It was painful seeing her hurt. It was also painful being this close to someone I loved and couldn't have. Still, in a twisted sort of way, something inside of me was glad. After a week of solitary suffering, I was tired of being the only one hurting over all this. But in the end I couldn't enjoy whatever perverse pleasure I was feeling, because I didn't want to see her in pain. More proof that I really did love her. After a few minutes I kissed the top of her head.

“Good luck, Mace. You take care of yourself.”

She stepped back from me and looked me in the eyes. I have never had anyone look deeper into my soul. Still, as difficult as it was, I took a deep breath and turned from her. She was quickly surrounded by people who were happy for her and who thought they knew why she was crying.

I have learned first hand that one well-placed truth can counter a lifetime of ignorance.

MARK SMART'S DIARY